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Not A Lot... (Ryan/Brendon)

[This is slash. Don't like it? Then don't read. Thank you.]

Nothing could be better than what we have.
   When the sun wakes up, we wake up in each other’s arms. Each of our fingers trace smooth skin that both of us have already memorized and we’d start the day with brushing lips and living off on each other’s smiles. After dark, we’ll watch the city lights tear the sky apart. The sweet taste of warm chocolate and his bright eyes are just some of the reasons why things feel so effortless and uncomplicated.*

The book fell from his tapered fingers.

* * *

They walked a path up on one of the only hills that shows one of the greatest views in LA. They were both slightly out of breath and it’s a little late at night, but the sight would take their breaths away furthermore. It was worth it anyway.

“I’ve never done this sort of thing before.” The way Brendon’s eyes gazed out at the city with great interest is something that Ryan never gets tired of seeing. The lights illuminate his chocolate eyes, his features and his lips. The gentle night breeze passed through Brendon’s unruly hair and Ryan tucked some of the strands behind his lover’s ear. His hand fell down and grabbed Brendon’s. “There so much more I want to show you.”

The lights from Sunset Boulevard started to change and this... this looks like Vegas. It feels like home.

Brendon smiled and pecked Ryan’s temple softly. “I love you. Nothing would change that.” He can feel the way Ryan’s lips curl up as he leaned into Brendon’s touch. Ryan closed his eyes like the thought of everything in front of him is too much...

* * *

The noise of the alarm woke Ryan up and his head throbs painfully from having slept so little. How could he sleep? Brendon’s everywhere! When he closes his eyes, the brown pools are staring back at him. If he sees unruly hair from other people, he’d see Brendon trying to comb it down. Every happy couple he sees, he keeps wondering if they met Brendon because they’re so fucking happy.

Or maybe he should stop reading Pete’s latest novel so late at night. After reading a few chapters from it, Ryan felt a little sick. It’s too blissful for his liking. The writer said that Ryan should really read this, said it would get worse, but Ryan knows that Pete is just making sure Ryan would finish the story. He sometimes thinks that this one is autobiographical. Pete did endure some horrible phases in his life and Ryan witnessed his lowest points. But that was a year ago. You’d think he’d take a little more time to try and heal first before asking Patrick to marry him this time.

There’s Brendon again; marriages, weddings, fairy tales, rainbows, love and babies. Ryan rubbed the sleep from his eyes and got up off the desk from his home office. Work is the only thing that keeps him going now, even if he started to dislike it a little, some time between three years ago.

He’s thinking of Brendon again.

* * *

The pages of the book felt sharper as Ryan turned it to the chapters that he thinks are the ones that tell of how much Pete was devastated. He took a deep breath and glanced at the clock in his office. He can spare a few minutes.

Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?
   The words echoed inside my head. I watched as the only person I've ever loved walk away with a broken heart and a beaten soul.
   If I had known that this is how our lives would end up I wouldn't have gathered his attention. I wouldn't have shown myself. He could have just gone on with his life, never knowing how I found him so beautiful.*

Ryan closed the book with a heavy sigh leaving his lips. Pete really made this one horridly mournful. Maybe that’s why Ryan likes it so much. This certainly was a turn of events. Things were perfect and going smoothly but then shit hit the fan and drama hits the main character on the face like a fucking brick wall. He wonders how this novel would end.

He took a slow sip from his cup of coffee and prepared himself for a new set of paperwork that was given to him.

Charles Miller and Judy Thompson: married for five years, three children. Mr. Miller is an entrepreneur for a sports company and Ms. Thompson is a housewife though her family is one of those rich ones whose fortune is spread to the entire lineage. “So their divorce isn’t about money problems. Hmm.” Ryan whispered. He tried reading the reports about the couple but he cannot find the clause stating their separation. That’s odd.

Kevin James and Phillip Cruz: married for ten years, adopted two kids. Mr. James is a dentist and Mr. Phillip Cruz is an art teacher at the same school Spencer works at. “Irreconcilable differences?” Ryan mumbled. He browsed every page inside this folder but still, he couldn’t find the clause that says why they want to end their marriage.

