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NightshadeHemLock — I'm dead anyway
Published: 2013-06-14 16:57:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 306; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Description I treaded inaudibly through the forest floor while keeping a look out for any tributes coming to collect what they need dearly. The tension was rolling of me in waves and my muscles kept clenching and unclenching, I needed to be a part of some combat. I regretted my decision to let Clove kill fire girl almost instantly. It was not that I did not believe Clove could do it, because I knew with all my heart she had the forte and supremacy to however, I need to fight and I needed it now. I could also feel the worry pulling at my insides with every step I took that lead away from the cornucopia. Clove and I were so close to victory that I could almost feel the pride and glory fill my mouth with ecstasy however, if Clove made on false move then are game was up and our chance at going home together would diminish. I’m not sure if what I and Clove have is love but the further away I tread away from her the more my heart seems to call for her, the pain is increasing with every sound I make. What if I’m too late? What if I never get to tell her that I may have feelings for her? I don’t want to be too late, I want to hold Clove in my arms and promise her that we will go home; because we will.
I sigh in exasperation at my negative thoughts and run my fingers through my lenient hair, some girls back home would swoon over me and state that my hair looked like a halo. I was anything but an angel; I was anything but wholesome and virtuous. I was the devil himself. I don’t deny that I love killing because that would be a lie. I loved the way it felt to feel their blood dispense all over my hands. I loved the fact that I had the supremacy and the ruthlessness. I loved the fact that they were at my mercy with no hope, just screaming eyes begging and pleading me to let them go on and live. I had the power in them moments and I bask in the glory of it all. However, there were moments when the old Cato would creep through and call me a coward and hiss venomous things in my ear. He would call me a monster, that I was worthless and nothing but an animal. I hated the idea of being an animal. Animals, like humans, have instincts and feelings. Humans however can control their instincts. Animals are slave’s to theirs though and can easily be manipulated and controlled. The Capitol takes my anger, aggression and rage and turns me into their own weapon. The worst thing is I don’t know who I am anymore. These moments of sanity slip away though and the devil inside of me returns to kill the innocent. To kill who I used to be.
I’m getting restless in the constant animalistic pacing. My bones ache from the simple movement which makes me want to move. I need to feel my blade cut through someone’s fragile form, I need to feel that power that drives me into this bloody and ruthless killer. I’m contemplating on whether or not to run back to the cornucopia and just kill that fire girl right now however, I need to find Thresh and eliminate him. I fear he may match me in strength but I know I will make up for it in agility and hand to hand combat. This will be bloody and I will win. I cannot wait to watch the life drain from his eyes and feel his body go limp beneath my touch. I smile cruelly in an arrogant smirk and I go through all the ways I could drag his death out. This will be good.
I pace for what feels like hours however, I know it has only been a few minutes. The power I will feel when killing Thresh is the only thing keeping me from running to find him now. I need to be tactical in my approach or his death will not be at my hands and maybe at the fire girls. I’m about to make my way to the west when I strangled cry brakes through the unobtrusive forest.
“Cato!” The hoarse voice screamed “Cato!” Said a pleading voice that was coming from the cornucopia. No! No, this was his imagination everything was planned so well! My heart hammered in my chest feeling like it was going to combust; the searing pain ran along my veins making me feel like screaming in agony.
“Clove!” I screamed back in reply to the pleading voice. My legs could barely move and my veins were still pulsing with pain. My brain was calculating the worst case scenarios. She’s not allowed to be dead I have to tell her I love her. I ran, not contemplating that my screaming would bring attention to everyone. In this moment I didn’t care, my hands yearned to touch her and caress her skin just to make sure she was alive and safe in my arms. I would not stop until she was safe. I ran across leaves and branches, breaking their brittle, fragile forms just like someone may have broken Clove. I was becoming reckless in my actions but the idea of her gone was taking away my sanity bit by bit. I need to embrace her and make sure she was okay, just like she was in my mind.
