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Seven days.

One whole week after the redhead had seen the blonde, he hadn't touched his knife to cut himself. Not even a single droplet of blood had left his body. Nothing.

And for some weird, good reason, he hadn't even felt depressed. Sure, he felt dark, but come on, he always felt dark.

There was one thing that felt weird to him though...

Sasori had thought a bit about... The new person he had met. He had thought about him non-stop the two days that followed after the day he had met him.

And the thing that was weird was that on the third day... The weather had made the biggest change ever.

Everything had suddenly been colored in dull and horrible colors.

And for once, it felt so wrong.

It was all very creepy to him... What was it? Was it that little blonde creatures fault? Oh, come on, why would he even have anything to do with the weather? Pfft, Sasori didn't even care about him. Or something.

But...

It would be a bit- JUST A LITTLE TINY WINY BIT nice to talk to him again...

And just a tiny winy bit nice to hear his voice filled with such passion and happiness again...

And just a bit nice to see his beautiful eyes shining like that in the sunlight that he took with him wherever he went.

And just... And just... Very damn wonderful to get a taste of that smile of his. That... That... That...

He couldn't express how it felt to watch him smile. No, not to watch him smile... To actually be the one receiving such a smile... It was... Sure, Sasori was horrible with handling emotions and so on, but... He was probably not the only one who couldn't explain how tha- Not the only one... Right...

Why did it disturb Sasori so much... That Deidara probably knew so many people?

That he had probably given that smile to... Many, many people before him...

It disturbed him that Deidara probably didn't even remember the redhead. And it scared him that if Sasori would check the blonde's facebook-profile, he would maybe have over 1000 friends... At least he seemed like one of those persons who-

Why was he having these thoughts?!

Stupid brain.

Stupid blonde... Next time he met him, he would definitely tell him to stop being so annoy-

...

Who said Sasori would ever meet him again?

That thought finally reached Sasori, and he understood...

He missed Deidara. He was missing someone... And it was not his parents.

He never missed his parents. He didn't even think about them. He missed Deidara. And he was thinking about Deidara. A lot. Without barely noticing it.

He missed the cheerfulness the blonde carried with him. He missed the moment he had tasted that cheerfulness...

After two days, Sasori had began to miss the only living creature that had smiled at him in an angel-like way after years.

After two days the weather had changed. In Sasori's eyes. Or, the weather, in Sasori's world.

He wanted to take a peek at Deidara's world...

Now, it had passed one week.

Seven days.

One whole week after the redhead had seen the blonde, he hadn't touched his knife to cut himself. Not even a single droplet of blood had left his body.

And for some weird, stupid reason, he found his lust to hurt himself again.

It wasn't his fault. Right? No, no, not at all. He was pretty much blind. Deaf. And the only sound that could come out of his mouth was crazy, insane laughters. Or just small chuckles. Or pain-filled cries, but that was only when he was asleep.

No, we can't blame Sasori. Our Sasori was just... Frustrated, after all. It wasn't his fault.

It was his toilets fault. This time.

And the innocent sink. The sound of running water, fogging up his mind.

Yes.

Sasori had just came out from the shower, a towel wrapped around him, starting at his waist an going down to his knees. If it wasn't for his two friends he would have felt lonely. But luckily, the silence and the razor-blade were both keeping him company.

The razor-blade... He hadn't called him these last months. Neither had he visited him. How sweet of the razor-blade to come visit him instead. He sure was a True friends.

True friends...

That's what they were. Sasori and his razor-blade. His knife, his needles, his- All of his sharp, pretty friends.

The redhead had seen the sharp razor-blade in the white, clean sink, just lying there, all alone by himself. Hm, maybe he wanted to join Sasori and the silence?

Maybe...

"Hello." He greeted the sharp rectangle formed thing, picking it up with his thumb and his index finger. "How are you?" He smiled a bit, holding it up in front of his eyes, the lights in the room making it shine brightly.

Lon-

Lonel-

Lonel-

Sasori...

Lone...

Lonel-

"... Lonely?" Sasori asked the razor-blade, frowning.

But... Was he really asking the blade's voice? Or were those voices he could hear only his own imagination? Was he talking to himself? Talking to his mind? His fucked up mind?

"I'm sorry... I don't know why I haven't been using any of you lately... I've just felt a bit... What's it called...?" The redhead looked down, like he was in shame, and thinking. "Happy? Is that what they call it...? Oh, well... I'm so selfish... I..."

Obviously, it was just pure fantasy...

The manly voice dropped into whispers, going; "I'm so sorry..."

