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Description
being home alone on a rainy day can only be
described as
eerie. where                             ontheserainydaysyadyniaresehtno
insecurities and
fear come out to play.
it's all just silence,
never being broken.
not saying a word
to the horses. not
even saying a word
to myself. i tend to
drink hot water.
what's the point of
flavor if you can't
taste? i just need
the warmth.

{my stepmother cannot cook. but when i tried to refuse to eat, she told me, "you better eat, or you will go to your room and go to sleep without any food at all." then, i was afraid of hunger. i ate soggy rice and undercooked chicken for years. now, i can only take comfort in the void that grows days after a meal.}

i am afraid of the
medication. afraid
of what it could
change about me.
i fear change,
i fear being too
content, i fear
the screen door
slamming,
and i'm definately
afraid of his
disinterest.                               heonlylovesyourinjuryrujniruoysevolylnohe
my smile is already
perfectly practiced
plastic. when my
mind is already
misplaced, i don't
need a pill twisting
it any further.

{i sometimes break down and there's nothing i can do. i scream and cry and no one could possibly bring my to calm. my real mother screams back.
                                  shedoesn'tunderstandnatsrednut'seodehs.
sometimes, my father just cries. he knows i am lost.}

i share my name
with a plant. a
plant with bright
tantilizing red
berries with dark
prickly leaves.
those who know                      veryfewdodwefyrev
tell me it's a good
match. i'm so pretty,
i have what you want.
but when you reach for
me, you'll only find pain.

{he told me he was afraid of me getting better, because he may not love me if i didn't bear all these bruises and scars. people tell me i only put up walls to see who cares enough to knock them down. there's nothing behind the walls. nothingatalllatagnihton.}

i'll love you. i
promise. but i
can't protect you
from the maddness
manifesting inside my lungs        .

...

Description
being home alone on a rainy day can only be
described as
eerie. where                             ontheserainydaysyadyniaresehtno
insecurities and
fear come out to play.
it's all just silence,
never being broken.
not saying a word
to the horses. not
even saying a word
to myself. i tend to
drink hot water.
what's the point of
flavor if you can't
taste? i just need
the warmth.

{my stepmother cannot cook. but when i tried to refuse to eat, she told me, "you better eat, or you will go to your room and go to sleep without any food at all." then, i was afraid of hunger. i ate soggy rice and undercooked chicken for years. now, i can only take comfort in the void that grows days after a meal.}

i am afraid of the
medication. afraid
of what it could
change about me.
i fear change,
i fear being too
content, i fear
the screen door
slamming,
and i'm definately
afraid of his
disinterest.                               heonlylovesyourinjuryrujniruoysevolylnohe
my smile is already
perfectly practiced
plastic. when my
mind is already
misplaced, i don't
need a pill twisting
it any further.

{i sometimes break down and there's nothing i can do. i scream and cry and no one could possibly bring my to calm. my real mother screams back.
                                  shedoesn'tunderstandnatsrednut'seodehs.
sometimes, my father just cries. he knows i am lost.}

i share my name
with a plant. a
plant with bright
tantilizing red
berries with dark
prickly leaves.
those who know                      veryfewdodwefyrev
tell me it's a good
match. i'm so pretty,
i have what you want.
but when you reach for
me, you'll only find pain.

{he told me he was afraid of me getting better, because he may not love me if i didn't bear all these bruises and scars. people tell me i only put up walls to see who cares enough to knock them down. there's nothing behind the walls. nothingatalllatagnihton.}

i'll love you. i
promise. but i
can't protect you
from the maddness
manifesting inside my lungs        .

...