The cornucopia finally came into view around me, blinding me with the intensity of its gold colour. The momentary haze diminished and finally I could see my surroundings. The first thing I realised was that it was quiet, so quiet that I believed Clove had gone off to attack her killer. I felt relief wash over me, she was hopefully alive and safe. Then I looked towards the feast and saw a pale, ghostly figure and I felt every muscles inside me freeze. It felt as if someone had poured ice water down my spine. I ran blind towards the figure.
“Clove?” I screamed with obvious desperation was tangled within my voice. “Clove!” I gave another hoarse scream, almost with a begging tone. I wanted this to all be a joke, that she would yell surprise and I could hold her fragile form in my arms again. The next thing I know I’m on my knees and picking up her figure in my arms, her body seemed so petite in mine. I felt like a shield protecting her from the horrors that she had just faced. Her skin was ghostly white and she was blinking slowly at me, her eyes becoming my blank with every movement. Her head was dented; someone had smashed her with an object.
“You came.” She whispered in a small voice. She sounded so scared and I felt the tears leaking from my eyes. I gave her a small smile and brushed the hair of her face.
“Of course I came; we need to get you up Clove. We need to go home.” I said in a begging manner while I took her hands in my own. She just gave me a sad look and her own tears fell down her face.
“I’m not ready to go.” She whispered, her tears falling silently down her faultless face. I shook my head in arrogance and looked at her. She was dying, I knew it in that moment that Clove was gone. I felt my shoulders fall and more tears cascade down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Clove. Please! Pleases don’t leave me alone! We promised remember? We promised we would come out together!” I cried in a breakable voice.
“It’s not your fault; you didn’t know he would come around that way.” She whispered while her chest began to fall in a slower rhythm. I could see my own tears falling down her cheeks now and it made my shoulders shake in a desperate manner.
“I love you. Everything will be alright.” I admitted in a small voice because it was true. I put everything I felt for her into three words and looked at her dying form. You never know what you have until it’s gone.
“Kiss me, please. Make it all better.” She pleaded to me. This was her dying request, she wanted to feel the love we had been denied all our lives as careers. I wiped my tears of her cheeks and pressed my lips to hers, feeling her shallow breaths mix with mine. I felt content in this very second, I was kissing Clove. I felt my chest well up in contentment.  Then as quickly as I had felt happy it diminished. Her breathe came to an abrupt stop. I looked up at her frantically.
“Clove!” I screamed, I nudged her body slightly and got no response. “Clove wake up!” I screamed as I shook her shoulders. “Clove please, don’t leave me hear alone! Please Clove you can’t you promised.” I cry in a broken voice. No, no, no! I took her icy hands in my own and felt the brutal, bloody Cato die with Clove. My sanity had been ripped from me too, she was gone and so was I. I was a breathing hollow shell. I kissed her forehead and fell down beside her frozen form. I rolled over to look at her. I covered my head and closed my eyes and felt my anger well up again. I looked over her to see a, large jagged rock just large enough to cause the dent. I felt my rage grow inside me as I realised the only possible person strong enough to do that. It was Thresh. I couldn’t comprehend the emotions I was feeling, it felt like I shouldn’t be able to feel. I truly died the moment she did.
“I bet you love this!” I shouted at the sky, at the Capitol. “I bet you loved watching him kill her, I bet you loved watching the life drain from her eyes! I hope that you’re happy with yourselves because you wanted this! You killed her by using children! Your cowards, nothing but cowards! You kill every tribute that comes into this arena because the victor is more trapped than the dead themselves. I’m not longer your animal anymore. I died when she did.” I screamed and fell to my knees. This is it; I might as well be dead.
I have lost my fire, it’s no longer incandescent, and it’s only a pile of dust that is so fragile that it can be blown away in the breeze. There’s no point in winning; I’m dead anyway. I take all my strength and clamber to my feet, I stagger along the cornucopia. I will search for death and I will great him with open arms.
Don’t worry Clove. I’m coming.
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