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no-shelter-here — The Manor
Published: 2007-12-07 03:39:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 547; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Description It was at the brink of midnight, and the Manor of Norman and Beatrice Price was eerie and ghostly as it was every night. The gates where black and each steel picket pointed towards the sky. They where like spears, lined up in a row in perfect formation, and they warned each unlucky soul who gazed upon the manor of the death that awaited them if they passed the gates. The house itself, stood alone on a hill, in contrast to the rest of the old houses along the Howlensburg streets. It was built somewhat distant from the old town, but it was still only a walking distance from its historic district, which it was still a part of. And historic it was…
The house was built in 1866, a year after the Civil War and during the reconstruction of the Old South, where Howlensburg was located. It was built for a former plantation owner named Norman Price, who looked to escape the plantation he once owned after his slaves and a group of Northern Abolitionist Soldiers seized it in the aftermath of a battle near the Plantation. Norman had been renowned for his brutal treatment of his slaves, which was far beyond that of any plantation owner in the state. The whipping post was a common punishment even for the most minor of offences, and the hours of backbreaking labor that he mandated in the cotton fields and on the gin where enough to make the most endurable of workers pass out with exhaustion. Life for a slave was so brutal and miserable that even his fellow slaveholding kin, who often visited, occasionally spoke out against the whippings and other brutal punishment methods he used on them.
One day, during the outbreak of the war, one of his slaves escaped from the Plantation and was picked up by a Union Battalion, whom the majority where radical Republicans and abolition sympathizers. Upon hearing the slave’s stories of his brutal masters, he led the pitying battalion to the manor 3 years later, and encouraged the rest of the slaves to join in the seizing of the mansion that the Price family lived in. They managed to set the house on fire, but Norman and Beatrice, his wife, escaped the mayhem on one of their carriages. They made off with most of their money, for the town of Howlensburg, where they built their new Manor that still stands there today, haunting the minds of all who dared to stare upon its demonic structure. It is still a mystery today, why the design was chosen to be so frightening; but none can deny the spine-chilling aura that its foundation brings upon its gazers.  
The Prices, however, had not been able to escape their problems. In fact, they created new ones upon their arrival. They had gained an infamous reputation among the townsfolk, who’s town had been ravaged not long ago by the Union forces during the war, by having the only strong foundation standing in their town as their living quarters. He hired a few former slaves at an extremely miniscule wage to build the house for him, and eventually gained the envy of all the suffering townsfolk. They grew so envious upon the houses completion, that a few of the townsfolk and many of the house’s African American builders met together, even with the racism of the South still prominent, to plot against the prices. They decided to set an ancient and foreign curse upon the house, which came from an ancient religion descending from one of the builder’s families in an African tribe, which his African father passed down to him. Even though the Howlensburg citizens where members of the local Baptist Church, they where desperate for some kind of retribution for the building of the manor in their war-ravaged town; so they did not object to this exotic ritual even though it was against their religion.
This curse was meant to be a minor affliction and merely a false aura of terror brought upon the manor, to make the Prices flee from the town. But somehow, the ritual did not go right, and much more horrifying hex was brought upon the Price couple. When the former mayor of the town (who was oddly among the curse-bringers), approached the house to inspect if the curse had gone right, he was met with the most blood-chilling scream he ever heard. The scream was not anywhere close to being human, and its loud, shrilling agony made all who heard it feel as if their spines had been shattered. A fellow observer had reported the mayor rushing into the manor immediately in an awestruck frenzy, to seemingly inspect what had happened, but he had not come out. The observer also reported hearing another scream, that appeared to be faintly human, but could not tell completely, as his terror at the previous scream seemed to make him nearly deaf. But he was certain, that this was the mayor’s scream before he was killed by the monstrous entity that now seemed to dwell in the cursed house.
Nobody in the town set foot in that mansion again, nor did they ever speak of what occurred that night. The mayor’s disappearance would later be attributed to suicide, and the townsfolk did not believe a word of the observer’s story. The ritualists did not speak to anyone of the curse, and the details where only compiled and found in the diary of one of the townsfolk who participated in the cursing ritual. It was from this diary, that the legend of the Price Manor still lives on.

