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prettyflour — A Divine Illusion
Published: 2012-08-23 21:39:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 683; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 2
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Description Daniel was frozen in place, eyes wide in a mixture of fear and awe. Emily stood before him, so close that she was within arms reach. Tears leaked from his eyes unbidden as he looked upon her ghost. It was Emily but it wasn't- her form translucent with the slightest glow cascading over her body.  She shimmered when she moved and he smiled- it reminded him of the glitter she used to wear on her cheeks.

"Daniel..." she spoke in a hushed whisper and there was an echo to her voice. The sound moved in slow motion and with it came a warm rush of air blowing gently over his face.

She raised her hand and traced the outline of his jaw sending tingles over his skin. "You've changed," she said with a wistful smile and he couldn't help but smile back and say, "You haven't."

He reached out and was surprised to find that he could touch her, her body firm and warm under his hands. He embraced her, overcome with emotion he faltered- knees shaking he fell to the floor, taking her with him.

In the back of his mind he knew this couldn't be real. Emily was dead, she had been for years but how could he deny the feel of her in his arms? Her soft wavy hair tickled his skin, her cool shuddering breathes washed over him, and the scent of her perfume lingered in the air.

He would not question this, he would embrace it- embrace her.

Here, inside the clock-tower, Daniel remembered everything. This had been their secret place where they had hidden themselves away from prying eyes to steal kisses and less-than-innocent touches. The constant ticking of the clock was familiar and comforting; their private metronome.

Daniel's breathing calmed and lulled in time with the tick tock- tick tock.  His arms tightened around her and his lips fell upon her forehead, touching down with a whispered, "I love you."

She raised her chin, looking at his red-rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. Lips trembling, her voice was heavy in his ear. "I'm sorry."

He cried harder, fear of losing her again making his body shake with sobs.

"No," she cooed, "I'm never leaving you again."

He looked down upon her, his brow furrowed in confusion. She was a divine illusion, so much more beautiful then he remembered- stunning yet unearthly.

"Then why are you apologizing?"

She sighed and ran her fingers through his hair. "Because I am here to take you to the other side."

For a few long moments he simply stared at her before he asked, "The other side?"

She smiled her wistful smile and replied, "Yes, my love. Welcome to heaven."
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Comments: 9

CarmelMatthew [2015-10-13 13:11:36 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


I'm pretty much impressed of how you started this story. I'm also intrigued by its title and for that I give credit to it on how I critique your story. Your vision of the story is well plotted. The narrative hook surely did the magic. Technique-wise I would say that its also excellent. Though on the part of originality.. I've read a book with the same plot though. I'm a certified bookworm since I started reading novels at the age of 10 years old.. So I think I've rated you fairly. The impact of your story moved me and I expect greater story plots from you. Good job! And keep it up!

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prettyflour In reply to CarmelMatthew [2015-10-15 23:11:12 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and critique. I appreciate it!  

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CarmelMatthew In reply to prettyflour [2015-10-18 03:08:38 +0000 UTC]

Doitashimashite. <3

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k9lover64 [2013-08-28 23:42:14 +0000 UTC]

Aww, that was a beautiful story! I love how you can feel the passion of the moment. 

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prettyflour In reply to k9lover64 [2013-08-30 20:53:31 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!!

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k9lover64 In reply to prettyflour [2013-08-30 23:02:36 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome :]

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FleetastheWind [2012-09-27 02:11:00 +0000 UTC]

Wow. That was absolutely stunning! Love it!!!

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prettyflour In reply to FleetastheWind [2012-09-27 04:19:14 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much. It was a fun challenge! I'm actually thinking about continuing it... making a series of short stories based on the picture prompt.

Thanks again!

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FleetastheWind In reply to prettyflour [2012-09-28 01:42:45 +0000 UTC]

That would be awesome!!!

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