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I don't know what it is about the number 28, but I find it very disturbing. Don't worry, folks, for 2023's nearly over. Then, we get to this bollocks all over again in 2024... I'm already dreading next year (for obvious reasons).

We begin this Snark of the Week with...

The Garfield Movie.
I understand the importance of reinventing old franchises to make them accessible for new and younger audiences. There's certainly nothing wrong with that and I'm sure kids are gonna love the updated versions of old classics like Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, or today's subject, Garfield. All I ask is one simple thing: Stop being so fucking lazy!

I like Garfield as much as the next person, but who was asking for yet another attempt to make the Lorenzo Music lightning strike twice? Watching the trailer for this low effort CGI movie has me looking back at the Bill Murray movies and saying: “all is forgiven, good sir.” It's not just the fact Chris Pratt’s not even trying with this performance, the writing feels more like Deadpool than Garfield. Yes, the orange cat used to break the fourth wall, but we're now living in an era where breaking the fourth wall is about as tiresome as a fart joke.

Beyond that? I just felt "eh" while watching this. The artstyle reminded me of Scoob from several years ago, the plot appears to be very by the numbers and predictable and the humour was flatter than Miley Cyrus's ass. A trailer’s job is to entice you to watch said film, so it will come as no surprise to you that, for me at least, it has failed in that ambition. I think I’ll stick with the original animated movies from the 80s.

Do you think they’re afraid to tell Chris Pratt to put on a cartoon voice or at least *try* with these performances? Between his work on Starlord, that guy from Jurassic World, Emmett, Mario and now Garfield, I'm coming to the conclusion he doesn't really have any other voices besides his own. Just throwing this out there, Hollywood, but maybe hire actual voice actors for this kind of thing and leave the whole celebrity guest voice shit in the past where it belongs?

Oh who am I kidding? We all know they're gonna cast this motherfucker to play Shadow the Hedgehog.

A Charitable Controversy.
This is one of those occasions I want it to be just clickbait, fake news, a misunderstanding or whatever you want to call it. I like Jirard (aka the Completionist). I think he's a decent guy with the best intentions at heart and has made some great videos over the years. However, if it turns out this is true and he’s complicit in this controversy - It means SSSniperwolf’s got some company in The Upshits Creek Department.

The long and short of it is: The Completionist began a charity to raise money to find a cure for dementia. This charity was founded in memory of his late mother, who tragically passed away from the illness (my condolences). Recently, people have been looking into the finances of this charity and it appears the $600,000 that was raised hasn't been sent out, but rather been sitting in an account for years.

Thankfully, the money hasn’t been spent in general, but it’s not a good look for someone raising money to fight a life threatening condition, only to not actually GIVE the money to the charities. If Jirad’s entirely at fault here, then I am very disappointed in the man. Then again, he did agree to be in that G4 relaunch, so maybe he doesn’t have sound judgement.

The return of Moonhead.
It appears one of my old running gags has risen from the grave as David "Moonhead" Cameron has returned to the UK Conservative Party - though we should put the word “Conservative” in quotation marks. I couldn’t help but notice that the instant Cameron rejoined this sinking ship, they announced a crackdown on benefits and getting “those lazy plebs into work!” Oh Moonhead, it’s like you never left us.

What's gut bustingly hilarious about this move is, for all the people salty about Brexit, David Cameron is the pointman for that result and allowed it to happen in the first place. Rishi may as well give the keys to #10 to Chicken Kiev now, because he's resigned himself to an inevitable defeat. The good thing is that people will quickly remember how shit Labour used to be.

Because I’ll never forget Tony Blair’s reign of terror.

Sony has learned nothing.
I must congratulate Disney for recognizing there is a problem and indeed plan to course correct. Reports are coming in that Blade has been delayed to 2025, they’ve scrapped a chunk of the Disney+ shows and Captain America 4 has been outright cancelled. If this is indeed true then good for them for trying to fix the problems this franchise has run into. “Quality over quantity” should be the motto going forward.

Sony on the other hand, seem to be ploughing full speed ahead with their Spider-Man Cinematic Universe. A Universe, may I remind you, that nobody asked for and nobody still wants. While the Venom movies were average and Morbius was a complete train wreck, I'm not entirely sure audiences are going to be queuing up down the street for Kraven The Hunter and now Madame Web.

This is the latest in an entire line of tentpole movies to launch the aforementioned Spider-Man Cinematic Universe, but either failed or never saw the light of day. There was the Aunt May movie, a movie about Black Cat and Silver Sable and of course the Sinister Six movie, that ultimately went on to be kind of used for Spider-Man: No Way Home. The only characters that have had successful movies without Peter Parker are the ones based on Venom and Miles Morales, yet try telling that to Sony. “Oh yeah. The creepy old lady who sat in a wheelchair and was once voiced by Stan Lee's late wife in the 90’s Spider-Man cartoon. Now THERE’S a character who needs a cinematic opus!”

