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niedecDestroy This Poem
Published: 2008-03-05 06:55:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 35918; Favourites: 1183; Downloads: 354
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Description Destroy This Poem

To the person grading this poem
To the kind, patient woman hovering over this with a pen
Waiting to say kind, patient words in response, do me a favor:
Stop it.
Don’t Patronize me.
I did not slave over this with hammer and anvil
Shaping it into a masterpiece.
I didn’t paint it onto the ceiling of some church,
Going blind from the pain and the stress.
I didn’t even turn this in on time.

And while I’m writing this in my fifth-period economy class,
You can bet I’m not concerned with iambs and troches and Italian terza rima.
No, I’m concerned with how much water is left in my water bottle.
This isn’t a masterpiece.
Who are we kidding?
You’re not going to hurt it, and you most certainly aren’t going to hurt me.
Stop it.
Don’t patronize me.

I want you to destroy my work.
I want you to rip it to shreds with sadistic dominatrix glee.
Tear it apart from margin to margin;
Laugh openly at its crippled, struggling body.
Stab through its sputtering heart with the sharp edge of your pen.
Piss on it, for all I care.
Mark it as your own.

I want you to handle this poem with all the delicacy and surgical precision
of a butcher in a slaughterhouse
of a serial rapist
of Caligula ripping a baby from his sister’s womb.

Jab a knife through the soft flesh of its stomach
And gut it like a fish.
Watch it gargle to breathe as letters pour out of its wounds.

You want persona?
I am the speaker.
This is my humpbacked, pulsating blob of a poem.
And you are Jack the Ripper.
You are Charles Manson.
gnitirW. yM. lliK.

This has no meter.
No beat.
No style.
No lines that long and linger for the comfort of a smile.
No form to be worth your while.
it dont evn rime.

Its imagery lacks depth and imagination.
No, it does not show potential.
It is not “clever” or “good” or “interesting.”

Quit feeding it lies.

And if you dare write “nice”
Or “good image” one more time in the margins,
I swear I am going to snap.

This isn’t going on anyone’s fridge.
It does not deserve a “super” or an “A+.”
It deserves to die.

And as I’m finishing this up in class,
Do not be concerned with how I feel.
I’m thinking to myself, “let’s flush this fucker down.”


So as you’re sitting there, kindly, patiently reading
This beer-shit guttural splattering I call a poem,
Please just be honest.
Who are we kidding?
Stop it.
Don’t patronize me.
Related content
Comments: 520

niedec In reply to ??? [2016-06-10 21:08:46 +0000 UTC]

That's awesome! Really glad the class seemed to like it. And yeah, some of the prompts I remember from school were pretty terrible. 

By the way, if you like the style of this, it's very much based on "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGKm20…

And on the opposite side of the spectrum, this is my favorite spoken-word poem. It's "Jellyfish" by Andrea Gibson: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgALhK…

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Arradia-is-cool In reply to niedec [2016-06-10 22:08:47 +0000 UTC]

Thanks I enjoyed all of them.

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jackbrody12 [2016-05-28 02:18:06 +0000 UTC]

irony is i LOVED THIS SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

niedec In reply to jackbrody12 [2016-06-10 21:23:16 +0000 UTC]

Haha, that's fine. No, really, it is.  

I almost want to put it in the description, but I'm not a masochist. I wrote this about wanting my teacher (someone I trust and admire) to critique 
the hell out of my work, because I trusted her judgment, and knew she was going easy on me. I think somewhere that got misinterpreted as "AUDIENCE:
TELL ME MY FLAAAAAAWS. I AM A LOWLY WOOOOOOOORM" or something like that. :/ 

I have a few other poems with a similar style, by the way. 
If you like the way it's written maybe check these out: 

niedec.deviantart.com/art/The-…
niedec.deviantart.com/art/Til-…
niedec.deviantart.com/art/Wait…

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Niesizzle [2016-02-26 07:13:04 +0000 UTC]

K so...um...that was epic. I'm super new to writing spoken word poems (actually any poems) and I was just wondering to myself how do you know if someone is reading your poem correctly, ya know? With out the formal rhymes and structure how do u known? Well I just read your poem and I guess you just know haha I agree with hanzelvania; so flipping satisfying to read out loud. I really hope (and really doubt) mine read as well but you give me hope! Thanks for this!!