And then, the brown eyes met the sight of his wrist.

And he got a wonderful idea.

Or, it was more of a... Conclusion. A contemplation. A bunch of 'smart' thoughts.

All just caused by a simple little sentence that reached his mind. In an instant when he saw the razor-blade in his left hand, so close to the wrist of his right hand. Both in the sink.

Why am I alive?

It made very much sense to him...

What was he living for? What did he have? What was the sunshine in his life?

Seriously, to be honest, Sasori hadn't even seen a single glimpse of sunshine after he had turned fifteen. Nothing. That was all he had. He had nothing. He was nothing. Which made his life nothing.

So, he didn't have a life. And if he didn't have a life... Why was he living it? It was like living in an empty room without dying because of lack of food.

It was so weird. Why hadn't he just ended his misery earlier? Why hadn't he just realized that he seriously couldn't keep the pain as a reason to why he was alive. He couldn't. He just couldn't and he didn't want to. He didn't want to be a true friend.

It wasn't worth it. It wasn't giving him the sunshine he deserved.

He would end that.

He would end this.

Screw it all... Everyone. The knife and the razor-blade, everything. No, wait... Nothing.

And besides, no one would mind if he died today. No one would even realize. He would probably be there in years until Hidan or Kakuzu came to visit him and saw his rotten body lying on the toilet, dried blood everywhere, and insects and stuff on his body.

God, the bare thought was...

So beautiful...

Okay. If his knife couldn't give him sunshine... If his friends couldn't give him the happiness... He would try it this way and see if, maybe, hopefully, he would have a glimpse of sunshine.

Kakuzu and Hidan wouldn't mind, right... They both also hurt themselves. Obviously the reason why Sasori could take contact with them, they were like himself. Although they didn't understand Sasori's deeper feelings, they didn't mind how he dressed up or acted. But those two were not enough reason for Sasori to live. Because they both had each other. They both loved each other... And Sasori always wondered... When he looked at the two of them, kissing, holding each other, being near, talking... Why could they share such happiness with each other... And not Sasori?

What was the difference?

Kakuzu loved Hidan. Hidan loved Kakuzu.

Sasori loved his knife. The knife loved Sasori.

The knife... The knife...

Kakuzu and Hidan could share love, happiness, s- They both saw that beautiful, drug-like sun...

But Sasori and his knife... No matter how much fun they had... No matter how much they laughed, there was still that nothing left.

He might as well end their relation-ship, right?

I'm sorry...

He had to. There was no point with this. It was going nowhere.

If he was going to nowhere, and if he was walking nowhere, and if he had started nowhere... Why was he even going there at all? Why was he even walking at all? Why had he started at all?!

He might as well end his trip a bit faster. It wasn't like he would live much longer anyways. He was a smoker, he hurt himself, loosing massive blood amounts a few times a month. Or, he did loose blood everyday. But there were parts of the month, special days when his brain was the most confused. When it was more frustrated than before. That was when he just lost it and hurt himself really badly.

But it felt good.

He hadn't felt such pleasure in seven days, and it was making him crazy inside. He did not understand why. Not at all. He just wanted to have a big bunch of pleasure at once.

And the price of having that much pleasure... The price he had to pay was his life.

"It doesn't matter anymore." The whimpers and whines going through the room stopped. The sound of Sasori whispering to the razor-blade; 'I'm sorry', it all stopped. And made a sudden U-turn.

"It's over."

Without hesitation, the redhead made the sharp blade collide with his wrist, pushing it to where his important veins were. He giggled a bit, feeling the tickling pain already. Desperate for more, he pushed the blade closer to his veins, and before he knew it, it had passed his skin. He began laughing at the pain; People didn't know what they were talking about, death wasn't terrible at all. It was pure, wonderful pleasure. And it gave Sasori such great satisfaction.

It might not be sunshine, but it was something close to it. Yet very very far away from it. Or was it?

Sasori looked at his right hand, watching it shaking, trying to remember the beautiful red color that was running down from where he had cut himself, the blood running down in the sink. Sheesh, white and red fitted so well together...

Red was simply the best color.

Red like his hair. And black, like his world. Grey and dull like the weather and dead and brown like his eyes. Not like that stupid ridiculous sunshine, who needed it anyways!? No one! No one wanted it and no one had it! If Sasori had believed in angels, he would have said angels would have that sunshine... That weird sort of happiness... That they brought with them wherever they went. And even thought the only pictures humans had of angels were simple paintings, made by themselves... Sasori thought they were simply beautiful. He had made a puppet once, wanting it to look like and angel.