Actually, she isn’t old in this movie, but rather another millennial Jen Eric type. I thought Hollywood was all about representation? Your first chance at an elderly, paraplegic superhero and you couldn’t even get that right. There probably is a younger version of the character in the comics right now, but I stopped reading Marvel years ago. A shame some Youtubers can’t try that train of thought, but I digress.

Madame Web needs a movie like Arnold J. Rimmer needs a Netflix series. Given the fact the MCU’s going down in flames, James Gunn can’t even resuscitate the DCU and Sony is Sony, I think it’s safe to say this movie is dead on arrival.

What's next, some god awful series about the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Oh shit! That actually happened, didn’t it?

Peter Cullen’s Lifetime Achievement Award.
How about some good news to lighten the mood? Peter Cullen (the voice of Optimus Prime) will be honoured with a Lifetime Achievement Award by the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.

We all have a distinct voice in our head for many fictional characters and are the ones we always think of when we see them in comics or other media. Kevin Conroy as Batman, Jaleel White as Sonic the Hedgehog, Lorenzo Music as Garfield, Charles Martinet as Mario, Masako Nozawa as Son-Goku and Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. It really says something when your voice is so iconic, it's the ONLY one fans think of when they hear the name of a beloved character.

So congratulations to Peter on this award. While many have filled the role over the years, you’ll always be THE voice of the Autobot leader to me.

And finally…

"Players should be charged per hour in GTA6."
Last year, Saints Row shat the bed (and every bed in the building) with a disasterous game that killed its franchise. Grand Theft Auto took one look at that and said "hold my beer."

It should be noted this dogshit comment doesn't come from Rockstar directly, but rather their parent company, Take-Two. The comment from their CEO suggests that games should be "charged per hour." So if you played GTA6 for an hour a day for an entire year, then the game would cost £360. That's so steap, it's effing vertical!

Look, I had no interest in GTA6 (since I haven't enjoyed the series since Vice City), but this kinda sealed the deal for me. I hate this kinda of talk, but this is clearly Boomer mentality when discussing video games, or some out-of-touch executive trying to triple their profits on a dogshit video game.

Honestly surprised this didn't come from EA or Activision (rimshot).

Honourable mentions: Game Awards Nominations. Super Mario RPG came out. Joker Year One Announced.

Description
I don't know what it is about the number 28, but I find it very disturbing. Don't worry, folks, for 2023's nearly over. Then, we get to this bollocks all over again in 2024... I'm already dreading next year (for obvious reasons).

We begin this Snark of the Week with...

The Garfield Movie.
I understand the importance of reinventing old franchises to make them accessible for new and younger audiences. There's certainly nothing wrong with that and I'm sure kids are gonna love the updated versions of old classics like Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, or today's subject, Garfield. All I ask is one simple thing: Stop being so fucking lazy!

I like Garfield as much as the next person, but who was asking for yet another attempt to make the Lorenzo Music lightning strike twice? Watching the trailer for this low effort CGI movie has me looking back at the Bill Murray movies and saying: “all is forgiven, good sir.” It's not just the fact Chris Pratt’s not even trying with this performance, the writing feels more like Deadpool than Garfield. Yes, the orange cat used to break the fourth wall, but we're now living in an era where breaking the fourth wall is about as tiresome as a fart joke.

Beyond that? I just felt "eh" while watching this. The artstyle reminded me of Scoob from several years ago, the plot appears to be very by the numbers and predictable and the humour was flatter than Miley Cyrus's ass. A trailer’s job is to entice you to watch said film, so it will come as no surprise to you that, for me at least, it has failed in that ambition. I think I’ll stick with the original animated movies from the 80s.

Do you think they’re afraid to tell Chris Pratt to put on a cartoon voice or at least *try* with these performances? Between his work on Starlord, that guy from Jurassic World, Emmett, Mario and now Garfield, I'm coming to the conclusion he doesn't really have any other voices besides his own. Just throwing this out there, Hollywood, but maybe hire actual voice actors for this kind of thing and leave the whole celebrity guest voice shit in the past where it belongs?

Oh who am I kidding? We all know they're gonna cast this motherfucker to play Shadow the Hedgehog.

A Charitable Controversy.
This is one of those occasions I want it to be just clickbait, fake news, a misunderstanding or whatever you want to call it. I like Jirard (aka the Completionist). I think he's a decent guy with the best intentions at heart and has made some great videos over the years. However, if it turns out this is true and he’s complicit in this controversy - It means SSSniperwolf’s got some company in The Upshits Creek Department.

The long and short of it is: The Completionist began a charity to raise money to find a cure for dementia. This charity was founded in memory of his late mother, who tragically passed away from the illness (my condolences). Recently, people have been looking into the finances of this charity and it appears the $600,000 that was raised hasn't been sent out, but rather been sitting in an account for years.

