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Nevryst — common refrain
Published: 2008-10-06 02:32:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 126; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description Spewing forth words
It clears the mind
Vomiting thoughts
Unrefined
Allaying shame
(guilt)
Striving to find
Some sense of balance
A logic in sane
Scarper to reason
A common refrain
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Comments: 2

aDORK-able [2008-10-06 02:39:18 +0000 UTC]

I thin this piece resonates well. I like it.

The only line that seems to detract from the overall poem is "(guilt)." I think that the removal of this line would help to maintain the scantion and would get rid of the disruption of flow.

Just my opinion though...

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Nevryst In reply to aDORK-able [2008-10-06 02:41:21 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

Yes, it does interrupt the flow. That was purposeful but I see it's a bit jarring.

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