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nya-nannu — Bird With a Monster
Published: 2012-05-12 17:41:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 986; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 9
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Description
My secret side I keep hid under lock and keyI keep it caged but I can't control it
'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?
- "Monster" by Skillet
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I've grown up in that type of family where the children are taught to not express negative feelings - especially anger - openly or disagree/argue with their parents (no matter how unfair or mean they are being), so the last time I "showed" my anger was when I was under 6 or something like that.
It's not that I don't get angry anymore - I can actually get upset really easily. There are many things in the world which make my blood boil. I just don't express it in any way. I used to keep a diary and put all the negative thoughts there but that wasn't really effective, drawing doesn't help much either and it's difficult to draw in that condition anyway (as you can see in the above picture). When I get angry, I just... keep everything inside my head.
After all the years of weekly, even daily verbal abuse without the right to defend yourself, all the years of giving in bitterly because you haven't learnt to stand your ground, all the years of getting angry while knowing you can't change the things which make you angry...
After all these years of suppressing anger, if I finally opened the lock, what kind of monster would come out?
Haha, sorry for the rant. ^^' Don't worry, if it feels like as if I'm going to explode from all the negative thoughts, I usually start doing something constructive, for example chores, in order to distract and calm myself. I'm not constantly feeling angry either.
More bird girls:
- Lonely Bird [link]
- Cage Bird [link]
Related content
Comments: 24
I know that feel, it's hard to cope with. I put it into running, training myself fighting moves, taking long walks in the woods(where my lack of a navigational sense got me lost T.T) and such things. Then I got to go out on my own and still realized it was hard to express negative feelings, even where I would catch myself forcing tears back and keeping a blank face when inside I was a raging barbarian woman. I also learned that talking to others until I was tired of talking about it also made the weight inside lift. Don't worry, letting out a monster isn't always a bad thing and sometimes even makes situations all the better 
Nice drawing here by the way, for being done in such a short time, under frustration and with limited resources it really turned out nicely.
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Tämä on pelottava kuva, surullinen, mutta pelottava. Niitä kuvia, jotka kirjaimellisesti kertovat enemmän kuin tuhat sanaa. Taustan väritystapa tekee tästä jotenkin vielä ahdistavamman, siinä on jotain samaa kuin tuon hirviöolennon hampaissa (toivottavasti tämä ei kuulosta oudolta hapatukselta..).
Lintutytön kasvot ja ilme on hienosti piirretty, tuota silmää jää katselemaan pidemmäksi aikaa. Ja tietysti 'huutolaisena' täytyy sanoa, että tämä on vähän kuin mykkä versio Huudosta, samaa tunnelmaa on molemmissa.
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Ei kuulostanut oudolta hapatukselta. Kiitos kauniista sanoistasi.
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You have the right to stand up! What helps me is listening to music that suits my mood, then listen to upbeat music after a bit.
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I see... maybe I should try that too. ^^
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It reallly helps. Music can work wonders.
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Itselleni kanssa opetettiin lapsesta pitäen, että on tunteiden ilmaisu ( suru, viha) on heikkous.
Hahha, joten aina kun jotain negatiivista tapahtuukin hymyilen vain tai nauran... ( aika kun olen
vihainen minua naurattaa entistä enemmän... <-- pari päivää sitten itseasiassa minua ärsytti paljon ja
minua alkoi naurattamaan ihan hirveäsi ja kaverini totesi minulle, että vihaisen sijasta näytän yli-iloiselta xDDDD
Kyseessä on varmaan perinteinen suomalainen kasvatustapa???
Kuva on muuten hyvin piirretty. Se on varsin ekspressiivinen, vaikka se onkin mustavalkoinen..
Tosin sen avulla siitä tuleekin entistä "ahdistavampi" kuva. Ja tosiaan, itselläni olisi kestänyt paljon kauemmin piirtää
tällaista kuvaa!
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Ai, sinutkin on kasvatettu peittämään negatiivisia tunteita... Onkohan se tosiaan suomalaiselle kulttuurille ominainen kasvatustapa? ._. En ole varma, miten kavereideni ja tuttujeni vanhemmat suhtautuvat kielteisten tunteiden ilmaisuun... tuskin kovin myönteisesti hekään. Muistan espanjanopettajani sanoneen, että suomalaisilla ei ole kovin äänekästä "riitelykulttuuria" kuten esim. espanjalaisilla, ehkei meilläpäin katsota hyvällä yleensäkään vihan yms. näyttämistä?
Kiitos, yritin vangita edes tunteen/tunnelman siihen (tai no, lintutytön tein tarkoituksella hieman ilmeettömäksi) kun en jaksanut teknistä puolta tehdä kunnolla. x'D
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That type of upbringing is awful. No one should ever have to suppress their emotions like that, day in, day out, especially in the face of abuse. I'm so sorry that happened to you. 8'C
I know you've studied psychology, but I think it might be good for you to visit a counselor and talk about this. They could help you figure out how you can better express your emotions in positive ways, not just suppress them. It may help you. *hugs*
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Yeah, that could be useful. ^^'
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Only if you think it might help. I hope things get better for you!
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Parents are suppose to set the example of good behavior. Parents should show good behavior rather than just say it.
You do have a right to defend yourself. It doesn't matter what it is, you should be treated better.
I have Aspergers, and getting angry is no stranger to me.
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Yeah, they should. Now that I'm older (and studied psychology), I've realised how wrong and harmful my upbringing has been and it's no wonder I've ended up being a yes-woman with a low self-confidence. *sigh*
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Learn martial arts, then be a brick wall.
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Thanks. If you can find Tai Chi videos, you'd be at a good start.
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