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Panmiro — Is Balance Stable?
by-nc-nd
Published: 2011-04-02 02:44:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 83; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
When slipping through the solar system'ssilky sheets of nothingness,
smoothing down suns' gravitations
sampling movements restlessness,
and falling past the definitions
that tell us what is up and down,
we taste galactic precognitions:
The universe will be limitless
Forever recycling emptiness
into eternal restiveness
In wasting nothing, nothing's wasted
so movement makes the planets list,
and tilting in the usurpation
of suns' energy which never rests
we find equilibrium
in a place which is tumultuous.
Comments: 5
extremely abstract, and vague in some parts, almost as if ... hmm well not sure, feels like theres something missing or askew here, but the title, idea and ending were superb
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Why thank you. And yes, it does seem to be missing something. I'd be honored if you had any additions with which to improve it.
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well, these are my ideas after reading it 3x
either make it 4 stanzas and make them slightly longer or make a 3rd same sized stanza
also, try to set some less vague groundwork because it was hard to realize that you were only like ... flyin through the heavens or something, those are my only ideas
very good tho
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much. I'll try those out, but because I'm lazy it might take me a while. I'll link you when I've finished though.
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