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Psycho-Stress — Breathe

Published: 2004-11-04 23:32:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 73; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description I couldn't breathe...
I dived into the water
Breaking into its calm surface.
The splash was loud,
Yet nobody noticed me.
I swam deeper into the depths.
I opened up my eyes.
I saw nothing but blurry pictures.
My tears mixed with the illusion.

When you look into the ripples,
From the dry land,
You would see that I'm floating
On the shallows.
But in harsh reality,
I'm way deep into the water.
There, I opened my mouth.
And tried to speak.
My breath just escaped.
Bubbles created the waves.
Only then you've realized
I'm already down below.

I couldn't breathe...
I'm suffocating,
I'm gulping the water,
I'm gasping for air...

Nobody could reach me anymore
I'm not afraid of the water
None of you wanted to risk drowning
Just to get me back...

I can't be rescued...
I belong here...
I'm drowning here...
But I'm still alive...
I could breathe...
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Comments: 21

nomorenothing [2004-11-08 18:06:21 +0000 UTC]

It seems like drowning,but to me more of drowing in emotion and life.
Just the way i feel,and how i have felt so many times.
Very well written love the meanings behind as there are so many.

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Psycho-Stress In reply to nomorenothing [2004-11-09 12:09:46 +0000 UTC]

Yes. Drowning in emotion is a nice metaphor interpretation! Better to drown in emotion than be hooked in drugs.

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nomorenothing In reply to Psycho-Stress [2004-11-09 17:28:02 +0000 UTC]

yup i have to agree very strongly on that,somtime i think otherwise but always better that way round...most times.
Welcome

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literary-device [2004-11-08 01:46:47 +0000 UTC]

I like it...but the whole "drowning" metaphor is kind of overused and cliche 'n 'at. The scene was well set; I could "see" everything happening, but I'd use a different metaphor.

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Psycho-Stress In reply to literary-device [2004-11-08 09:41:28 +0000 UTC]

Really? What metaphor(s) do you use as a substitute? I want to learn.

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literary-device In reply to Psycho-Stress [2004-11-08 22:18:38 +0000 UTC]

I can't really tell you what to write a poem about...but I'd use something like jumping out of a moving vehicle or a plane or something crazy...and have them watching from inside. Make us know that they could have helped you easily without any harm to themselves, but they chose not to because they don't care enough.

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Psycho-Stress In reply to literary-device [2004-11-09 12:07:03 +0000 UTC]

Sounds good. Out of the typical is the definition of "deviant" in the first place anyway. From now on, I'll try not to be too typical.

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The-Elusive-Rob [2004-11-07 06:13:49 +0000 UTC]

Nice! Makes you think and i doubt everyone'll feel the same...
I agree, nothing in the poem indicates suicide at all, possibly th last thing i'd think of if i did at all, to me themeaning flows through easily, your friends might seem distant from you at the moment and all th problems an work around you is pushing you under, maybe you don't want to call out, possibly you don't know how... Either way you wouldn't expect anyone to risk adding your problems to there own, therefore 'drowning' themselves also...

Thats what comes to my mind anyway, not certain what you or anyone else thought...

Overall a bloody good poem

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Psycho-Stress In reply to The-Elusive-Rob [2004-11-07 07:36:59 +0000 UTC]

Hehe! We think alike for we interpreted the same meaning from it.

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The-Elusive-Rob In reply to Psycho-Stress [2004-11-10 21:02:40 +0000 UTC]

Hehe... never a bad thing... *smiles*

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Barnicals [2004-11-06 03:06:59 +0000 UTC]

None of you wanted to risk drowning
Just to get me back...

Such an emotive two lines, it's so...Jesus, it just wrenches my heart. Well done.

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Psycho-Stress In reply to Barnicals [2004-11-06 11:41:34 +0000 UTC]

To you, what do those lines mean?

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Barnicals In reply to Psycho-Stress [2004-11-07 02:59:52 +0000 UTC]

Simple- They weren't willing to risk themselves to get you back.

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yzarc [2004-11-05 10:48:55 +0000 UTC]

Bout isolation right ..... just wat it seems like ta me

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Psycho-Stress In reply to yzarc [2004-11-05 13:40:50 +0000 UTC]

We had the same thing in mind. Isolation. Different people have different things in mind so we can interpret different meanings.

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yzarc In reply to Psycho-Stress [2004-11-08 17:20:59 +0000 UTC]

yey me.... i think O.o

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BlindRage19 [2004-11-05 01:23:45 +0000 UTC]

pretty good lol i kbow how you feel and i dont think anyone could mistake that for a drownding and not see what it is

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Psycho-Stress In reply to BlindRage19 [2004-11-05 13:39:46 +0000 UTC]

So how do you see it?

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BlindRage19 In reply to Psycho-Stress [2004-11-05 15:23:43 +0000 UTC]

that your drownding in life. What else could it be.

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masterofphantasy [2004-11-05 00:22:35 +0000 UTC]

your drowning under all of _______ (insert wrong answer here) and no one wants or bothers to help you.

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Psycho-Stress In reply to masterofphantasy [2004-11-05 13:39:23 +0000 UTC]

Well, yeah. The figurative meaning depends on the reader anyway. Just don't look at any literal meanings.

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