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Description
in a torn place,
i bleed oceans onto your chest;
you ignore me.
a million savages rupture my brain,
i forget the point.
I just want to know...
that i never have to count you out
once in a lifetime.

been so overwhelmed lately... mostly emotionally about the dumbest things. Things i know i may be looking to far into but my brain tells me different. I can't get it out. I for the first time in.. a long time, emotionally broke down in front of a good friend, one i show almost no emotion to. A constant battle of how i am feeling with myself...

i also came to terms that i am just bad at expressing myself to people i love and care about, making them feel attacked instead of approaching it properly and letting them help me. I start to much on step 3 and not step 1 and it is really hard to juggle but it never comes off right. I have partner, a best friend, a shoulder, the laughter that i get to spend all my time with and i love every bit of it, ever part of him. Special all on it's own, and some people don't get it, or understand and maybe they aren't meant to, but it is what i know most importantly.. and that is what i feel everyday. I have my flaws and insecurities, my paranoid thoughts that i battle all the time. Something i work on continuously with small noticeable improvements.

Some people won't even read this, he may not even read this. 3 years in and i can comfortably say i have made some of the best decisions of my life, and i haven't made the best or have had the best hands dealt to me but make the most of it. For once i followed my heart and not my brain and where it got me was a strong connection, i just sometimes need reassurance but mostly because i lack confidence, it's there just not what it used to be. But i was a fool to keep those around who brought me to such low points, crushing moments, emotional turmoil. I've been invalidated and i took it, belittled and emotionally drained. It took a huge chunk from me and it hasn't been the easiest of things to bounce back from, as I am who I am, people are who they are and everyone is affected and relates differently. This is all personal feeling. All I can do is apologize for my past and how is has affected the now, and how it has maybe rubbed off on others, one person especially (you know who you are) Just know that above everything...

i love you

me-

Description
in a torn place,
i bleed oceans onto your chest;
you ignore me.
a million savages rupture my brain,
i forget the point.
I just want to know...
that i never have to count you out
once in a lifetime.

been so overwhelmed lately... mostly emotionally about the dumbest things. Things i know i may be looking to far into but my brain tells me different. I can't get it out. I for the first time in.. a long time, emotionally broke down in front of a good friend, one i show almost no emotion to. A constant battle of how i am feeling with myself...

i also came to terms that i am just bad at expressing myself to people i love and care about, making them feel attacked instead of approaching it properly and letting them help me. I start to much on step 3 and not step 1 and it is really hard to juggle but it never comes off right. I have partner, a best friend, a shoulder, the laughter that i get to spend all my time with and i love every bit of it, ever part of him. Special all on it's own, and some people don't get it, or understand and maybe they aren't meant to, but it is what i know most importantly.. and that is what i feel everyday. I have my flaws and insecurities, my paranoid thoughts that i battle all the time. Something i work on continuously with small noticeable improvements.

Some people won't even read this, he may not even read this. 3 years in and i can comfortably say i have made some of the best decisions of my life, and i haven't made the best or have had the best hands dealt to me but make the most of it. For once i followed my heart and not my brain and where it got me was a strong connection, i just sometimes need reassurance but mostly because i lack confidence, it's there just not what it used to be. But i was a fool to keep those around who brought me to such low points, crushing moments, emotional turmoil. I've been invalidated and i took it, belittled and emotionally drained. It took a huge chunk from me and it hasn't been the easiest of things to bounce back from, as I am who I am, people are who they are and everyone is affected and relates differently. This is all personal feeling. All I can do is apologize for my past and how is has affected the now, and how it has maybe rubbed off on others, one person especially (you know who you are) Just know that above everything...

i love you

me-