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niedec In reply to Niesizzle [2016-02-26 21:43:42 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! Really glad you liked it, and that it's fun to read out loud. Seriously, that's always a great thing to hear.

Spoken word and free-verse are interesting to me, because on the surface, they look patternless. How do you write a poem without meter or rhyme? But I think there is a pattern, and it's subtle: it's the pattern of conversation. The way words naturally ebb and flow when you speak. With my stuff, I usually try to convey that in line-breaks. A prose-section might be: "Hey, it's me again. Yeah. I know it's been forever." In poetry, I might write it: 

Hey,


It's me again.

Yeah.


I know it's been forever.


For some reason you read it a bit differently. There's more of a pause. And you could achieve that pause by altering the punctuation, but it has some disadvantages. If you had said "Hey..." that ellipses clues you into a pause. It doesn't surprise you the way a line-break does. And by using a comma after "hey," you get the impression that it was supposed to be something said like a normal sentence, and the speaker didn't intend for the pause to be there, but got hung up on their words. 

That's just how I handle it, though. There are a lot of really good spoken-word dudes out there to inspire you. If you liked "Destroy This Poem," check out Taylor Mali. He has a poem called "What Teachers Make" that influenced this really heavily: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGKm20…

And for something totally different, I'd recommend Andrea Gibson. She's hands-down my favorite slam poet: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgALhK…

For spoken-word with rhymes, I'd look to rap. For instance, B. Dolan started out doing spoken-word, and switched to rap. Here's a song of his that I like. Probably worth mentioning it's political satire. He doesn't honestly believe in lizard-people: www.youtube.com/watch?v=EodiBQ…

There's also NAS. "2nd Childhood" feels like spoken-word to me. Lyrics are in the description: www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0uQwG…

For poems with a similar spoken-word feel, check out "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg: www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/…

and also "The Lovesong of J Alfred Prufrock." This one's cool, because it switches to rhyme to force your attention on certain lines. It's my all-time favorite poem: www.bartleby.com/198/1.html

And if you want some more spoken-word poems from me, check out "'Til Rome Burns Down" or "Waiting To Die," or "Crying Inward." 


Sorry for spamming you with poems and stuff. I don't expect you to check those all out. Just stuff to consider when you're stuck. These are like my gold-standard for what I feel I should do with spoken-word, so maybe they'll help you, too.

I really like your Run. Swim. Fly. triptych, by the way. It has a wonderful flow, especially on "Swim." The lines are short but not terse-feeling, and coupled with the imagery, "Swim" totally reminds me of floating. I think if "Run" had a more consistent line-length in the middle, with more internal rhymes, it'd better capture the feeling of running, though. Pattern-wise, maybe something like

"From here, the sun-slits shift through the trees; my knees
and my heartbeat are beating in sync and I fear
a more-perfect day will never find me. 

"Charge of the Light Brigade" by Tennyson uses line-length and rhyme to capture the feeling of galloping. I think something similar could work for running. Just enough of a beat to capture that foot-hitting-the-pavement feel of running, and just enough internal rhyme that it catches you and feels like you're sprinting. People tend to speed up when reading internal rhymes, I don't know why.

Then, when the lines get shorter and the rhymes drop out for "Fly," it'll make "Fly" seem even airy-er. Give you that lifting-off feeling. I dunno. Just something worth trying. At any rate, your stuff is a pleasure to read, and I hope you keep writing it.

