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PennedinWhite — The Little Time Traveler
#littleboy #teddybear #timetravel #bowtiesarecool
Published: 2015-02-24 02:47:04 +0000 UTC; Views: 2889; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 0
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Description

It was his masterpiece; a simple cardboard box created by a little boy's imagination. As a canvas for his markers, colorful lines swirled along the sides. Each line told a story of excitement and adventure: thrilling times for a little boy and his ever faithful companion. He held Teddy in his arms, knowing his friend's purpose took much care to achieve; his protector from terrible evils.

Lively blue eyes glanced at the fuzzy friend as a big grin was plastered on the little boy's face. The things they had seen on their journeys, defied everything the world had tried to teach them to believe, but they maintained they were too young to believe the world's words. They just wanted to explore the universe for themselves.

Gathering himself up, he sat Teddy down in a chair and made his way to his closet. Sifting through the shirts and trousers, he found his travel clothes and presents them to Teddy; a brown newsboy cap, pants, and shoes with a plaid bow-tie and suspenders. He also found Teddy’s matching plaid bow-tie and a green tweed travelling jacket. Together, they got dressed and assessed their appearance in the mirror.

“That oughta do it,” he said, straightening his bowtie and snapping his suspenders in the mirror.

The boy carried his companion into the decorated box. To the far side, there was a much smaller box; knobs, buttons, and levers, were painted on with a child's precision. He set Teddy down next to the small box. Pushing some buttons and spinning some knobs, the box came alive; whining and swishing. He continued to play with the knobs and buttons, as he had done so many times before.

“Are you ready?” He asked Teddy.

A quiet hum began when he pulled the lever. They were on their way into the magical unknown; to explore, meet new people, and get into plenty of trouble. As the box whirled, swerving and lurching, he pulled the levers frantically. He wanted to make this an adventure they would never forget, where ever or when ever they landed.

     

“Let's do this!”

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Comments: 46

LipsterLeo [2015-02-24 21:36:02 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


This is a lovely story. Obviously you have experienced this form of travel before. I can't really find anything wrong with this short story, other than it's too short!

The only real problem I can find, and I admit, it's picking nits, is that you have a change of tense in the third paragraph. " made his way to the closet", past tense then he "finds his travel attire", present tense. It's a simple faux pas that press writers and journalists make constantly. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but it drives me nuts!

All in all, this is a wonderful story, very imaginative, visual and well worded.

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PennedinWhite In reply to LipsterLeo [2015-02-24 22:26:39 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the catch! They are often so hard to get because your brain doesn't often process your own work very well! I can fix that.

Also, about it being too short: I was going to make it longer, then I decided mid-way through I was going to do a little mini-series off of this 'introduction', so that would be why it is as short as it is with no real added story. There will be more!

Thanks so much for the critique! I greatly appreciate the time you took to do one!

Much love!
Shara

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LipsterLeo In reply to PennedinWhite [2015-02-25 00:34:30 +0000 UTC]

I enjoyed reading it. It took me back to childhood again. And lord knows, at my age I need all the help I can get. Looking forward to reading more.

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PennedinWhite In reply to LipsterLeo [2015-02-25 01:17:04 +0000 UTC]

Awesome! I am glad it brought a smile, at least! I will do what I can to get more up soon!

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BlizzardBlitzer [2017-03-11 00:11:05 +0000 UTC]

Very nice.  It's too bad we (as a people [pretty sure we creative types are excluded) treat imagination as idiocy the older we get.  Childlike sense of wonder is a precious thing.

I did want to mention, since it's a habit of mine also, that paragraph three switched to present tense.  I think it's fine, but a lot of people gripe about it.

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PennedinWhite In reply to BlizzardBlitzer [2017-03-11 00:12:23 +0000 UTC]

I do it all the time, and rarely catch it myself - despite it being a fairly easy fix.... Thanks for the catch! 

And you are so right. Imagination should be celebrated these days, especially with how much it is being supressed. Truly is a shame. It is something I highly encourage in my son. Dream on, little guy!

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BlizzardBlitzer In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-11 00:22:23 +0000 UTC]

As do I.  Sometimes I really have to make a conscious decision.  "Okay, we're going to write in present tense or past.  Pick now and stick to it." The struggle.

I think people have a hard time understanding the difference between imagination and delusion.  But that's good.  Too many parents are afraid a creative child will do poorly in concrete subjects like math.

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PennedinWhite In reply to BlizzardBlitzer [2017-03-12 00:55:41 +0000 UTC]

It is such a struggle sometimes. Other times, not so much. Don't know why... Will fix it.

My son loves numbers, learning, etc. Not so afraid here. Sometimes, the teacher makes all the difference as well.

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BlizzardBlitzer In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-12 21:43:22 +0000 UTC]

I think certain things just feel more natural in a particular tense, and then when looked at as a whole, tense switching doesn't feel as good.  It's hard to say for sure.

I think it's cyclical.  You have to get over that false assumption yourself so that you can encourage your kids.  But that's good.  Perhaps school won't be as much of a drag for him, though the social aspects in later years are less than great at times.

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PennedinWhite In reply to BlizzardBlitzer [2017-03-14 18:01:13 +0000 UTC]

I fixed it a little, but I will definitely look at it closer this week.

He is a very charismatic little guy, not sure how he will react to school yet, but I am hopeful for him as he grows up - that he doesn't have his mother's experiences

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BlizzardBlitzer In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-14 22:48:03 +0000 UTC]

I'm sure you'll instill good principles and such into him.  I think we're all like that, wanting our kids to have it better than we did.

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PennedinWhite In reply to BlizzardBlitzer [2017-03-14 22:51:22 +0000 UTC]

Yeah.

