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morast — Death
Published: 2004-01-26 03:21:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 92; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 19
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Description
in progress. comments are welcome.Related content
Comments: 9
yeah this sounds like the begin'n of a kic-ass song.
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Hm yes I'll have to work on it...
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ich weiß ja nicht, was du sonst noch so sagen möchtest. aber für mich drückt das gedicht schon genug aus.
übrigens toller rythmus, wo ich selber grad in der rythmus-falle steck.
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hehe. danke. ja mal sehn, ob ich noch was dran mache. ich denk da momentan nicht so dran.
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spookily this doesn't appear on your page today....
These would make great lyrics for a song if you could add in another verse or two in the same style as the first one, just to suggest where the irony and cruelty derive from in the poem. I was tempted to suggest changing the word 'death' in the second verse to the word 'please', to avoid having a straight repeat, but I know that alters the emphasis slightly, and I think yours is perhaps more effective , especially if it was sung quite slowly.
haunting writing
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haunting writing??
hem
thank you. i dunno. it's "poetry in progress", so i might change some things anyway.
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I meant that you have expressed the sentiment described in a haunting way, in that the concept that your words create, stays in the mind afterwards . Like it is memorable, but in a sad way...
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