Comments: 53
RozeMidnight5678 [2011-10-27 01:03:18 +0000 UTC]
wow...even back then he only said "I am Kudari/Emmet"
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Shadowmarioking [2011-07-04 08:40:43 +0000 UTC]
That was beautiful and epic.
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TrueSonicSonikku [2011-05-18 00:11:50 +0000 UTC]
The pic made them badass
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SparklingHoney-Q [2011-05-17 22:42:41 +0000 UTC]
omg i hope theres more this was great X3
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ozzybob In reply to SparklingHoney-Q [2011-05-19 09:28:22 +0000 UTC]
me too because at first I just liked emmet
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SyaotheMage [2011-05-17 20:21:25 +0000 UTC]
I think the best part was when Kudari was firing the lasers. It was just so there! And poor Nobori. He always get beat up so easily. ;A;
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-05-18 09:11:32 +0000 UTC]
Ha ha! I like that part too. Yeah poor nobori D:
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SyaotheMage In reply to ozzybob [2011-05-21 00:06:55 +0000 UTC]
Like I said in another reply... SHOOP DA WHOOP. XD I think Nobori needs some good luck. D: Or a good cuddle.
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-05-21 06:11:15 +0000 UTC]
Yes. Cuddles Nobo. Don't worry it will be ok in the end Nobori.
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SyaotheMage In reply to ozzybob [2011-05-23 20:06:23 +0000 UTC]
*cuddles Nobori* A little therapy will go a long way, dear! ;;w;;
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-05-24 17:40:40 +0000 UTC]
Nobori: Y-you really think so?
Me: I know so.
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SyaotheMage In reply to ozzybob [2011-06-05 06:06:43 +0000 UTC]
I always know so~! I'm a wonderful therapist.
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-06-05 09:46:40 +0000 UTC]
You sure do! Anyway were taking Nobori whether he likes it or not
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SyaotheMage In reply to ozzybob [2011-06-05 17:57:48 +0000 UTC]
YES! *pulls out a bed for Nobori to lay on* Rest here, love.
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-06-05 18:04:32 +0000 UTC]
Ingo: Umm, Vat are you doing?
You: Therapy as it should be done
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SyaotheMage In reply to ozzybob [2011-06-14 16:01:16 +0000 UTC]
GET ON THE BED, INGO. D< We need to explore your heart!
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-06-14 18:48:32 +0000 UTC]
INGO: VAT ARE YOU- *falls asleep from injection*
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SyaotheMage In reply to ozzybob [2011-06-14 21:07:09 +0000 UTC]
._. *didn't inject him with anything* How am I supposed to know his feeling? D:
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-06-17 08:22:09 +0000 UTC]
Sorry Ignore that part. D:
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SyaotheMage In reply to ozzybob [2011-06-19 19:23:52 +0000 UTC]
Part... ignored~ 8D
But Ingo needs this therapy! ;;A;;
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ozzybob In reply to SyaotheMage [2011-06-21 19:30:15 +0000 UTC]
Ingo: How exactly are you *shivers nervously* going to do zhis?
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Kiitaira [2011-05-17 20:14:31 +0000 UTC]
Overall, I’d say it has a good start to it; the plot is very mysterious and interesting so far. However, I think it’s a little too rushed, there just a few grammar errors, and it was kinda hard to read. Maybe you could type the next part into some word processor? At the very least, proper use of spacing would make it more easy to read. For example, whenever a new line of dialogue begins:
Standing up on the tips of your feet, as he was a bit taller than you, you wrapped him in a quick hug.
“You forgot the good-bye hug too, ‘sir frowns a lot’.”
(Lol, sorry for the bad example...)
But other than that, I am intrigued as to where the story will continue(if you continue it), as I can't find many Subway masters fanfics…(Lol, I've written a few though myself). One other thing, I wouldn't use someone else's picture like that, unless you got their permission first. Maybe you could make your own picture, or even request one from someone?
Oh, also, I hope you don't think I was being rude. I just wanted to give you some advice. ^^
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ozzybob In reply to Kiitaira [2011-05-18 09:10:45 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for the feedback. Constructive Critiscism really helps!
I like to have a fast pace to my stories so it may seem a little rushed. I was also in quiet a hurry while I was writing it so there may be a few grammar errors.
Ah someone requested me to use that pictur, but next time i'll draw my own.
And in answer to that question their may be a sequel...
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Taschasan [2011-05-17 19:57:56 +0000 UTC]
How do you come up with such epicness?
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ozzybob In reply to Taschasan [2011-05-18 09:07:02 +0000 UTC]
All Thanks to
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Lucario26 In reply to Taschasan [2011-05-17 20:54:09 +0000 UTC]
I did, ask him yourself.
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Xander3000 [2011-05-17 17:38:11 +0000 UTC]
Oh gosh! Epic!
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ozzybob In reply to Xander3000 [2011-05-17 17:39:19 +0000 UTC]
thank you ^u^ I'm glad you liked it! Subway Masters are awesome!
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