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Niesizzle In reply to niedec [2016-02-27 02:18:40 +0000 UTC]

Whoa, what just happened....haha that was awesome. Thank you so much for all that, ill prolly only get around to half of those. But still I appreciate it so much
Also thanks for the feedback on my poems. I like the idea of switching up the line structure and what not. All cool stuff. The structure and writing it down is difficult for me since I'm so kinesthetic and would prefer to just read em all aloud haha.

Btw the artist who has always had my heart for spoken word is Anis Mojgani.
youtu.be/znIXyFh6dsI
He has more up to date things but he has become less vulgar. With the swear words and crowd reactions of this video I get the chills every time.

Again thank u so much for the lengthy response! So much appreciation!

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unaveragejo3 [2015-06-18 21:39:41 +0000 UTC]

Despite how much I really want to tell you all the mistakes In your writing THIS IS A MASTERPIECE!!! This is so freaking perfect. I love all the references you added! I loved the tone, the contrast between the teacher and the student, the repetion, the irony, the imagery (because sadistic dominatrix is a really good image😏) ! This poem is nice, good, interesting, clever, it deserves both a goldstar and an A+. Lol😉

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niedec In reply to unaveragejo3 [2015-06-19 05:00:09 +0000 UTC]

Ah. Forgot one more poem I wrote that you may like. Similar narrative style to "Destroy This Poem": niedec.deviantart.com/art/Wait…

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niedec In reply to unaveragejo3 [2015-06-19 04:55:39 +0000 UTC]

lol. Hey, no worries. It was less about getting critique online, and more about getting critique 
from my actual teacher. It was written directly to her, and I turned it in for a grade. She was cool
with it.

If you like writing like this, though, try "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali on YouTube. He's a slam-poet
that inspired this. You might also like "Bluebird" by Charles Bukowski: www.poemhunter.com/poem/bluebi…
Or maybe this other poem by Bukowski: www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-am-v…

If you like my writing-style on this, there are a couple of other options there. 
One is "The Blood Parade," about some really strange parties I went to when I was 19: niedec.deviantart.com/art/The-…

There's also this poem I wrote about a reclusive woman: niedec.deviantart.com/art/Cryi…

And another about a comically-sad poet: niedec.deviantart.com/art/Hell…

And a poem about working a dishwashing job that didn't go so well: niedec.deviantart.com/art/Til-…

And this one is completely different in tone, but a lot of my friends really liked it. It was written around the same time as "Destroy This Poem": niedec.deviantart.com/art/The-…

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unaveragejo3 In reply to niedec [2015-06-20 01:41:29 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, I really do love this poem the part where you worried about how full your water bottle was in economics really reminded me of Monday morning by billy Collins ( www.online-literature.com/foru… ) another poem I enjoyed.😄

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niedec In reply to unaveragejo3 [2015-06-20 03:17:42 +0000 UTC]

That one is great. Very soft and very pleasant. 

I don't know why I don't read more Billy Collins. I tend to like everything I've read by him. 
Thanks very much for sharing it.

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unaveragejo3 In reply to niedec [2015-06-20 03:47:51 +0000 UTC]

Ya! I love Collins although I only have one book by him.
Np.

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Hanzelvania [2014-11-18 13:23:38 +0000 UTC]

Reading this out loud is damn satisfying XD

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niedec In reply to Hanzelvania [2014-11-18 19:34:18 +0000 UTC]

Hey, super-glad you think that.

It was my first attempt at spoken-word, so I wanted it to be satisfying when performed. My inspiration was "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali, 
which my 11th-grade English teacher played for the class: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK…

I have two other poems that are pretty fun to read aloud. The first is just a bunch of nonsense I wrote to sound beautiful: niedec.deviantart.com/art/Beau…

The second is a poem called "The Blood Parade," which is mostly devoid of structure, but has a pretty good rhythm to it: niedec.deviantart.com/art/The-…

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destinysWalrus [2014-03-14 19:34:51 +0000 UTC]

Okay, I just discovered this now, and this comment is probably going to be somewhat redundant in what it says because of all the other comments here, I can't imagine that I have something to say that hasn't been said. But I feel like I have to comment, because I have things to say. And I don't really care if they've been said before, not much anyway. Awkward preface over, here goes.



