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rachelle — american dream girl WIP
Published: 2005-08-16 17:26:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 1227; Favourites: 13; Downloads: 203
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acually this is more of a work in progress cuz it just dont look quite right to me so i desided to post it and see if you guys can critique to the extreme for me. since this is for school that is coming up. i still need to put the words "im fat" in there some where. anywho yeah CRITIQUE LIKE CRAZY ON THE COLORING, THE COMPOSITION EVERYTHING!!Related content
Comments: 19
this has been sitting in my devwatch for far too long. finally getting around to commenting on things...
i adore the use of images as the make up of the flag in the background. it's well done, and practically breathtaking when you take a closer look and realize how talented you are. the pills in her hand... the top seems to be missing on the left of the image in the fullview...
in all honesty though, i just love this piece.
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hmm, composition looks alright, though I'm picturing the words directly under her feet now. at the moment it looks like the space under her feet is bigger then the spacve abover her head, and that seems kind of wonky. colouring seems alright, and the sparkly flag's really spiffy. nice idea to make it out of (holiday?)pictures. left arm looks a bit wrong, try putting the hand that's coming out from there on elbow-height. neck's a tad bit long too... what I am surprised about is that she could stay upright in this position 0.o btw, is that a little bottle of diet pills in her hand she's staring at? if so, try making it a bit more obvious, a bit better recognizable and eye-catching. (slightly bigger? different colour?)
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damn, I always get carried away when I see that 'advanced crit encouraged'-green V... 
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I agree with kasma about not blatantly writing "I'm fat". Maybe you could write something on the pill bottle that suggests her distroted self image and self-destructiveness. The shading on the hand that holds the pill bottle is a bit off . . . too dark in the center or something. Otherwise, I think it's great and it has a great concept.
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Posture is really bad, she seems REALLY depressed. You would think her ribs would show were she that skinny, and her ear and arms seem a bit off. I would think about the top of the swim suit or bra and decide if the rest of the strap should be visible. I must say I find the face to be really excellent though. Over all nice. Good luck with school.
~Leo
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It's good. The charcoal effect outline is one of those love it or hate it stylistic choices. The pill box needs to be more obvious (I'd no idea what it was until zoomed in and then a long look - certainly the outline needs to be seen to the left of the fingers). I'd also suggest adding anatomically correct shading for the ribs - she's thin enough that they'd show up.
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well..the backround isn't all that awesome and her legs dont match in length with her arms =o other than that..awesome coloring especially the head and i love the concept
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Aside from the arm deformation, the pic looks fine, with a couple exceptions.
The outline. Looks dirty and kinda sketchy. It fit's but it needs a bit of fine tuning.
That ear ring looks way too long to be practical, and way to high to be a necklace. A slight fix?
That and the jeans don't look too crumpled at the knees and feet as they might seem to be. It's more of a number of wrinkles, than how sharp they are. Not to say that a little more definition won't go a long way.
Otherwise, I like the flag work! 'Tis roxxors.
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I love the sketchy outline, it really adds interest.
I think for the purpose of this piece, it'd be in your best interest to make the pills stand out a bit more, at the moment they just blend in too much.
The long earring is a bit distracting as well, because it looks like a stray line - maybe you could make the little rock at the end shine out more, that way it's more apparent that it's an earring.
Also, you could add some detail to the stars on the belt - at the moment they look exactly like the stamps they are, which somewhat flattens the coloring.
Apart from that ---- wow. I think it's a near-perfect representation of the loneliness, the despair, the sickness, the misery... GREAT choice on the hair, nothing else could have emphasized the rest of the figure so well.
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I personally love it OO It has such deep meaning, and can be interpritated in SO many different ways. I personally love you anatomy, and am in love with this colouring/shading. My only suggestions are to make the arm seen from er back, the way she has it, you'd be able to see it. And her foot looks a little small ^^
I hope i helped out Oo
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Her neck seems to be unnaturally long, and there's something off with her shoulders but I don't quite have the hang of shoulders myself so I can't really help you there. The composition's actually really cool, except I think you could do to shave a slight bit of black off the lefthand side - it looks very slightly unbalanced. I really like the colouring, with the green light from the back.
Also, just out of sheer, idle curiosity - was the title in any way inspired by the Joydrop song of the same name? Just 'cause... it does seem to fit, and nobody seems to listen to Joydrop, so that would be... cool. XD;
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... I love the background.
It is so amazingly well executed, you can see the flag and everything .O.!
It stuns Z D:
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Hmmm... lets see... your anatomy is interesting, but the legs are a bit too short. Technically, she fits the anatomical height for a normal person, but only if she wasn't slouching. Her legs need to be longer, or her torso smaller. the color choices are very interesting, to say the least. The way the yellow light shows in the matte reflection of her skin and in the highlights of her hair. That slouch tells us something psychologically as well. There's a longing there, a lack of pride (enhanced by the yellowed, tattered feeling of the flag) that makes you really think about what she thinks it is to be American. Half naked and standing as though ashamed, it would be easy to say that there is something deeply disturbed about her beauty as an American.
Very interesting piece that really does make you think. Hard.
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Damn, I wish people would give me criticism as in-depth as that... the psychological aspects of this piece didn't even occur to me.
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I'm a bit overloaded on my comment-whoring right now... but if you note me a piece or two you'd like for me to comment on, I'd be happy to get to it when I can.
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Man, that girl's got to have the worst posture in the world. She looks cool though. Except that her right forearm seems to be coming out from behind her at totally the wrong angle... unless her upper arm is two feet long...
If you want critique on the composition, I'd mention that the background seems... kind of at the wrong angle to compliment the drawing. Or wrong size... or something. That's a really minor nitpick though. The colouring looks great, I have no criticism there.
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I love it. I suck at critique, though, so I'm going to call out the 'big guns' for you--my girlfriend is a master at art critique. She leaves the best comments.
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