Comments: 17
Mikomics [2017-11-25 16:33:14 +0000 UTC]
Sup dude, ProjectComment member here.
Just so ya know I'll be critiquing this as if it were an illustration rather than an evolved sketch.
Rightio, let's get this critique rollin'. I quite like the mood you've set. Whenever the only light source in an illustration is a dim fire, it really makes things a bit tense simply because you have no idea what's in the background, what's all around it, etcetera. It draws on the fear of the unknown that's universally human. Not to mention the Delphox's expression, a kind of sorrowful anger helps enforce that kind of somber atmosphere you've established.
So, compliments aside, there's a lot in this piece that needs fixin'.
Let's start with composition and construction, the bigger things. The composition is kinda whack. The Rule of Thirds can and often is broken, a lot, but you should only really break it when you've got other compositional elements supporting it, like lots and lots of lines moving towards the focus point. Which you don't really have - the lines in the floor all lead the eye straight off the page like pouring water onto a plate. You could avoid that by placing something on the lower edge to help frame the image, as well as the upper edge. It needn't be very clear what it is - if you just have some shadowy shapes that would further add to the kind of "one light in the middle of the darkness" thing you got going, by giving the viewer just enough info to tell something's out there in the dark, but not enough to know what it is. Why'd you pick specifically that vantage point? It actually takes a lot away from the illustration - we cannot see anything of the furnace. It would be much clearer if we could see at least some of the furnace - you could've easily angled the furnace slightly without even changing the awkward angle. So... why'd you do it?
In general the big compositional problem, in my opinion, is that there just isn't enough there. There's no context. She's stoking a fire, but why? Where's the story? Why's the fire so important? That's honestly the biggest flaw as far as I'm concerned. You've established a mood nicely but there's nothing more interesting to keep my attention.
Constructionally, you did alright. But that's mainly because it's a one point perspective scene with a simple object composed of pretty basic shapes - those are kinda hard to mess up.
Next up, value choices and rendering.
I think you could stand to make the dark spots darker and the bright spots brighter. I still have really clear visibility in the darkest area of the painting. Which kinda detracts from the whole "one light in the darkness" thing you got going.
But the biggest problem is the rendering. When you only have one light source - it will only hit certain places. It's not going to hit the sides of the furnace facing us. The light might spill over the sides a little but not as much as you've shown here. The worst bit is the patch of lighting on the floor. Gradients man. The transitions are way too obvious. Plus the light wouldn't reach the darkest of those cracks in the floor due to occlusion shadows. You can't just put an overlay layer with the color of your light in and expect it to work out perfectly. That's not really how light works.
Lastly, color and linework. I don't much about color myself so I can't say much about it. You've used color itself fairly well. The most saturated point is also the focal point - the fire. The secondary focal point, the Delphox's face, is highlighted by the blue in her headdress which contrasts with the rest of the scene.
But you need to work on your lines man. While your work and the ambition in your work, has been steadily getting better, this is something that's been lagging behind. You need cleaner lines. Or ditch them alltogether and go for only painterly. Sometimes they're colored, sometimes they're pure black. Sometimes the color gets out of them. I'm sorry dude but it just looks sloppy.
So, summing it up. I like the concept and the mood, but I don't feel satisfied - try to tell me more with an image and work on your storytelling and making the right choices in an illustration. Then, work on your lines. Get better at both of those and your quality will skyrocket. Eventually you'll want to work on rendering different textures, but for now concentrate on those.
I know this was harsh, but it's nonetheless a decent painting. Like I said before - you've been getting better. All your recent work has been either the same or better quality, and mostly better. Keep up that improvement man!
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NebulaDreams In reply to Mikomics [2017-12-03 00:38:15 +0000 UTC]
Wow, thanks so much for the critique! I don’t mind that you’re harsh as you’re very extensive when it comes to pointing out the flaws in my work. I’ll try to accommodate each of your points the best I can. I’ll break down a few stages of my process with pics to match so you have a better understanding of how it turned out so haphazazrdly.
No planning went into the composition or scenery whatsoever. I just had the sketch and originally wanted to paint it as it was, then compile it with another drawing (the Dustin’ Damo one) and put that out as a deviation. As I went on however, after the lines were finished (okay, they’re still really unrefined, the furnace wasn’t even a part of anything) and I started painting, I went ‘let’s add a floor’ and added a flat floor texture with the warp tool (which, when you remove all the bells and whistles, you realise how flat it actually is).
I didn’t even plan the tonal choices. I went purely by colour and added a shit-ton of correction layers to it until it felt right to me. You can see it sort of works in greyscale, however unintentionally.
As for lines, I don’t know what the hell I want to do with it. It’s like I want to have it both ways. I don’t know how to create hard and soft edges so I add a clipping layer to my lines and hope that by colouring them, I create the illusion of being ‘painterly’. But with the issue of the black lines, I think that by doing that, I also create the illusion of shadow and form. How the hell does that even work?
I realise now that this sort of under-planning is going to get me nowhere if I really want to improve. Even as an elevated sketch, there’s no excuse for the lack of decision making there with the absence of objects that should be there in that boiler room. When I go into the process of making art usually, it seems like I’m failing upward to get a result I’m satisfied with, which isn’t good enough, it’s just a very undisciplined approach to making art. It seems like I keep making the same mistakes.
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DracoGale [2017-11-18 17:06:01 +0000 UTC]
When I saw the thumbnail of this I thought he had a magic wand X'D I like this. Damo looks like he was just woken up late at night and realized it was cold so came down to light up the fireplace.
I really like what you did with the lighting, how it shines over Damo before fading to black the further it is away from the light. Not only that, but you seem to know what a flame's light looks like, because there is a difference. You have the light waving over Damo like how an actual flame light works, and have it dimmed as well instead of overly bright. You captured the effect very well. Your positioning could use some work, just a snitch, since the way the floor is it almost looks like Damo is laying on it on his side. I'm also having some trouble deciphering how the oven is positioned and where the opening is exactly, I mean I can see it but I'm not really getting the oven's overall shape.
You did a wonderful job here though, the color and shading and the detail is really good. Like I said, if you work on your positioning and the shapes a little more, you will have a 100% amazing piece! It all looks really good and I'm very impressed, keep up the amazing work and you'll get there in no time!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
NebulaDreams In reply to DracoGale [2017-11-19 02:48:17 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I don't know squat about perspective, so the positioning of the floor could've been better, and I completely half assed the furnace bit. While you can see the door as its opening, the fact that you can only see it in a side view makes it a bit confusing. I didn't consider how both of those things would've looked in the space of a room (plus, I didn't go into this piece planning to put in a background), so more planning beforehand would be helpful for me.
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DracoGale In reply to NebulaDreams [2018-01-02 19:23:50 +0000 UTC]
Despite what you say, you actually did really amazing considering! If you had that perspective, your drawing would be even more grand! ^_^ You can only get better, and the fact that you are willing to admit these things and work on it just shows how much you're growing as an artist. I also need work on things like that, but practice makes perfect! It always helps to do a loose sketch of what the drawing will look like before doing the actual work, and to try using shapes for structure, if that helps?
But again, this is a really good piece and I love it! You did really great ^_^
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charmedstudio [2017-11-17 01:01:55 +0000 UTC]
I love how back half of image is in darkness and front is in firelight. nice.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hyperagua [2017-11-15 17:24:20 +0000 UTC]
Interesting!
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