This is not at all the sort of thing I usually read, or want to read. I have no clue how I found it. Just to make the point, this is NOT at all similar to things I usually read. If I'm reading poetry usually it's the stuff people think of when they hear poetry, the "thoughtful", kinda fluffy, things about flowers and such. I read fantasy and science fiction, I had a herd of imaginary unicorns as a kid. I read "girly" and "happy" stuff, usually.

Usually.

But sometimes there's the things that have a weird fascination for me. Maybe partly because they are so out-of-character for me to be reading. Things like the Hunger Games or grimdark fanfiction. This is one of them. It's different from the poetry I've read, in tone and form and lack of shiny-ness, but the difference makes it fascinating.

This poem is the kind of thing that I really like, but when thinking about why I like it I feel surprised. Like roller coasters, when for the first 17 years of my life the most adventurous ride I'd go on was the spinning Teacups ride at Disneyland. Thing I like but I don't know why I like them, because liking them shows a side of me I didn't know existed.


I don't know. Maybe I'm confused. Maybe nothing I'm trying to say makes sense to anyone besides me. Heck, it doesn't even entirely make sense to me.

I don't usually comment much, I'm quiet and shy about this sort of thing, but...
I really like this poem. It is how it breaks the way I'm used to thinking about poems, but does it in a way that's really in character with what it's saying.

I'd like to offer critique, but I don't know how.
I like to write, for myself, and this is one of the most fascinating things I've read lately.



Incidentally, I don't know if you'd be interested, but this is actually the third thing I've read recently where the form really matches the content. The others are things from my English class, and in lieu of an essay, I'm going to be doing a kind of complicated style-experiment with them. *shrug*

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niedec In reply to destinysWalrus [2014-03-15 01:55:56 +0000 UTC]

Hey, no worries about your reply, and definitely never worry about the content. I love replies, whatever they are. To drill that home, you need to understand that I've had this account since I was 14. I'm turning 24 in fifteen days. And for the bulk of the years that I've been on here, I've just posted pieces that I'm proud of, but feel no one sees/comments on, and then others that everyone seems to love. 

Since this got a DD and a ton of commenters, you probably assume that this falls into the latter category. Eventually, it did, but it took two years. Before that, it sat around with about 100 views and 3 favorites. No one noticed at all. I got lucky that one guy loved it in the same way you seem to, and brought it to a moderator's attention. Since you're a writer, I'll pass along three things that I learned from that that may help you:
 
1) It's not how many people see your stuff, it's who sees it; the right person on a lucky day is all that matters.
2) Attention does not equal talent. Just because you don't have an audience doesn't mean your work is bad.
3) If you see something that resonates with you, and you want it to succeed, by that "lucky person." I helped someone in a similar position get a DD that way. She thought her photographs weren't well-liked. Turns out that it was just hard to find them. This was the photo: today.deviantart.com/art/Horro…

Also, I complete relate to what you're saying about being "out-of-character." For one, that's actually my goal with these. I'm not sure if you've ever done this, but I love  to play happy music when sad, and sad music when happy, because it lets me feel both emotions at once. When I'm sad, happy music seems to accentuate my sadness, and when I'm happy, I notice the lighter sides of sad songs. It's sort of a liberating feeling. Only in art do I get to experience two emotions so completely at once. So I have a lot of dark, sad comedies and wistful breakup poems, and rambling angry, non-serious things like this. I adore contrast.