These thoughts just made him laugh louder, eyes closing. Great, he was thinking about some angel puppet now when he was just going to die. Seriously, wasn't he supposed to, like, pray or... Be sad or something like that? Instead of laughing and thinking about angels? He didn't even believe in angels! Haha, it was all just making him laugh like mad. Which he was. Mad.

Oh, it had took him long time to get done with that puppet... And he hadn't even been satisfied in the end. It was a pretty puppet though, he had to admit. Made of perfect wood and perfect material. The thing that took him the longest time to add were the eyes though. He spent hours searching on Internet for the perfect eyes to order, but not a single one had matched the eyes that he had been imagining in his head. He had the picture in his mind, just couldn't find the real thing.

Eventually he had found the perfect thing though. The perfect eyes. Those perfect eyes.

They shone like real, polished sapphires, wonderfully detailed... Those perfect lines going all way around the iris, making it look like a real pair of eyes. They were so blue. And there was something special about them that Sasori loved. In the bright sun, the eyes twinkled like crazy. But in the dark, they were almost grey. And dull. And boring. Not as interesting and attractive as when they were in the light of nature.

Sasori laughed harder; A pair of hand-made glass eyes. That was what he was thinking about right before he was going to die. The fuck... He really was stupid. He should just end this right away.

The sounds made a sudden change, laughter turning into loud moans when he twisted and turned the razor-blade inside his waist, pulling it deeper and deeper, soon ripping his veins.

Now when he thought about it, those eyes kind of reminded him of the blue, prefect, hypnotizing eyes of that blonde-

As soon as Sasori's mind made a picture of Deidara appear in front of his eyes, he screamed.

He screamed like crazy. Like mad. And without being able to control himself, he threw the razor-blade away, letting it hit the wall. Just on pure reaction, he did this, panting heavily and groaning.

What the fucking hell was going on...? His thoughts went as he made his fore-head smash into the mirror, hard. Fuck. What was this...!? Why was he feeling this weird...

Pain?

Why was it hurting? Why had it started to hurt him so badly!? This was just... Creepy.

All of the pain that had felt like pleasure... Had began hurting him.

Right there, when the thought of that blonde person had reached him.

Oh fuck. He didn't have time to think about that right now... He was bleeding so much. He had to stop it-

NO! FUCK NO! WHY HAD HE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT STOPPING THE BLEEDING?

What? Did he want to stay alive? Or something...?

Oh god... He really didn't understand any of this crap. Why was he suddenly feeling pain in this horrible way? Why had he started feeling that was right, after Deidara had visited his mind? Why? And why was he having this weird urge to stop the serious bleeding? Why didn't he want to die? Why!?

Everything was so frustrating... Fuck, he wished he would have used a gun instead. That way he wouldn't have began thinking about fucking angels and... Deidara... Deidara's beautiful eyes... It was like they were inviting Sasori. Somewhere. Something.

But, there were some things not even Sasori could understand.

He tried to ignore the pain. Tried to keep his groans and yells of pain away from passing through his mouth. Tried to keep himself away from putting his left hand around his right wrist. Not push his fore-head so hard into the mirror. Not think about... Deidara.

Deidara was doing weird things to his world. He was infecting it. He was... He was beautiful.

Hah, this was ridiculous... Was a stupid little blonde stranger the reason why Sasori should live? Huh?

A stupid little annoying blonde who was his total opposite. Not only him, but his world too. What? Was Deidara trying to tell Sasori that his own world was better than Sasori's? Pfft. Yeah right.

Right...

Right...

A sudden image of black appearing in front of the redheads eyes, he snapped out of his thoughts, looking down at his hands. Well.

Here he was.

If he wanted to save himself... He had to do it now. Everything around him was definitely spinning, and he didn't even find energy enough to make any loud sounds. Only bare whimpers and whines...

But for what?...

He was so scared... Yes, he had to admit...

For once, he was scared of the pain. He was scared of himself and his world. Everything.

He was scared he would regret saving himself.

"What... Am I... Worth to you...?" He whispered in a low tone to... No one. Anyone. He had no idea...

Deidara?

Maybe?

Biting his lip, Sasori finally reached down with his left hand, grabbing his towel with the little amount of power he had left. His shaking hand managed to pull it up and wrap it around his right wrist. When the redhead finally wrapped the whole towel around his wrist, he reached his head down, grabbing one of the towels corners with his teeth, the other corner in his left wrist. After going through a problematic bunch of minutes, Sasori finally managed to make a hard, firm knot. When this was done, he sighed, and felt how his unsteady legs gave up and made him fall down on the tiled floor.

