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Description
Johnny snuggled with Matt as they watched a movie together.
They played with each other's hands and fingers with soft smiles.
It had been a little better around the house, Johnny was trying harder to be optimistic.
Looking up, Johnny planted a kiss to Matt's throat as he turned the TV off. He crawled into a straddling position over Matt, his smile feverish.
Matt's automatic reaction was to kiss the feverish smile but he broke their lips apart in mid-kiss. "Oh, baby..." he said quietly, biting his lip sadly.
He knitted his brows, slowly moving his hips against Matt's stronger hips. "What?" Johnny's fingers tugged at Matt's shirt sleeves gently.
Matt felt himself arouse, they hadn't made love for a long while. "I don't think we can..." he said cautiously, still noticing Johnny's bony hips, how they were weak, how he probably wouldn't be able to handle the strength it took to reach climax. He didn't want to hurt his baby boy.
"Why?" Johnny whispered, coming to a slow stop. "What's stopping us...?" His eyebrows narrowed before he slid off Matt's lap.
Matt tried to pull him back in his arms, kissing him softer now. "I'm scared to, Jay...I-I don't want to hurt you..." His hand gently stroked Jay's lower stomach lovingly to show that he did want it, but he wasn't going to risk Johnny's health for it.
"Will you just tell me the truth?" He looked away from Matt. "I know I'm ugly and sickly looking. I know I'm not beautiful anymore, Matt. I know this. Don't lie about why we're not making love." Johnny shook his head and sat down, saying, "I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. It's not me...It's not my reflection."
Matt frowned. "Johnny, stop that." he said. "You know you will always be beautiful to me. It isn't how you look physically, because you're still the most grogeous human being I could ever love. I don't want to hurt you while making love. I don't need sex to prove to you how much I love you. Sure I may have needs, but those are just hormonal. I can love you without having to have sex with you." He searched Johnny's face. "I promise we can make love once your better, but right now I can't. Your body isn't strong enough just yet..."
"I'm not--" He stopped himself, remembering what he promised Matt. He would try to be optimistic. Johnny stood and headed for the stairs, the light reflecting off his scalp.
"Johnny..." Matt stood, walking after him. His stomach felt sick at the sight of the hurt man.
Sensing his boyfriend coming after him, Johnny stated venemously, "When I go, you won't have to feel obliged anymore to wait and get with someone else. Why don't you just go? Just leave, Matt." He was in hysterics now as he cried, "I'm only going to get worse before it all ends. I'm only going to look more horrific. Just break it off with me already."
It seemed being optimistic was more painful than either thought.
"If you die..." Matt choked out. "If you die, a part of me will most definitely die. I will never be able to move on from you. Johnny, I wish I could make love to you all night. I truly do, but right now, you're sick. You're absolutely sick. You're not atrocious. You're the most beautiful person on this planet to me!" Matt pleaded, trying to come into closer distance of him.
Without being able to stop it, Johnny was pulled into a tight, loving embrace. More tears spilled out down his cheeks as he was held close.
"You will be the only person I hold like this...You will be my lover. Jonathan Seward..." he struggled before shaking his head, burying his face in the hollow of Johnny's shoulder.
Weeping into Matt's chest, Johnny explained, "I just don't want you to be lonely and devistated after I die...I don't want you to be unhappy. If...If you left me, Matt...I know you'd realize it was the best thing. You'd have no pain."
"No pain? No pain as I walked away from the most influential person in my life? That's absolutely nonsense to me. What we have is so special...I can't pretend it never happened. I will spend every waking moment I can with you here on this earth..."
Johnny sniffled as he let himself be supported by his lover. "...I love you, Mattie. I...I'm glad you're staying with me." And he meant this with all his heart.
~
The session for Johnny's Chemo therapy was upon them, and Johnny remained quiet the entire ride there.
When there, they kissed softly before Johnny was led to a wheelchair and wheeled back to the room by a nurse.
He looked over his shoulder at Matt and gave a small wave, something shimmered in the once golden irises. He gave a loving smile to his waiting boyfriend that he was leaving behind.
The swinging doors closed behind Johnny and the nurse.
Matt folded his hands, crouching over so that his forearms rest on his knees. He tried to dose off, but it was to no avail. It was then he found himself praying once more. Asking God if He was listening. If He heard Matt's prayers for his lover.
He sat there for the usual amount of time, but then the sun set...And he noticed doctors and nurses running about in a hurry. They wouldn't answer any of his questions.
Midnight hit, and he couldn't sit still anymore.
Standing and making his way to a rushing nurse nearby, he stopped her. "Um, have you heard anything about a Jonathan Seward? He was supposed to be out of treatments a few hours ago..." His stomach did a familiar knot as he watched the nurse's expression.
Her heart-shaped, kind face became sympathetic. "...We...We're doing all we can, Mr. Sanders. Please, have a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly." She hurried off to the double doors, her black hair up in a high bun.
However, it wasn't shortly.
The waiting went on for several more hours until finally, Matt stood abruptly at the sight of the old, stout doctor coming towards him with a wary look upon his face.
They shared a brief handshake. "Mr. Sanders...I'm sorry for the wait."
Matt went through a stage of quiet hysterics before asking, "What's going on? Where is he? What happened!? Is he okay!?" He wanted to shake the doctor in hopes that the answers would come out faster.
"Maybe you should sit down..." The older man sat Matt down, starting, "We did all we could, but--"
But Matt never got to hear the rest because he was suddenly jostled awake by the petite, long, black-haired nurse with the kind heart-shaped face.
"Good evening, Mr. Sanders...I'm sorry to have to wake you up, but we have some news."