The years had passed, and the screams of the cursed prices where never heard after that night. None of the townsfolk spoke of the prices, nor did they know their fate after that curse or even bother to find out. They where simply forgotten and dispelled into ghost stories used to frighten children. As a result, nobody has ever dared to enter the Manor to uncover the fate of the cursed Prices. Until today…
A group of self-proclaimed “Ghost Seekers” are scheduled to enter the house today at midnight, in hopes of disproving the myth of the haunted manor. Little do they know, that the manor is not merely haunted, but it actually houses life; life which will bring upon a terror never known by any human being until this fateful night.
“Sharon, are you ready? Make sure the cameras are rolling when we go inside” said Michael, the leader of the “Ghost Seekers” group that had a regular 30 minute spot on a prime-time cable T.V channel with the eponymous title of “Ghost Seekers”.
“Yah, I got your back Mike! Another day, another ghost story destroyed” said Sharon casually. Sharon was from the Netherlands, and she spoke in a light Dutch accent. She was hired by the show as its main camerawoman 2 years ago. Her long black hair and radiant black eyes coupled with her angelic complexion turned many eyes to her direction. She was a real beauty, and many on the crew vied for her affections; but she never gave them to anyone and very rarely dated in favor of her work. She was to be 25 next month.
Michael on the other hand, was nearing his forties. He had been at the business for almost 20 years, hunting ghosts and disproving their existence with every project. He was slightly balding, and had put a little bit of weight on himself over the years, although he was still fairly healthy. He was also recently married for the 3rd time, and has not had any kids.
“I don’t think we should bring too many people in for this one. I’ll just take Jaime and Peter with me into the house. We’ll probably also need just one camera, so Sharon you can take care of that. The rest of you can go ahead back to the hotel. We’ll give you the footage afterwards” said Mike into his radio. He always liked to take command and direct his staff with pride. It was one of the traits which contributed to his failed marriages.
“You sure the producers will be happy with this Mike? I think they where expecting a bit more to go into this one. The scouts said this place scared the hell out of them when they chose the location, and they don’t say that very often” said the voice from the walkie-talkie.
“Don’t worry about it Jimmy. We’ll get this over with soon. I’m not really feeling anything too crazy myself, and I’ve been doing this for quite a while, so trust me on this.”
“Alright Mike, it’s your ass if the producers aren’t satisfied.”
“Understood man. See yah later tonight.”
“Roger that”. Mike turned off the walkie-talkie after those words.
“I’m not so sure about going in here with just us Mike. Maybe we should get another camera man in here. This place really gives me the creeps, and I haven’t said that to you at all for the 5 years we’ve been working together” said Peter.
“I agree with Peter, Mike. I don’t like the idea of just the 4 of us going in there alone” said Jaime.
“Don’t worry guys. Nothing too crazy is gonna happen here. The only evidence this place has on it is a diary by some crazy ole coot back in the old days, along with one story of an unlucky observer. If there’s anything we can disprove, its this stupid place”, said Michael reassuringly.
“If you say so Mike. Alright guys, lets get going.” said Jaime.
“I’ll keep behind you guys” said Sharon.
Jaime was a woman of 30, and she was somewhat attractive, but not in the way Sharon was. She had a geeky sort of cuteness to her, and her short curly brown hair along with her thin waistline along with her knowledge of the occult got her a spot on the show. She had gotten out of a recent divorce with her College sweetheart, and was recently dating Peter, who was 5 years older than her.
Peter worked as a tour guide for a ghost tour in Charleston for 6 years before auditioning for a part on the “Ghost Seekers” crew. He got the part a few weeks after the audition, and started with Mike on the first episode of the show. They have continued to be somewhat like partners ever since that first episode, and rarely did missions without each other. This was also the case with his new girl Jaime, who hardly left his side ever since. He had short blonde hair and wore glasses. Many women found him attractive but in a geeky way, similar to the way the guys felt about Jaime. This was one of the traits that made their pairing come to spotlight of the show in many episodes.
The “seekers” then walked through the gates without any thought of the hell that would await them within the manor…

