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MysonTheBlueIllusion — Am I worth it?
Published: 2019-05-13 19:02:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 271; Favourites: 18; Downloads: 0
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Description
Nobody here knows me personally so I feel like I can be more open because I just need to vent.Maybe I'm being irrational and silly and there maybe others in a similar situation like mine or feel similar but I just feel so...
... pathetic.
I'm twenty years old, have no job, have never been in a relationship,am lazy with my studies and am currently having zero will to live. I can't believe I'm already having this milestone, this depressing feeling that I never thought I would experience. All I'm ever good for speaking English, drawing, wasting time and feeling worthless. Sometimes I feel like things would've been better for everyone if I hadn't been born, I know it's pointless but I can't help feeling like this. Like an idiot nobody who puts on a smile for everyone and never says anything because she doesn't want to be a burden and hates asking for anything. Trying to be nice and optimistic because somebody has to. Wasting my life on nonsense that will never get me anywhere. Too anxious to do anything because I have zero motivation for anything as well as no ambitions since nothing has ever worked out for me. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I were to suddenly die and how it would affect my friends and family. I know they would mourn me and all that but I just wonder what'd it be like. What would they think, how would it affect them, what difference do I make to these people in my life!?
If there's somebody reading this, don't worry, I may be stupid, but I'm not that suicidal. Guess I'm just lost and have no idea what direction I'm going in and am just too scared to ask for directions.
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Comments: 8
cóż na marne pocieszenie powiem, że ja byłam w 3 związkach (z czego pierwszy jak miałam 20 lat i tak naprawdę to ciężko to nawet nazwać związkiem bo spotkaliśmy się 3 razy[związek na odległość] i jak przy ostatniej wizycie odmówiłam mu kontaktu seksualnego to tydz później na gadu gadu napisał, że nasz związek był na próbę by sprawdzić czy coś miedzy nami zaiskrzy ale nie zaiskrzyło także sorry), przy drugim związku przegrałam z jego pasją(a próżniejszą obsesją) gdyż więcej czasu spędzał przy swoim starym motorze a mnie traktował jak hobby a nie na odwrót (przy okazji dając mi podejrzenia, że mogę być heteroromantyczna)...a przy trzecim hmmm nawet nie wiem czemu się rozstaliśmy na dobrą sprawę ale skoro minęło już trochę czasu a ja nie płaczę w poduszkę za nim to znaczy, że to nie było to...także nie wiem czy niebycie w jeszcze w jakimkolwiek związku jest takie złe ;3 co do reszty co napisałaś mogę się utożsamić bardziej ale nie za bardzo chcę o tym pisać. W każdym razie życzę by dosięgła cię prawdziwa dobra zmiana na lepsze i nie musi to być od razu wielki przełom, ważne by z każdym dniem było lepiej ;3
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Dzięki wielkie. Troche późno czytam ale w każdej chwili milo słyszeć wsparcie. Na szczęście, przeszło mi i już czuje się lepiej.
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to dobrze, że wyszłaś z tego dołka i obyś następnym razem jak znajdzie się on na twojej drodze
to zamiast w niego wpaść to go przeskoczyła ;3
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I'm so sorry you're going through these kinds of feelings. I know exactly how you feel. I'm in a similar position--agewise and everything. Finding direction is really, really, really hard, so be easy on yourself!
I also think that we have this notion that we have to be productive to be valuable. But you are allowed to just exist--you don't need to be the very best to be worthy of life. You are valuable because you are you.
Also, I know this may be off topic, but this helped me a few weeks ago after I was having similar problems. We don't know what future people will remember about us and discover about us. Your life may affect the world and you wouldn't know it. For example, I was reading letters the other day written by a young Roman soldier to his father. He wouldn't have known it, but his letters have been extensively studied and analyzed. His words are important in understanding life in the Roman army. He is beloved, and people read his words, not because of anything he did but because he simply was who he was, because he existed. I don't know if that's helpful at all, but it helped me. It's easy to feel small in this huge world, I understand. But sometimes, we don't know the value of ourselves even within our own lives.
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Many thanks.
I'm feeling much better now. As odd as it sounds, these kind of negative feelings for me just come and go. Not sure if it's a good thing but I know why I have them and it honestly makes me angry at the source that they are part of the reason why I am feeling like this at times. I even had something going on last week that sort of caused this bad train of thought! Now it's over and hopefully I can move on with better things.
Once again,thank you for the support!
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Half of it is exactly the same for me.
20 years old, in studies but no good results and no motivation to get ones, depressed whereas I would never have thought I would be depressed one day.
I didn't imagined myself die and how it would affect others, but I'm anxious imagining me failing at studies, and how me and my family would react to that. Scary enough to prevent me getting further in guessing.
I don't believe my interests in life are nonsense, but I can believe it won't get me anywhere either. And I doubt myself being worth the trials awaiting for me in life.
You're not alone, and I was quite surprised reading those lines. Not expecting it to be that near how I often feel I guess.
Things may seem at the bottom, but do not give up. I hope you find your way, and I hope in some time you'll feel right to write another text, saying you don't carry these feelings anymore.
Please keep going, you're not alone nor worthless.
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Thank you. I'm feeling better now. Usually when I get these negative emotions,they just come and go. It's kind of reassuring to see that I'm not the only who feels like this.
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I'm glad you feel better
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