Lisa Clearwater and Amy Fraezia: married for seven years. No clause. Tim Roger and Stephanie Page: married for twelve years. No clause. Heidi Simmons and Ginger Murry: married for twenty years. No clause. Scott Macintosh and Yula Mendez: no clause. Gabriel Saporta and William Beckett: no clause. Shane Valdez and Brendon U-

A knock on the door stirred Ryan up from the lazy daze that his work tends to give him for the past years. “Ross, I’ve lost some of my paperwork. I’m wondering if you’ve seen them.” William closed the door after. He gave a cautious look around and offered Ryan a small smile. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I just really need to finish my work before the weekend.”

“It’s no problem.” Ryan said. He got up from his desk and started to clean up the files he’s opened for the last few hours. When he came across one of the documents, he read the names and his brows dipped down. “Y-You didn’t tell me that you’re married.” William started working a little over three years. Ryan and Bill always took their lunch breaks together and sometimes go drinking with Ryan and his friends. You’d think he’d mention something important like this to the people he sees everyday. But then Ryan thought of Brendon and how...

”Goodbye, stranger.”

He looked away.

William smiled more with a glint in his eyes. “I was.” He looked over the folders in Ryan’s desk and sighed in relief. “Found them.” He took the files and hugged them close to his body to carry them in one go. “My husband died seven months before I started working here. I just didn’t tell people here because I don’t want them to take pity on me or hook me up with anyone else. I love Gabe and nothing would change that.”

Ryan didn’t know that he was just staring at William with a glazed look in his eye. ”Nothing would change that.” What happened?

Ryan faced his own desk and started to organize his things. He found another folder that was buried in all the papers: Shane Valdez and Brendon Urie. His arm froze in midair. “Oh, hey, that one’s mine too.” William took the folder quickly and gave Ryan a thankful smile. “I’ll meet you in an hour for lunch.”

Ryan stared after William, all the way to his own office. Did that just happen? Brendon got married? His Brendon? Brendon-

He tried his best not to pass out.

* * *

Ryan came home a little earlier than the time that he told Brendon. He took off his coat and hung it on the rack after locking the door. He took off his hat and started for the kitchen to grab a drink but then he saw Brendon setting up the table, candle light, china plates, wine...

Ryan bit his lip. “Did I forget an anniversary...?” He hopes not. That would make Ryan mad too if Brendon forgot.

Brendon looked up, alarmed. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here until seven!” He pouted and pushed Ryan out. “And it’s your birthday, you idiot.” He sighed and cupped Ryan’s cheek with a worried look. “You shouldn’t be working this hard. You’re starting to forget things. What if you forgot about me?”

* * *

That’s simply out of the question. It has been five goddamned years and Ryan still hasn’t forgotten one single thing about Brendon.

The smoke filled his living room as he stared at the marriage certificate and the rest of their papers. It states when Brendon and this Shane got married, where, who the witnesses were. Ryan put the cigarette back on his lips and took another slow drag. Brendon got fucking married and it's their three year anniversary in a couple of days. It lasted longer than their two years...

Ryan lit another cigarette with shaking hands.

His finger traced the address on the paper and he doesn't know whether to go or not. He also has their house number but he can't call him. What if that Shane character picks up? He might say more things he doesn't mean.

There is one picture from their wedding. Shane Valdez is very attractive and Ryan hated him. His vibrant green eyes, his sweet smile, his jet black hair and his height that makes him look normal and not a skyscraper like Ryan. Brendon... He’s still as stunning as ever. But what got him is the way Shane held Brendon as they both smiled so blissfully.

What if Brendon can’t stand him? What if this Shane beats the crap out of him for showing his damned face in their home? What if Brendon doesn’t remember him anymore... It’s been five years.

Ryan took a final drag and went to bed.

* * *

I can’t stand anything I’ve written. These are all just another proof of how much better I tell stories ever since I met him. How much better I became as a person just because of him.
   The inkwell shattered as it hit the wall. The black liquid marred the surface, tainting every parchment I’ve ever owned, every word I’ve ever wrote, every thought I’ve had, every bit of my sanity that he left behind.*

For as long, or as little time that Ryan and Brendon spent together, it never crossed his mind that Brendon would give up his job. Ryan believed that Brendon’s one of the only few people that have found their calling in life, and now? Now Brendon’s not a wedding planner anymore. He wonders how long it’s been... A few months? Years? Right after Brendon left Ryan’s life for good?

The lawyer wiped his eyes as he saw the building where Brendon’s wedding business used to be. It’s now just a regular shop that’s selling whatever the hell is trendy these days. He thought he’d see Brendon here again. This is where they met.