“Keep the camera rolling Sharon” whispered Michael, as they opened the door and set foot into the house.
Suddenly, a loud creaking noise came from what sounded like the second story of the house. It was as if somebody other than them was walking in the house.
“What was that?!” said Jaime, almost shouting. “Was somebody just walking?”
“I don’t know” said Peter faintly. “Keep moving though baby, I’ll keep you safe”
“Alright. I love you Pete.” “I love you too honey”.
Sharon rolled her eyes behind the camera at this meaningless exchange. She was constantly annoyed by the lame attempts at ratings these two where trying to bring with their pairing. She felt like puking after that one.
The creaking came again, and was followed a loud and eerie thumbing noise that paralyzed the “seekers” where they stood.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard sounds like this in a house Mike. You sure you wanna keep going along with this?” asked Peter, who became truly frightened by the new noises.
“Oh yah! This house is gold man! We’ve gotta keep it going. Lets keep the camera rolling” answered an excited Michael.
Suddenly a loud but soft breathing began to sound from the now constant beating of the wooden boards. It was now official to the seekers. They where not alone in this house.
The crew had made it to the kitchen, and there a chandelier of candles was hanging, somehow dimly lit. “Why do you suppose these candles are lit Jaime? Hasn’t nobody actually come into the house since the day of that supposed ritual or whatever it was?” asked Michael.
“Yes. This is really weird. This place is not natural. We have to get out of here Mike!”
“Nonsense Jaime, we’re gonna be rich once we get all this. This is the first time…” suddenly a gust of cold air whisked the light away from the candles. Mike was silenced unexpectedly at this, and later his words where replaced by incoherent sounds like the gurgling of blood.
“Mike?” asked Sharon, even though she wasn’t supposed to speak behind the camera.
Suddenly, the group had gained full visibility of a now lifeless Mike, who had an old bayonet blade ran through his heart. His body fell to the floor, and his killer was finally revealed to the rest of the crew. He was of the most hideous nature, and appeared scared and deformed in all forms of his body. It was not natural, and the seekers had never before seen anything like it; nor had any human being other than the first victim a century and a half ago.
It was then that the spine shattering scream of the cursed monster that was once Norman Price, was heard at his manor. Mirrors broke and the Earth around the house seemed to shake at the sound of this scream.
Sharon, Jaime, and Peter made off like rats watching their companion fall victim to a mouse trap. They all seemed to go off in opposite directions, and tried to take different hiding places all over the house. Jaime was the first to make it toward the door after a couple minutes, but he would not make it out. Another demonic creature appeared before him, only this time it was not Norman. It was Beatrice, the Southern Belle and innocent wife of Norman, now made a hideous deformity of death. She took Peter and began to take large chunks out of his flesh. She tore him up and ate him like a ravenous predator that has not been fed for months. It was a sight too grisly for me to describe, so I will spare the full description.
Hours passed, and the two remaining girls had not left the house, in fear of pursuit by the monstrous entities within the house. They moved often but extremely quietly, so not to attract the attention of the monsters. Eventually they found each other in the confusion of the constant motion around the house.
They signaled each other quietly, even though they where tempted to sprint forward and give each other a long hug. Jaime’s makeup ran down her face, apparently from the tears she was crying at the terror of this encounter. They where quiet though, and did their best not to make a sound. Eventually, Sharon signaled for Jaime to come to her quietly by a path she drew out silently by pointing her finger. Jaime followed the order, and after quietly tiptoeing through the path Sharon drew out, she made it and gave her a hug.
“You have no idea how good it feels to know you’re alive!” whispered Jaime very softly to Sharon.
“I know, I’m so scared. I don’t know how the hell we’re gonna get out of here” whispered Sharon even softer in her Dutch accent.
“I think I know how to get to the door. Follow my lead, and I think we’ll be able to get out of here.”
“Alright, I’ll follow your lead. Just keep quiet.”
The girls then made their way towards the door along the path Jaime and Sharon went upon. The creaked slowly along the path, until suddenly, another scream was unleashed by the monsters. Mr. Price then came and grabbed Sharon, but he did not kill her. In fact, he didn’t have time to. Somehow, even behind her tear-soaked eyes, Jaime summoned the strength that had slept inside her for so long, and found an old sword in the wall. She impaled the monster in his side, and he released Sharon from his grasp. He then let out another scream, this time louder than any of his other screams. It had almost deafened the ladies completely, being so earth-shattering. It almost froze the ladies completely when they heard this sick scream coming from this monster. He then fell down to the floor, and the monster was finally dead. They regained their bodies and moved towards the door.
But the wrath of Mrs. Price was only beginning. The girls where right at the door, but they where awe-struck to find Peter’s mangled corpse right in front of the door. It was a sight that made the girls cringe horribly. Jaime could hardly stand the sight, and she gagged over by the grandfather clock. Sharon walked over to comfort her, but there was little time for grieving. Old Beatrice was lurking in the shadows, waiting to kill her prey.
“Get away from us you old witch!” screamed an enraged Jaime, who had regained her extreme sadness into a blinding rage filled with murderous intent. It was an exclamation of such extremity that “Old Witch” was simply an understatement.
Mrs. Price hurled herself towards Jaime, and at that moment, Jaime attempted to pick the sword she used to kill Norman out of his body and use it again. But it was too late. Beatrice grabbed Jaime, and pulled her apart right on the spot. Sharon watched in complete horror, as one of her colleagues was dismembered right in front of her. It was a sight that nearly broke her apart herself, just by merely watching this atrocity.
It wasn’t over yet though. Somehow, Jaime’s unrelenting strength even in this time of horrible macabre seemed to resonate with her now at this very moment. The only thing she had left to do now was to escape on her own; but she wouldn’t do it without completing one last task. She would kill Beatrice herself, and free this house of the evil that permeated it with that witch’s presence. She found the sword in Norman’s side, and while Beatrice was distracted by devouring Jaime, she took the sword and slowly snuck up on her. When she was positioned perfectly, she stabbed the beast in her side, just as Jaime had done to Norman.
A last terrible scream followed, and Beatrice was dead. Sharon, who was now almost deaf from the horror and the intensity of the screams, walked outside the door. She was completely delirious now, and she almost fainted. But suddenly the rest of the crew was in front of her, waiting to find out what was happening inside the house.
A man ran up to her, and asked Sharon if she still had the camera. Sharon had a look in her black beautiful eyes that no camera could ever capture and express perfectly. The look of absolute terror…
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Comments: 5

