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Description
Once upon a time...

It was a long day of waiting. 5-6 hours. And then I took the bus to the train station. I swear, sitting in the bus was like sitting in the waiting room at the doctor. I don\'t mean for it to sound too negative. But it was the smell. It was odd. It really made me think of the doctor. The eye doctor. Getting new glasses. Strange how the mind works with smells and memories and associations.

But I got to the train station ok. It\'s been quite a while since I was there last. I can\'t even remember when. I was early though, so I had time to just look around. Find the monitors when the arrival and departure times were displayed. I did some general recon work so I would feel more ready when we had to take the train the next day. And then I went down and waited.

About 10 minutes later the train came. I knew Skye would probably be on wagon 90 or 91. So I went to one of those but I didn\'t see her coming out, so I walked to the other one. Didn\'t see her. Turned around to walk back. And there she was. I would love to make some amazing description of that first moment but to be honest I\'m not even sure what I was feeling. She was just there. Such a unique moment. Someone you\'ve known for 2 years. Talked to more than anyone else in your life. Someone you know better than anyone. And there they are, actual real physical being.

I think we looked at each other for a couple of seconds. It\'s all a little hazy. Rosy coloured clouds. Then we hugged. We had talked about what we would do. And we had sort of agreed to do that. I\'ve never felt anyone so close to me. Seriously. Apart from family, but that\'s a completely different feeling. And it was strange. And hard. Two of the recurring words. I think I pulled back from the hug very quickly. I don\'t know if Skye could actually feel that. But it did feel like I withdrew very quickly, like it was a little too much.

Did we even say anything? Not much. I mean we said something. But I can\'t remember the words. And we started walking to the bus. Holding hands. And at that moment I was close to panicking I think. I was leading her up the stairs and to the bus stop. And I was pretty much thinking that I couldn\'t do it. That it was a mistake. All the usual impulses I get, just much stronger. Run and hide. Maybe it was a good thing that we had to wait 10 minutes for the bus. We were just standing there holding hands mostly. Calmed me a little down I think.

It was strange too, though. Holding hands. In public. Like people could see us. All my instincts always go towards not getting noticed. That\'s harder when you\'re actually holding hands with a pretty girl.

I don\'t think our hands left eachother much. The whole trip. We didn\'t talk a lot. It was almost like we were communicating with just rubbing fingers, gentle caresses.

We got off the bus. Walked home. Got inside. I showed her my room. The bedroom. The grand tour.

And it was just as awkward as you would imagine it would be when you have two people who are very very shy together. We really didn\'t talk much at all. But we were prepared for that I guess. We had already talked about not needing to talk a lot. It\'s funny how different it is. Talking on aim, there\'s nothing but words. Not even spoken. Just letters. A constant stream. And then in real life there\'s closeness and warmth and almost no words. And no away messages or brb\'s. Luckily sometimes words aren\'t that necessary. We just continued holding hands. Feeling eachother like that. Watching the Dark Crystal. She brought videos. We sat down on the couch. With a blanket. Watching it.

I liked it. The movie. And the sitting there. Holding hands. It was just very sweet. It took a while before I could really start to follow the movie. My heart had to slow down just a little.

We pretty much spent the evening like that on the couch. Watching the Dark Crystal and a dutch movie called Minoes. I couldn\'t understand the dialogue of course. But there were lots of cute cats and scenes so it was still nice. And Skye had explained the plot to me beforehand.

Holding hands all the time. Her hands were so cold when we came in. So fragile. Slowly they warmed up. That was a good feeling. A really good feeling. I like holding hands.

We had a break for dinner too. She brought Nasi. A sort of rice dish. Unfortunately there were onions in it and I couldn\'t eat it. That was really too bad. But I took some bread instead and we sat at the table together had dinner like a couple. A shy couple.

There was kissing too of course. When we sat on the couch. I think she kissed me gently on the cheek first. And then she frenched me. Hehe. Okay, it took me by surprise a little. I\'m a bit clueless about these things. But it was nice. I had pretty much figured I would go through life and never be kissed. But there\'s a first time for everything. And I understand now why kissing is so popular. I still find it a little scary, but well yeah.. you can\'t really go wrong with that.

