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PekeCleo — Memories
Published: 2015-01-01 21:13:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 495; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Do I really remember? No... I'm confused.Do you think I'm happy? Everything is a lie. I live in a constant lie. A lie, sadly, created by me.
Why do I do this? Come on, I have to know it!
Am I blind? No, I can see everything perfectly fine. The thing is... I don't want to see it.
Will I ever return to my memories, to my happy thoughts?
Every day is the same: make all my family and friends believe I'm in a bad mood because... I don't know, I lie. I just lie. They won't ever notice, will they? Because no one knows me. No one really knows how I am. The terrible person I am... no one knows that side of me. I hope no one ever knows... they would run away from me.
I only have my memories, to keep living. I only can keep imagining my happy world, while I live in another world that is completely different. But... who cares? And, if they do care, it's a lie.
Didn't you know this hole world is full of lies created by liars like me? But they're innocent. I am innocent. I create these lies because of my sadness and regrets, caused by other lies... it's all a cicle, don't you see?
I create this lies because I need them. And I only lie to myself. Who will notice? Only me. I am the only one who knows the truth. And I'll hide it, very well hidden. Maybe someone will one day notice, but then again, will that one tell anyone? No. Because they don't care.
I am alone, living with my lies.
I really am disappointed of myself... I sigh at the thought of all the lies I told, tell and will tell.
I cry at my happy memories. Why? They are happy, I shouldn't cry...
Now I know. The truth has been revealed, finally!
My memories are not my past, my happy moments, my good thoughts, my experiences in this life I have been through, but all the lies I have to plan and remember to not fail and be discovered. Be noticed. Be different. Be broken. Be destroyed. Be... myself.
I have to live with my lies. But only because I chose it.
In the end, this is all my fault...
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Comments: 13
Cleo...
Everyone creates lies around them selfes to protect them selfes or there sanity if theyr world crumbles around them...
One part of my life i was thinking to myself i was a burden to all of my friends and family i didnt have job i was lazy bum, I started to hate my own hobbies, cryed myself too sleep many times....
No one is perfect and no one can be, I life is worh living for if you willing to accept change willing to come out your shell screaming at the world: IM the culprit,IM the bad guy, Im the villian, Im ... the monster!
Im sure from the start no one will understand you even if you come clean .... many will judge you,many will forsake you..... but some even one person saying to you otherwise should be charrished and not turning his back to him....
Cleo you may not accept this fact but they are alot of people like you out there ...sadly i was one of them ... Making my own perfect world in my head and when i faced the horrible thruth i almost gone insane....
If your willing to change and atleast a few of this words i sayed would make some meaning and telling you something .... I atleast tryed to help you or atleast tryed to understand your feelings .... and yet of my sadness a really do but you will think otherwise like me when i was younger when friends tryed to help me but instead i pushed them away.....
Hidding from the world and hopping i would just dissapear....
IM here for you Cleo and dont you forget it....
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This year, I'll change. I won't tell anyone about my lies, but I won't do any more lies... at least, I'll try to not make more of them. I'll keep my happy world, but try to make the real one a happy world too. I know there's more people like me... oh, I so much hate myself....... damn it.......
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Hateing yourself that a thrue feeling so embrace it.....
and from that now on, its a new start....
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I dont hate you im just .... feeling so sad right now, i just remebered what piece of shit sack i was....
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we are all here. trust me, a lot of us have been here. this is going to sound super harsh, but, you know the truth and are most probably feeling it too. We can't change the truth, only look past it. you are digging a hole, but it is only a few meters deep, climb out of thaat hole and surround yourself with new truth and new thoughts. we all make mistakes. as my riding instructor says - 'life is like a dressage test, it is made up of movements and desicions. if you make a mistake on the last move/decision, you can't do an even better one after it, if you dwell on it. move on and make the right choice next time.' (hope that made sense) in moral, dont dwell on the past, focus on what you want to do next.
hope this helps
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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It does help... a lot. This new year, I promise to myself I'll change....... I'll make good.......... I'll live in the present and think of the future....... yeah!!!
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the truth belongs to you, you own it, you cannot change it.
Be hopeful, no one digs up the blocks that the house stands on for they are burried, thus they serve their purpose, thus they are neccessary. The only time to drudge up the foundation is to fix it. The truth is who you are, you are built upon it. Every moment from now on is up to you, build you well....
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Yeah...... it's the only thing I can do. Start now a "new life"... new thoughts, new attitude, new truth.........
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It is ALL good, everything, build the best year ever.
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