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MrPlaid81 — Page 1
Published: 2012-05-18 18:24:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 831; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 27
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So this is the first page and I started work on it some time ago.- The Blackhawk in panel 1 is perfect, but I couldn't figure out how to draw the rushing treetops underneath.
- Panel 2 is potentially good, but effectively it falls flat. Just doesn't look good. I was too chickenshit to put arcs in there. Need to be redrawn.
- Panel 3 almost completely works. I had a hard time finding good reference for the inside of a UH-40 for this shot.
- Panel 4 is near perfect, but Lucy doesn't look exhausted or threadbare which she's supposed to. Posture is too perfect.
- Panel 5 I Love Lucy's windswept look, but again not bedraggled enough. Also arrowhead looks hella flat.
- Panel 6 was a hard face angle to do. I don't like the hair and just doesn't sing. Urgh.
Bonus; you can see the anatomy math on the lower right.
Please post advice, I'm redrawing this page so I'll need some input. Tracings and visual aids are appreciated.
Thanks!
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Comments: 37
D'ho! I meant third panel. XD
Man, I'm not even able to count anymore...
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Just passing by again.
I'd like to say how much I like Lucy in the second panel... so sexy, yet so powerful looking, even with that quite relaxed attitude. Great job.
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Thanks. I feel I haven't communicated how exhausted she's supposed to be. She's supposed to be coming back from a mission and she doesn't really look like it. She looks demure, not tapped out. Thanks though.
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I think you could't do any better in such a scene. We are on a chopper and not on a luxury limo after all! She may have looked more worn out if you drew her leaning forward, elbows on legs and head tilted downwards, but that would be an unlikely pose on a flying Black Hawk. Perhaps, as I said in my first comment to this page, you could work on her facial expression to show more tiredness... but I like her a lot as she is now anyway. 
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Yeah, I just wanted her "weary". There's too much right with this page to redraw it, but I still feel obligated to. At least to get her in the right costume.
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Ah, I forgot: the facial expression tutorial comes from this website [link]
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I think you did a good job and I like Lucy a lot in these panels as well (expecially on panels 3 and 5), but she's a bit unexpressive. This is because – perhaps – her eyebrows are already quite "busy", already lowered and arched even when she has a "neutral" expression, so you may need to exaggerate a bit when her expressions involve lowered or arched eyebrows. This of course only if your character is "openly expressive": if she's the kind of girl who hardly expresses her emotions – like my Mayon – I think you should work to find some key features on her face to express what she's feeling without "moving" her face too much, perhaps adding a line under her eyes or on her forehead... something quite difficult for you, since your style is already rich of details, shades and lines.
In my opinion her mouth is a problem too, because it's quite the same in every panel. I think that just closing her lips in the fifth panel would improve her expressivity a lot.
I found this tutorial on the interwebs and it was very useful for me to understand the key features of every expression: [link]
About the other issues you wrote about, I have a suggestion for panel 1 (this may help you even for some other panels): since you are American, your style is quite "solid", your figures always look like some greek statues (these are the typical features of the American style, I'm not criticizing you! As you know I like your drawings 
To render the rushing treetops in panel 1, you may use this Japanese technique, with a lot of kinetic lines, something like what I did here [link] . I used this technique also on trees and backgrounds, but unfortunately I have no scans of those panels at the moment. ^_^
I think that the use of manga-like kinetic lines would help you in panels 2, 3 and 4 as well.
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I agree. There definitely has to be some rushing wind for dynamism and Lucy is too rigid. She need to be sagging and world weary and her gear should reflect that by being distressed as well. She's just too robotic or statue-like.
Thanks for the input, definitely going to apply this for the redraw.
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You're welcome.
Anyway I think you should focus on her face rather than on her body.
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Gotcha, Trying to make the story and emotion of each panel the focus. We'll see how I do.
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If you're gonna be so anal about every little detail being perfect you'll never finish this page let alone the whole thing. Just saying.
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That's a valid point. I would argue that Frank Cho has a body of work and yet he seems to nit pick the details as well as any number of professional artists.
This is kind of my baby, so I want it to be special. Forgive me for that.
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Trust me, I'm talking from experience because I know how it feels. The "Kill your darlings" thing you hear from teachers aint as easy as they make it out to be.
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Agreed, but isn't that how you get better? By looking at your work and doing a crit of this works, this doesn't and this would make it better?
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Ofcourse, but you use that knowlege for future work. Just redoing the same thing from the start is a bit excessive wouldn't you say. Are you atleast gonna re-use the panels you liked?
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I'm redoing the first page, but only that because costumes have changed since I first drew this. It was an incomplete script at the time and I figured I'd do it on the fly and since then some details have changed. Some critical some not. I know has redone panels and pages, but I get what you're saying about redrawing the same panel over and over again. It's madness.
Definitely not redrawing the helicopter in panel one. That was a lot of math.
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well I look forward to reading this someday. Don't take too long
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I suggest scrapping panel 2 completely and just enlarging the chopper when you scan in the finished art
The rest of the page is looking mint. Killer stuff.
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Hmm. I could do that. I could just have a long top panel. I kind of wanted the camera zooming in through the window. Also I don't thin I could enlarge it too much or the quality loss would show.
Thanks for the compliments though.
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Your detailing and precise style continues to amaze me
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It must be really time consuming tough
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It is, but this is my big story. It's my baby and I want to do it right. It's a good learning process though for other work I definitely do it faster.
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This is looking great!
What do you use to do the blue lines?
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Just a blue line mechanical pencil. In order for it to show up I had to bump up the cyan in Photoshop so it looks weird.
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See I always see people use those in like rough drafting and such but I guess that they just don't sell that stuff around here. Its annoying.
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The pencil lead is pretty inexpensive. Any art supply store tends to have red or blue, you can always mail order it.
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Yeah well trust me I've looked, none of the whole TWO supply stores within a 100 mile radius of here has either of those lol....
Sucks.
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