When we talked before the meeting we had figured we\'d probably want to go to bed around midnight. But after watching Minoes we were pretty much ready for bed. I think it was around 10 pm. I went and made a quick diary update and then we sat down again and listened to the Saybia cd she had brought. And then we went to bed.

She had brought Mr Lovey hehe. Unfortunately she forgot it here when she left. So now he\'s mine for a while.

Anyway. Bedtime. That was pretty special. Okay, very special. Okay, out of this world. Because my mother had been nice enough to leave us alone we were able to sleep together in my parents\' bedroom. I\'m used to lying alone in a cold little room. Now I was with a girl in a big heated room. And it just got hotter and hotter. So to speak. She let me watch her get changed. She has the most wonderful breasts. I don\'t how many details I should give but let\'s just say I got a lot closer to them as we were lying in the dark. And it was maybe the best thing I have ever tried in my life. I hope that doesn\'t sound terribly shallow or anything. It was just.. wow. And it would have gotten even more amazing if I hadn\'t been so completely scared and nervous all through my body. If you know what I mean. It ended too soon, sooner than we wanted. But it was okay. It was amazing just having a real sexual thing happen. We had agreed before it all that we weren\'t going to have actual sex. What happened was much more than I had expected. And it was wonderful. And it\'ll get better.

I don\'t think I slept too much that night. I remember one point the sound of her breathing was so calm, I was thinking she was asleep. And I didn\'t dare move. Because if I moved too much it would disturb her and I could almost tell she would wake. So I lied there and almost didn\'t breathe because I didn\'t want to disturb her sleep.

One of the things I remember best is just looking at her in dark. Too dark to see. Couldn\'t tell if her eyes were open or closed. But I could see her silhouette against the windows because of the moonlight. Just watching the contours of her face.

It was a long night. Very long. Changing positions. Kissing. Holding hands. Holding each other. Probably the longest night of my life. Definitely the best.

It\'s pretty amazing feeling someone so close to you. It\'s hard too though. Hard to really relax. What if your body decides to make a stupid sound or you just spontaneously fall out of bed? Or anything. But again Skye helped me a lot. The whole time, the whole trip. She always helped. It always seemed okay, even when I felt I wasn\'t doing too well. Wasn\'t talking enough, wasn\'t doing things right. She made it feel okay. She understood. I think that matters more than anything.

And eventually we did get sleep. And eventually the alarm clock went off. And we got up. Prepared things. Sat down in the couch again and just held hands. Kissing a little. After the whole thing was over I was really worried that she was unhappy with the fact that we sat down and did \"nothing\" a lot. I was so worried that she would be disappointed. But when we talked afterwards she told me that she wasn\'t. That it was good. I\'m so glad. That I didn\'t ruin it all. That we could just have that quiet togetherness, and that was ok.

And then we went to the bus. We were early for that so we sat inside it and waited. And we got to the train station. And we were early for that. So we sat in the waiting room and waited. It was a lot of waiting I guess. But waiting is good for holding hands so that wasn\'t so bad. When we were sitting in the waiting room there was a couple with a little kid. He was very adorable. He reminded me of Maggie from the Simpsons in that starfish suit for some reason. He was wearing a sort of big thick coat thing, trying to walk around. Falling over once or twice. He was very adorable. And just sitting there holding Skye\'s hand watching him.. it was easy to pictures us taking a train with our kid sometime in the future.

Eventually the train arrived. And I started feeling a little panicky again. We had to get on wagon 14. But there was no wagon 14. Turns out the train came in two \"parts\". The last wagons came a minute later or something like that. Confused me. And it didn\'t help that the wagon numbers sort of went 18 - 19 - 90 - 91 - 14. I was starting to worry that we wouldn\'t figure it all out. But I asked a conductor type person for help and we got in and got our seats.

And then it was a very long trip. 3½ hours plus a little. I don\'t know when I took a train the last time but I\'m betting it\'s 15 years ago. I\'m glad Skye was there with me. When the train started moving it sort of hit me that, well, trains crash. You know. Sometimes they crash. Okay, I knew that already of course. But it wasn\'t until it started moving that it really dawned on me that sometimes trains crash horribly and people die. But the fear went away pretty quickly. I just focused on Skye\'s hands instead. We still didn\'t talk much. Just holding hands. Looking at each other sometimes. Looking out at the countryside. There were some really nice vistas. When we crossed one of the two bridges (lillebælts or storebælts-broen? Me and geography will never be friends. Maybe some other bridge) there was this stunning scenery. Heavy dark clouds and the sun breaking through them and lighting up some of the water. It was rather beautiful.