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seekerofsigns [2017-03-10 03:38:31 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful and playful and so full of child-like excitement! I love it!

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PennedinWhite In reply to seekerofsigns [2017-03-10 18:48:03 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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JessaMar [2017-03-09 16:47:33 +0000 UTC]

This is sweet - a great tribute to imagination and the courage of childhood.

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PennedinWhite In reply to JessaMar [2017-03-09 19:23:53 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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Eremitik [2017-03-05 12:26:12 +0000 UTC]

I have seen too many people forget just how important imagination and magic are in life. Love this. It reminds me of Calvin and Hobbes, my all time favorite comic strip.

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PennedinWhite In reply to Eremitik [2017-03-05 15:53:17 +0000 UTC]

Calvin and Hobbes came to mind, as my husband is a huge fan as well. But yes, imagination is the key to many
things, and it is a shame it is often pushed to the way side by parents especially in exchange for excelerated learning.
I find that a healthy imagination leads to a higher intelligence down the line. Not that I am forcing my son, but
he has one of the most active imaginations I have seen in kids his age. (Takes after mama).

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Eremitik In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-08 11:00:11 +0000 UTC]

Oh, absolutely. Imagination is often overlooked or pushed to the side to make room for more "intelligent" pursuits. To allow a child's imagination to flourish is to give them appreciation for their own thoughts and ideas. It also allows us a different perspective to see the world in, to find the everyday magic that exists all around us.

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PennedinWhite In reply to Eremitik [2017-03-08 16:40:26 +0000 UTC]

Indeed. Just wish I had more time to stretch mine.  

But, have to be an adult...

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Eremitik In reply to PennedinWhite [2017-03-09 10:28:34 +0000 UTC]

Oh, yeah, adulting sucks, lol.

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PennedinWhite In reply to Eremitik [2017-03-09 19:05:04 +0000 UTC]

Indeed!

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nothing-creative [2015-06-07 20:50:46 +0000 UTC]

This was a great piece, and though it was brief, I got a great image of the characters. The idea and portrayals were absolutely adorable. I found myself wondering whether the boy and his bear were actually traveling through time, or if it was only his imagination.

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PennedinWhite In reply to nothing-creative [2015-07-01 16:51:59 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! And perhaps we shall never know whether it is real or in the imagination. Sometimes, the two become blurred and run together - the joy of being a child.

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nothing-creative In reply to PennedinWhite [2015-07-04 19:25:26 +0000 UTC]

No problem! You're right, they do blur together at times. And this piece represents that well, in a very sweet way. 

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PennedinWhite In reply to nothing-creative [2015-07-05 15:12:59 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much.  

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bruxing [2015-05-30 02:40:11 +0000 UTC]

What a lovely little snapshot! I very much enjoyed the idea of the little boy bringing his teddy along and the two of them getting dressed up together. The charm about this story is undeniable. Fantastic work.

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PennedinWhite In reply to bruxing [2015-07-01 16:50:26 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!  

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HiddenWithin [2015-02-24 18:31:34 +0000 UTC]

Of course a time-traveler needs a bow-tie. Never leave home without one.

And of course my Whovian mind saw this as a wee widdle Doctor.   

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PennedinWhite In reply to HiddenWithin [2015-02-24 20:42:52 +0000 UTC]

We had been watching a bit of The Doctor lately. Plenty of inspiration.

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LyricaLupin [2015-02-24 17:19:37 +0000 UTC]

I really enjoyed reading this!!
First off, the first sentence was a rather interesting hook. Then the boy is introduced and wow, you've really captured his personality. He actually acts like a child, adding a sense of realism. The teddy is an adorable touch as well, adding to his innocence and imagination!
I can tell you had a lot of fun writing this and as a reader, it really helps. If you have fun, then I'll have fun reading it!!
Keep up the great work!! C:

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PennedinWhite In reply to LyricaLupin [2015-02-24 20:47:35 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for your wonderful comments! I am glad it was fun to read!  

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SECRET-NINJA-SUPER-M [2015-02-24 16:33:26 +0000 UTC]

Such a cute story! So interesting, too, the end was unexpected.

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PennedinWhite In reply to SECRET-NINJA-SUPER-M [2015-02-24 20:35:48 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it! 

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themaninroomfive [2015-02-24 11:39:48 +0000 UTC]

Wonderful, a sweet read.

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PennedinWhite In reply to themaninroomfive [2015-02-24 20:33:28 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!  

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themaninroomfive In reply to PennedinWhite [2015-02-24 23:02:30 +0000 UTC]

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STelari [2015-02-24 10:24:31 +0000 UTC]

So lovely

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PennedinWhite In reply to STelari [2015-02-24 18:11:11 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! 

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DailyLitRecognition [2015-02-24 05:32:19 +0000 UTC]

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLR (Daily Literature Recognition) in a news article that can be found here . Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.

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PennedinWhite In reply to DailyLitRecognition [2015-02-24 05:40:21 +0000 UTC]

Oh my...! Thanks!

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chromeantennae [2015-02-24 05:08:44 +0000 UTC]

I absolutely adore this so much.

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PennedinWhite In reply to chromeantennae [2015-02-24 05:39:34 +0000 UTC]

Thanks so much! So glad you like it!

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chromeantennae In reply to PennedinWhite [2015-02-26 11:02:43 +0000 UTC]

I adore it!

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PennedinWhite In reply to chromeantennae [2015-02-26 15:49:47 +0000 UTC]

Fair enough

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chromeantennae In reply to PennedinWhite [2015-02-27 09:01:30 +0000 UTC]

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