It was then that Ryan realized that he really did fuck up.

* * *

Warmth cascaded down their bodies as their feet stepped on soft sand. The water reached their feet every other second and it felt so serene. Ryan looked as the sun kept sinking down, making hues of pink and oranges and all kinds of red. He stared back at Brendon; he’s gazing at the sun as he held his sandals on one hand. Ryan’s cheeks began to rosy up. He looked back at the horizon. “Summer reminds me of you.” His voice is barely audible, but Brendon’s used to it.

“Really?” Brendon smiled. “How come?” He placed his head on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan pointed the sky in front of them. “When you fall in love, it’s like a summer romance. From what I've read, summer love is always the best and happiest even if it ends when the season is replaced.” He pressed his lips on Brendon’s head. “But ours wouldn’t.”

Brendon chuckled and brought their hands together. Ryan smiled. Every touch is intoxicating. “I actually like winter better.” He looked up at his lover and Ryan asked why. Brendon grinned. “It doesn’t make me sweat.”

They chased each other around the side of the sea with shining eyes and careless laughs.

* * *

Ryan’s finger kept tapping the table impatiently. He needs to know.

William ate his pasta happily, the gold ring on his finger seemingly glaring at Ryan. He sighed. If he’s going to slip in one of their clients in the conversation, Ryan needed to know all the mundane things first. “William, can you tell me what exactly your department works on? I mean, you work for marriages, sometimes divorce, lawsuits, even child custody. Which one is the main focus?” Well, Ryan does wonder sometimes since William’s firm is relatively new and still, it doesn’t have a sole purpose.

The other lawyer had a serious look on his face, trying to find an easy way to say it. He looked at Ryan, frowning like he always does, a dark aura surrounding him. William looked down at his food. “I handle the widow and widower cases.”

Ryan tilted his head to the side. Surely he heard wrong.

William sensed the confusion and smiled sadly. “It’s not often that a person who’s married dies. That’s why they give my department more work than yours.” It’s heartbreaking when your partner leaves you, but William thinks it’s better to have been separated by a higher power than choose to leave your partner because you want to. That’s what Gabe used to say to him and Bill still believes him. “I took that job because I know what it feels like. My clients feel more comfortable knowing that their lawyer isn’t some bastard who’s in it for the money.” He smiled a little more. Gabe would have been so proud of him.

Ryan played with his food and stayed silent as a sinking feeling took over him.

* * *

I walked an infinite path as I kept seeing the horizon, so close yet unreachable by my fading fingers. Just because I believe in something that most people would not, that doesn’t mean I’m a fool.*

William asked Ryan if he could come with him to bring the wills to one of their clients. Ryan is about to knock on the door when Bill stopped him. “We’re seeing Mr. Urie.”

Ryan’s knuckles are an inch from the amber wood. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” He took a step back, eyes unblinking as the thought of Brendon just on the other side of the door renewed something inside of him. William took Ryan’s arm and knitted his eyebrows together. “You may not have told me about him but Spencer and Jon did.” Bill looks pained as he saw Ryan’s tired expression. “Brendon knows that you’re with me.”

His whole body became stiff and scared at the same time. “Don’t do this, please. I don’t want to make him feel worse anymore. I don’t want to know how he mourned over someone when I could have... I-“ The thought of Brendon losing everything he loves leaves Ryan so lost.

William shook his head. “Why do you think his husband chose our firm? It’s because you work there, Ryan. Mr. Valdez knew that you and Brendon used to see each other.”

That made no sense at all and Ryan just wanted to leave. Leave and try his hardest to forget about the way he broke Brendon’s heart and never apologizing. He needs time. He needs a few more years.

William took a firmer hold of him. “Don’t you think Brendon kept something to remember you? Shane gave me an old picture of you two and the Walkers filled in the blanks.” He saw the way Ryan’s lips form a thin line.

Before the two could say another word, the door opened and a timid voice called out. “P-Please, come in.” Brendon isn’t looking at anyone though the lawyers could tell that his eyes are red. Ryan doesn’t want that. William stepped inside and tugged Ryan’s wrist painfully. When Brendon went back in, William lowered his voice. “You better behave and think this time.”

They sat down on the couch as Brendon tried to fetch them some drinks. When he came back, he chanced a glance back at Ryan and an old flame stirred inside of him. He looked away though when Ryan stared back. He sat down on the recliner and William showed him Shane’s will and testament.