Secondly, I'm a lot like you, actually. In elementary school, I was extremely sensitive. I couldn't do ghost-hunting activities at sleepovers, not even in a group. I'd hide in my sleeping-bag until the game was over. And there were folksy-songs my music teacher played that I found too violent or dark, and they'd sicken me so much I'd have to leave the room. Every time. For years. Yet overcoming fears is the surest way to growth as a human-being, I've found, and so I've grown to love the contrast between how I feel about fears and the feeling overcoming them brings to me. If you go into my gallery for long enough, you'll eventually see depression and violence and spiders. In reality, I hate all of those things, but exploring them in art allows me to appreciate them in a way that's impossible in life, and helps me. Anyway, your appreciation for sides of yourself you didn't know existed seems very similar. I've only met a handful of people like that, so thanks again for sharing that with me.

This is getting ludicrously long, but I figured that since you liked my writing, I should share a few pieces you might like for a rainy day. They're the ones that inspired me.

First up is my girlfriend's writing. We met through our writing on here and fell in love. This is a word-game/poem we did together: orphicfiddler.deviantart.com/a…

Second is "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg. When I read it, I was amazed. I didn't think poetry was allowed to do this: www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/…

Next is "This Poet" by Charles Bukowski. If you want to talk "forms that fit the feeling," this is the best example you'll ever find. Yes, it's supposed to look like that: bybukowski.tumblr.com/post/236…

Fourth is my favorite poem, "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot. Maybe you've read it before: www.bartleby.com/198/1.html


And if you ever have time, there are a few others in my gallery I think that you'd love. No need to view them, though. Seriously just throwing out suggestions:

"The Blood Parade" : niedec.deviantart.com/art/The-…
"When The Angels Came" (It's a song from an album I'm putting together): niedec.deviantart.com/art/When…
"Glass in the Field" (another song): niedec.deviantart.com/art/Glas…

And I have a Tumblr webcomic called "Bleak": niederer.tumblr.com/

I don't have the files uploaded for the songs I listed, but I will by tomorrow. 

Not sure if it's relevant, but also, my work is "copyrighted-but-not-copyrighted." Use if for whatever purpose, commercial or otherwise, if you feel so inclined. I'll be making all this stuff creative-commons on my 10-year anniversary on here.

Anyway, thanks again for the incredibly thoughtful reply. It's part of what keeps me going. If you feel like sharing those other poems you've seen or the style experiment or maybe some of your own writing or what-have-you, I'd love to take a look. 

Cheers.

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destinysWalrus In reply to niedec [2014-03-15 03:35:24 +0000 UTC]

Ah, shoot, one of my links failed. Second try.
Journal: destinyswalrus.deviantart.com/…

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destinysWalrus In reply to niedec [2014-03-15 03:33:25 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow. First and simplest thing, thanks for all the recommendations. I don't have the time at the moment to look through them all but I did take a few quick looks and they seem really interesting.

I am glad you understand the "out-of-character" thing - though I'm afraid I can't quite agree with your sentiments about listening to happy music when sad. When I do that I usually just get kinda pissed off at the music. *shrug*


I probably won't use your work for anything though it would be interesting to think of something to do with it... I don't really art. Well, except photos. I'm mostly here to put stock photos up and do photomanipulations occasionally, that's about all I can handle without feeling weird about it. I'd rather not type it up again, for this comment, but my first journal entry was me kinda rambling about "why am I here" (destinyswalrus.deviantart.com/…

And then thinking about this poem and a few others I found (probably with the more on deviantArt thingy) was more interesting than my English work so I wrote a thing.
destinyswalrus.deviantart.com/…
I'm not actually sure how I feel about it. It just kind of happened.

Mostly I think I'm not sure what I'm doing and I don't especially expect anyone to look at it (actually it's a little scary when they do), and then sometimes people like things. (I got a DD out of basically-nowhere from my perspective last month, and it was confusing as all get-out)


I really would like to discuss the style experiment, but maybe we should move that conversation to notes? It's a little complicated for putting in the comments and most of the stuff I want to say involves kinda-synesthesia stuff that I'm never sure whether makes sense or not, so it feels weird putting it here. I do really want to tell you though, because they're the things I read that are structured in a way that goes with the ideas.