I\'ll never love train trips though. Especially the fact that you have to sit face to face with strangers. Sitting there for 3½ hours with nowhere to hide is kind of hard. It wasn\'t too bad on the first trip though. The people sitting next to us were foreigners, they spoke a mix of danish and something that sounded yougoslavian or from those parts and then english. It was a mother and her kid. And the kid was like textbook-adorable. I mean she was on a roll. She was making faces to her reflection in the window. Kissing the reflection. Putting play makeup on herself and her mother. Standing up on the seat. Talking, running around, eating sandwiches and complaining that she didn\'t like cheese. Everything a kid can do to be cute, she did it. It was almost a little too much. But it was kind of nice too. Especially when she went to sleep in her mother\'s lap. Very sweet. That kid is going to grow up to be a superstar unless someone breaks her spirit along the way.

The ride was pretty uneventful apart from that. I managed to embarrass myself by going into a storage depot instead of the toilet. But I don\'t think too many people noticed. They were probably too busy trying to open the doors between the compartments. It was crazy. You had to sort of wave your hands in front of the motion sensors and pretty much everyone had problems with it. Skye even had to get up and help an older man who was standing on the other side of the (see-through) door and waving his arms all over the place with no luck. It was bizzare.

Also bizarre was the fact that half the danish cities seem to be slanty. Move over leaning tower of Pisa. Seriously, lots of buildings just seemed askew to me. Okay, it\'s possible that it was the train tracks that were slighly slanted but I sometimes I got this weird feeling that all the houses were sort of on edge and almost ready to fall over.

I got more and more nervous as we got closer to the destination. And when we got to the airport I was close to panick mode again. But we found or way around it okay. Eventually managed to locate terminal 2. Skye checked in. And then we went to the cafeteria and sat down. Skye got a pilsner. I got a cola. Highway robbery is too kind a description for those prices. But you don\'t really think about that in situations like those. We sat there. For the last 30 minutes before she would leave. Short kisses. Frenchkissing in public is still a little too much for me. But it was nice, sitting there like a couple. Like in a movie or a book. Waiting for the plane. Lovers departing. Being together, and people being able to see it.

Eventually and inevitable the time came. We had to get up. Walk to the moving stairs. Only passengers allowed beyond that. We had to say goodbye. We hugged. This time I don\'t think I pulled back so quickly. I felt like I was able to give myself more into the hug. I hope I\'m right. And we kissed. I told her to have a safe trip. See you soon. Again I\'m not sure of all the words. Apart from bye of course. And she went up on the stairs, moving her upwards and away. And I felt very sad. Very. I almost cried. I didn\'t expect that really. Usually I can hide and ignore my feelings all too well. Crying at stupid tv shows but not in real life. But I\'m glad I felt that anyway, let myself feel that. It\'s only right. You have to feel the sadness in a moment like that. I watched her go up. I waved. I started walking back. And then I looked up and I saw her. Walking in the same direction. The walls were all of glass so we could still see each other. And we waved a little more. And then came the time to walk around the corner and we waved a last time and then she was out of sight. And I was walking through the airport. Alone. Nervous. Sad. It was hard to really accept that she was gone. We had been very close for the entire time. Just apart for a couple of trips to bathrooms I think. It felt very wrong to not have her hands in mine.

But I could tell if I was a little quick about it and my mother the same then we might be able to catch an earlier train than expected. So I hurried back to the meeting place. And my mother came and we hurried to the train and made it. An hour saved is an hour gained, thank god for train delays. I\'m glad my mother came to meet me. I might have been able to take the train alone, I think so even. But I\'m glad I wasn\'t alone. Even though it was strange not being able to hold Skye\'s hand. Strange having to speak Danish again. All very strange.

