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PleasurelyPainful — Anorexia
Published: 2010-06-02 20:00:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 8348; Favourites: 166; Downloads: 44
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Description
'You're so skinny!''You don't need to lose weight!'
'You look great!'
Lies…all lies. I know the truth. Too many pounds here, too many there. Hips, stomach, butt…
I want it all gone. I need it to be gone. Eat less, exercise more…it's such a simple problem to fix.
So I eat when I need to. Doesn't even need to be everyday. It's usually something small. Carrots, celery, a handful of nuts…It's just enough to get me through the day.
You want to know my daily routine? Fine.
I run a few miles everyday. It took some time to get used to it, but I had to adjust to reach my goal.
No one else knows I do it. I wake in the wee hours of the morning. So no one sees or hears.
I don't bother with breakfast of course. I'm awake before my mother so I just tell her I already ate.
Lunch is a thing of the past. Why waste my money right? I usually have a protein bar with me to hold me over and keep my stomach quiet in class.
Once I return home, I continue to exercise. I walk on the treadmill or do some cardio. No one suspects a thing. I just tell them I need to exercise and stay active.
During dinner I just barely pick at what's on my plate. I usually gulp down a few bites to make mom happy.
As much as it hurts sometimes, I have to do this.
I want and need to feel beautiful again.
Thinner and thinner each day…I need to make the fat girl in the mirror disappear.
I'm shrinking away slowly but surely…in the end it will be worth it despite what they all say.
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Comments: 141
THIS IS ME
(I'm slowly turning into anorexia! I eat less and less every day, I always exercise, I have pains. But I see a fat girl in the mirror. 
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This cookie has suddenly become so much more delicious...
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m not anorexic but have anorexic tendencies. i barely eat and have lost weight very rapidly. but even though i know its wrong i do it anyways.
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its people like you that make people kill themselves. Not everyone with a psychological problem is an attention seeker. Most people have real problems!
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One of my friends is anorexic, and I find it increasingly sad to see her waste away. This piece is beautiful, and eye-opening too, which makes it even more beautiful. No matter what people say, anorexia can be cured! All things are possible!
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Dont give up your health and life just to please some impossible in the first place standarts.
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this is awesome. right on the spot. i love it. my thoughts.
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this sounds like what im turning into... I guess im kind of on the brink right now and im trying not to fall over the edge. 
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Now you're making me nervous, this is my thought process sometimes, only rather than not eating, i'm obsessed with my food portions. Nice work, hit kind of close to home.
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One thing that many people don't understand about anorexia is that it's not about food. Aside from the fact that food is calories, and calories are fat, the disorder is purely mental. It gives its victims a completely different mentality and rationale. We (as a sufferer) don't think the way that normal people do. We tell ourselves that thin is beautiful. Other girls who are bigger can be beautiful, but we will only be beautiful if we're thin. We believe that EVERY social interaction is a direct result of our disorder. If a boy/girl doesn't like us, it's nothing to do with our personality--it's because we're too fat. If we get thinner, they'll like us. If our boy/girlfriend or friends breaks up with/ditch us, it's because we're fat and they're embarrassed/disgusted with us.
And I say boy/girl for a reason. Girls aren't the only victims. Men and boys suffer too. Honestly, I think that it's probably worse for them. Anorexia is viewed as a girls disorder, so they feel emasculated if they have it. They're less inclined to seek help for it. Also, people don't think about it as much with guys. When seeing an overly thin male, an eating disorder is never the first thing to pop into mind. In reality, males are just as susceptible to the disorder as females.
Also, sufferers of anorexia aren't always the thinnest people. I know many with a bigger bone structure or whom are naturally more cushioned than other people. The disorder is just as, if not moreso, difficult for them, because they feel as though they'll never achieve it. Anorexia is a mentality, not just a physical disorder.
Sufferers of anorexia and bulimia, when looking in the mirror, do not see what bystanders see. There is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes them to see fat, ugly, etc, when others see skin and bones. No matter how many times that they are told that they are thin, it is nearly impossible for them to see.
