HOME | DD

Description

TW/Sad Text:

A friend told me it takes 6months to a year to even start working on trauma...

I'm scared of the proccess, I'm exhausted, just thinking on last year events puts me on the bed for days.

Learned, (again) that lack of intent or even, good intentions, don't mean good results. It is too easy to choose villians and yet is never that simple.

Got diagnosed ptsd (not "officially" but by a professional), turns out many ppl in my life with intentions afar from their actions and me generating negligent responses bc I'm prone to over indulge others just to feel accepted (even putting my health at risk) are a bad mix.
Today I'm unable to do some basic things normally w/o entering tears and panic. I go to survivel mode over details and cannot control it.
I may need meds I cannot buy for this, and therapy I cannot afford bc they are both luxury things. I am in a better place right now, tbh, I have a support net and the "new year" concept gives me a little space to rebuild and feel I can cage all in the back of my head. It will still be there but won't blind me.
Yet, it's the first time in a long while I feel I can achieve something, that something being "exist and enjoy it" and I'm willing to try my harderst at it.
Forgot how having hope felt like, I now I feel it, bubbling in my core, and I'm grateful.

Description

TW/Sad Text:

A friend told me it takes 6months to a year to even start working on trauma...

I'm scared of the proccess, I'm exhausted, just thinking on last year events puts me on the bed for days.

Learned, (again) that lack of intent or even, good intentions, don't mean good results. It is too easy to choose villians and yet is never that simple.

Got diagnosed ptsd (not "officially" but by a professional), turns out many ppl in my life with intentions afar from their actions and me generating negligent responses bc I'm prone to over indulge others just to feel accepted (even putting my health at risk) are a bad mix.
Today I'm unable to do some basic things normally w/o entering tears and panic. I go to survivel mode over details and cannot control it.
I may need meds I cannot buy for this, and therapy I cannot afford bc they are both luxury things. I am in a better place right now, tbh, I have a support net and the "new year" concept gives me a little space to rebuild and feel I can cage all in the back of my head. It will still be there but won't blind me.
Yet, it's the first time in a long while I feel I can achieve something, that something being "exist and enjoy it" and I'm willing to try my harderst at it.
Forgot how having hope felt like, I now I feel it, bubbling in my core, and I'm grateful.