And then another long, long train trip. Face to face with strangers. Pretty girls. I feel awkward around pretty girls. It\'s one thing when you\'re sitting next to a gorgeous girl and holding her hands and she wants you to be there. But when you\'re sitting face to face to pretty girls you don\'t know and your mother is asking if you need to use the toilet.. it\'s awkward. I didn\'t like it. And too many people. We had to sit in the wagons without seat reserverations. Lots of people coming and going. I had brought a book. But I didn\'t read it. I just sat there and hugged my bag and looked out at the window. Night fell as the train made its way back. The moon came up pretty quickly. Followed us all the way home as it got darker and darker.

The trip back felt a bit shorter but then felt harder too. My mother grabbed the newspaper on the table. The guy who took one of the pretty girls\' seats had left it. So we didn\'t have to stop in the shop. We managed to grab the first bus. And we were home pretty quickly all in all. I\'m glad we caught that early train. And that early bus.

I was very tired when we got back home. Such a long couple of days. My head was hurting a little. And as I said yesterday, I managed to crash my head against the wall. But relaxed a little and the aspirins helped. And then I talked to Skye again on aim when she got back.

And everything went ok. I survived. We made it. We met. I actually met her. I\'m still not sure I completely understand that. But I can go hug Mr Lovey if I start thinking it was all just a dream.

It was an amazing time. I can still feel the swaying of the train. Long after she was gone I could still smell her and feel her taste. And I kept rubbing my fingers thinking that her fingers would be against mine.

I won\'t pretend it was easy though. It was very hard. There were times when I almost panicked. Times when I froze and couldn\'t do anything. Times when I felt like I needed to run away. But I\'m glad we did it. Looking back it seems easier. It was worth it. Everything won\'t be easy and perfect now. I can\'t finish the entry with \"and they lived happily ever after\". But it was a huge step forward. And hopefully we can take more. And hopefully things will be okay. And I would be lucky to have someone like Skye. She was everything I tought she would be. And she helped me so much. Made me feel so good even though it was so hard. She was perfect.

It\'s strange. All the music I listen to reminds me of her.

I\'ve been writing too long now. I\'m tired and will probably be sick soon. I hope it all came out okay, without too many flaws and mistakes. Thank you all for supporting us. There was a time when I thought there was no hope. But it\'s starting to sink in that some people can actually like me. Some can even love me. If I can accept that then there\'s hope.

...and they had a chance to live happily ever after...

Description
Once upon a time...

It was a long day of waiting. 5-6 hours. And then I took the bus to the train station. I swear, sitting in the bus was like sitting in the waiting room at the doctor. I don\'t mean for it to sound too negative. But it was the smell. It was odd. It really made me think of the doctor. The eye doctor. Getting new glasses. Strange how the mind works with smells and memories and associations.

But I got to the train station ok. It\'s been quite a while since I was there last. I can\'t even remember when. I was early though, so I had time to just look around. Find the monitors when the arrival and departure times were displayed. I did some general recon work so I would feel more ready when we had to take the train the next day. And then I went down and waited.

About 10 minutes later the train came. I knew Skye would probably be on wagon 90 or 91. So I went to one of those but I didn\'t see her coming out, so I walked to the other one. Didn\'t see her. Turned around to walk back. And there she was. I would love to make some amazing description of that first moment but to be honest I\'m not even sure what I was feeling. She was just there. Such a unique moment. Someone you\'ve known for 2 years. Talked to more than anyone else in your life. Someone you know better than anyone. And there they are, actual real physical being.

I think we looked at each other for a couple of seconds. It\'s all a little hazy. Rosy coloured clouds. Then we hugged. We had talked about what we would do. And we had sort of agreed to do that. I\'ve never felt anyone so close to me. Seriously. Apart from family, but that\'s a completely different feeling. And it was strange. And hard. Two of the recurring words. I think I pulled back from the hug very quickly. I don\'t know if Skye could actually feel that. But it did feel like I withdrew very quickly, like it was a little too much.

Did we even say anything? Not much. I mean we said something. But I can\'t remember the words. And we started walking to the bus. Holding hands. And at that moment I was close to panicking I think. I was leading her up the stairs and to the bus stop. And I was pretty much thinking that I couldn\'t do it. That it was a mistake. All the usual impulses I get, just much stronger. Run and hide. Maybe it was a good thing that we had to wait 10 minutes for the bus. We were just standing there holding hands mostly. Calmed me a little down I think.

It was strange too, though. Holding hands. In public. Like people could see us. All my instincts always go towards not getting noticed. That\'s harder when you\'re actually holding hands with a pretty girl.

