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random-kumquats — Little Girl
Published: 2008-12-02 01:36:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 486; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 4
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Description
Doctor! Doctor!Momma’s sick!
Doctor! Doctor!
Momma’s sick!
Daddy says
It’s a trick,
But Doctor! Doctor!
Momma’s sick!
She’s been in bed
Since last night
After they had that fight.
Doctor, Doctor,
Is she all right?
Padre! Padre!
The Doctor’s dead!
Padre! Padre!
The Doctor’s dead!
Daddy went and
Bashed his head!
Padre! Padre!
The Doctor’s dead!
He came to our house
‘Cuz Momma’s not right
Then he and Daddy started to fight!
Padre, Padre,
I’m scared to go home tonight.
Mister! Mister!
My Daddy’s missing!
Mister! Mister!
My Daddy’s missing!
The police came
And Daddy started hissing.
Mister! Mister!
My Daddy’s missing!
The police and Padre
Took him away
‘Cuz he hid the doctor in the hay
And killed Momma, so they say.
Mister, Mister,
Where am I going to stay?
Daddy! Daddy!
Were you drunk?
Daddy! Daddy!
Were you drunk?
Yes, I know your
Ship is sunk,
But Daddy! Daddy!
Were you drunk?
Momma’s dead
And the Doctor, too,
All just like Grandpa Lou.
Daddy, Daddy,
What did you do?
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Comments: 20
It paid off, the rhyme scheme really made this. I don't even think they were a stretch, all of them sounded great.
Dr. Seuss or Mother Goose with a twist, I loved the progression of names and the chain of events. It was all very clever.
Nice job.
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Wonderfully written; dark, but with a childish innocence you can't help but find endearing. Nice work
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thank you and thanks for the
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Hmmm... my only advice would be to read it aloud and make sure the rhymes flow smoothly vocally. (:
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Ommagosh, this poem is BRILLIANT! It has this seriousness to it, but I couldn't help but to find it funny and amusing.
It's very well written, and flows nicely!
I'd like to pick on one thing, though. The "Were you drunk" part in the last stanza, I think you should formulate it as a question rather than a shout out. 
I love this piece.
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thanks for the advice and the fav. I gave the "were you drunk" part another look and you're right it does flow better as a question.
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You are very welcome. It was the best read I've had in quite a while on here!
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Oh, I love the fact that it's light, childish, so very pure.
And yet the subject matter....
Bizarely good.
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it reminds me of ring-around-the-rosie, cause its about something bad, but its catchy.
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This is wonderful. I love the format and rhythm, it makes it feel like a sylvia plath piece! very nicely done!
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thank you very much. and thanks for the
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this is so depressing/Dada/Avant-Garde/Spanish-Harlem-ghetto-circa early 70s/jesusss christos I love it!
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. . . no. just no
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. . . no comment
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