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MisereL [2018-11-22 16:11:58 +0000 UTC]

The only place where i belong is a grave

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GracefulShade [2018-11-17 11:13:16 +0000 UTC]

this reminds me
that I've always felt like a ghost
stumbling around life trying to find a meaning
a place to belong
chained by the memories of past events
refusing to move on

i'm no more than a lifeless husk of my former self
i don't belong anywhere
that's what I've gathered from these last 3 years
but lately I've wondered
if that's really the truth

i want to believe even someone like me has a place to belong
and everyday I keep on surviving
to satiate my curiosity
to see if that's true

that maybe someday
my faint words would finally reach to someone
and finally let my soul rest
and find that place I belong

but when that happens..
i wonder what is going to happen to the myself of today, the myself of these last 3 years?

--

sorry for the rant ;;
i hope you don't mind

i really like this one, i've always loved your most simple works.
they don't have much to look at but they always leave a lot of room for though (i hope that makes sense, english is not my first language ;;; )
not to mention that they make for great wallpapers !!

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Shizuko-Akatsuki [2018-11-17 05:30:18 +0000 UTC]

I used to feel like this, this is one of the purest forms of hopelessness in my opinion

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Vladimir32 [2018-11-17 02:52:13 +0000 UTC]

Eep! I haven't checked on here in a few days!

Brrr, it reminds me of the winters we get around here. Cold, dark, muted, reserved... they tend to be invigorating nonetheless, though. Somewhere in all that cold is a bite that wakes you up.

I'm intrigued by how the chains are the "brightest" part of this. Perhaps because they're the most noticeable. Through the heavy haze, the things that stand out most are the limitations and restraints that nip at our ankles with icy teeth.

Hey now though, perhaps it's not simply one place you belong. Some say that home is where family is to be found. The family that birthed you may not have held you as dearly as they damn well ought to have, but you've cultivated a new family here and elsewhere through your work and all else you've done. I know it's not the same, but you'll always have a home in our hearts and minds, a home among us.

You are a wonderful, glorious, lovable Something. A Something who's touched our lives and altered our paths in ways that are difficult to explain quickly, but speaking for myself, you've shown me ways to feeling and understanding that I doubt I would have experienced without knowing you. All of us are different - maybe even better - for having known you, and we'll carry that with us for the rest of our lives. And that, my dear, is quite Something. 

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paixii [2018-11-16 17:47:42 +0000 UTC]

I'm reminded of a part in Punpun...

"There's a loneliness that's part of living as a human being that no one can ever get rid of. If no matter how much people seek or hurt each other they can never find full understanding with one another, then what are they suppose to believe in, y'know?"

I use to really lament not belonging anywhere and still get so jelly of people with friends because I feel like I'm a triangle in a world full of squares and it makes me wonder if I'm really only half a square or something. I feel like I don't fit inside anyone's box but then I get so mad at myself why the hell I want to be property to something anyway, which makes me notice I already am by being helplessly entangled and chained up with the past, wanting things I can never have. Pretty much everything I do is determined by good and bad experiences that happened to me in the past that I picked up from outside, so what the hell is me? Is there even a me? I don't even know where my body begins and ends because what I'm breathing out the trees are breathing in and what they're breathing out I'm breathing in. If we cut down all the trees it'd be the same as ripping our lungs out. And the bacteria in our guts digests most of our food, so are they us or them? Where is the boundary? It's so confusing because I don't even know if this body is really mine or not.

And it's like all people see is the glitter spinning around me but at the core I'm just an empty big black hole that doesn't wanna do shit because it all feels so fake being pulled around by these meaningless chains, yet everything I've collected continues to gravitate and churn around me. Somewhere I realized though that doing nothing is an even bigger bondage. It's really these memories pushing me to have no energy and do nothing until I just fizzle out and disappear and that makes me so angry I started doing the opposite of what I felt compelled to do by memory to spite existence, even though it feels like my heart is going to tear itself out into pieces on the floor and explode. I'd rather a painful truth than a happy lie that repeats the same nonsense endlessly. I'll burn up into ashes in fiery passion if I must if that is the only way to freedom from it all.

Then I started to feel a bit liberated.. I was like, hey, I don't have to live my whole life by the past, even if I only have 0.1% control of myself--well it's probably more like 0.001%--but that tiny sliver of freedom from everything is what I'm really living for. I don't know if it's meaningful or not but it sure as hell feels better than being stuck repeating the same past ceaselessly. I can do something a little new that didn't exist before and feel at home with that.. the way being nothing has no pattern to it and is free to reinvent itself and move away from the boundaries that are not it. The real problem now though is that it's like I'm tangled up in a thousand miles of yarn and only have my pinky finger free to undo some of it but I'm slowly wiggling myself out. Even though I have these mountains of fuck ups, painful memories, and regrets circling and entangling me that would've never let me do something for someone or something else while bound to them, I can be a little more conscious of my memory and choose to be really nothing to breathe something fresh and new into life, instead of letting all these chains define everything about me 100.000%. The world may not have included me... but I'm slowly including it as part of myself to go beyond memory and I feel if I keep going in this direction maybe one day I will feel I belong by seeing myself as a part of everything... It's hard though because there's so much these memories hate and to include everything I also have to include them too, and this is the limit words can express since words themselves are a boundary and I want to be boundless. At the very least it all feels more authentic I guess.

Anyway.. I got a bit carried away venting. It really touched a chord in me and it felt good to be able to articulate what I couldn't articulate before. It brings me back to when I use to skip school to chill on the beach and let the sounds of the waves wash away my memories and thoughts for a little while, with my attention distracted away by the birbs digging in the sand or doing a little dance, just being able to forget myself for a moment and be nothing, the closest thing to where I feel I belong...

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Iriliae [2018-11-16 17:37:24 +0000 UTC]

Familiar scenery up here in the north. I grew up wandering around frozen lakes.
The cold and desolation certainly has a certain unmistakable feeling to it, hard to describe though.

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lacuna-love [2018-11-15 04:24:03 +0000 UTC]

this conveys a lot of emotion. really what i needed to see today.

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Cerecin [2018-11-15 00:16:33 +0000 UTC]

"I could leave here. I could walk out and run away. But where would I go? What escape would that be?" -A haunting memory

Very muted piece. Only the chains really stand out. Perhaps it speaks more about how what we're tangled in is what matters. Still, very lovely!

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Charles-Knapp [2018-11-14 18:13:07 +0000 UTC]

I feel the exact same way sometimes. 

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Fat-Butt [2018-11-14 16:54:41 +0000 UTC]

Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is free. Nothing is all-powerful.

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