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“Apples! Get your apples here!”

The marketplace of the small town was bustling with activity on this sunny day. Children were playing, vendors were peddling wares, the ground was rumbling…

The citizens paused. This was not an omen of something good. Far from it.

“Oh, lucky me!” A massive, booming, yet childishly feminine voice filled the sky as Viridi, goddess of nature, manifested in towering metaphysical presence. “Looks like I get to do some exterminating today!”

The human citizens could only cower and weep in place at her presence. Rumors had spread of her devastation, of course. The countless other providences razed by the second generation Reset Bombs. But none of them had stopped to truly consider their own fleeting mortality, how effortless it would be for a deity to wipe them all out.

“Ha! Seeing the fear in scum like is what makes this job worth it!” Now quite practiced, Viridi spun around, aiming her panty-clad derriere at the town.

“Toodles!”

*BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP*

Viridi bit her lip in a mix of relief and smug satisfaction as she unleashed a natural disaster from her ass. She had been altering her diet to keep herself “fully loaded” for her campaign of vengeance, so every time she got to let loose, it felt fantastic. And let loose she did, with something like a cross between a hurricane and a meteor impact assaulting the settlement with holy devastation that also smelled like a thousand pounds of manure. Even if she were at her normally favored proportions at less than five feet, this fart on that scale probably could have devastated the city just as thoroughly, so massive it was in comparison to her petit physique.

At least in theory.

But when the blonde goddess turned around, the city was profoundly undevastated. The structures and the denizens were shrouded in a protective light. The stench was still causing retching, dizziness, and fainting, but no death.

“Oh, what? This is so lame! Who is responsible for saving these miserable vermin?”

Viridi’s answer was a laser to the face, knocking her a few miles back from the town. To the surprise of nobody paying attention, the source of the attack was Palutena, goddess of light, who descended from the skies with a stern expression. If the humans were still in possession of their faculties, they would be honored to catch this glimpse of Palutena’s visage.

“Why hello there, Viridi. Up to your old tricks, I see?”

“Stay in your lane, Palutena!” Viridi shouted indignantly. "This is none of your business.”

“Actually, the protection of humans is part of my domain. And you’re putting that in danger. Again.”

Viridi scoffed. “It’s not like you to get your hands dirty. What, is your little angelic boy toy on administrative leave?”

“Well, I decided the only way you’re going to learn your lesson is if you get a proper walloping. Goddess to goddess.”

“Oh yeah?” Viridi scoffed. “Well I’m not so keen on a fair fight.” With a swipe of her staff, hundreds of cronies from the Forces of Nature were summoned to her side. “ATTACK!”

The hordes of plant-based enemies flew towards Palutena in flanking formation. Unfettered, Palutena calmly waited until they grew close enough to her towering form and gently lifted her leg.

*PPPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOTTTTTT*

A fart this high-pitched and airy might have been cute, albeit remarkably long, were Palutena at a more humanoid stature. But in this form, this was massively devastating. Most of the floral troops in close enough proximity was blown to smithereens by the shockwave alone, but as the smell spread, the entire militia was reduced to tiny collectible hearts.

“Ew, gross!” I can’t believe you just did that to my adorable minions!”

“Why thank you for your input, Ms. Black Pot,” Palutena snidely remarked, fanning behind her. “See, I’ve been watching your little rampage, and I’ve decided to fight fire with fire, so to speak.”

“Hmph!” Viridi stood up straight, hands on her hips with indignation. “So you can rip a pretty nasty fart, big deal. My butt is a certified weapon of divine might! My colon is the second iteration of my beloved Reset Bomb Depot!”

“Oh, come now, Viridi. You didn’t think THAT was all I was bringing to the table?” Palutena gloated, patting her belly, which Viridi was just now noticing was even more bloated looking than her own. “No, that was just the antepasto.”

“Doesn’t smell like pasta to me. If anything it smells like… an uppity busybody with a thing for younger men.”

“No, dummy, antepasto basically just means an appetizer.” Palutena winked. “Hope you saved room in that stuffed tummy of yours for the main course!”

Before Viridi could make a snappy comeback about what was apparently a crack about her weight, Palutena swiveled on her heels, pushed her hips out behind her, and fired.

*FFFRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBPPPTTT*

While it undeniably sounded like a long windy release of gas, it looked like a glimmering pulsar of light blasting from her behind, and it hit Viridi just as hard as one. The immature goddess’s gargantuan form was once again hurled backwards, crashing into a mountain several miles from the city she was originally trying to wipe off the map.