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niedec In reply to destinysWalrus [2014-03-15 14:01:40 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, notes might be best. I'll move everything over there.

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destinysWalrus In reply to destinysWalrus [2014-03-14 19:36:23 +0000 UTC]

(oh gosh, sorry for the weird ramble at you, apparently when I 'can' say things I'm either silent or I go weirdly ramble-y at people. Also apparently I write things in a sort of exploratory fashion if I'm rambling about how I feel/react to things. Er. Sorry.)

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niedec In reply to destinysWalrus [2014-03-15 01:57:13 +0000 UTC]

Oh geez, once you see what I wrote, you won't feel like apologizing. I'm a silent-but-rambly type, too. 

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DarkRiderDLMC [2013-08-26 00:06:46 +0000 UTC]

I read your writing with a smile,
draggin' blade 'cross stone all the wile,
when at last the readin' was done,
I settled in for some bloody fun,
but somethings come up, we'll have to continue this another time!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

niedec In reply to DarkRiderDLMC [2013-08-26 01:00:45 +0000 UTC]

While reading your comment with candles wax,

I bit off the head of a bird to relax,

and peeled bits of skin until I was more bone,

than man, and I fantasized more on your poem:


of taking a blade, and so carefully honing

it steadily, quickly to aid my de-boning. 

But then I woke up from this dreaming of mine.

We'll have to continue this some other time....

lol.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DarkRiderDLMC In reply to niedec [2013-08-27 02:21:01 +0000 UTC]

Fast you are and fast you be,
you may well be too fast for me,
in my aged decrepitude,
walker, cane and support shoed,
Synapses don't move as fast,
as they did in eons past,
Questions? I have only one...
Have you more, or are you done?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

niedec In reply to DarkRiderDLMC [2013-08-27 09:50:30 +0000 UTC]

When time will still my crippled hand,

and winds blow dust and ashes fly...


when silence coats the barren land

which boils under angry sky...


when all that could be said's been said,

and all the we have done is done,


when underground, some billions dead

start decomposing into one...

When God and all His angels count

each eon that has passed us by,


each holy voice will then cry out:

"why wouldn't Niedec's writing die?!"

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DarkRiderDLMC In reply to niedec [2013-08-31 02:24:32 +0000 UTC]

When I asked for more, you gave me much,
a wondrous write that I can't touch.
I've read your words a dozen times
and not responded for lack of rhymes.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

niedec In reply to DarkRiderDLMC [2013-09-01 09:53:31 +0000 UTC]

There sat a lone mute in the corner;

we would watch as he mouthed every word,


A dozen times over, reciting each line,

but with never a syllable heard.

His hair, it was riddled with cobwebs,

(or spiderwebs, given his state):

a macabre little creature 

eyes glassy and hollow,

recessed in  expressionless slate.

We asked him his name, and he jotted

on the back of some page that he had.
MY NAME IS DARK RIDER, THE POET!

"DLMC" he wheezed as he laughed.

"No deaf-mute am I, my companions!"
He rasped

"Just a man of much thought and some time...


I've been reading this poem for some

forty-odd years,


and I haven't yet thought up a rhyme!"


SoI turned to this pitiful vagrant,

with a world-hewn gaze in my eye:

'twas the look of old driftwood 

long cut from the sea,
and my stare like one chosen to die.

"YOU FOOL!" I shouted,
"YOU POOR, WRETCHED BASTARD,
Why waste life on one piece from my tomes?!


You forgot," I continued,

as I tore up his page,
"I had titled it
'DESTROY THIS POEM!'"


