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palder — TF2Much

Published: 2009-05-31 19:33:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 461; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description I used to play TF2, it was a lot of fun back in the day. Just can't bring myself to do it now though... does anyone else think the updates are damaging it?

There's a lot to be said for simple games. An FPS doesn't need a million guns all with different, side-achingly hilarious dynamics, it ends up cluttered. It'd be like trying to play chess with a five-thousand square board and twelve different types of pawn. Chess is a complex game as it is, there's no need to pile more and more into it because it gets to a point where it's not possible to master. Eventually it'd be too difficult to come up with a good strategy because the tree of possible moves is so far beyond calculation.

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You send in your megabishop in a slow Je Ne Se Quois manoeuvre, thinking you can hypercheck the prince in two moves. Your opponent moves his jester into the fog of war, rolls a d20 and interprets a Rorschach diagram before using one of his Poké-powers to poison your knight, his horse and two squires. You flip three coins and consult a spreadsheet, then pass 'Go' and collect two hundred uberdollars which you invest in an up-and-coming Internet business until you can afford two hotels and a brothel on Mayfair. Your opponent chuckles dryly, rolling his eyes and a six, going straight to jail and then flushing a toilet and shouting "bingo", "checkmate" and "jumanji" simultaneously to win.
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Perhaps you didn't catch all the subtleties of Gigachess, it takes six or seven years of training under a waterfall in Tibet to fully master.

So anyway, I consulted my time-travelling squirrel and he tells me that towards the end of 2009 Valve will add Fraternity Pyro, orcs, area-effect healing, Engineer toys and the ability for spies to use their disguise weapons as if they were another class. This last change is expected to finally make disguises useful.

I know Valve hides behind jocular references to RPGs as if to say, "wouldn't it be silly if we made TF2 into a dumb MMORPG!". Unfortunately, that's like if I said "wouldn't it be silly if I cut out your tongue!" and then started sharpening a cleaver and giggling darkly.
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Comments: 1

raeth [2009-05-31 20:19:55 +0000 UTC]

I still think there's something to be said for a simple deathmatch. Sometimes I just want to shoot people with a large alien rifle...

Gigachess sounds like crazy fun, but I doubt it beats Realtime Chess. Unfortunately Realtime Chess is usually over in about 5 seconds and the score keeper has to train at NASA for their ability to cope under pressure.

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