Ryan and Bill kept quiet and still as Brendon read it. Wet spots started to form in Brendon’s eyes and Ryan’s hands ached from not being allowed to do anything but stare and wish them away.

Brendon’s eyes fixated on the window and Ryan remembered the way he looked when they just broke up, half a decade ago. The younger man sighed and wiped his eyes. “Shane had lung cancer. That’s why I quit my job three years ago. He didn’t like that decision, but I wanted to be with him.” He started to wring his hands together. Ryan knows he’s having difficulty reliving their memories. “He took me to all these beautiful places. He was a photographer and wanted me to see all of it, said that we didn’t have much time. He didn’t, didn’t tell me at first that he’s sick, but when he did... I-I asked him to marry me.”

William offered a handkerchief seeing that Ryan didn’t know what to do. There are so many things that Ryan wanted to know, but Brendon doesn’t have the strength for it. Not right now. All he knows is that Brendon made sure that their love lasted, even if it’s only a few years. Brendon still believes in true love and Ryan, he felt a little better. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He whispered, and this time too, Brendon is used to it and heard him.

He looked at the lawyer and tried to smile.

* * *

Someone once told me that he deserves a second second chance. I looked at him curiously and said, “If you wasted the first second chance, what makes you think you wouldn’t take the second one for granted?”*

Ryan observed the building from outside. It looked good, spacious, and doesn’t need much work. He read the information and comments on the clipboard as he walked inside to take a closer look. He can sense a great feeling from within and he’s happy that he found the right place.

When the glass door opened again a few minutes later, Ryan didn’t look up. “Yeah, so I was thinking of rebuilding the walls. They’re kind of cracked and I really want this thing to last.”

“Is it true?”

Ryan looked up from the clipboard and froze. Brendon took a step closer and Ryan is paralyzed from his place. “Is it true?” He repeated. Brendon waited, worrying his bottom lip and fidgeting with his fingers.

Ryan laughed nervously. “That I quit my job?” He saw Brendon’s eyes flash with some emotion but he doesn’t know what. “I did. Ever since... ever since you left, I, I wasn’t happy with my job anymore. I wasn’t happy with who I am anymore. So I quit my job.” His eyes didn’t waver from Brendon’s stare and he chuckled more.

“And your new plan is to become a marriage counselor with William?” Brendon looked at Ryan curiously and bit his lip, fighting off a smile. “Who are you and what have you done with the Ryan Ross I know?”

Ryan smiled, and it felt good to finally mean it without having a hidden agenda. “He grew up.” He took the last few steps between them and reached out to hold Brendon’s hands. It’s still so soft and tender. And their hands still fit like two lost puzzles. “Hello, stranger.”

Brendon smiled back and took Ryan in his arms. Ryan embraced Brendon tight. “Don’t runaway again.” Ryan couldn’t handle that again in one lifetime. Brendon took a breath and buried his face in Ryan’s neck, leaving a small kiss. “Then don’t give me reasons to.”

* * *

Brendon visited Shane’s grave again. He gave a bouquet of sunflowers with a vivid green bow and placed it on the headstone. It always has been their favorite flower.

Brendon smiled as he remembered his late husband. His laugh, his love, his eyes... He doesn’t cry anymore whenever he thinks of him. Shane would’ve been proud of him. Ryan told him so.

Ryan waited a little farther away as he once again finished the book that Pete gave him. He finally understood why Pete gave this to him the very moment that the book was published.

Love exists forever, but the two of us can only last until the heavens decide it’s time to leave. Time; there’s never enough of it. Not a lot. And that’s why I came back for him again.*

It was close to nine o’clock in the morning. The two of them should leave soon if they want to open Brendon and Ryan’s new wedding business. Ryan spent most of his earning on it from his previous profession as a lawyer, but then again, he’d spend his entire life savings just to see Brendon smile.

Ryan held Brendon’s waist as he gave a silent prayer. Brendon leaned into him as the trees and flowers began to bloom and open up to the world. Brendon held Ryan’s hand and grazed the wedding band on his tapered finger. “How much time do we have?”

Ryan kissed Brendon’s temple as the birds sang sweetly, the air blew gently and the snow began to melt, making the roads, stones and tracks reappear. “Not a lot.”

The End. Really.

