HOME | DD

Description
Cut

My fingers slide over the keyboard. Sweaty and shaking. I see how my blood leaves a slippery trail from the "d" to the "i". It hurts, but I bite my lip and resist the urge to scream. I have to send this mail. It's the last thing I have to do before I'll leave. My index finger presses the "e" and I stop there for a second before my finger continues to end the sentence with a dot. Yes, I'm done.
With my other hand I reach for the mouse and with wet eyes I look at the button "send". It's blurred and I can barely read it. My hand starts to shake.
But you have to send it. You have to!
As I click, a sob escapes my mouth and another tear rolls down from my eye. The tear mingled with my mascara and turned black. I know look terrible. And I don't care, not anymore. I look at my metal chess set. The white king fell and lies there. Defeated. The black king stands beside him. Cold. Hard. No emotion. That's me. I killed myself. And I don't care.
You do care! You heard me? And you shouldn't.
My mail has been sent and I shut the window on my screen. Staring straight into dark. My background disappeared a while ago and my computer refused to put another one. I don't know what happened, tell me, why should I care? Life is over. Game over. My ESCape button won't work anymore.
So many chances, and I failed them all.
You're such a loser...
Yes, I am. With a deep sigh I turn around to grasp the bloodied knife.
I'm ready.
You wanted me to die. Don't you lie to me now. I know you did. I heard it in your voice, saw it in your eyes. Hate. You hated me. Yet you said you loved me, so badly. So fucking badly. Liar. You won.
Kill now, it's time...
I will, yes, I can go. I sent the mail. She will know and understand why. But I do not wish her to tell others about this. No... I have to deal with this, it cannot go on, can it?
You know you're not insane. I'm not insane, sweet one.
Stop it! I grab my head with both of my hands and finally I let go of the scream that has been building inside of me. I'm so confused, and everything hurts. My body, my brain, my heart.
Let go of it! Listen to my advice, go...
I resisted too long, it's too tempting now. I'm sorry, love. So sorry...
You don't need to be sorry for what's right.
It's not right. It broke me. You know it did. Why do you keep haunting me?
Do it.
I cut my wrist, again. More blood flows and it drips to the bloody floor. Everything's red. And blurry again. And dark. Why dark? No... It's comforting now... but I'm too confused. Please. Why am I listening?
Do it!
I moan of pain, it stings badly. I cut my arms, my legs, my stomach, my chest. Here I am, lying on the blood red floor. Defeated, like the white king. I killed myself. You asked me to and I listened. Black, everything's black. Black or red. Bloody death. Suicide.
Yes, my sweet suicide...

Description
Cut

My fingers slide over the keyboard. Sweaty and shaking. I see how my blood leaves a slippery trail from the "d" to the "i". It hurts, but I bite my lip and resist the urge to scream. I have to send this mail. It's the last thing I have to do before I'll leave. My index finger presses the "e" and I stop there for a second before my finger continues to end the sentence with a dot. Yes, I'm done.
With my other hand I reach for the mouse and with wet eyes I look at the button "send". It's blurred and I can barely read it. My hand starts to shake.
But you have to send it. You have to!
As I click, a sob escapes my mouth and another tear rolls down from my eye. The tear mingled with my mascara and turned black. I know look terrible. And I don't care, not anymore. I look at my metal chess set. The white king fell and lies there. Defeated. The black king stands beside him. Cold. Hard. No emotion. That's me. I killed myself. And I don't care.
You do care! You heard me? And you shouldn't.
My mail has been sent and I shut the window on my screen. Staring straight into dark. My background disappeared a while ago and my computer refused to put another one. I don't know what happened, tell me, why should I care? Life is over. Game over. My ESCape button won't work anymore.
So many chances, and I failed them all.
You're such a loser...
Yes, I am. With a deep sigh I turn around to grasp the bloodied knife.
I'm ready.
You wanted me to die. Don't you lie to me now. I know you did. I heard it in your voice, saw it in your eyes. Hate. You hated me. Yet you said you loved me, so badly. So fucking badly. Liar. You won.
Kill now, it's time...
I will, yes, I can go. I sent the mail. She will know and understand why. But I do not wish her to tell others about this. No... I have to deal with this, it cannot go on, can it?
You know you're not insane. I'm not insane, sweet one.
Stop it! I grab my head with both of my hands and finally I let go of the scream that has been building inside of me. I'm so confused, and everything hurts. My body, my brain, my heart.
Let go of it! Listen to my advice, go...
I resisted too long, it's too tempting now. I'm sorry, love. So sorry...
You don't need to be sorry for what's right.
It's not right. It broke me. You know it did. Why do you keep haunting me?
Do it.
I cut my wrist, again. More blood flows and it drips to the bloody floor. Everything's red. And blurry again. And dark. Why dark? No... It's comforting now... but I'm too confused. Please. Why am I listening?
Do it!
I moan of pain, it stings badly. I cut my arms, my legs, my stomach, my chest. Here I am, lying on the blood red floor. Defeated, like the white king. I killed myself. You asked me to and I listened. Black, everything's black. Black or red. Bloody death. Suicide.
Yes, my sweet suicide...