It was so cold. Everywhere.

The floor.

The air.

The world.

His heart.

After sitting there for one and a half hour, Sasori opened his closed eyes, looking straight forward. His heart beating in a fast pace, he bit his lip, feeling this weird, odd feeling in his throat... It was like he wanted to vomit... No. No, he didn't want to vomit. He didn't need to vomit.

He needed to cry.

And he did. He felt how the warm tears walked down his face quickly, like they were going to run forever. It was all so weird to him, and he felt like a little five-year old kid. Desperate for someone to just comfort him... For once he felt like he needed someone. And for once he had felt like someone could be a reason to why he should live.

That blonde. He was making this to him. He was the one who was making him feel the pain this way...

Maybe... Maybe the pain he was feeling right now... Was how pain felt in Deidara's world? And in the reality.

In reality maybe the knife and the razor-blade weren't his friends.

Maybe Sasori just wanted it to be that way.

Maybe having no one was hurting him?

Maybe having no one that knew what happiness felt like was... Hurting him?

Maybe it had always hurt him? And Sasori had just been to blind to understand...?

He had wanted to see those smiles more. More of that happiness. He wanted more of it.

He-

Got an idea.

And made a decision to accept his idea.

He would go back. Same date, same time, next month.

Even if he would have to wait three weeks, 23 days, 552 hours, 33120 minutes, 1987200 seconds, he wanted to see him. The beautiful blonde hair, the gentle, warm smile and those sapphire-like eyes.

He wanted to see it all. And say goodbye to it.

There was no doubt about it; He couldn't keep on living like this. He simply couldn't. Couldn't have Deidara keeping him away from hurting himself... Couldn't let that pretty blonde take away his only source of pleasure and bare 'happiness'- WHATEVER it was! He needed it. And if he so would have to erase a stranger from his mind, he would do so. It didn't matter if it was ridiculous as hell, or if it didn't make sense at all. It did seriously not matter at all, and Sasori was way too tired to think about it more than he already had.

If a beautiful fallen angel was his problem, he would deal with it.

Yeah, whatever was his problem, he would deal with it.

Let it be whatever. Somehow, he would get over it... And after that, nothing would be able to stop him from erasing himself too.

The redhead made a small smile, sighing and looking up at the ceiling.

What if Deidara wasn't there? He had no idea if Deidara would be there the day Sasori had decided to go back to the graveyard... Maybe he should go check everyday?... But no, he wasn't really in the condition to make himself that tired... It just didn't work out in his life-scheme. Visiting those two horrible tombs of his parents, that many times, just walking around in desperate search for someone he had only met once in his whole, pointless life. It didn't work out.

He had to try it. Next month. He would go visit the graveyard.

And if- No, when he found Deidara he would kill hi- No, hold on a second, what the fuck was that!?

He wasn't going to kill him! Pfft! That wasn't what he meant when he said he wanted to erase him. He just wanted to erase him from his mind. Simply take a talk with him, tell him to just... Keep away. Or something. And just say goodbye.

But then again... The sound of killing him, completely making him vanish didn't sound so bad either.

A loud sob escaped the redhead, and his smashed his head back, hard, making it colllide with the wall.

Who am I kidding?

None of those thoughts were the true reason why he should go back... There was only one real reason...

The most weird reason ever... Sasori didn't understand it, but he knew it was true. And all these things he was going through was because he was having such a hard time accepting it. Accepting the fact that...

He liked the blonde. He missed him. And he wanted to see him again.

He liked that sunshine he had seen.

No... No, he loved it. It was better than any pain he had gone through...

He had been wrong; He had seen sunshine... The three days after he met Deidara. And that day they had talked. Everything had shone up. Everything had became so clear...

Almost like now...

The weird thing was just; HOW THE HELL could he do that!? Him?! A stranger...!

The most beautiful stranger ev-

And with that, his body finally shut off the lights, making him fall down on the ice cold floor. The tiles being white, just as his face. The blood was red, just like his hair.

Seven days.

One whole week after the redhead had seen the blonde, he had used his razor-blade to take his own life. Lots of blood had left his body. Something

And for some fucking ridiculous reason, he felt fucked up like fucking hell. Sure, he felt dark, but he never felt sunshine. It was like his world was on a sick, never-ending roller-coaster. He wanted-

No, it doesn't make sense at all. Cut this off. Now.

He wanted his blonde stop-button.