“Ugh…” Viridi was dazed from the surprise attack, and just as she was recovering from the physical shock, she got a whiff of the smell. “Oh, NASTY!! It’s like someone frying onion rings in a sewage tank full of spoiled eggs! What did you even eat?”

“Trade secret!” Palutena shouted from the distance, winking again even though none could see it.

Viridi scowled. The battle was on. Viridi focused and gathered a great big bundle of gas from the depths of her colon. “Alright, now you’re in for it!”

*BBBBBBRRRRRRRPPPP!*

A short but massive burst of hot rancid air blasted from under Viridi’s dress like a cannon, launching her into a mighty bounding leap.

“Hiyaaa!” Viridi let out a war cry as she descended onto Palutena. “Eat my dust, you wrinkly old-”

“Reflect!”

*THUD*

Viridi bounced gracelessly off Palutena’s magic barrier, landing on her back on top of a nearby forest.

“Ow… No fair…”

Before Viridi could utter another complaint, Palutena dropped herself down tuchus-first on Viridi’s unsuspecting head, pinning her to the earth with her well-sculpted body. Mockingly, she gyrated her hips down onto her face in anticipation, much to the shorter goddess's muffled protest.

“This is what happens when you mess with civilization!”

*PPPPPRRRRRBBBBBBBBBSSSSSHHHHTTT*

Palutena let out a blissful sigh as she began to unleash her heavenly fury on Viridi, her robe fluttering in the wake of her wind.

*FFFFFFFVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPTTT*

“Ah…” Palutena patted her midsection. She definitely was just getting started.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

“I can’t watch much more this…” Pit whined, face in his hand.

He and Dark Pit were seated on a cliff, observing the battle from a distance. They were sent to fight each other on behalf of their respective goddesses, but after a short conversation they agreed the whole thing was ridiculous and called a truce.

“I can’t believe I’m feeling second-hand embarrassment for a deity...” Dark Pit grumbled, arms crossed.

“Which one?”

Dark Pit sighed. “I’m honestly not sure.”

The ground rumbled as Palutena pushed out another earthquake-like fart onto the defenseless Viridi, nearly knocking the duo out of their lawn chairs.

“At least we’re far enough away that we can’t smell it…” Pit shuddered, remembering his so-called sparring session from the other day.

“Yeah, but it’s only a matter of time…” Dark Pit sat up, eyes trained on the distant titanic facefarting display. “We have to put a stop to this, for both of their sakes.”

“Couldn’t agree more, Pitoo.” Pit hopped to his feet and took some paper out from his pocket. “Thankfully, I’ve drafted a contingency plan for this. It’s kinda drastic, but if we don’t do something, these two might cause some serious damage…”

“Let me see that.” Dark Pit snatched the paper from his lookalike’s hands. “...Hmm.”

“Well?”

“Pit this is just drawings. Crappy ones, at that.”

Pit sighed. “Listen, you know I can’t read.”

“Dude, just take some time to learn, you’ve been alive for like a hundred years or something.”

“Oh, whatever, I’ll just tell you.”

Dark Pit crossed his arms. “Why do you need MY help, anyway?”

Pit sighed. “Because I can’t enter the underworld by myself…”

- - - - - - - - - - - -

“Ready to give up, Viridi?”

The goddess pinned beneath Palutena’s shapely behind did not respond. She was still, motionless, like an utterly defeated opponent.

“Hmm, alright then. One last blow should finish you off. Then I can carry you back to your heavenly domain and-”

“I don’t think so!~”

Palutena froze. Who said that, she wondered? She looked around and found a roughly human-sized blonde woman flying by her head.

“Yoohoo! Over here!”

“Oh… Phosphora, right? What, uh… brings you here?”

The thunder goddess giggled. “I’m flattered you remembered me. Anywho, I’m just here to say one thing.”

Palutena blinked, dumbfounded. “Um… Sure? What is-”

*BBBBBWWWOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPP*

It wasn’t as malodorous as any of the farts that had taken place by half, but Phosphora’s thunderous belch to the face was forceful enough to knock Palutena clean off her ass, tumbling unceremoniously into some mountain nearby.

Phosphora landed on the ground by Viridi’s head. “My lady, are you quite alright? I came as soon as I saw you were in danger!”

Groaning, Viridi got back on her feet, rubbing the back of her head. “Ugh… Took you long enough…”

“Sorry, we can't ALL be so powerful that we can fill the sky with our towering physical presence…”

Palutena struggled to pick herself off the ground, up to her hands and knees. “Heh… I don’t know if ‘towering’ is the word I would use.”