Description
Not A Lot... (Ryan/Brendon)

[This is slash. Don't like it? Then don't read. Thank you.]

Nothing could be better than what we have.
   When the sun wakes up, we wake up in each other’s arms. Each of our fingers trace smooth skin that both of us have already memorized and we’d start the day with brushing lips and living off on each other’s smiles. After dark, we’ll watch the city lights tear the sky apart. The sweet taste of warm chocolate and his bright eyes are just some of the reasons why things feel so effortless and uncomplicated.*

The book fell from his tapered fingers.

* * *

They walked a path up on one of the only hills that shows one of the greatest views in LA. They were both slightly out of breath and it’s a little late at night, but the sight would take their breaths away furthermore. It was worth it anyway.

“I’ve never done this sort of thing before.” The way Brendon’s eyes gazed out at the city with great interest is something that Ryan never gets tired of seeing. The lights illuminate his chocolate eyes, his features and his lips. The gentle night breeze passed through Brendon’s unruly hair and Ryan tucked some of the strands behind his lover’s ear. His hand fell down and grabbed Brendon’s. “There so much more I want to show you.”

The lights from Sunset Boulevard started to change and this... this looks like Vegas. It feels like home.

Brendon smiled and pecked Ryan’s temple softly. “I love you. Nothing would change that.” He can feel the way Ryan’s lips curl up as he leaned into Brendon’s touch. Ryan closed his eyes like the thought of everything in front of him is too much...

* * *

The noise of the alarm woke Ryan up and his head throbs painfully from having slept so little. How could he sleep? Brendon’s everywhere! When he closes his eyes, the brown pools are staring back at him. If he sees unruly hair from other people, he’d see Brendon trying to comb it down. Every happy couple he sees, he keeps wondering if they met Brendon because they’re so fucking happy.

Or maybe he should stop reading Pete’s latest novel so late at night. After reading a few chapters from it, Ryan felt a little sick. It’s too blissful for his liking. The writer said that Ryan should really read this, said it would get worse, but Ryan knows that Pete is just making sure Ryan would finish the story. He sometimes thinks that this one is autobiographical. Pete did endure some horrible phases in his life and Ryan witnessed his lowest points. But that was a year ago. You’d think he’d take a little more time to try and heal first before asking Patrick to marry him this time.

There’s Brendon again; marriages, weddings, fairy tales, rainbows, love and babies. Ryan rubbed the sleep from his eyes and got up off the desk from his home office. Work is the only thing that keeps him going now, even if he started to dislike it a little, some time between three years ago.

He’s thinking of Brendon again.

* * *

The pages of the book felt sharper as Ryan turned it to the chapters that he thinks are the ones that tell of how much Pete was devastated. He took a deep breath and glanced at the clock in his office. He can spare a few minutes.

Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?
   The words echoed inside my head. I watched as the only person I've ever loved walk away with a broken heart and a beaten soul.
   If I had known that this is how our lives would end up I wouldn't have gathered his attention. I wouldn't have shown myself. He could have just gone on with his life, never knowing how I found him so beautiful.*

Ryan closed the book with a heavy sigh leaving his lips. Pete really made this one horridly mournful. Maybe that’s why Ryan likes it so much. This certainly was a turn of events. Things were perfect and going smoothly but then shit hit the fan and drama hits the main character on the face like a fucking brick wall. He wonders how this novel would end.

He took a slow sip from his cup of coffee and prepared himself for a new set of paperwork that was given to him.

Charles Miller and Judy Thompson: married for five years, three children. Mr. Miller is an entrepreneur for a sports company and Ms. Thompson is a housewife though her family is one of those rich ones whose fortune is spread to the entire lineage. “So their divorce isn’t about money problems. Hmm.” Ryan whispered. He tried reading the reports about the couple but he cannot find the clause stating their separation. That’s odd.

Kevin James and Phillip Cruz: married for ten years, adopted two kids. Mr. James is a dentist and Mr. Phillip Cruz is an art teacher at the same school Spencer works at. “Irreconcilable differences?” Ryan mumbled. He browsed every page inside this folder but still, he couldn’t find the clause that says why they want to end their marriage.

