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Description

Even though I find Christmas “punishment” figures like Krampus, Belsnickel, Knecht Ruprecht, and Perchta darkly amusing, I’ve always been a bit bothered that adults created these monsters that beat and terrorize children for minor, stupid kid misbehavior.
Really, I think there are a lot of parents who could use a little punishment for “bad behavior” around the holidays.
So last year I created my own Christmas monster, Granny Flatwoods. She lives in the mountains of West Virginia for most of the year and comes down on Christmas Eve to punish ill-behaved parents who mistreat their children.
For small crimes, the parents just get a hard whack on the back of the head with Granny’s wooden paddle. Greater misdeeds warrant a solid beating until the offender is black and blue. The absolute worst offenders get smashed with the paddle so hard that they squirt right out of their skin, which Granny Flatwoods takes and sews into her skirt. If the parents behave themselves for the next year, she’ll give the skin back only a little bit worse for wear next Christmas.

Last year I wrote a flash fiction story about Granny Flatwoods as part of a contest over at the Weird Fiction blog. If you'd like to read it, along with some other coo, weird Christmas fiction, go check out the post: weirdchristmas.com/2020/12/23/…

Description

Even though I find Christmas “punishment” figures like Krampus, Belsnickel, Knecht Ruprecht, and Perchta darkly amusing, I’ve always been a bit bothered that adults created these monsters that beat and terrorize children for minor, stupid kid misbehavior.
Really, I think there are a lot of parents who could use a little punishment for “bad behavior” around the holidays.
So last year I created my own Christmas monster, Granny Flatwoods. She lives in the mountains of West Virginia for most of the year and comes down on Christmas Eve to punish ill-behaved parents who mistreat their children.
For small crimes, the parents just get a hard whack on the back of the head with Granny’s wooden paddle. Greater misdeeds warrant a solid beating until the offender is black and blue. The absolute worst offenders get smashed with the paddle so hard that they squirt right out of their skin, which Granny Flatwoods takes and sews into her skirt. If the parents behave themselves for the next year, she’ll give the skin back only a little bit worse for wear next Christmas.

Last year I wrote a flash fiction story about Granny Flatwoods as part of a contest over at the Weird Fiction blog. If you'd like to read it, along with some other coo, weird Christmas fiction, go check out the post: weirdchristmas.com/2020/12/23/…