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Mizz-Sierra — My Mind Is A Carnival
Published: 2011-03-28 23:20:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 84; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 2
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Description
Isolation- locked alone in this HouseLet me out of the Cage-
Just one chance to Arouse-
I'll give You a Show!
Just one Chance is all I ask
I promise-it's worth your Time-
A Thought you can barely grasp-
Please release me from these Chains!
A Performance destined only for One
You could be the One who sees
You hold the Fate of what I'm to become
So just vanquish this Chamber already!
The Decision isn't that hard
This House holds no value for me
I just want to be apart-
I'm worth every Pain!
I'm running out of Time-
I can Perform if you only Free me
Separate me from my Mind-
I'm stuck in this Madhouse!
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Comments: 5
OKAY. Um. I've always been terrible at criticising poetry, because I've always felt that poetry is unique to the writer and you really can't compare it to any one other piece of poetry or call it good or bad. It's just a matter of opinion in my mind, but I'll try...
Honestly, I really like this. The title captured my attention and I had this image similiar to P!nk's Funhouse video in my head while I read this.... I really like the language and the way you express it and everything, and the whole idea behind it with the freedom thing is really creative.
Ignoring the random capitalized words cuz you said those are supposed to be there, the only thing I dislike is the exclamation points at the end of every stanza... to me it seems like making the idea behind the lines seem forced and kinda of proclamation like, but I've always been biased towards using exclamation points so maybe it's just me on this one... but I really do like this a lot. <333
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Lol when I wrote it, I was imagining the I Write Sins, Not Tragedies music video by P!ATD, this book I'm reading called The Girls (its about these twins who are connected at the head), and a Vocaloid song called....Darkwood Circus, I believe? So I definitely had a lot of circus-like influence for this lol.
I agree with the exclamation points. I think like...perhaps with the first and last stanza, it was really good....but then the middle ones need to lose them....
And I really like your critique! I never write poetry, so I was extremely unsure where I was going with this, so I thought I'd ask for other's opinions....
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DUDE I LOVE that song but I've never seen the video... totally gonna check it out now. x3 You like Vocaloid? Why am I asking that? I've seen it in your gallery and your journals before LOL. XD
Yeah, I think that would be good. It was just kinda like overkill with them all over. 
YAY! Lol I'm glad I was able to help... I'm usually a terrible critiquer.... I like writing poetry, but like, only every once in a while... when I've actually got an idea or two. It's fun to just put emotions and thoughts on a page.
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Lol I've only seen the video because of this playstation game called Singstar...Sing Star? Something like that. Other than that, I'm not a huge P!ATD fan...XD And it's more like I'm being peer-pressured into liking Vocaloid than me actually liking it....I think it's because it's Japanese and I can't sing along with it because they speak too fast for me to understand the basic sounds that I'd have to make to sing along lol. Do you like Vocaloid?
Yeah, I got caught up in the, "Oh! Let's end them all with exclamation points!" And didn't focus on how it sounded afterwards...
It's all good! It was definitely helpful...^^
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Hmm, never heard of that... course the only playstation I ever had was the first one, SO... XD Yeah, me neither... I just always liked that song is all. 
Hey no big deal~! It's still an awesome poem.
YAYYYY I'm glad.
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