Description
Seven days.

One whole week after the redhead had seen the blonde, he hadn't touched his knife to cut himself. Not even a single droplet of blood had left his body. Nothing.

And for some weird, good reason, he hadn't even felt depressed. Sure, he felt dark, but come on, he always felt dark.

There was one thing that felt weird to him though...

Sasori had thought a bit about... The new person he had met. He had thought about him non-stop the two days that followed after the day he had met him.

And the thing that was weird was that on the third day... The weather had made the biggest change ever.

Everything had suddenly been colored in dull and horrible colors.

And for once, it felt so wrong.

It was all very creepy to him... What was it? Was it that little blonde creatures fault? Oh, come on, why would he even have anything to do with the weather? Pfft, Sasori didn't even care about him. Or something.

But...

It would be a bit- JUST A LITTLE TINY WINY BIT nice to talk to him again...

And just a tiny winy bit nice to hear his voice filled with such passion and happiness again...

And just a bit nice to see his beautiful eyes shining like that in the sunlight that he took with him wherever he went.

And just... And just... Very damn wonderful to get a taste of that smile of his. That... That... That...

He couldn't express how it felt to watch him smile. No, not to watch him smile... To actually be the one receiving such a smile... It was... Sure, Sasori was horrible with handling emotions and so on, but... He was probably not the only one who couldn't explain how tha- Not the only one... Right...

Why did it disturb Sasori so much... That Deidara probably knew so many people?

That he had probably given that smile to... Many, many people before him...

It disturbed him that Deidara probably didn't even remember the redhead. And it scared him that if Sasori would check the blonde's facebook-profile, he would maybe have over 1000 friends... At least he seemed like one of those persons who-

Why was he having these thoughts?!

Stupid brain.

Stupid blonde... Next time he met him, he would definitely tell him to stop being so annoy-

...

Who said Sasori would ever meet him again?

That thought finally reached Sasori, and he understood...

He missed Deidara. He was missing someone... And it was not his parents.

He never missed his parents. He didn't even think about them. He missed Deidara. And he was thinking about Deidara. A lot. Without barely noticing it.

He missed the cheerfulness the blonde carried with him. He missed the moment he had tasted that cheerfulness...

After two days, Sasori had began to miss the only living creature that had smiled at him in an angel-like way after years.

After two days the weather had changed. In Sasori's eyes. Or, the weather, in Sasori's world.

He wanted to take a peek at Deidara's world...

Now, it had passed one week.

Seven days.

One whole week after the redhead had seen the blonde, he hadn't touched his knife to cut himself. Not even a single droplet of blood had left his body.

And for some weird, stupid reason, he found his lust to hurt himself again.

It wasn't his fault. Right? No, no, not at all. He was pretty much blind. Deaf. And the only sound that could come out of his mouth was crazy, insane laughters. Or just small chuckles. Or pain-filled cries, but that was only when he was asleep.

No, we can't blame Sasori. Our Sasori was just... Frustrated, after all. It wasn't his fault.

It was his toilets fault. This time.

And the innocent sink. The sound of running water, fogging up his mind.

Yes.

Sasori had just came out from the shower, a towel wrapped around him, starting at his waist an going down to his knees. If it wasn't for his two friends he would have felt lonely. But luckily, the silence and the razor-blade were both keeping him company.

The razor-blade... He hadn't called him these last months. Neither had he visited him. How sweet of the razor-blade to come visit him instead. He sure was a True friends.

True friends...

That's what they were. Sasori and his razor-blade. His knife, his needles, his- All of his sharp, pretty friends.

The redhead had seen the sharp razor-blade in the white, clean sink, just lying there, all alone by himself. Hm, maybe he wanted to join Sasori and the silence?

Maybe...

"Hello." He greeted the sharp rectangle formed thing, picking it up with his thumb and his index finger. "How are you?" He smiled a bit, holding it up in front of his eyes, the lights in the room making it shine brightly.

Lon-

Lonel-

Lonel-

Sasori...

Lone...

Lonel-

"... Lonely?" Sasori asked the razor-blade, frowning.

But... Was he really asking the blade's voice? Or were those voices he could hear only his own imagination? Was he talking to himself? Talking to his mind? His fucked up mind?

"I'm sorry... I don't know why I haven't been using any of you lately... I've just felt a bit... What's it called...?" The redhead looked down, like he was in shame, and thinking. "Happy? Is that what they call it...? Oh, well... I'm so selfish... I..."

Obviously, it was just pure fantasy...

The manly voice dropped into whispers, going; "I'm so sorry..."