I don\'t think our hands left eachother much. The whole trip. We didn\'t talk a lot. It was almost like we were communicating with just rubbing fingers, gentle caresses.

We got off the bus. Walked home. Got inside. I showed her my room. The bedroom. The grand tour.

And it was just as awkward as you would imagine it would be when you have two people who are very very shy together. We really didn\'t talk much at all. But we were prepared for that I guess. We had already talked about not needing to talk a lot. It\'s funny how different it is. Talking on aim, there\'s nothing but words. Not even spoken. Just letters. A constant stream. And then in real life there\'s closeness and warmth and almost no words. And no away messages or brb\'s. Luckily sometimes words aren\'t that necessary. We just continued holding hands. Feeling eachother like that. Watching the Dark Crystal. She brought videos. We sat down on the couch. With a blanket. Watching it.

I liked it. The movie. And the sitting there. Holding hands. It was just very sweet. It took a while before I could really start to follow the movie. My heart had to slow down just a little.

We pretty much spent the evening like that on the couch. Watching the Dark Crystal and a dutch movie called Minoes. I couldn\'t understand the dialogue of course. But there were lots of cute cats and scenes so it was still nice. And Skye had explained the plot to me beforehand.

Holding hands all the time. Her hands were so cold when we came in. So fragile. Slowly they warmed up. That was a good feeling. A really good feeling. I like holding hands.

We had a break for dinner too. She brought Nasi. A sort of rice dish. Unfortunately there were onions in it and I couldn\'t eat it. That was really too bad. But I took some bread instead and we sat at the table together had dinner like a couple. A shy couple.

There was kissing too of course. When we sat on the couch. I think she kissed me gently on the cheek first. And then she frenched me. Hehe. Okay, it took me by surprise a little. I\'m a bit clueless about these things. But it was nice. I had pretty much figured I would go through life and never be kissed. But there\'s a first time for everything. And I understand now why kissing is so popular. I still find it a little scary, but well yeah.. you can\'t really go wrong with that.

When we talked before the meeting we had figured we\'d probably want to go to bed around midnight. But after watching Minoes we were pretty much ready for bed. I think it was around 10 pm. I went and made a quick diary update and then we sat down again and listened to the Saybia cd she had brought. And then we went to bed.

She had brought Mr Lovey hehe. Unfortunately she forgot it here when she left. So now he\'s mine for a while.

Anyway. Bedtime. That was pretty special. Okay, very special. Okay, out of this world. Because my mother had been nice enough to leave us alone we were able to sleep together in my parents\' bedroom. I\'m used to lying alone in a cold little room. Now I was with a girl in a big heated room. And it just got hotter and hotter. So to speak. She let me watch her get changed. She has the most wonderful breasts. I don\'t how many details I should give but let\'s just say I got a lot closer to them as we were lying in the dark. And it was maybe the best thing I have ever tried in my life. I hope that doesn\'t sound terribly shallow or anything. It was just.. wow. And it would have gotten even more amazing if I hadn\'t been so completely scared and nervous all through my body. If you know what I mean. It ended too soon, sooner than we wanted. But it was okay. It was amazing just having a real sexual thing happen. We had agreed before it all that we weren\'t going to have actual sex. What happened was much more than I had expected. And it was wonderful. And it\'ll get better.

I don\'t think I slept too much that night. I remember one point the sound of her breathing was so calm, I was thinking she was asleep. And I didn\'t dare move. Because if I moved too much it would disturb her and I could almost tell she would wake. So I lied there and almost didn\'t breathe because I didn\'t want to disturb her sleep.

One of the things I remember best is just looking at her in dark. Too dark to see. Couldn\'t tell if her eyes were open or closed. But I could see her silhouette against the windows because of the moonlight. Just watching the contours of her face.

It was a long night. Very long. Changing positions. Kissing. Holding hands. Holding each other. Probably the longest night of my life. Definitely the best.

It\'s pretty amazing feeling someone so close to you. It\'s hard too though. Hard to really relax. What if your body decides to make a stupid sound or you just spontaneously fall out of bed? Or anything. But again Skye helped me a lot. The whole time, the whole trip. She always helped. It always seemed okay, even when I felt I wasn\'t doing too well. Wasn\'t talking enough, wasn\'t doing things right. She made it feel okay. She understood. I think that matters more than anything.

