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Panmiro — Silence
by-nc-sa
Published: 2011-04-16 18:17:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 247; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 2
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Description
There he sits, head in handsSo high upon his throne
Watching o-er these longing lands
That he must rule alone
"What is it like to sit so high,
And watch events below?
What is it like, oh father king
To reap the crop you sow?
Does discord grow like ragweed?
Devotion like a vine?
Knowledge like an apple seed?
Can love be drunk like wine?
Does valor sting like blackthorn?
Does glory sing like birds?
Does passion pierce like rhinohorn?
Does fortune go in herds?
Answer me oh father king!
I've asked for long enough.
Tell me of your sacred things
The seeds you planted tough.
Tell me why you sit so high!
Please tell me anything
Tell me when I live and die
And prove that you're a king!"
Do not waste your cries dear child
Do not weep for silence
Don't expect replies dear child
Do not break your cadence
Ask as you might, no answer comes
From high upon that throne
Because your father understands
That he must rule alone
Be assured, he hears you,
But sometimes,
silence is the best teacher.
Comments: 32
Thank you very much. I tried to pick out a good meter.
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interesting..i get the feeling that the king/ruler dude is god? it seems like it since people are always asking to ask god to prove himself and he replies with silence and also because he calls the one who asked him child, plus he does rule alone, i mean hes got helpers but..idunno,thats just who the ruler reminded me of
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More seriously. Excellent, you picked up on everything I wanted people to pick up on. Either it means my poem was successful, or you're a genius, or both. Don't know. With the meaning in mind, any suggestions?
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lol well im definately no genuis, but i definately think it was a sucess, and nopers cant think of any suggestions
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That's exactly it 
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dude, those are some awesome ninjas!
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Thank you. I try... actually, deviantArt tries and I just pilfer.
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liked it mucho. when i was done i thought that maybe you had read a poem in my gallery. well i checked and i havent uploaded the poem that was so strikingly similar. i uploaded it and so here it is, wrote this idkhowmany years ago [link]
i liked yours better though that mine though, it has a great/perfect cadence, etc etc etc
and you always have nature references
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Although (I would hasten to point out) the perfect cadence makes it a little boring, and yes, the nature reference is my favorite part, I love it: so many metaphors so little time.
I think I need to focus on more compelling oscillating meters, the kind that lie low enough that you don't realize you're following a pattern, but are noticeable enough that the poem moves flowingly and the rhyme scheme sticks, and interesting enough to drive the readers to the finish. <----------Tangent
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I think I need to focus on more compelling oscillating meters, the kind that lie low enough that you don't realize you're following a pattern, but are noticeable enough that the poem moves flowingly and the rhyme scheme sticks, and interesting enough to drive the readers to the finish. <----------Tangent
Yes. but both are good. its hard for me to stick to a strong cadence for the entirety of a piece so you have me beat there
and i loved the nature references a lot too
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Why thank you. We'll work on the search for a driving rhythm together. And yes, I love including natural references, I haven't been including a lot of mythology references though, which is troublesome...
As for the cadence, I enjoy the deviations you make from your meter, you have a gift for making it flow
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Favee this comment. Mythological references are harder but mroe reward, as well as biblical, did you catch the burning bush reference in a hate so consuming
I have bled by the burning briar
Eternal and unending
and thanks for the complement about my meter, that actually means a boatload to me. MUCH appreciated.
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I did catch it, but I (foolishly) dismissed it. I see symbols in everything you see, and sometimes I get carried away and point them out where they aren't.
I do have one poem made almost entirely of references though: [link] (yes, me showing off... or just forcing you to read poetry)
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i already posted something on your wall as well, but you seem to have overlooked it -_-'
and being proud and being a stuck up ass are two very different things
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I saw it and I'm getting to it. Now worries.
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It might take a while. As usual... But just keep bothering me. I WILL get it done.
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you need to hop on more often pan
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When I have time. I've had to take more and more babysteps with my life as everything compresses 
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babysteps with your life? as everything compresses?
im good at bothering, that i can do. consider it already done.
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this is the first one to not make sense....
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You haven't seen my terrible poetry
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apparently not. maybe it exists maybe it doesnt exist....
like the "collective unconscious"
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Hey, hey. The collective unconscious exists okay? I wrote down "the collective unconscious exists" on a napkin, therefore it must be true.
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Obligatory smiley face for an awesome critique
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