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Rapturous-Euphoria — Pipe dreams.

Published: 2006-05-24 15:54:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 204; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 6
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Description Healy, his mouth open in ecstasy
Always reminds me of what a poet
Ought to be when he picks a time to be
Frozen on a sheet of glass…he shows it

All in the middle of “pipe dreams”, his face
Screwed up and eyes squeezed shut against the glare
Of a thousand judges, finding that place
Within that’s too full or almost threadbare.

The boy that smelled of mint mouthwash and gum,
Smiled up at Healy as he crossed the road-
His eyes had been dreamer’s eyes, soon struck dumb
By recklessness; he fell and his dreams flowed…

He’d blinked at me once, his eyes seemed to cling
and say, “I still don’t understand a thing”.
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Comments: 5

Ryanosaur [2006-05-25 10:48:54 +0000 UTC]

Well, if I was going to follow the trend and be picky I'd take out the second repetition of eyes just after "dreamer's", but that'd fuck up the sonnet structure, so, y'know, whichever.

That said, I guess this is officially my favourite piece of yours. You should experiment more.

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Rapturous-Euphoria In reply to Ryanosaur [2006-05-25 18:18:10 +0000 UTC]

Thank ya, maybe I will.....if my brain works sometime.

)0(

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gemababe15 [2006-05-24 20:41:15 +0000 UTC]

aw, i like it a lot i cant really explain what i like about it...i just do. theres something about it... ha

<3 Naomi

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surrfant [2006-05-24 16:27:47 +0000 UTC]

"The boy that smelled of mouthwash and mint gum" - I don't like to get picky, because I'm afraid of Charleywrath, but surely mouthwash is also minty? You could rearrange to say "mint mouthwash and gum", sorting out that redundancy. Is there a reason why you chose mint?

I'm not sure I understand the third stanza, the eyes part. Were the dreams quietened or the eyes themselves? Because I think that it may need some clarifying if it's the dreams..

Finally, who blinked?

Now that I've got the pickiness out of the way, I have to be unoriginal and say that I can see a progression in your writing. You seem to be almost experimenting. And that's a good thing in my books.

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Rapturous-Euphoria In reply to surrfant [2006-05-24 22:32:01 +0000 UTC]

Charleywrath doesn't exist, it's alot of hype about a myth. Well that line about the mouthwash bothered me to tell the truth, I was frazzed on my way home because I'd seen so many things I couldn't remember them quite the way I wanted to. There was a guy standing at a bus stop and I couldn't pinpoint if it was mouthwash or wrigleys, so I put in both. I like mint, for some reason it reminds me of something comforting.

The eyes were struck dumb, the dreams were too I guess, but that kinda chimes with the flowing later on.

The blinking could be either one really, could be the boy realising tha he never lived his life because he was dreaming, or could be Healy blinking to show that the original fantasy can be a reality (he may be on a sheet of glass, but the dude is real!), which ever you think.

This one was experiementing, thankyou for noticing.

)0(

*MWAH*

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