Comments: 37
Oldgamer45 [2017-04-18 02:30:09 +0000 UTC]
I enjoyed your story very much. It answered so many questions , as to why Altair could learn from the Apple,and all others succumbed to its temptations. Thank You!!
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redstrikerborg [2011-12-01 18:36:35 +0000 UTC]
that was an amazing story! so well writen that i could see every seen as if i where watching it, then reading it. i look forward to reading the rest of your fanfics and look forward to anything new you might come up with.
Again Very well done! i loved this story.
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enchainer [2008-09-17 03:30:34 +0000 UTC]
OMG THAT WAS EPIC! you totally had me fooled! i thought Malik really died! I cried at that part.
whew. glad he didn't! : D
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Kaytara [2008-08-28 18:56:31 +0000 UTC]
Yaaaaaaay! ^^
Way to turn that frown back around! Finishing this has given me a warm fuzzy feeling, especially after that downer of a last chapter....
So the wisdom of the Piece of Eden can only be revealed to someone who is able to let go of it, to destroy it... Someone who breaks his dependence on outside things, that illusion of hope, and is strong enough to face the future with only his own resources. Ingenious. ^^
As far as last chapters go, I felt that the epilogue was a tad too brief and could have used, say, about two more paragraphs... Say, Malik's reaction at Altair's idea, and Altair roughly explaining his conclusion, and just a short reflection on everything that's happened. Nothing elaborate to draw it out and wreck the pacing, just a few lines to make it feel complete. And THEN the final two parts about stagnation, adaptation and endurance. Then I think it'd be perfect. ^^
As far as negative feedback goes, my only complaint is that the early Kadar poison dart betrayal and murder attempt arc had felt a bit pointless due to how effortlessly it had been resolved, but that didn't bother me that much. (It just irritated the drama queen part of me that wants to milk all dramatic events for what they're worth... XD)
Anyway, kudos to you for writing such a high-quality fanfic, and double kudos for the awesome and regular updates. ^^ I have a lot of respect for someone responsible enough not to leave their readers hanging. (Which, incidentally, leaves me very little respect for myself.... It's true that we most vehemently admire the qualities that we lack. ~_~)
I think you really couldn't have ended this better... The mood of the entire story was fairly dark, so a plain happy ending wouldn't have felt right, but you managed to give the story the right amount of intense drama and heartache (Malik's "death") while still technically pulling off the happy ending. So it was very edge-of-the-chair suspenseful, but in the end gives you a fuzzy feeling because of how good everything turned out, without seeming cheesy or unrealistic.^^ The best kind of satisfying. I wish RPGs did this more often.... ~_~
Oh, and P.S. I forgot to mention this, but I really liked how Altair had berated Radi in the chapter before this... Alty didn't just smack the novice and tell him to be obedient, he told him of his own experiences in a way that takes away the rebelliousness and makes someone actually listen to you. It was exactly right, and since it takes wisdom to write a wise character, well, kudos on that. ^^
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Kaytara In reply to Nevar23 [2008-08-30 12:01:55 +0000 UTC]
Heh, you're welcome. ^^
You just wanted to get rid of Abbas? That DOES make sense. XD
I do realise that the ending is meant to be an open one, which is why I said that I would think it perfect if you added a bit. ^^ It's still fine as it is, it's just my own preference to have things wrapped up. Maybe it's even more habit than preference.
Anyway, cheers! ^^
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Emerald-jewel [2008-08-26 00:02:33 +0000 UTC]
This whole thing was epic. I loved the resolution; the perfect explanation for the mysteries surrounding the Piece of Eden. It reminds us what the game was about in the first place. I'd say 'nothing is true, everything is permitted,' but we've all heard that one already. Really, all religions and creeds in the world are true, and this story does a wonderful job at combining all the myths into what our assassins were trying to accomplish to begin with. I'd love to say more, but I'm also kind of speechless. Malik's alive!! See, I knew it all along! xP
What remains now, if you're willing to tackle it, are the other locations of the other treasures. Both Altair and Malik were present when the Piece showed it. I'm sure whoever inherited the boss-job at the Templar club is probably hanging around to give our boys some more hell to deal with.
Speaking of which, here's some real-world news I found was a bit related to AC. It's more amusing really: there's a group presently trying to sue the Catholic Church, claiming that they are the heirs to the Knights Templar. I believe the amount was 500 billion dollars, to make up for the lost lands, properties and power they lost when Pope Clement V absolved the Knights in the 1300's on charges of heresy and even devil/occult worship. Of course, the Church isn't taking them seriously because they can't really prove that they're descended from the Templar, but still, interesting nonetheless. Would probably make for a good AC story.
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Emerald-jewel In reply to Nevar23 [2008-08-26 01:39:30 +0000 UTC]
You're very welcome!
Yeah, Desmond isn't going to do much to support the cause if he's stuck behind the bar at Chilli's. xD It made perfect sense for Altair to suggest that they go underground, therefore proving how the Assassins survived to 2012.
Hmm... maybe I can relate this whole "Templar's sueing the Church" thing to how Abstergo becomes a huge powerful corporation in the first place. Perhaps they do manage to provide evidence that they're the heirs, and the Church has no choice but to consent to the law suit... that's all as of 2008 of course. The years following described in Vidic's and Lucy's emails can be a direct or indirect result of the law suit. *quickly grabs notebook*
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Nevar23 In reply to altair-creed [2008-08-25 02:49:10 +0000 UTC]
You do me great honor. It makes me feel immensely gratified to know that my convoluted little tale was understood and appreciated. Other than that, I don't even know what to say, except thank you. *bows gratefully*
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altair-creed In reply to Nevar23 [2008-08-25 10:34:13 +0000 UTC]
i've read mythology and know something of gnosticism having immersed myself in religious studies at times. i read too much *shakes head*
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Nevar23 In reply to altair-creed [2008-08-25 13:56:32 +0000 UTC]
No such thing as reading too much, in my book. <---- Overly obvious pun groan in 3...2...1 *groan*
There are definitely Gnostic ideas woven into the story.
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altair-creed In reply to Nevar23 [2008-08-25 15:08:33 +0000 UTC]
pun understood. clear as daylight.
now i have to better myself and write about nizari ideas in a story context
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TaergaLive In reply to Nevar23 [2008-08-24 17:54:09 +0000 UTC]
You are quite welcome.
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