And then, the brown eyes met the sight of his wrist.

And he got a wonderful idea.

Or, it was more of a... Conclusion. A contemplation. A bunch of 'smart' thoughts.

All just caused by a simple little sentence that reached his mind. In an instant when he saw the razor-blade in his left hand, so close to the wrist of his right hand. Both in the sink.

Why am I alive?

It made very much sense to him...

What was he living for? What did he have? What was the sunshine in his life?

Seriously, to be honest, Sasori hadn't even seen a single glimpse of sunshine after he had turned fifteen. Nothing. That was all he had. He had nothing. He was nothing. Which made his life nothing.

So, he didn't have a life. And if he didn't have a life... Why was he living it? It was like living in an empty room without dying because of lack of food.

It was so weird. Why hadn't he just ended his misery earlier? Why hadn't he just realized that he seriously couldn't keep the pain as a reason to why he was alive. He couldn't. He just couldn't and he didn't want to. He didn't want to be a true friend.

It wasn't worth it. It wasn't giving him the sunshine he deserved.

He would end that.

He would end this.

Screw it all... Everyone. The knife and the razor-blade, everything. No, wait... Nothing.

And besides, no one would mind if he died today. No one would even realize. He would probably be there in years until Hidan or Kakuzu came to visit him and saw his rotten body lying on the toilet, dried blood everywhere, and insects and stuff on his body.

God, the bare thought was...

So beautiful...

Okay. If his knife couldn't give him sunshine... If his friends couldn't give him the happiness... He would try it this way and see if, maybe, hopefully, he would have a glimpse of sunshine.

Kakuzu and Hidan wouldn't mind, right... They both also hurt themselves. Obviously the reason why Sasori could take contact with them, they were like himself. Although they didn't understand Sasori's deeper feelings, they didn't mind how he dressed up or acted. But those two were not enough reason for Sasori to live. Because they both had each other. They both loved each other... And Sasori always wondered... When he looked at the two of them, kissing, holding each other, being near, talking... Why could they share such happiness with each other... And not Sasori?

What was the difference?

Kakuzu loved Hidan. Hidan loved Kakuzu.

Sasori loved his knife. The knife loved Sasori.

The knife... The knife...

Kakuzu and Hidan could share love, happiness, s- They both saw that beautiful, drug-like sun...

But Sasori and his knife... No matter how much fun they had... No matter how much they laughed, there was still that nothing left.

He might as well end their relation-ship, right?

I'm sorry...

He had to. There was no point with this. It was going nowhere.

If he was going to nowhere, and if he was walking nowhere, and if he had started nowhere... Why was he even going there at all? Why was he even walking at all? Why had he started at all?!

He might as well end his trip a bit faster. It wasn't like he would live much longer anyways. He was a smoker, he hurt himself, loosing massive blood amounts a few times a month. Or, he did loose blood everyday. But there were parts of the month, special days when his brain was the most confused. When it was more frustrated than before. That was when he just lost it and hurt himself really badly.

But it felt good.

He hadn't felt such pleasure in seven days, and it was making him crazy inside. He did not understand why. Not at all. He just wanted to have a big bunch of pleasure at once.

And the price of having that much pleasure... The price he had to pay was his life.

"It doesn't matter anymore." The whimpers and whines going through the room stopped. The sound of Sasori whispering to the razor-blade; 'I'm sorry', it all stopped. And made a sudden U-turn.

"It's over."

Without hesitation, the redhead made the sharp blade collide with his wrist, pushing it to where his important veins were. He giggled a bit, feeling the tickling pain already. Desperate for more, he pushed the blade closer to his veins, and before he knew it, it had passed his skin. He began laughing at the pain; People didn't know what they were talking about, death wasn't terrible at all. It was pure, wonderful pleasure. And it gave Sasori such great satisfaction.

It might not be sunshine, but it was something close to it. Yet very very far away from it. Or was it?

Sasori looked at his right hand, watching it shaking, trying to remember the beautiful red color that was running down from where he had cut himself, the blood running down in the sink. Sheesh, white and red fitted so well together...

Red was simply the best color.

Red like his hair. And black, like his world. Grey and dull like the weather and dead and brown like his eyes. Not like that stupid ridiculous sunshine, who needed it anyways!? No one! No one wanted it and no one had it! If Sasori had believed in angels, he would have said angels would have that sunshine... That weird sort of happiness... That they brought with them wherever they went. And even thought the only pictures humans had of angels were simple paintings, made by themselves... Sasori thought they were simply beautiful. He had made a puppet once, wanting it to look like and angel.