“OH, I BET YOU THINK YOU’RE SO CLEVER!” Viridi barked furiously. She picked up her staff and slammed the bottom end into the earth, and with incredible speed, vines as thick as trees sprung from the soil to ensnare Palutena’s limbs, pinning her to the ground on all fours.

“Hey!” Palutena squirmed reflexively. She tried to break her bonds through brute force, but her struggles were rewarded with a thunderbolt to the forehead. “Ugh…”

“Oh, Pally…” Viridi sauntered confidently to her captive. “Those were some pretty rank butt trumpets you subjected me too. I don’t know how your dopey angel sidekick puts up with it.”

Palutena scowled. "Don’t you also have a so-called dopey angel side-”

“Phosphora, zap her again.”

Another bolt of electricity struck Palutena, coursing though her body. Normally this would be nothing to a deity of her caliber, but she was still dazed from the burp. Her ears were ringing, and she swore she had double vision.

Viridi bent down to bring her face level to Palutena’s and smirked. “Well guess what? That was nothing compared to me. Prepare to know the true meaning of stink!”

Viridi turned around, squatted down, and hiked up the back of her dress, aiming her bottom right at Palutena’s head. The green-haired goddess tried to turn her head away, but it was pointless.

*BBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPTTT*

A huge brassy explosion heralded the advent of an absolutely nauseating stench. Palutena barely had time to gag before she was hit with even more of it.

*PPPPPRRRRROOOOOOOOTTT*

*FFFFFFVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMPPP*

So thick was the gas exploding from Viridi’s petite bum, that one could actually see the fumes distort the visibility in the air, waves of greenish brown blowing through the emerald locks and spreading across the area for miles. Surely any mortal man who caught even the faintest whiff of this concentrated odor of rotten produce and dead skunk would be sick for a week. Palutena, for her part, was doing her best to endure. She tried breathing through her mouth, but the odor was thick enough to taste, and it did not taste good.

“Hahaha!” Viridi cackled. “Serves you right!” She shifted her hips to press her butt right against Palutena’s face and clenched her fists.

*PPPHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTT*

An extremely airy fart unleashed a torrent of Viridi’s natural scent onto her rival, the gas fog getting thicker and spreading further out. Phosphora was hovering at a safe distance away, scarf wrapped over her nose. She witnessed entire forests lose all their leaves as the fog rolled over them, but elected not to bring that to her superior’s attention.

“Goodness, I hope this gas obsession phase of hers passes soon…”

“What was that, Phosphora?” Viridi called out. “Couldn’t hear you over my-”

*FFFFFBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPTTT*

“Ah…” Viridi sighed in relief, wiggling her behind after that explosively damp ripper.

“Oh, uh…” Even just hearing a fart that massive and wet was enough to make Phosphora want to heave. “I was just saying… It looks like you have this under control… So I’m going to go… recharge in the clouds…”

“Alright! I should have this old hag taken care of before you can say-”

Viridi was cut off my a booming sinister laugh that seemed to come from everywhere at once.

“Uh oh.” Viridi peered over her shoulder at her victim. “Was… was that you?”

Palutena didn’t get a chance to come up with a sarcastic retort, as the sky turned black, and all of Viridi’s gases vanished from the area. A massive purple rift appeared, and the upper body of a colossal looming pale-skinned figure emerged from it.

Viridi gasped and fell over in shock. “Is that… M-m-m…”

“MEDUSA?” Palutena shouted, squinting. Between the concussive trauma and the watery eyes, her vision was so bad that she almost wasn’t sure. But the nest of serpentine hair was too distinctive.

“Long time no see, you two.” spoke Medusa menacingly. “I see your generals spoke true.”

“What do you mean?” asked Palutena, who was still bound in place but now able to breathe freely.

“Well, the second Pit, with the black wings, came and told me you were squabbling like infants over how big your farts were. I was rather incredulous, but here you are.”

“THAT LITTLE TRAITOR!” Viridi stomped the ground in rage, causing another small localized earthquake. “I swear, I’ll wring his scrawny shota neck!”

Phosphora remained a healthy distance away, concerned for Viridi’s safely but also terrified in your own right. “So then, why are you here? You know that entering the Overworld is enough to start another war.”

“Oh no, I’m not here to cause any trouble. See? I’m still standing in the Underworld.” Medusa gestures to the lower portion of her dress, still submerged in the other side of the rift.

“Then… Why are you here?” asked a cautious Palutena.

The goddess of darkness chuckled to herself. “Just to show you what real power looks like.