And eventually we did get sleep. And eventually the alarm clock went off. And we got up. Prepared things. Sat down in the couch again and just held hands. Kissing a little. After the whole thing was over I was really worried that she was unhappy with the fact that we sat down and did \"nothing\" a lot. I was so worried that she would be disappointed. But when we talked afterwards she told me that she wasn\'t. That it was good. I\'m so glad. That I didn\'t ruin it all. That we could just have that quiet togetherness, and that was ok.

And then we went to the bus. We were early for that so we sat inside it and waited. And we got to the train station. And we were early for that. So we sat in the waiting room and waited. It was a lot of waiting I guess. But waiting is good for holding hands so that wasn\'t so bad. When we were sitting in the waiting room there was a couple with a little kid. He was very adorable. He reminded me of Maggie from the Simpsons in that starfish suit for some reason. He was wearing a sort of big thick coat thing, trying to walk around. Falling over once or twice. He was very adorable. And just sitting there holding Skye\'s hand watching him.. it was easy to pictures us taking a train with our kid sometime in the future.

Eventually the train arrived. And I started feeling a little panicky again. We had to get on wagon 14. But there was no wagon 14. Turns out the train came in two \"parts\". The last wagons came a minute later or something like that. Confused me. And it didn\'t help that the wagon numbers sort of went 18 - 19 - 90 - 91 - 14. I was starting to worry that we wouldn\'t figure it all out. But I asked a conductor type person for help and we got in and got our seats.

And then it was a very long trip. 3½ hours plus a little. I don\'t know when I took a train the last time but I\'m betting it\'s 15 years ago. I\'m glad Skye was there with me. When the train started moving it sort of hit me that, well, trains crash. You know. Sometimes they crash. Okay, I knew that already of course. But it wasn\'t until it started moving that it really dawned on me that sometimes trains crash horribly and people die. But the fear went away pretty quickly. I just focused on Skye\'s hands instead. We still didn\'t talk much. Just holding hands. Looking at each other sometimes. Looking out at the countryside. There were some really nice vistas. When we crossed one of the two bridges (lillebælts or storebælts-broen? Me and geography will never be friends. Maybe some other bridge) there was this stunning scenery. Heavy dark clouds and the sun breaking through them and lighting up some of the water. It was rather beautiful.

I\'ll never love train trips though. Especially the fact that you have to sit face to face with strangers. Sitting there for 3½ hours with nowhere to hide is kind of hard. It wasn\'t too bad on the first trip though. The people sitting next to us were foreigners, they spoke a mix of danish and something that sounded yougoslavian or from those parts and then english. It was a mother and her kid. And the kid was like textbook-adorable. I mean she was on a roll. She was making faces to her reflection in the window. Kissing the reflection. Putting play makeup on herself and her mother. Standing up on the seat. Talking, running around, eating sandwiches and complaining that she didn\'t like cheese. Everything a kid can do to be cute, she did it. It was almost a little too much. But it was kind of nice too. Especially when she went to sleep in her mother\'s lap. Very sweet. That kid is going to grow up to be a superstar unless someone breaks her spirit along the way.

The ride was pretty uneventful apart from that. I managed to embarrass myself by going into a storage depot instead of the toilet. But I don\'t think too many people noticed. They were probably too busy trying to open the doors between the compartments. It was crazy. You had to sort of wave your hands in front of the motion sensors and pretty much everyone had problems with it. Skye even had to get up and help an older man who was standing on the other side of the (see-through) door and waving his arms all over the place with no luck. It was bizzare.

Also bizarre was the fact that half the danish cities seem to be slanty. Move over leaning tower of Pisa. Seriously, lots of buildings just seemed askew to me. Okay, it\'s possible that it was the train tracks that were slighly slanted but I sometimes I got this weird feeling that all the houses were sort of on edge and almost ready to fall over.

I got more and more nervous as we got closer to the destination. And when we got to the airport I was close to panick mode again. But we found or way around it okay. Eventually managed to locate terminal 2. Skye checked in. And then we went to the cafeteria and sat down. Skye got a pilsner. I got a cola. Highway robbery is too kind a description for those prices. But you don\'t really think about that in situations like those. We sat there. For the last 30 minutes before she would leave. Short kisses. Frenchkissing in public is still a little too much for me. But it was nice, sitting there like a couple. Like in a movie or a book. Waiting for the plane. Lovers departing. Being together, and people being able to see it.

