OneObstacle [2012-06-07 02:06:18 +0000 UTC]
I'd like to see where you are going with this. It is an interesting story, but I do have some pointers.
Punctuation and spelling would make the story more fluid and easier to comprehend. For instance, it took me a few reads of "The people were all scarred cause they heard..." to realize it was scared. Other than that, trying some bigger descriptive words and keep up the good work!
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