She lifted one leg up out of the portal and used a hand to keep it held up. By the time the other three goddesses realized what was coming, it was too late.

*FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…*

A thick purple haze erupted from under Medua’s dress, blanketing the area. Immediately, Viridi and Palutena were both subjected to the most atrocious stench they had ever experienced. Her gas was beyond anything any mortal could produce, or even conceive. It actually reeked of death. Not the smell of a corpse, but the smell of the abstract notion of the inexorable truth that all living things must in time perish.

In terms a human might better conceptualize, it smelled really REALLY bad.

*...RRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP…*

And there seemed to be no limit to how much she had. Medusa laughed as her asscheeks rumbled and her dark plague of stink saturated the valley. Palutena and Viridi were paralyzed seconds after inhaling the vile gas, and while Phosphora made to escape, not even lightning is fast enough to escape darkness, and she succumbed to the foul odor, crashing to the ground.

All plant life in twenty miles shriveled up to dust, scattered in the relentless violent winds. Any human that caught even the faintest whiff of Medusa's fumes would, ironically enough, be petrified instantly. If they had to smell even half of what the feuding goddesses were being subjected to, they would assuredly die on the spot.

*...PPPPPPPPPRRRRRRRRRVVVVVVVVVVVVVOOOOOOOBBBBBLLLLL...*

And worst of it all, there was no end to it. She just kept going and going, the local atmosphere getting cloudy with her noxious emissions. Medusa wore a sadistic sneer, reveling in seeing the other goddess cough and gag and writhe before her power. In time, the struggling faded and all three goddesses collapsed from the unholy stench before they could even witness the end of the historic fart.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Palutena’s eyes slowly opened. Her head was aching in ways she never could have imagined, but something roused her awake. Something was squirming next to her.

In a moment she regained her senses and took stock of the situation. She seemed to be bundled up with Viridi and Phosphora in some kind of restrictive garment. They were back to their smaller sizes, or rather, Viridi and herself now matched Phosphora’s scale.

Viridi seemed to be kicking up a fuss about something, and judging by the smell, she hasn’t just been using her mouth to complain about it.

More importantly, though, they all seemed to be riding in a cart connected to none other than the lightning chariot, zooming through space with Pit at the reigns. Dark Pit was seated near them, and turned to look at her as she became aware.

“Ah. You're finally awake. You were trying to gas the border, right? Walked right into that Underworld ambush, same as-”

“DON’T YOU TALK TO HER WHEN I’M BERATING YOU, TWERP!” Viridi shouted. “I demand an explanation! First of all, what is this stupid wool prison you’ve ensnared us in?”

He pointed over his shoulder at his lighter counterpart. “His idea.”

“It’s called a get-along sweater!”

Phosphora turned up her nose. “Well I happen to hate it, just so that’s on the record.”

“Pit, is it true you were the one who sent Medusa to attack us?” asked Palutena in her serious voice.

“Well…” Pit kept his eyes forward. “I mean, technically it was Pittoo who actually told her…”

“Stop calling me that…”

“...Ahem, but it was my idea, yeah. I had to do SOMETHING, Lady Palutena. You were, well… disillusioned. I figured I had to get you both level-headed, and it seemed like the only language you were hearing…”

“Was farts…” Palutena finished. “Oh, Pit, you’re right. I suppose I let my competitive spirit get the best of me. At some point this became less about saving the humans and more about showing up Viridi. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not!” snapped Viridi, twisting to free herself from the sweater and farting with every other thrash. “I refuse to learn anything from this!”

Dark Pit sighed. “You always do…”

“Anyway, where are you taking us?” asked Phospora, who was struggling far less that Viridi was.

“Oh, come on!” Pit answered, peering over his shoulder. ‘Don’t tell me you guys FORGOT about Smash Bros?”

The three goddesses gasped.

“Oh shoot, it completely slipped my mind!” said Palutena. “I hope we’re not too late.”

“Am I still just an assist trophy?” Phosphora inquired.

“Yup,” said Dark Pit. “And you’re still just a stage hazard, Lady Viridi.”

“Laaaame!” Viridi rolled her eyes. “Well, at least I’ll still get to belittle you in that taunting easter egg.”

“It’s the simple things, sometimes.” Palutena grinned. “And hey! We can show off our new flatulent powers to all the fighters!”

“Oh, you’re right!” Viridi laughed and gave her booty a smack. “Look out Smash! The Reset Bomb Factory is on its way!”

Pit, Dark Pit, and Phosphora all sighed wearily in unison.