HOME | DD

Description
I look in
Amongst the emptiness
The pain
The loneliness
The scars and shadows

The memories…

The lost hours
The lost days
The lost months and years

Almost four years
Wasted
(Never forget)

The laughing…
The screams
The fighting
All the tears of hurt
And regrets

Those things so tangible
Thrown away
Eaten by the flames I made
Until the ashes were drowned
And were washed away

Trust
Killed inside of me
Love
Murdered in the core of me

Emptiness…

My feelings
Monotone and buried
Deep
Inside of the shell that’s now me

Can you taste it?
Can you smell it?

The stench that’s the death of me
The gun smoke
The sulfur of freshly struck matches
The burning embers of the love I once felt

Can’t escape
Can’t turn away…
-Trapped
Inside of me

My cages with razor sharp edges
Cut in
All I can do is scream
Or so it seems

Bleed with me
Just this last time
We’ll drink the blood again
Of each other
And look inside

No reflections…
Just ME!

The heart with its scars
This mind with its tyrannies
My knees
Bruised with so much praying and begging

Your god
He is nothing
Just a fraud
The voice you heard all along
- The devil you fear
Yourself
Deep in that mirror
The shell that you yourself have become

The bitter smell
Why wont it leave?
Of rotting onions and your hated seeds
Planted in the womb of another

I could laugh forever
Maybe just to see you bleed…
To think I wanted that seed
- And never succeed

Bring on the pain
The sufferings
The anger and disease…

Trust…
Destroyed by you
But another
He’s doing his best

To rebuild
My shattered nests
Maybe learn to love so deep again
And not taste the bitter rage
Burning…
Scorching…
Hurting me!

Can you feel it?
The emptiness you shoved on me
The pains
The sufferings
And the arthritis from fists clenched

The bruises and purple colorings
The pain in my spine from the whiplash you handed me
But why no whippings?

Where are my scars?
Inside of me
Breathing and bleeding
Churning
Vomiting themselves onto paper and through the keys

No more therapy for me
These pills have sickened me
The blood and the linings
Of what once was normal insides

RAGE!
(Died inside)

Eating away at me
My depressions and confessions
Never will lead me to anything

I did everything
But you threw it away
The soul you took
The heart I gave
Shattered
With colored glass and rain slicked window panes

Rotted
With the fallen trees in the woods we used to walk in…
You did so much to make me feel
And torn away
Numb again
With the ice and the snow of February

The rings I still hold
In that porcelain dish you gave with two silver charms

- “Always”
- “Forever”
(Now never!)

Bleed with me again
Where the mental beatings ran with the fury of millions of fists
And the war wasn’t over seas
But in us

I remember the arguments
(Echoing)
(Ageing)
(Hating)
Deep inside of me
Where my blood has run cold
And my heart turned to stones
Shattered too against the waves of tears I couldn’t form
Wishing I could feel their salty moisture sting my eyes one last time
- Never again!
Never
Not ever again

Bones too brittle and broken
Your toes I smashed unknowingly
That you showed such hate for me
Yet your mouth uttered
“I love you” repetitively

Love?
Seemingly too intangible
Now to wait
Wait and see
Maybe feel the need
And seek a seed

Can’t focus
My heart still sits upon my sleeve

Observe me
Don’t criticize
I’m just another everyone
One of the huddle masses lost within the shadows of a mind

I hate your god
Your just another in his brainless army
Following his ways to destinies
Lost when Adam sodomized eve

And Eden was lost with Atlantis
In the seas and deserts
Not the trees

Diana, why?
With all the moons mysteries
And falsities

And then Pan
With all his fake oasis’s
With the burning hell he sits within
Which mortals call the sun

My reflections
Show all that is me
Nothing’s left
But your memories
Burn the pictures
All the letters
The words too often unheard
And unclean

Why did you fuck me?
I thought you loved me
You said you hear his voice inside
Telling you the rights and the wrongs

His 10 commandments you never follow
You stole all that’s sacred from me
Now I’ll never feel release
Of the chains and the pains of unfinished endings…
- And under developed beginnings

Never again…
No!
Please not again!

These confusions are wearing me thin
With the misinterpretations
And dieing pens

Stop haunting my dreams!
I wish myself better things
(Leave me alone)
(Fuck off!)

Of weddings and flowers and things
Not of the death shown in the snow
And the cold I remember feeling…

Just like you
Someone new in Spring
-But not until June
I guess the idea of rebirth exists
With the phoenix and his rusted wings

Can’t hate everything inside of me
Cause I’ll be forced smile once in a while
And not feel so tired
(Breathing)
(Bleeding)

Look inside of me
The caverns of something’s and nothings
The bats of my mental attics
Thriving on the verge of nothingness
(Infesting)
Infecting me

Go back to your God
And his crusades
His crosses and crucifixions
All his pillagings and missions
The rapes and the pains
I’m not so sure he ever intended

Bring him to me!
Send us all to the hell he created
The torturing
The beatings
The life we all know day to day

It’s never good enough
(NEVER)
Don’t run away
Come back to me
So I can kill you for real

RAGE!!
HATE!!
NOT FATE!!

