Comments: 46
LipsterLeo [2015-02-24 21:36:02 +0000 UTC]
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
This is a lovely story. Obviously you have experienced this form of travel before. I can't really find anything wrong with this short story, other than it's too short!
The only real problem I can find, and I admit, it's picking nits, is that you have a change of tense in the third paragraph. " made his way to the closet", past tense then he "finds his travel attire", present tense. It's a simple faux pas that press writers and journalists make constantly. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but it drives me nuts!
All in all, this is a wonderful story, very imaginative, visual and well worded.
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LipsterLeo In reply to PennedinWhite [2015-02-25 00:34:30 +0000 UTC]
I enjoyed reading it. It took me back to childhood again. And lord knows, at my age I need all the help I can get. Looking forward to reading more.
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BlizzardBlitzer [2017-03-11 00:11:05 +0000 UTC]
Very nice. It's too bad we (as a people [pretty sure we creative types are excluded) treat imagination as idiocy the older we get. Childlike sense of wonder is a precious thing.
I did want to mention, since it's a habit of mine also, that paragraph three switched to present tense. I think it's fine, but a lot of people gripe about it.
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BlizzardBlitzer In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-11 00:22:23 +0000 UTC]
As do I. Sometimes I really have to make a conscious decision. "Okay, we're going to write in present tense or past. Pick now and stick to it." The struggle.
I think people have a hard time understanding the difference between imagination and delusion. But that's good. Too many parents are afraid a creative child will do poorly in concrete subjects like math.
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BlizzardBlitzer In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-12 21:43:22 +0000 UTC]
I think certain things just feel more natural in a particular tense, and then when looked at as a whole, tense switching doesn't feel as good. It's hard to say for sure.
I think it's cyclical. You have to get over that false assumption yourself so that you can encourage your kids. But that's good. Perhaps school won't be as much of a drag for him, though the social aspects in later years are less than great at times.
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BlizzardBlitzer In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-14 22:48:03 +0000 UTC]
I'm sure you'll instill good principles and such into him. I think we're all like that, wanting our kids to have it better than we did.
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seekerofsigns [2017-03-10 03:38:31 +0000 UTC]
Beautiful and playful and so full of child-like excitement! I love it!
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JessaMar [2017-03-09 16:47:33 +0000 UTC]
This is sweet - a great tribute to imagination and the courage of childhood.
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Eremitik [2017-03-05 12:26:12 +0000 UTC]
I have seen too many people forget just how important imagination and magic are in life. Love this. It reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes, my all time favorite comic strip.
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Eremitik In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-08 11:00:11 +0000 UTC]
Oh, absolutely. Imagination is often overlooked or pushed to the side to make room for more "intelligent" pursuits. To allow a child's imagination to flourish is to give them appreciation for their own thoughts and ideas. It also allows us a different perspective to see the world in, to find the everyday magic that exists all around us.
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nothing-creative [2015-06-07 20:50:46 +0000 UTC]
This was a great piece, and though it was brief, I got a great image of the characters. The idea and portrayals were absolutely adorable. I found myself wondering whether the boy and his bear were actually traveling through time, or if it was only his imagination.
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nothing-creative In reply to PennedinWhite [2015-07-04 19:25:26 +0000 UTC]
No problem! You're right, they do blur together at times. And this piece represents that well, in a very sweet way.
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HiddenWithin [2015-02-24 18:31:34 +0000 UTC]
Of course a time-traveler needs a bow-tie. Never leave home without one.
And of course my Whovian mind saw this as a wee widdle Doctor.
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LyricaLupin [2015-02-24 17:19:37 +0000 UTC]
I really enjoyed reading this!!
First off, the first sentence was a rather interesting hook. Then the boy is introduced and wow, you've really captured his personality. He actually acts like a child, adding a sense of realism. The teddy is an adorable touch as well, adding to his innocence and imagination!
I can tell you had a lot of fun writing this and as a reader, it really helps. If you have fun, then I'll have fun reading it!!
Keep up the great work!! C:
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SECRET-NINJA-SUPER-M [2015-02-24 16:33:26 +0000 UTC]
Such a cute story! So interesting, too, the end was unexpected.
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themaninroomfive [2015-02-24 11:39:48 +0000 UTC]
Wonderful, a sweet read.
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DailyLitRecognition [2015-02-24 05:32:19 +0000 UTC]
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLR (Daily Literature Recognition) in a news article that can be found here . Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article.
Keep writing and keep creating.
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