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ohfever β€” Freedom, she dreams.

Published: 2007-10-23 04:20:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 1195; Favourites: 27; Downloads: 23
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Description

A try at mixing my poetry
with my own images / textures.
(texture from my stock @ =thiselectricheart )


&

The poem:

With her eyes on the ethereal sky,
she spies two elephant clouds,
the smaller one holding on
to the fluffy plump one's massive
tail, and

She prays to be able to float
like they can, to break
away. As if she were

a balloon, held back from other
universes, tied to a string.

As if with one stubborn tug
she could lift up into the air;

tuck herself between
a handful of clouds and

Her torn up daydreams.




Thank you for looking & reading
as always.
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Comments: 28

blackpearleyes [2008-04-24 01:22:38 +0000 UTC]

This is incredibly beautiful.

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freigo [2008-03-05 15:18:57 +0000 UTC]

^_^

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tounderstand [2007-12-02 20:37:40 +0000 UTC]

wow.

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ohfever In reply to tounderstand [2007-12-03 02:27:10 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. So much!

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tounderstand In reply to ohfever [2007-12-03 02:57:22 +0000 UTC]

yourwelcome!

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Fairytale-Heart [2007-11-27 15:11:09 +0000 UTC]

You're in the news! The Beauty of Visual Poetry .

x

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dreamscape-painter [2007-11-23 22:30:53 +0000 UTC]

I think this is fantastic. Great way to capture a dream on paper.

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ohfever In reply to dreamscape-painter [2007-12-18 07:47:57 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.
I always want to capture my strange, beautiful dreams..

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dreamscape-painter In reply to ohfever [2007-12-18 07:57:46 +0000 UTC]

My dreams are always strange, and rarely beautiful. I wonder what that says about me as a person?

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ohfever In reply to dreamscape-painter [2007-12-18 21:02:49 +0000 UTC]

What is beautiful though? I have dreams I see zombies in oceans, that people try to hurt me. And then I float off, somewhere safe.

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wolfbiter [2007-11-03 00:33:06 +0000 UTC]

Good piece.

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chelsea-chic [2007-10-27 20:42:42 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful

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EvergreenGardens [2007-10-24 03:45:26 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I think I see one of the elephants. The poem was beautiful and potent as ever and not quite as dark as usual, although still bittersweet. Ever the pleasure to read. Not very long, but your poems never needed to be, you say exactly what you need and it creates the image. Lovely, lovely. I adore you.

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l0stwhispers [2007-10-24 03:06:51 +0000 UTC]

That's amazing. Absolutely love the poem and the picture, therefore ! And wow... I love how it's elephants and lightness, the contrast yet similarity. Bloody brilliant. Heh.

I do think however that the text could be better though. It doesn't really fit the feel of the picture.

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ohfever In reply to l0stwhispers [2007-10-24 18:37:38 +0000 UTC]

hehe i agree..this was just an experiment i think.

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bloodwitness [2007-10-24 00:55:03 +0000 UTC]

In my opinion (not that it matters), "Her torn up daydreams." seems a weak way to end the poem, a bit clichΓ©, actually, although the rest is quite beautifully enjambed.

Also I don't think the picture fits, but since it's your picture and your poem, can't really know what's going on there.

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ohfever In reply to bloodwitness [2007-10-24 18:37:03 +0000 UTC]

Yeah I see what you mean. ;] The photo just seemed to stuck, not sure why. Im not taking this one too seriously. I was even going to scrap it but I'm not sure now.

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bloodwitness In reply to ohfever [2007-10-24 22:39:12 +0000 UTC]

I dunno--it's your piece. I thought the poem was good enough.

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ohfever In reply to ohfever [2007-10-24 18:37:14 +0000 UTC]

er stick, not stuck.

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sheSCREAMSirony [2007-10-23 20:20:45 +0000 UTC]

It's so wonderfully sad. Very nice work.

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ohfever In reply to sheSCREAMSirony [2007-11-20 23:53:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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Lovespoon [2007-10-23 20:03:35 +0000 UTC]

I like this a lot. So Ohfever in its so tone and philosophical ponderings.

I think "torn up" just doesn't fit the piece though.
wistful, playful, childhood something softer and comforting seems called for.

Good writing though as always.

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chelx [2007-10-23 13:25:50 +0000 UTC]

i like the last line.
somehow it feels like reality poking into a dream.
and adds a whole other dimension.
(:

beautiful, both the words and the picture.

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ohfever In reply to chelx [2007-10-23 16:41:52 +0000 UTC]

thanks dear

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haydey [2007-10-23 11:56:54 +0000 UTC]

i love this its so cute ^_^

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ohfever In reply to haydey [2007-10-23 16:41:43 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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toadsmoothy [2007-10-23 06:56:19 +0000 UTC]

OOOHHH!!!! I LOVE THIS!! Next time maybe you could write it out in your own hand and marry it to an image! ...or use a cursive font of somesort.

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ohfever In reply to toadsmoothy [2007-10-23 16:40:28 +0000 UTC]

Yes I should.

I also have aquired poetic magnets..and I could do something like that too.

Thanks dear!

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