And on a final note, eating disorders are rarely cured. It is still unknown exactly how they are caused, and a cure/magic pill has not yet been found. If a previous victim tells you that they are cured, it is most likely a cover-up and they are still suffering.
(Disclaimer: I'm certain that the poster knows all of this. This comment is moreso for readers benefit.)
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Sometimes I read these sorts of thigns and think to myself "Wow, these people must be crazy". Then, reality sets back in, and I realize I am reading a mere depiction of my innermost thoughts and experiences.
This is a beautiful interpretation, and spot-on in many cases. Sadly, my case is one of them.
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I'm glad
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Great job. It's probably hard to imagine what would be going through the mind of an anorexic.
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Thank you <3 yeah I agree
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The best of this was the first and the last part - that really touched me and you came into my mind. I can see myself in this part; I know my parents are lying when they say I am skinny or else they are just blind - a new study in the paper actually proved, that parents are blind to kids overweight, and many of them who had an obese child would consider him/her a bit too thin. It only proves my point; you can't trust the adults opinion. They are from a different time.
I am so glad that you didn't bring up any "I have to look like the models"-stuff, because - well, in my case - it has nothing to do with 'the other'. I don't care about how the models, the girls in school or how any other looks like or how they eat. It is about me and how I see myself. And what I look like now, is not something I want to represent. It is like showing a bad project in school - it is not a nice feeling. So you did the right thing, when you didn't bring the model-subject up
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it's sad how they don't want to look like wemen but they want to look like young boys
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...um that's not really the main issue..
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yeah i know but i find it sad how they think it's making them beautifull but it's actually making them look like walking corpses
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Don't. Say. A word.
You don't have anorexia, you don't know what the hell they want. Every victim has different reasons.
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This is really what it is like, its upetting how accurately you portay anorexia. Upsetting in a awe-inspiring way.
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Thank you I suppose
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:/ I hope you get the help you need soon if you haven't yet
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I tried help.....it was useless.
like your username, i am pleasurely painful
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Wow thank you <3
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You are welcome ^-^
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So true, well written.
Just a little note but nuts and protein bars would probably be foods anorexics would not let themselves eat.
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thanks <3
ah okay. thanks for the tip <3
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I think you did really good.
Some people have a hard time putting things into words.
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Thank you very much! <3
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being an anorexic girl who is trying very hard to gain weight back since im getting too sick, but at the same time barely eating and exercising like crazy, this made me tear up /: i wish i could stop but i cant... thank you <3
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Awwww...
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Well, I'm a recovering anorexic, and I thought you were right in the mindset there =]
This is really good x
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^^ Glad you're recovering. Good luck <3
Glad you enjoyed! <3
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You know, anorexic people could be really successful in their lives if they just chose a different goal. I mean, look at that will, and drive, and unstoppable self-motiviation. If only they used it to... become doctor's, or something.
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True...but it's a very difficult disease to overcome and it becomes like an addiction. It's one of the most difficult diseases to get past and recovery and getting their bodies to function normally again can take a long time.
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i go to a school with at least 3-5 girls in my grade who are 13 and slowly starting to get anorexia.
i know 3 of them and the others are people i dont know but i see around. 1 of them is sickly thin and is always saying how fat she is. the other is her so called 'best friend' she's mostly hung up on having the worlds shortest shorts and throwing her self at every single guy she sees. she's a huge slut but then one of them is one of my best friends. she a little under wait and is fit but she's always saying how fat she is. me and my other friends are always telling her that she's beautiful and skinny, but she's always saying "no i'm fat, i really need to lose wait." i really cant stand to see people do that to them self's it really pisses me of!
i love your writing. your really getting the hang of it. if you need any help i will be happy to give you some tips! and i'll be looking forward for more of your writing ^^
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See the sad thing is, some people don't really have problems. They just do it for attention. Just the way you talk about her, that's how she sounds.
Thank you very much though! Glad you like it ^^ <3
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