Thankfully, the money hasn’t been spent in general, but it’s not a good look for someone raising money to fight a life threatening condition, only to not actually GIVE the money to the charities. If Jirad’s entirely at fault here, then I am very disappointed in the man. Then again, he did agree to be in that G4 relaunch, so maybe he doesn’t have sound judgement.

The return of Moonhead.
It appears one of my old running gags has risen from the grave as David "Moonhead" Cameron has returned to the UK Conservative Party - though we should put the word “Conservative” in quotation marks. I couldn’t help but notice that the instant Cameron rejoined this sinking ship, they announced a crackdown on benefits and getting “those lazy plebs into work!” Oh Moonhead, it’s like you never left us.

What's gut bustingly hilarious about this move is, for all the people salty about Brexit, David Cameron is the pointman for that result and allowed it to happen in the first place. Rishi may as well give the keys to #10 to Chicken Kiev now, because he's resigned himself to an inevitable defeat. The good thing is that people will quickly remember how shit Labour used to be.

Because I’ll never forget Tony Blair’s reign of terror.

Sony has learned nothing.
I must congratulate Disney for recognizing there is a problem and indeed plan to course correct. Reports are coming in that Blade has been delayed to 2025, they’ve scrapped a chunk of the Disney+ shows and Captain America 4 has been outright cancelled. If this is indeed true then good for them for trying to fix the problems this franchise has run into. “Quality over quantity” should be the motto going forward.

Sony on the other hand, seem to be ploughing full speed ahead with their Spider-Man Cinematic Universe. A Universe, may I remind you, that nobody asked for and nobody still wants. While the Venom movies were average and Morbius was a complete train wreck, I'm not entirely sure audiences are going to be queuing up down the street for Kraven The Hunter and now Madame Web.

This is the latest in an entire line of tentpole movies to launch the aforementioned Spider-Man Cinematic Universe, but either failed or never saw the light of day. There was the Aunt May movie, a movie about Black Cat and Silver Sable and of course the Sinister Six movie, that ultimately went on to be kind of used for Spider-Man: No Way Home. The only characters that have had successful movies without Peter Parker are the ones based on Venom and Miles Morales, yet try telling that to Sony. “Oh yeah. The creepy old lady who sat in a wheelchair and was once voiced by Stan Lee's late wife in the 90’s Spider-Man cartoon. Now THERE’S a character who needs a cinematic opus!”

Actually, she isn’t old in this movie, but rather another millennial Jen Eric type. I thought Hollywood was all about representation? Your first chance at an elderly, paraplegic superhero and you couldn’t even get that right. There probably is a younger version of the character in the comics right now, but I stopped reading Marvel years ago. A shame some Youtubers can’t try that train of thought, but I digress.

Madame Web needs a movie like Arnold J. Rimmer needs a Netflix series. Given the fact the MCU’s going down in flames, James Gunn can’t even resuscitate the DCU and Sony is Sony, I think it’s safe to say this movie is dead on arrival.

What's next, some god awful series about the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.? Oh shit! That actually happened, didn’t it?

Peter Cullen’s Lifetime Achievement Award.
How about some good news to lighten the mood? Peter Cullen (the voice of Optimus Prime) will be honoured with a Lifetime Achievement Award by the National Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.

We all have a distinct voice in our head for many fictional characters and are the ones we always think of when we see them in comics or other media. Kevin Conroy as Batman, Jaleel White as Sonic the Hedgehog, Lorenzo Music as Garfield, Charles Martinet as Mario, Masako Nozawa as Son-Goku and Peter Cullen as Optimus Prime. It really says something when your voice is so iconic, it's the ONLY one fans think of when they hear the name of a beloved character.

So congratulations to Peter on this award. While many have filled the role over the years, you’ll always be THE voice of the Autobot leader to me.

And finally…

"Players should be charged per hour in GTA6."
Last year, Saints Row shat the bed (and every bed in the building) with a disasterous game that killed its franchise. Grand Theft Auto took one look at that and said "hold my beer."

It should be noted this dogshit comment doesn't come from Rockstar directly, but rather their parent company, Take-Two. The comment from their CEO suggests that games should be "charged per hour." So if you played GTA6 for an hour a day for an entire year, then the game would cost £360. That's so steap, it's effing vertical!

Look, I had no interest in GTA6 (since I haven't enjoyed the series since Vice City), but this kinda sealed the deal for me. I hate this kinda of talk, but this is clearly Boomer mentality when discussing video games, or some out-of-touch executive trying to triple their profits on a dogshit video game.

Honestly surprised this didn't come from EA or Activision (rimshot).

Honourable mentions: Game Awards Nominations. Super Mario RPG came out. Joker Year One Announced.