Bleeding into open cavities…
Now
Calming me…
-Traveling
Taking me away
Into a place I ventured when I was once innocent and pure
(Love me)
(Unchanged)

So jaded…
-Fading
Silencing me…

2:15am(EST)
11 September 2003
~ Nosferatu Kato
“Kittin”

Description
I look in
Amongst the emptiness
The pain
The loneliness
The scars and shadows

The memories…

The lost hours
The lost days
The lost months and years

Almost four years
Wasted
(Never forget)

The laughing…
The screams
The fighting
All the tears of hurt
And regrets

Those things so tangible
Thrown away
Eaten by the flames I made
Until the ashes were drowned
And were washed away

Trust
Killed inside of me
Love
Murdered in the core of me

Emptiness…

My feelings
Monotone and buried
Deep
Inside of the shell that’s now me

Can you taste it?
Can you smell it?

The stench that’s the death of me
The gun smoke
The sulfur of freshly struck matches
The burning embers of the love I once felt

Can’t escape
Can’t turn away…
-Trapped
Inside of me

My cages with razor sharp edges
Cut in
All I can do is scream
Or so it seems

Bleed with me
Just this last time
We’ll drink the blood again
Of each other
And look inside

No reflections…
Just ME!

The heart with its scars
This mind with its tyrannies
My knees
Bruised with so much praying and begging

Your god
He is nothing
Just a fraud
The voice you heard all along
- The devil you fear
Yourself
Deep in that mirror
The shell that you yourself have become

The bitter smell
Why wont it leave?
Of rotting onions and your hated seeds
Planted in the womb of another

I could laugh forever
Maybe just to see you bleed…
To think I wanted that seed
- And never succeed

Bring on the pain
The sufferings
The anger and disease…

Trust…
Destroyed by you
But another
He’s doing his best

To rebuild
My shattered nests
Maybe learn to love so deep again
And not taste the bitter rage
Burning…
Scorching…
Hurting me!

Can you feel it?
The emptiness you shoved on me
The pains
The sufferings
And the arthritis from fists clenched

The bruises and purple colorings
The pain in my spine from the whiplash you handed me
But why no whippings?

Where are my scars?
Inside of me
Breathing and bleeding
Churning
Vomiting themselves onto paper and through the keys

No more therapy for me
These pills have sickened me
The blood and the linings
Of what once was normal insides

RAGE!
(Died inside)

Eating away at me
My depressions and confessions
Never will lead me to anything

I did everything
But you threw it away
The soul you took
The heart I gave
Shattered
With colored glass and rain slicked window panes

Rotted
With the fallen trees in the woods we used to walk in…
You did so much to make me feel
And torn away
Numb again
With the ice and the snow of February

The rings I still hold
In that porcelain dish you gave with two silver charms

- “Always”
- “Forever”
(Now never!)

Bleed with me again
Where the mental beatings ran with the fury of millions of fists
And the war wasn’t over seas
But in us

I remember the arguments
(Echoing)
(Ageing)
(Hating)
Deep inside of me
Where my blood has run cold
And my heart turned to stones
Shattered too against the waves of tears I couldn’t form
Wishing I could feel their salty moisture sting my eyes one last time
- Never again!
Never
Not ever again

Bones too brittle and broken
Your toes I smashed unknowingly
That you showed such hate for me
Yet your mouth uttered
“I love you” repetitively

Love?
Seemingly too intangible
Now to wait
Wait and see
Maybe feel the need
And seek a seed

Can’t focus
My heart still sits upon my sleeve

Observe me
Don’t criticize
I’m just another everyone
One of the huddle masses lost within the shadows of a mind

I hate your god
Your just another in his brainless army
Following his ways to destinies
Lost when Adam sodomized eve

And Eden was lost with Atlantis
In the seas and deserts
Not the trees

Diana, why?
With all the moons mysteries
And falsities

And then Pan
With all his fake oasis’s
With the burning hell he sits within
Which mortals call the sun

My reflections
Show all that is me
Nothing’s left
But your memories
Burn the pictures
All the letters
The words too often unheard
And unclean

Why did you fuck me?
I thought you loved me
You said you hear his voice inside
Telling you the rights and the wrongs

His 10 commandments you never follow
You stole all that’s sacred from me
Now I’ll never feel release
Of the chains and the pains of unfinished endings…
- And under developed beginnings

Never again…
No!
Please not again!

These confusions are wearing me thin
With the misinterpretations
And dieing pens

Stop haunting my dreams!
I wish myself better things
(Leave me alone)
(Fuck off!)

Of weddings and flowers and things
Not of the death shown in the snow
And the cold I remember feeling…

Just like you
Someone new in Spring
-But not until June
I guess the idea of rebirth exists
With the phoenix and his rusted wings

Can’t hate everything inside of me
Cause I’ll be forced smile once in a while
And not feel so tired
(Breathing)
(Bleeding)

Look inside of me
The caverns of something’s and nothings
The bats of my mental attics
Thriving on the verge of nothingness
(Infesting)
Infecting me

Go back to your God
And his crusades
His crosses and crucifixions
All his pillagings and missions
The rapes and the pains
I’m not so sure he ever intended

Bring him to me!
Send us all to the hell he created
The torturing
The beatings
The life we all know day to day

It’s never good enough
(NEVER)
Don’t run away
Come back to me
So I can kill you for real

RAGE!!
HATE!!
NOT FATE!!

Bleeding into open cavities…
Now
Calming me…
-Traveling
Taking me away
Into a place I ventured when I was once innocent and pure
(Love me)
(Unchanged)

So jaded…
-Fading
Silencing me…

2:15am(EST)
11 September 2003
~ Nosferatu Kato
“Kittin”