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nireha — Smashed Up Heart

Published: 2005-09-23 22:48:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 277; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 6
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Description the sky has darkened.
the night is gone.
here im left.
crying over you.
dont forget me.
even though your moving on.
end my suffering.
fight away my fears.
take me back.
say you love me.
hold me close.
keep me safe in your arms.
stop the lies.
tell me how you feel.
stop pushing me away.
out of your life.
i feel like im drowning.
all i see is your face.
i reach out.
please save me.
you just leave me there.
letting me sink deeper in.
lost in despair.
out of your sight.
leaving me with nothing.
except a broken hearted life.
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Comments: 37

Morlhach [2006-01-04 04:45:24 +0000 UTC]

oooh thats lovely. just some advice, you could perhaps be a little but more creative with the words, rather than having each line a sentence on its own make it a bit more... i dunno, colourful.. hint: when it comes to writing poetry or anything really, thesaurus= bible I like it though, keep it up. Oddly enough i also wrote a poem about my ex.. lol

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nireha In reply to Morlhach [2006-01-04 21:02:52 +0000 UTC]

Okay, lol, thanx! I know, ive been working on being more 'colorful' with my words lately! Thanx for the comment!

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Morlhach In reply to nireha [2006-01-05 05:07:59 +0000 UTC]

no worries

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demonfox666 [2005-12-28 17:56:44 +0000 UTC]

Very nice poem.

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nireha In reply to demonfox666 [2005-12-29 00:14:50 +0000 UTC]

thanx

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demonfox666 In reply to nireha [2005-12-29 00:16:50 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome

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CrystalTearDropsx3 [2005-12-22 04:24:59 +0000 UTC]

I know how you feel....I wrote a poem similar to this... i hope you're feeling better!

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nireha In reply to CrystalTearDropsx3 [2005-12-22 14:23:28 +0000 UTC]

thanx ya, im starting to feel beter, it will just take time...

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CrystalTearDropsx3 In reply to nireha [2005-12-22 20:13:15 +0000 UTC]

that's good....but yeah it does take time. I'm still recovering from when my ex cheated on me and broke up with me...we were going out for about 2 years.

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sugadonnie [2005-11-12 23:13:10 +0000 UTC]

That is very good!You should read my poem,Heartbrake.

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nireha In reply to sugadonnie [2005-11-12 23:16:10 +0000 UTC]

Thanx! Ill read your poem right now!

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sugadonnie In reply to nireha [2005-11-12 23:37:38 +0000 UTC]

Yay!thank u!

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SugarBaby195 [2005-09-28 20:18:29 +0000 UTC]

beautiful job! I deff kno the feeling...my fav part is the end:
you just leave me there.
letting me sink deeper in.
lost in despair.
out of your sight.
leaving me with nothing.
except a broken hearted life.

i like that last line..its diff...good job

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

nireha In reply to SugarBaby195 [2005-09-28 20:52:39 +0000 UTC]

wow, thanx! that really meams alot!

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ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 14:39:18 +0000 UTC]

Awww... It's okay. Here, just remeber my important lesson that a friend taught me:

"How can one be happy with someone else if they can't be happy alone.
The only one who can make you happy is yourself"

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nireha In reply to ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 14:56:31 +0000 UTC]

thanx! thats a really good lesson, i never thought of it that way b4.

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ktgodstgarden In reply to nireha [2005-09-25 15:03:19 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, Bizzle=God. (Bizzle is like my best friend)

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nireha In reply to ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 15:07:59 +0000 UTC]

well tell ur friend he has some damn good advice. lol.

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ktgodstgarden In reply to nireha [2005-09-25 15:08:43 +0000 UTC]

Oh, he already knows it. We litteraly refer to him as God.

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nireha In reply to ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 15:11:10 +0000 UTC]

LOL, im sure he's lovin that!


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ktgodstgarden In reply to nireha [2005-09-25 15:14:58 +0000 UTC]

That he does... Although some times he gets annoyed, especially when a friend and I are trying to write a Bible of Bizzle, and we all commonly say "Oh my Bizzle!"

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nireha In reply to ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 15:22:02 +0000 UTC]

thats hilarious! im gonna start saying, "Oh My Bizzle", just cause it sounds cool. (and when your done with this bible of bizzle, i want a copy)
LOL

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ktgodstgarden In reply to nireha [2005-09-25 15:34:41 +0000 UTC]

Awesome! Spread the Bizzle faith!

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nireha In reply to ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 16:01:54 +0000 UTC]

YES!!!

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nireha In reply to ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 16:01:41 +0000 UTC]

YES!!!

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nireha In reply to ktgodstgarden [2005-09-25 16:01:25 +0000 UTC]

YES!!!

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Unstable4aWhile [2005-09-25 04:47:17 +0000 UTC]

Loved the corrects!

you just leave me there.
letting me sink deeper in.
lost in despair.

Good phrase! It rythems! It rocks! Awesome job! Keep up the good work!

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nireha In reply to Unstable4aWhile [2005-09-25 04:52:17 +0000 UTC]

WOW, thanx. that really means alot.

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Unstable4aWhile [2005-09-24 19:51:58 +0000 UTC]

[Keep in mind my comments means I like them and I am trying to help]

This is my favorite. Needs work and time, but so far..out of what you have in your gallery, this is my favorite. There are a few suggestions I am going to give to you though....

the sky has darkened.
the night is gone.

^^Very nice...many people might think that it doesn't fit, but you probally mean that it is day, but something is covering what is bright and good

please forgive me.

^^"please forgive me"??? Isn't this the guys fault....you should be saying something along the lines of "I want your forgiveness for what you have left me with"

except a broken hearted life.

^^Favorite line. You should work from that. Work backwords almost.

- - -

All the short phrases that you have in your poem should tie in some place...because when I read them, it doesn't make sence...so work at that a little bit.

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nireha In reply to Unstable4aWhile [2005-09-24 21:26:57 +0000 UTC]

wow, thanx for the comments! that really helps. u have alot of really good ideas on how to make my poems beter. i will definatly take your advice.

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Unstable4aWhile In reply to nireha [2005-09-24 21:40:05 +0000 UTC]

No worries. This is what I am here for...helping poets in need! I'm going to watch you so I can help you with you poems your submit in the future.

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nireha In reply to Unstable4aWhile [2005-09-24 21:44:01 +0000 UTC]

okay, thats cool! thanx again 4 all the help.

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xXjoeXx [2005-09-24 15:19:16 +0000 UTC]

wow i lurve this
i know what ya feelin, i broke up with some
not so long ago an it still smarts now lol
but ya poem really sez sumat to me
wwell dones its great XX

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nireha In reply to xXjoeXx [2005-09-24 17:41:06 +0000 UTC]

WOW, thanx that really means alot!

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xXjoeXx In reply to nireha [2005-09-26 10:02:39 +0000 UTC]

ya welcome xx

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sucmfic [2005-09-24 00:53:24 +0000 UTC]

!!!
!!!

*this wall of hugs means i hope you start to feel better and also it's to remind you that there are people out there to talk to if you want to.*

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nireha In reply to sucmfic [2005-09-24 01:05:20 +0000 UTC]

thanx, that helps, i really liked your poem "reason"

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