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neo-synbios — On Taking Out The Trash
Published: 2004-07-25 08:38:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 270; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 6
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Description
Times change.I change,
You change,
We all change,
For the sake of changing.
Words,
Emotions,
Words explain the emotions.
But do the emotions explain the words?
Or the reason?
Or the rhyme?
Will we ever know?
Will we never know?
Only when we see
All the blind see,
Only when we hear
All the deaf hear,
Only when we have felt
All the dead have felt.
Times change.
Does not the wrapper,
Who once breathed with purpose,
Now know the answer?
Perhaps the chicken leg,
Who once ran with careless glee,
Now knows the truth.
For buried among the waste,
The dead,
The deaf,
The blind,
Among the trash,
Do we feel,
Do we hear,
Do we see,
that with growth and experience,
Comes clarity.
Times change.
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Comments: 11
oh my god, i just realized i wrote, "what the blind hear"...sorry about that folks, it's SUPPOSED to be deaf, not blind... thanks to all of you for pointing that out!
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Hey i have to take out the trash more... That is amazing.
What do you think the blind see? And do you think in death we can only be whole?
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the general idea i meant with the last few lines is that humans can't really know anything or understand the world around them fully until they see both sides of the coin.
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This one deserves more comments. First of all to say good job, second of all to offer some CC:
The only thing I didn't like about this poem (and that is saying alot) is that the reason/rhyme lines seem cliche. But then again, that is but a drop of imperfection in a sea of purity. to wax poetic.
In any case, I agree with the previous comment that the line about hearing what the blind hear should be changed to "hearing what the deaf hear."
It makes more sense to me that way.
And your best line? Has to be "Only when we have felt what the dead felt." Kick ass, and true. I hope you post more in the future.
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thank you very much! i agree it is a bit cliche.....ill have to get on editing it, along with finding the rest of this poem.
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Hey, no problem. Perhaps you could return the favor?
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just read some of my stuff and tell me what you think could be changed.
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what do you mean by favor?
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Oy~ nice piece you've crafted!
I like it. It's a good thought.
Wonderful use of repetition and parallelism.
A great piece.
You may want to change the line to "what the deaf hear"
and perhaps you could also use the line
"Only when we know what the mute say"
dunno if I'm going along the right branch but, just a thought.
hehe. anyhoo. I like it. Good job!
Keep it comin!
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i considered adding something along those lines, but when i did add it, it sounded almost like too much repitition to me. thank you for the feedback though! i've been meaning to add to it.
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kewl~
yeah, the thought that it might get too repetitive crossed my mind to. but I think it'll add more than detract. anyhoo, I'm sure you'll figure it out.
g'luck and keep it goin!
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