Lisa Clearwater and Amy Fraezia: married for seven years. No clause. Tim Roger and Stephanie Page: married for twelve years. No clause. Heidi Simmons and Ginger Murry: married for twenty years. No clause. Scott Macintosh and Yula Mendez: no clause. Gabriel Saporta and William Beckett: no clause. Shane Valdez and Brendon U-

A knock on the door stirred Ryan up from the lazy daze that his work tends to give him for the past years. “Ross, I’ve lost some of my paperwork. I’m wondering if you’ve seen them.” William closed the door after. He gave a cautious look around and offered Ryan a small smile. “I’m sorry for bothering you. I just really need to finish my work before the weekend.”

“It’s no problem.” Ryan said. He got up from his desk and started to clean up the files he’s opened for the last few hours. When he came across one of the documents, he read the names and his brows dipped down. “Y-You didn’t tell me that you’re married.” William started working a little over three years. Ryan and Bill always took their lunch breaks together and sometimes go drinking with Ryan and his friends. You’d think he’d mention something important like this to the people he sees everyday. But then Ryan thought of Brendon and how...

”Goodbye, stranger.”

He looked away.

William smiled more with a glint in his eyes. “I was.” He looked over the folders in Ryan’s desk and sighed in relief. “Found them.” He took the files and hugged them close to his body to carry them in one go. “My husband died seven months before I started working here. I just didn’t tell people here because I don’t want them to take pity on me or hook me up with anyone else. I love Gabe and nothing would change that.”

Ryan didn’t know that he was just staring at William with a glazed look in his eye. ”Nothing would change that.” What happened?

Ryan faced his own desk and started to organize his things. He found another folder that was buried in all the papers: Shane Valdez and Brendon Urie. His arm froze in midair. “Oh, hey, that one’s mine too.” William took the folder quickly and gave Ryan a thankful smile. “I’ll meet you in an hour for lunch.”

Ryan stared after William, all the way to his own office. Did that just happen? Brendon got married? His Brendon? Brendon-

He tried his best not to pass out.

* * *

Ryan came home a little earlier than the time that he told Brendon. He took off his coat and hung it on the rack after locking the door. He took off his hat and started for the kitchen to grab a drink but then he saw Brendon setting up the table, candle light, china plates, wine...

Ryan bit his lip. “Did I forget an anniversary...?” He hopes not. That would make Ryan mad too if Brendon forgot.

Brendon looked up, alarmed. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here until seven!” He pouted and pushed Ryan out. “And it’s your birthday, you idiot.” He sighed and cupped Ryan’s cheek with a worried look. “You shouldn’t be working this hard. You’re starting to forget things. What if you forgot about me?”

* * *

That’s simply out of the question. It has been five goddamned years and Ryan still hasn’t forgotten one single thing about Brendon.

The smoke filled his living room as he stared at the marriage certificate and the rest of their papers. It states when Brendon and this Shane got married, where, who the witnesses were. Ryan put the cigarette back on his lips and took another slow drag. Brendon got fucking married and it's their three year anniversary in a couple of days. It lasted longer than their two years...

Ryan lit another cigarette with shaking hands.

His finger traced the address on the paper and he doesn't know whether to go or not. He also has their house number but he can't call him. What if that Shane character picks up? He might say more things he doesn't mean.

There is one picture from their wedding. Shane Valdez is very attractive and Ryan hated him. His vibrant green eyes, his sweet smile, his jet black hair and his height that makes him look normal and not a skyscraper like Ryan. Brendon... He’s still as stunning as ever. But what got him is the way Shane held Brendon as they both smiled so blissfully.

What if Brendon can’t stand him? What if this Shane beats the crap out of him for showing his damned face in their home? What if Brendon doesn’t remember him anymore... It’s been five years.

Ryan took a final drag and went to bed.

* * *

I can’t stand anything I’ve written. These are all just another proof of how much better I tell stories ever since I met him. How much better I became as a person just because of him.
   The inkwell shattered as it hit the wall. The black liquid marred the surface, tainting every parchment I’ve ever owned, every word I’ve ever wrote, every thought I’ve had, every bit of my sanity that he left behind.*

For as long, or as little time that Ryan and Brendon spent together, it never crossed his mind that Brendon would give up his job. Ryan believed that Brendon’s one of the only few people that have found their calling in life, and now? Now Brendon’s not a wedding planner anymore. He wonders how long it’s been... A few months? Years? Right after Brendon left Ryan’s life for good?

The lawyer wiped his eyes as he saw the building where Brendon’s wedding business used to be. It’s now just a regular shop that’s selling whatever the hell is trendy these days. He thought he’d see Brendon here again. This is where they met.