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DarkRiderDLMC In reply to niedec [2013-09-01 15:44:47 +0000 UTC]

Foolish lad, it makes me sad,
to see you act the buffoon!
Shouting, "You Fool!"
with a twitch and a drool,
like a howler monkey first seeing the moon...

But, DESTROY THIS POEM? You leaping Gnome,
I'm afraid you did that on your own,
yet it gave you a DD,
which goes to show, I can see,
that on dA, the persistent puppy gets the bone.

 

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niedec In reply to DarkRiderDLMC [2013-09-02 13:11:51 +0000 UTC]

If you could read

what I had said,

with utter, careful comprehension,


Perhaps you'd see

that what I wrote,

was empty of all ill intention.


To explicate, 
I illustrated

what I found an irony:

that you would waste

your time and pa-

tience struggling to

reply to me,

when every comment

we have made

is to a poem 

about avoid-


ing any and all fame and fortune,

pleading that it were destroyed.

And so I wrote

within my story,

how I did as I'd intended.

I grabbed your copy of my poem,

and lightly cursed you as I rended--


not in insult, but chastisement,

as what poem is worth a life?
I meant to show

that you had fo-

cused on a task not worth the strife.

So as I end this small synopsis,
I'll repeat another time:

If you find yourself in eons
by still searching for a rhyme,

Please take note that

I once wrote a 

poem against all poetry.

Words are nice, but 

life is nicer.

Heed that advice,

and you'll be free.

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shellybasson [2013-06-27 16:53:52 +0000 UTC]

Stumbled upon this by chance.
I loved it.
Thank you for sharing it.

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Kbuff1999 [2013-03-31 21:16:37 +0000 UTC]

Amazing job. Truly remarkable.

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blackblade201 [2013-01-04 04:27:49 +0000 UTC]

I think i love this poem you say its crap others say its beautiful, a masterpiece, or as you say nice, good image and what you can add is it is really hilarious and i guess that economy class is really boring to you to write this. thanks for sharing the poem

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niedec In reply to blackblade201 [2013-01-04 23:43:01 +0000 UTC]

Well, I wrote this when I was 17 or 18, and I'm almost 23 now, so luckily, that Econ class has been gone for a while. It was really boring, though, and ultimately unhelpful.

To be honest, if I were a teacher and someone handed this poem to me, I wouldn't quite know what to say, either. I think that's what made it fun to write.

Also, you're welcome.

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blackblade201 In reply to niedec [2013-01-13 04:00:47 +0000 UTC]

well i am glad that i am (so far as i know) is not taking the econ class so i will not be writing a similar poem to this. So what are u doing now that you are 23 instead of 18

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ironicpink [2012-11-10 00:31:51 +0000 UTC]

I +fav'ed this poem ages ago. I'm the sort of person who when I fav something, goes back once in a while to search through them, read the poems, look at the pictures ect... however, every time I do... I read, and re-read, and re-read this one.

just thought you'd like to know. :]

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niedec In reply to ironicpink [2012-11-14 08:26:06 +0000 UTC]

Oh my god, that's amazing. I know I have no real reason to complain, but I used to get discouraged that I had so many views on this compared to +favs, because I thought people were just looking at it, deeming it uninteresting, and moving on. Then a few people pointed out that maybe, just maybe, the people that like it keep it around to re-read. And, sure enough, that's what you did. Pretty damn cool. Thanks for sharing.

Also, sorry for the late reply. The better a comment is, the more time I take on it because I want to say something important. This usually results in comments never getting answered, because I drag out my reply until it feels awkward. Avoiding that now, though (as seem by my saying stuff.)

Btw, if you love this, it's pretty much directly inspired by Taylor Mali, specifically his performance of "What Teachers Make:" [link]

And while we're on the subject of slam poetry, to me, this is my favorite slam poem ever: [link]

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countryxgirl [2012-09-28 22:29:37 +0000 UTC]

WOW! thats all i can say to you!

