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PoeticVegan — Not Bad
Published: 2005-03-04 23:55:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 53; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description
Steal a momentFrom someone who
Needs no more
Feed off the time
Precious
Live the life
You’d like to live
For a short-lived life time
Let a smile
Stay in your plans
It couldn’t hurt
You need to find
A chance to let go
Borrow a second
From your long lost twin
Of another life
Life that used to feel like
A rush of cool, clean air
But now you deal with
A puff of thick black smog
Why do you kill yourself
So slow
It’s ok to smile
Take the chance and
I’m sure you’ll like it
The feeling of being
Happy
Being mad at the world
Never solved a single problem
Grab a second
From the corner store
Follow the directions
Printed on the back
Used it fully to a good use
Make your day
One worth keeping it’s number
On your calendar
Put down the virus
That slowly kills you
And give yourself a chance
Unlock the deadbolt to your
Fractured mind
They appealed the law on laughing
You won’t regret trying
The new and improved
Low in the bad
High in the good
Happiness
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Comments: 2
I like the way you set this out. I lespecially like th group of four lines from: 'Life that used to' up to 'black smog' - I feel that the contrast works well, and I like the imagery. I like the rythm and flow of the lines from: 'Take the chance' to 'Happy'.
I like the whole business about the corner store, the directions and all that follows, particularly the lines 'Unlock the deadbolt ... mind'. The flavour of the whole is one of sorrowful tenderness. Very good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