It was then that Ryan realized that he really did fuck up.

* * *

Warmth cascaded down their bodies as their feet stepped on soft sand. The water reached their feet every other second and it felt so serene. Ryan looked as the sun kept sinking down, making hues of pink and oranges and all kinds of red. He stared back at Brendon; he’s gazing at the sun as he held his sandals on one hand. Ryan’s cheeks began to rosy up. He looked back at the horizon. “Summer reminds me of you.” His voice is barely audible, but Brendon’s used to it.

“Really?” Brendon smiled. “How come?” He placed his head on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan pointed the sky in front of them. “When you fall in love, it’s like a summer romance. From what I've read, summer love is always the best and happiest even if it ends when the season is replaced.” He pressed his lips on Brendon’s head. “But ours wouldn’t.”

Brendon chuckled and brought their hands together. Ryan smiled. Every touch is intoxicating. “I actually like winter better.” He looked up at his lover and Ryan asked why. Brendon grinned. “It doesn’t make me sweat.”

They chased each other around the side of the sea with shining eyes and careless laughs.

* * *

Ryan’s finger kept tapping the table impatiently. He needs to know.

William ate his pasta happily, the gold ring on his finger seemingly glaring at Ryan. He sighed. If he’s going to slip in one of their clients in the conversation, Ryan needed to know all the mundane things first. “William, can you tell me what exactly your department works on? I mean, you work for marriages, sometimes divorce, lawsuits, even child custody. Which one is the main focus?” Well, Ryan does wonder sometimes since William’s firm is relatively new and still, it doesn’t have a sole purpose.

The other lawyer had a serious look on his face, trying to find an easy way to say it. He looked at Ryan, frowning like he always does, a dark aura surrounding him. William looked down at his food. “I handle the widow and widower cases.”

Ryan tilted his head to the side. Surely he heard wrong.

William sensed the confusion and smiled sadly. “It’s not often that a person who’s married dies. That’s why they give my department more work than yours.” It’s heartbreaking when your partner leaves you, but William thinks it’s better to have been separated by a higher power than choose to leave your partner because you want to. That’s what Gabe used to say to him and Bill still believes him. “I took that job because I know what it feels like. My clients feel more comfortable knowing that their lawyer isn’t some bastard who’s in it for the money.” He smiled a little more. Gabe would have been so proud of him.

Ryan played with his food and stayed silent as a sinking feeling took over him.

* * *

I walked an infinite path as I kept seeing the horizon, so close yet unreachable by my fading fingers. Just because I believe in something that most people would not, that doesn’t mean I’m a fool.*

William asked Ryan if he could come with him to bring the wills to one of their clients. Ryan is about to knock on the door when Bill stopped him. “We’re seeing Mr. Urie.”

Ryan’s knuckles are an inch from the amber wood. “Why didn’t you tell me that?” He took a step back, eyes unblinking as the thought of Brendon just on the other side of the door renewed something inside of him. William took Ryan’s arm and knitted his eyebrows together. “You may not have told me about him but Spencer and Jon did.” Bill looks pained as he saw Ryan’s tired expression. “Brendon knows that you’re with me.”

His whole body became stiff and scared at the same time. “Don’t do this, please. I don’t want to make him feel worse anymore. I don’t want to know how he mourned over someone when I could have... I-“ The thought of Brendon losing everything he loves leaves Ryan so lost.

William shook his head. “Why do you think his husband chose our firm? It’s because you work there, Ryan. Mr. Valdez knew that you and Brendon used to see each other.”

That made no sense at all and Ryan just wanted to leave. Leave and try his hardest to forget about the way he broke Brendon’s heart and never apologizing. He needs time. He needs a few more years.

William took a firmer hold of him. “Don’t you think Brendon kept something to remember you? Shane gave me an old picture of you two and the Walkers filled in the blanks.” He saw the way Ryan’s lips form a thin line.

Before the two could say another word, the door opened and a timid voice called out. “P-Please, come in.” Brendon isn’t looking at anyone though the lawyers could tell that his eyes are red. Ryan doesn’t want that. William stepped inside and tugged Ryan’s wrist painfully. When Brendon went back in, William lowered his voice. “You better behave and think this time.”

They sat down on the couch as Brendon tried to fetch them some drinks. When he came back, he chanced a glance back at Ryan and an old flame stirred inside of him. He looked away though when Ryan stared back. He sat down on the recliner and William showed him Shane’s will and testament.