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demZdem [2012-09-16 13:54:35 +0000 UTC]

this is absolutely fantastic. i shall not write "nice" or "super" because that is not what it is. it is fucking brilliant. and i love the part with
"jack the ripper" (Black Butler! ) amazing poem *clicks favorite button*

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niedec In reply to demZdem [2012-09-17 17:28:58 +0000 UTC]

lol. Happy you liked it.

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SailorMeowMeow [2012-09-12 02:37:56 +0000 UTC]

WOW I LOVED THAT!!!!

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niedec In reply to SailorMeowMeow [2012-09-12 13:08:45 +0000 UTC]

I'm very glad you did. Thanks.

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SailorMeowMeow In reply to niedec [2012-09-17 05:11:02 +0000 UTC]

Why thank you, its AMAZING. Im thinking to read this at the Annual Poem Cafe my school is holding. Don't worry, I'll credit you (just ur username cuz i dont know ur real one), since I'm a horrible writer, I always make sure to credit the amazing ppl that do make these workd DD. Its gonna be held somewhere in the Spring

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niedec In reply to SailorMeowMeow [2012-09-17 17:27:39 +0000 UTC]

Sure, go for it. Though if you want to use my real name, it's Caleb Niederer (pronounced Need-er, but the spelling's all weird). I wrote this when I was 17 or 18, but I'm 22 now. I have far fewer reasons to be afraid of strangers.

And yes, you can absolutely use this poem, or any poem of mine, for that matter. I understand that for business reasons, copyright is a necessary evil, but really, I prefer sharing my art with as many people as possible.

Hope the Annual Poem Cafe thing turns out spectacular. There are so many good poems, and so few that I learned about through school. Also, if you need two reeeaaally reaaaaally good ones, two of my all-time favorites are:
"Jellyfish" by Andrea Gibson - [link]
"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock": [link]

Ooh! And "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg: [link]

Plus, if you want to know what my own poem was based on, it's very similar in format to "What Teachers Make" by Taylor Mali: [link]

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SailorMeowMeow In reply to niedec [2012-11-19 01:53:13 +0000 UTC]

Hey it's been a while since your reply but I wanted to tell you thank you so much for letting me use your poem. My friends encouraged me to try out for talent show with it, and I honestly thought it was a miracle I got in and became one of the eight acts. D I was even more surpised when I won third place in the talent show DD thank you so much for this opportunity to express myself through your poem.

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niedec In reply to SailorMeowMeow [2012-11-21 22:55:25 +0000 UTC]

Hey, no worries on the reply. I didn't expect one back, so it's kind of a nice surprise.

Man, that's beyond cool to know that A) someone would like my poem, B)someone would actually read it aloud in front of an audience, and C)would do pretty well in a talent show with it.

Consequently, you're actually the first person ever to read that poem aloud in front of an audience. I've wanted to, and I've recorded myself reading it before, but haven't felt a good time or place to perform it (though I practice in the mirror every now and then).

And no problem on the opportunity to express yourself. To me, that's what art's supposed to be. I'm actually pretty stoked you could. Makes me feel like I'm doing it right. So thanks in return.

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Goldilocks92 [2012-09-10 22:17:42 +0000 UTC]

I don't know what to say. Just that I really enjoyed it. Haha this is what I was trying to get across in one of my poems. You did it so well.

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niedec In reply to Goldilocks92 [2012-09-12 13:10:02 +0000 UTC]

Thanks very much. Glad it struck a chord with you.

Out of curiosity, which piece of yours is similar?

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Goldilocks92 In reply to niedec [2012-09-12 16:22:27 +0000 UTC]

I know, I didn't post it because it didn't turn out very well.

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niedec In reply to Goldilocks92 [2012-09-12 17:53:51 +0000 UTC]

Ah. That happens sometimes.

Though you ever need clinical, super-thorough critique,I'm always up for it. And if not, I'm also up for sitting on my ass playing Team Fortress 2 for hours, so no problem there.

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