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Nullibicity β 01
Published: 2012-01-09 03:44:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 476; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 5
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Shall I compare thee to a rose's thorn,
Both equal in elegance and violence?
Thou hath stuck hard my heart and left it torn,
Yet still I reply with perseverance.
Is this what is referred to as madnessβ
Though insanity might be more suited?
My reflection, a stranger I repress,
Bears flesh of which love's cruelty is branded,
And though it's unseen, remains eternal.
If born anew, would my love be pardoned?
Love blinded my sight, left me hateful,
And my poor heart blackened, disheartened.
I'm rid of you, once more solitary,
Still missing the love that cleaved through my veins.
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Comments: 12
Hey there, Nulli. First off, let me say that I really liked this sonnet. For your first go at this, and especially after writing it once then having to go back and make it rhyme and adjust the meter, it's really good. There are a few places where you hit it spot-on:
Lines 5-6 have great meter... --` --`--`- / --` --` --`-. One half-beat more than your average sonnet, but the lines are consistent and so flow nicely.
Lines 11-12 also have good meter... --` --` --`- / --` --` --`. You'll note they aren't the same length; I would suggest taking out the "has" in L11 if you want true iambic pentameter.
In Lines 2 and 4, the rhyme is very original-- unexpected. That was a mark of Shakespeare's work, and you emulate it well.
In Line 12, the image of the disheartened heart is a great bit of wordplay-- again, original and unexpected. I was very impressed.
My only suggestion for improvement would be to watch the meter. Iambic pentameter can be a pain in many unmentionable places to get right consistently, but a writer friend of mine once gave me this bit of insight which I will share with you. Boundaries and restrictions on your writing give you focus, and that focus can quickly lead to creative solutions you would not have considered otherwise. So keep practicing. I look forward to reading more of the same in the future!
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wow! It is really well done! I had to do a sonnet for my own English class so I understand how hard it is. 
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I never Shakespeare was still alive. ;D And I never knew he was female too! o.o -shrugs- I guess we learn new things every day~ ^^
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i had no idea wht Shakespeare was until i read this.
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You flatter me far too much!! Nevertheless, I thank you much for the stunning comment!
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This is absolutely stunning, Nulli. It's as if Shakespear made a breif appearance, got a sex change(
But, really, the soft and tender feel is like gentle mourning in itself, while the words really seem to hit the heart. (I wonder if that's cuz you're so good at shooting a gun 
I really loved it. I really did.
You should definitely write some more sonnets, I think you have a natural talent for 'em.
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Your comment left me speechless! Such compliments--and all directed towards myself and this poem! What more could I ask for, other than for the blush on my cheeks to fade! Thank you a million times for your kind and thoughtful words! 
I plan on writing more when I get the inspiration to do so, though I don't think I could write one that surpasses this one.... Though, with practice, you never know what your final outcome will be!
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Haha. Well I can't wait to read more poems from you in general. They always have such depth--the kind that makes me want to burrow down inside it and listen to the vibrations of its constant humming. It's a very pleasant feeling when reading a poem.
And, as always, it was my pleasure.
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I think I've found the new Shakespeare... I like how you started it like his famous sonnet, then completely turned it around and made it your own. I would write a critique, but I see nothing to improve on. I'm so jealous of your talent!!
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Wow I just finished writing a thank you on your page when I return to my inbox and find this lovely comment!! Thank you so very much for leaving one as this is the greatest thing I could hope for!!
I think I have grown quite fond of sonnets, even though this is my first. Though they do take time and concentration, perhaps I will write more in the future 
What a compliment 
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The very least I could say! The sonnet is really a lost form of art... not a lot of people consider it when they want to express themselves through literature. I believe you and people like you (the poets, i mean 
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Wow, I am utterly speechless. What a wonderful and immensly thoughtful comment! You bring up things I have never really considered before! I truly hope people can bring it back, and I am so very flattered and touched that you think I have the ability to aid in its return!! Thank you so much for all the time you put into commenting and replying on this piece; it is much appreciated and I don't think I could thank you enough for putting such a wide smile on my face!
I am so very glad this sonnet could leave such an impact on you: truly it makes me so happy! I only apologize that I could not reply sooner! I find, at the moment, that no other words will come to describe how thankful and appreciative I am for such a lovely comment and response. I only hope my thanks is enough to portray it
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