These thoughts just made him laugh louder, eyes closing. Great, he was thinking about some angel puppet now when he was just going to die. Seriously, wasn't he supposed to, like, pray or... Be sad or something like that? Instead of laughing and thinking about angels? He didn't even believe in angels! Haha, it was all just making him laugh like mad. Which he was. Mad.

Oh, it had took him long time to get done with that puppet... And he hadn't even been satisfied in the end. It was a pretty puppet though, he had to admit. Made of perfect wood and perfect material. The thing that took him the longest time to add were the eyes though. He spent hours searching on Internet for the perfect eyes to order, but not a single one had matched the eyes that he had been imagining in his head. He had the picture in his mind, just couldn't find the real thing.

Eventually he had found the perfect thing though. The perfect eyes. Those perfect eyes.

They shone like real, polished sapphires, wonderfully detailed... Those perfect lines going all way around the iris, making it look like a real pair of eyes. They were so blue. And there was something special about them that Sasori loved. In the bright sun, the eyes twinkled like crazy. But in the dark, they were almost grey. And dull. And boring. Not as interesting and attractive as when they were in the light of nature.

Sasori laughed harder; A pair of hand-made glass eyes. That was what he was thinking about right before he was going to die. The fuck... He really was stupid. He should just end this right away.

The sounds made a sudden change, laughter turning into loud moans when he twisted and turned the razor-blade inside his waist, pulling it deeper and deeper, soon ripping his veins.

Now when he thought about it, those eyes kind of reminded him of the blue, prefect, hypnotizing eyes of that blonde-

As soon as Sasori's mind made a picture of Deidara appear in front of his eyes, he screamed.

He screamed like crazy. Like mad. And without being able to control himself, he threw the razor-blade away, letting it hit the wall. Just on pure reaction, he did this, panting heavily and groaning.

What the fucking hell was going on...? His thoughts went as he made his fore-head smash into the mirror, hard. Fuck. What was this...!? Why was he feeling this weird...

Pain?

Why was it hurting? Why had it started to hurt him so badly!? This was just... Creepy.

All of the pain that had felt like pleasure... Had began hurting him.

Right there, when the thought of that blonde person had reached him.

Oh fuck. He didn't have time to think about that right now... He was bleeding so much. He had to stop it-

NO! FUCK NO! WHY HAD HE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT STOPPING THE BLEEDING?

What? Did he want to stay alive? Or something...?

Oh god... He really didn't understand any of this crap. Why was he suddenly feeling pain in this horrible way? Why had he started feeling that was right, after Deidara had visited his mind? Why? And why was he having this weird urge to stop the serious bleeding? Why didn't he want to die? Why!?

Everything was so frustrating... Fuck, he wished he would have used a gun instead. That way he wouldn't have began thinking about fucking angels and... Deidara... Deidara's beautiful eyes... It was like they were inviting Sasori. Somewhere. Something.

But, there were some things not even Sasori could understand.

He tried to ignore the pain. Tried to keep his groans and yells of pain away from passing through his mouth. Tried to keep himself away from putting his left hand around his right wrist. Not push his fore-head so hard into the mirror. Not think about... Deidara.

Deidara was doing weird things to his world. He was infecting it. He was... He was beautiful.

Hah, this was ridiculous... Was a stupid little blonde stranger the reason why Sasori should live? Huh?

A stupid little annoying blonde who was his total opposite. Not only him, but his world too. What? Was Deidara trying to tell Sasori that his own world was better than Sasori's? Pfft. Yeah right.

Right...

Right...

A sudden image of black appearing in front of the redheads eyes, he snapped out of his thoughts, looking down at his hands. Well.

Here he was.

If he wanted to save himself... He had to do it now. Everything around him was definitely spinning, and he didn't even find energy enough to make any loud sounds. Only bare whimpers and whines...

But for what?...

He was so scared... Yes, he had to admit...

For once, he was scared of the pain. He was scared of himself and his world. Everything.

He was scared he would regret saving himself.

"What... Am I... Worth to you...?" He whispered in a low tone to... No one. Anyone. He had no idea...

Deidara?

Maybe?

Biting his lip, Sasori finally reached down with his left hand, grabbing his towel with the little amount of power he had left. His shaking hand managed to pull it up and wrap it around his right wrist. When the redhead finally wrapped the whole towel around his wrist, he reached his head down, grabbing one of the towels corners with his teeth, the other corner in his left wrist. After going through a problematic bunch of minutes, Sasori finally managed to make a hard, firm knot. When this was done, he sighed, and felt how his unsteady legs gave up and made him fall down on the tiled floor.