Ryan and Bill kept quiet and still as Brendon read it. Wet spots started to form in Brendon’s eyes and Ryan’s hands ached from not being allowed to do anything but stare and wish them away.

Brendon’s eyes fixated on the window and Ryan remembered the way he looked when they just broke up, half a decade ago. The younger man sighed and wiped his eyes. “Shane had lung cancer. That’s why I quit my job three years ago. He didn’t like that decision, but I wanted to be with him.” He started to wring his hands together. Ryan knows he’s having difficulty reliving their memories. “He took me to all these beautiful places. He was a photographer and wanted me to see all of it, said that we didn’t have much time. He didn’t, didn’t tell me at first that he’s sick, but when he did... I-I asked him to marry me.”

William offered a handkerchief seeing that Ryan didn’t know what to do. There are so many things that Ryan wanted to know, but Brendon doesn’t have the strength for it. Not right now. All he knows is that Brendon made sure that their love lasted, even if it’s only a few years. Brendon still believes in true love and Ryan, he felt a little better. “I’m sorry for your loss.” He whispered, and this time too, Brendon is used to it and heard him.

He looked at the lawyer and tried to smile.

* * *

Someone once told me that he deserves a second second chance. I looked at him curiously and said, “If you wasted the first second chance, what makes you think you wouldn’t take the second one for granted?”*

Ryan observed the building from outside. It looked good, spacious, and doesn’t need much work. He read the information and comments on the clipboard as he walked inside to take a closer look. He can sense a great feeling from within and he’s happy that he found the right place.

When the glass door opened again a few minutes later, Ryan didn’t look up. “Yeah, so I was thinking of rebuilding the walls. They’re kind of cracked and I really want this thing to last.”

“Is it true?”

Ryan looked up from the clipboard and froze. Brendon took a step closer and Ryan is paralyzed from his place. “Is it true?” He repeated. Brendon waited, worrying his bottom lip and fidgeting with his fingers.

Ryan laughed nervously. “That I quit my job?” He saw Brendon’s eyes flash with some emotion but he doesn’t know what. “I did. Ever since... ever since you left, I, I wasn’t happy with my job anymore. I wasn’t happy with who I am anymore. So I quit my job.” His eyes didn’t waver from Brendon’s stare and he chuckled more.

“And your new plan is to become a marriage counselor with William?” Brendon looked at Ryan curiously and bit his lip, fighting off a smile. “Who are you and what have you done with the Ryan Ross I know?”

Ryan smiled, and it felt good to finally mean it without having a hidden agenda. “He grew up.” He took the last few steps between them and reached out to hold Brendon’s hands. It’s still so soft and tender. And their hands still fit like two lost puzzles. “Hello, stranger.”

Brendon smiled back and took Ryan in his arms. Ryan embraced Brendon tight. “Don’t runaway again.” Ryan couldn’t handle that again in one lifetime. Brendon took a breath and buried his face in Ryan’s neck, leaving a small kiss. “Then don’t give me reasons to.”

* * *

Brendon visited Shane’s grave again. He gave a bouquet of sunflowers with a vivid green bow and placed it on the headstone. It always has been their favorite flower.

Brendon smiled as he remembered his late husband. His laugh, his love, his eyes... He doesn’t cry anymore whenever he thinks of him. Shane would’ve been proud of him. Ryan told him so.

Ryan waited a little farther away as he once again finished the book that Pete gave him. He finally understood why Pete gave this to him the very moment that the book was published.

Love exists forever, but the two of us can only last until the heavens decide it’s time to leave. Time; there’s never enough of it. Not a lot. And that’s why I came back for him again.*

It was close to nine o’clock in the morning. The two of them should leave soon if they want to open Brendon and Ryan’s new wedding business. Ryan spent most of his earning on it from his previous profession as a lawyer, but then again, he’d spend his entire life savings just to see Brendon smile.

Ryan held Brendon’s waist as he gave a silent prayer. Brendon leaned into him as the trees and flowers began to bloom and open up to the world. Brendon held Ryan’s hand and grazed the wedding band on his tapered finger. “How much time do we have?”

Ryan kissed Brendon’s temple as the birds sang sweetly, the air blew gently and the snow began to melt, making the roads, stones and tracks reappear. “Not a lot.”

The End. Really.