Description
Johnny snuggled with Matt as they watched a movie together.
They played with each other's hands and fingers with soft smiles.
It had been a little better around the house, Johnny was trying harder to be optimistic.
Looking up, Johnny planted a kiss to Matt's throat as he turned the TV off. He crawled into a straddling position over Matt, his smile feverish.
Matt's automatic reaction was to kiss the feverish smile but he broke their lips apart in mid-kiss. "Oh, baby..." he said quietly, biting his lip sadly.
He knitted his brows, slowly moving his hips against Matt's stronger hips. "What?" Johnny's fingers tugged at Matt's shirt sleeves gently.
Matt felt himself arouse, they hadn't made love for a long while. "I don't think we can..." he said cautiously, still noticing Johnny's bony hips, how they were weak, how he probably wouldn't be able to handle the strength it took to reach climax. He didn't want to hurt his baby boy.
"Why?" Johnny whispered, coming to a slow stop. "What's stopping us...?" His eyebrows narrowed before he slid off Matt's lap.
Matt tried to pull him back in his arms, kissing him softer now. "I'm scared to, Jay...I-I don't want to hurt you..." His hand gently stroked Jay's lower stomach lovingly to show that he did want it, but he wasn't going to risk Johnny's health for it.
"Will you just tell me the truth?" He looked away from Matt. "I know I'm ugly and sickly looking. I know I'm not beautiful anymore, Matt. I know this. Don't lie about why we're not making love." Johnny shook his head and sat down, saying, "I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. It's not me...It's not my reflection."
Matt frowned. "Johnny, stop that." he said. "You know you will always be beautiful to me. It isn't how you look physically, because you're still the most grogeous human being I could ever love. I don't want to hurt you while making love. I don't need sex to prove to you how much I love you. Sure I may have needs, but those are just hormonal. I can love you without having to have sex with you." He searched Johnny's face. "I promise we can make love once your better, but right now I can't. Your body isn't strong enough just yet..."
"I'm not--" He stopped himself, remembering what he promised Matt. He would try to be optimistic. Johnny stood and headed for the stairs, the light reflecting off his scalp.
"Johnny..." Matt stood, walking after him. His stomach felt sick at the sight of the hurt man.
Sensing his boyfriend coming after him, Johnny stated venemously, "When I go, you won't have to feel obliged anymore to wait and get with someone else. Why don't you just go? Just leave, Matt." He was in hysterics now as he cried, "I'm only going to get worse before it all ends. I'm only going to look more horrific. Just break it off with me already."
It seemed being optimistic was more painful than either thought.
"If you die..." Matt choked out. "If you die, a part of me will most definitely die. I will never be able to move on from you. Johnny, I wish I could make love to you all night. I truly do, but right now, you're sick. You're absolutely sick. You're not atrocious. You're the most beautiful person on this planet to me!" Matt pleaded, trying to come into closer distance of him.
Without being able to stop it, Johnny was pulled into a tight, loving embrace. More tears spilled out down his cheeks as he was held close.
"You will be the only person I hold like this...You will be my lover. Jonathan Seward..." he struggled before shaking his head, burying his face in the hollow of Johnny's shoulder.
Weeping into Matt's chest, Johnny explained, "I just don't want you to be lonely and devistated after I die...I don't want you to be unhappy. If...If you left me, Matt...I know you'd realize it was the best thing. You'd have no pain."
"No pain? No pain as I walked away from the most influential person in my life? That's absolutely nonsense to me. What we have is so special...I can't pretend it never happened. I will spend every waking moment I can with you here on this earth..."
Johnny sniffled as he let himself be supported by his lover. "...I love you, Mattie. I...I'm glad you're staying with me." And he meant this with all his heart.
~
The session for Johnny's Chemo therapy was upon them, and Johnny remained quiet the entire ride there.
When there, they kissed softly before Johnny was led to a wheelchair and wheeled back to the room by a nurse.
He looked over his shoulder at Matt and gave a small wave, something shimmered in the once golden irises. He gave a loving smile to his waiting boyfriend that he was leaving behind.
The swinging doors closed behind Johnny and the nurse.
Matt folded his hands, crouching over so that his forearms rest on his knees. He tried to dose off, but it was to no avail. It was then he found himself praying once more. Asking God if He was listening. If He heard Matt's prayers for his lover.
He sat there for the usual amount of time, but then the sun set...And he noticed doctors and nurses running about in a hurry. They wouldn't answer any of his questions.
Midnight hit, and he couldn't sit still anymore.
Standing and making his way to a rushing nurse nearby, he stopped her. "Um, have you heard anything about a Jonathan Seward? He was supposed to be out of treatments a few hours ago..." His stomach did a familiar knot as he watched the nurse's expression.
Her heart-shaped, kind face became sympathetic. "...We...We're doing all we can, Mr. Sanders. Please, have a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly." She hurried off to the double doors, her black hair up in a high bun.
However, it wasn't shortly.
The waiting went on for several more hours until finally, Matt stood abruptly at the sight of the old, stout doctor coming towards him with a wary look upon his face.
They shared a brief handshake. "Mr. Sanders...I'm sorry for the wait."
Matt went through a stage of quiet hysterics before asking, "What's going on? Where is he? What happened!? Is he okay!?" He wanted to shake the doctor in hopes that the answers would come out faster.
"Maybe you should sit down..." The older man sat Matt down, starting, "We did all we could, but--"
But Matt never got to hear the rest because he was suddenly jostled awake by the petite, long, black-haired nurse with the kind heart-shaped face.
"Good evening, Mr. Sanders...I'm sorry to have to wake you up, but we have some news."