It was so cold. Everywhere.

The floor.

The air.

The world.

His heart.

After sitting there for one and a half hour, Sasori opened his closed eyes, looking straight forward. His heart beating in a fast pace, he bit his lip, feeling this weird, odd feeling in his throat... It was like he wanted to vomit... No. No, he didn't want to vomit. He didn't need to vomit.

He needed to cry.

And he did. He felt how the warm tears walked down his face quickly, like they were going to run forever. It was all so weird to him, and he felt like a little five-year old kid. Desperate for someone to just comfort him... For once he felt like he needed someone. And for once he had felt like someone could be a reason to why he should live.

That blonde. He was making this to him. He was the one who was making him feel the pain this way...

Maybe... Maybe the pain he was feeling right now... Was how pain felt in Deidara's world? And in the reality.

In reality maybe the knife and the razor-blade weren't his friends.

Maybe Sasori just wanted it to be that way.

Maybe having no one was hurting him?

Maybe having no one that knew what happiness felt like was... Hurting him?

Maybe it had always hurt him? And Sasori had just been to blind to understand...?

He had wanted to see those smiles more. More of that happiness. He wanted more of it.

He-

Got an idea.

And made a decision to accept his idea.

He would go back. Same date, same time, next month.

Even if he would have to wait three weeks, 23 days, 552 hours, 33120 minutes, 1987200 seconds, he wanted to see him. The beautiful blonde hair, the gentle, warm smile and those sapphire-like eyes.

He wanted to see it all. And say goodbye to it.

There was no doubt about it; He couldn't keep on living like this. He simply couldn't. Couldn't have Deidara keeping him away from hurting himself... Couldn't let that pretty blonde take away his only source of pleasure and bare 'happiness'- WHATEVER it was! He needed it. And if he so would have to erase a stranger from his mind, he would do so. It didn't matter if it was ridiculous as hell, or if it didn't make sense at all. It did seriously not matter at all, and Sasori was way too tired to think about it more than he already had.

If a beautiful fallen angel was his problem, he would deal with it.

Yeah, whatever was his problem, he would deal with it.

Let it be whatever. Somehow, he would get over it... And after that, nothing would be able to stop him from erasing himself too.

The redhead made a small smile, sighing and looking up at the ceiling.

What if Deidara wasn't there? He had no idea if Deidara would be there the day Sasori had decided to go back to the graveyard... Maybe he should go check everyday?... But no, he wasn't really in the condition to make himself that tired... It just didn't work out in his life-scheme. Visiting those two horrible tombs of his parents, that many times, just walking around in desperate search for someone he had only met once in his whole, pointless life. It didn't work out.

He had to try it. Next month. He would go visit the graveyard.

And if- No, when he found Deidara he would kill hi- No, hold on a second, what the fuck was that!?

He wasn't going to kill him! Pfft! That wasn't what he meant when he said he wanted to erase him. He just wanted to erase him from his mind. Simply take a talk with him, tell him to just... Keep away. Or something. And just say goodbye.

But then again... The sound of killing him, completely making him vanish didn't sound so bad either.

A loud sob escaped the redhead, and his smashed his head back, hard, making it colllide with the wall.

Who am I kidding?

None of those thoughts were the true reason why he should go back... There was only one real reason...

The most weird reason ever... Sasori didn't understand it, but he knew it was true. And all these things he was going through was because he was having such a hard time accepting it. Accepting the fact that...

He liked the blonde. He missed him. And he wanted to see him again.

He liked that sunshine he had seen.

No... No, he loved it. It was better than any pain he had gone through...

He had been wrong; He had seen sunshine... The three days after he met Deidara. And that day they had talked. Everything had shone up. Everything had became so clear...

Almost like now...

The weird thing was just; HOW THE HELL could he do that!? Him?! A stranger...!

The most beautiful stranger ev-

And with that, his body finally shut off the lights, making him fall down on the ice cold floor. The tiles being white, just as his face. The blood was red, just like his hair.

Seven days.

One whole week after the redhead had seen the blonde, he had used his razor-blade to take his own life. Lots of blood had left his body. Something

And for some fucking ridiculous reason, he felt fucked up like fucking hell. Sure, he felt dark, but he never felt sunshine. It was like his world was on a sick, never-ending roller-coaster. He wanted-

No, it doesn't make sense at all. Cut this off. Now.

He wanted his blonde stop-button.