Scheherazade-k [2007-12-08 03:38:52 +0000 UTC]

I definately agree with Josh regarding the gory details. I also liked the plot, but you definately mixed up character names/tenses in a few places, and other things that could be easily fixed after a revision. Good job at writing this last night--you know that my story is not even close to finished! *sigh* you can't do it all, I guess

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no-shelter-here In reply to Scheherazade-k [2007-12-08 04:32:07 +0000 UTC]

Yah, Josh was right about that. I believe the best way to scare the reader is to let their own fears come alive in the story rather than your own. Thats why reading a horror story can be so much scarier than watching it on a movie. I'll revise everything over the Winter Break.

Don't worry too much about your story. I'm sure it'll be awesome when its finished. Just relax and let it all come to you, and you'll be finished in no time. ^_^

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darkillusion009 [2007-12-07 04:31:13 +0000 UTC]

Hmm...an interesting story. Obviously I liked the general plot, so I won't spend too much time on that; instead I'd like to offer a few remarks on your writing itself. While you constructed your story very well, a greater effect could have been achieved if the backstory of the house itself were to be condensed and explained during the main story. Your general style is pretty good, but one a couple of occasions I noticed a few errors that made me cringe: first, the second paragraph after the backstory shouldn't have been written in present tense, as it hurts the flow of the story - I appreciate the less conventional construction on that part, but unfortunately it didn't come out as favorably as it might have; the second point is in describing the death of Peter, where the author refers to himself - that unfortunately only works in 1st person writing and a very small amount of third person situations. As an observation, often saying that something is "too [blank] to be described" actually mutes the effect of the situation and does little to conjure emotion in the reader; instead it is worth taking ten minutes to craft an absolutely perfect sentence; something quick in order to make a powerful point, vague - if you don't want to go into too much detail or if you must censor yourself, and potent - cram the most emotion possible into one sentence or phrase. Despite these two particular points, I enjoyed your story. Make sure you check through because there were some spelling and mechanics areas, and towards the end you called Sharon "Jamie", despite Jamie having been killed.

I suppose I really should start writing again, but I've been so busy with school work and such that I haven't had time. Please note me if you'd like some advice or help in writing more; I really think you should write that other idea you talked about as a fully-fledged story, and I'd be more than happy to help.

(We had to take Rob to the mental hospital. He was...more than happy)

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no-shelter-here In reply to darkillusion009 [2007-12-07 13:44:54 +0000 UTC]

Yah, I wrote it all in one night, so I wasn't going through with a fine comb on some of those errors. But reading it again, I can definitely see where I made those mistakes. I get to write the final draft throughout the Winter Break, so I'll have more than enough time to make it really ass-kicking.

I didn't want to go too crazy in describing the deaths, seeing as I really had to censor myself. But I'm thinking about writing this unsensored and putting it online here, so I can really put the gore and the horror into it all. I've also thought about giving these creatures a name of sorts, and writing more stories involving them...like H.P Lovecraft did with his Ctchulu (sp?) Mythos (only my creatures are actual people and the Cthchulu is not). But I'm still not sure. I had alot of fun writing this, and hopefully I'll have enough time to make it really awsome.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

darkillusion009 In reply to no-shelter-here [2007-12-07 16:50:20 +0000 UTC]

Sometimes you don't always have to completely describe the gory details to make the greatest impact. Maybe your literary influences are different, but the greatest fear comes from not knowing all of the details, allowing the reader's greatest fears to influence their imagination. If you want some input over the Christmas break, I'll be glad to help.

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