Eventually and inevitable the time came. We had to get up. Walk to the moving stairs. Only passengers allowed beyond that. We had to say goodbye. We hugged. This time I don\'t think I pulled back so quickly. I felt like I was able to give myself more into the hug. I hope I\'m right. And we kissed. I told her to have a safe trip. See you soon. Again I\'m not sure of all the words. Apart from bye of course. And she went up on the stairs, moving her upwards and away. And I felt very sad. Very. I almost cried. I didn\'t expect that really. Usually I can hide and ignore my feelings all too well. Crying at stupid tv shows but not in real life. But I\'m glad I felt that anyway, let myself feel that. It\'s only right. You have to feel the sadness in a moment like that. I watched her go up. I waved. I started walking back. And then I looked up and I saw her. Walking in the same direction. The walls were all of glass so we could still see each other. And we waved a little more. And then came the time to walk around the corner and we waved a last time and then she was out of sight. And I was walking through the airport. Alone. Nervous. Sad. It was hard to really accept that she was gone. We had been very close for the entire time. Just apart for a couple of trips to bathrooms I think. It felt very wrong to not have her hands in mine.

But I could tell if I was a little quick about it and my mother the same then we might be able to catch an earlier train than expected. So I hurried back to the meeting place. And my mother came and we hurried to the train and made it. An hour saved is an hour gained, thank god for train delays. I\'m glad my mother came to meet me. I might have been able to take the train alone, I think so even. But I\'m glad I wasn\'t alone. Even though it was strange not being able to hold Skye\'s hand. Strange having to speak Danish again. All very strange.

And then another long, long train trip. Face to face with strangers. Pretty girls. I feel awkward around pretty girls. It\'s one thing when you\'re sitting next to a gorgeous girl and holding her hands and she wants you to be there. But when you\'re sitting face to face to pretty girls you don\'t know and your mother is asking if you need to use the toilet.. it\'s awkward. I didn\'t like it. And too many people. We had to sit in the wagons without seat reserverations. Lots of people coming and going. I had brought a book. But I didn\'t read it. I just sat there and hugged my bag and looked out at the window. Night fell as the train made its way back. The moon came up pretty quickly. Followed us all the way home as it got darker and darker.

The trip back felt a bit shorter but then felt harder too. My mother grabbed the newspaper on the table. The guy who took one of the pretty girls\' seats had left it. So we didn\'t have to stop in the shop. We managed to grab the first bus. And we were home pretty quickly all in all. I\'m glad we caught that early train. And that early bus.

I was very tired when we got back home. Such a long couple of days. My head was hurting a little. And as I said yesterday, I managed to crash my head against the wall. But relaxed a little and the aspirins helped. And then I talked to Skye again on aim when she got back.

And everything went ok. I survived. We made it. We met. I actually met her. I\'m still not sure I completely understand that. But I can go hug Mr Lovey if I start thinking it was all just a dream.

It was an amazing time. I can still feel the swaying of the train. Long after she was gone I could still smell her and feel her taste. And I kept rubbing my fingers thinking that her fingers would be against mine.

I won\'t pretend it was easy though. It was very hard. There were times when I almost panicked. Times when I froze and couldn\'t do anything. Times when I felt like I needed to run away. But I\'m glad we did it. Looking back it seems easier. It was worth it. Everything won\'t be easy and perfect now. I can\'t finish the entry with \"and they lived happily ever after\". But it was a huge step forward. And hopefully we can take more. And hopefully things will be okay. And I would be lucky to have someone like Skye. She was everything I tought she would be. And she helped me so much. Made me feel so good even though it was so hard. She was perfect.

It\'s strange. All the music I listen to reminds me of her.

I\'ve been writing too long now. I\'m tired and will probably be sick soon. I hope it all came out okay, without too many flaws and mistakes. Thank you all for supporting us. There was a time when I thought there was no hope. But it\'s starting to sink in that some people can actually like me. Some can even love me. If I can accept that then there\'s hope.

...and they had a chance to live happily ever after...