somnomollior [2005-03-05 19:43:44 +0000 UTC]
I like the way you set this out. I lespecially like th group of four lines from: 'Life that used to' up to 'black smog' - I feel that the contrast works well, and I like the imagery. I like the rythm and flow of the lines from: 'Take the chance' to 'Happy'.
I like the whole business about the corner store, the directions and all that follows, particularly the lines 'Unlock the deadbolt ... mind'. The flavour of the whole is one of sorrowful tenderness. Very good.
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