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Description
Title: Futures Lost
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairings: 1x2
Warnings: Angst, DEATH, Suicide (kind of), bastard Heero
Summary: Heero makes a fateful decision...

Many, many thanks to my wonderful beta, Diane. It wouldn’t have been as good without your help!

Duo parked the car in the tiny garage and wearily slung his duffle bag over his shoulder as he walked around the front to the house. It wasn’t anything special, the house, but it was in a nice neighbourhood, a bit away from the others and it had enough room for both he and Heero and the other pilots when they occasionally came to visit. They’d been living here on L7 for the last 6 years, after Heero had taken the job of Section Head for the local Preventer Headquarters. L7 was one of the new colonies. Large, clean, green and prosperous, its location at the centre of various shipping lanes and amidst industrial satellites and colonies made it the perfect place for a large Preventer outpost. Duo had been so proud when his Heero had been chosen to head the whole thing. It had certainly given Heero’s career a wonderful boost and made them more secure. No longer did Heero have to go on missions, instead he was more involved in planning and strategy, in the inner and outer politics of the colonies and Preventers. Duo hadn’t thought it at the time, but Heero had really blossomed once he had taken the position.

Duo had brought his shuttle business to L7 when they moved. It had been good for him too since there was a great deal more traffic going through this colony than through the others. In fact, he was just coming back from a big job, heading a transport convoy out to the newest colony being built at the far edges of the Earth Governments sphere of influence. L9 would be finished soon and it had been Duos job to make sure that some very fragile and critical components had gotten there intact and on time. As always, the former Deathscythe pilot had succeeded. It was good for business and great for his reputation as a reliable business man but the trip had taken two weeks there and back and now all Duo wanted was a proper shower, food that wasn’t out of a ration pack and some quality time with Heero - not necessarily in that order. He opened the door and stepped into the small entrance area, calling out to Heero in case he was already home.

“Helllloooo…. Anybody home?” Dropping his duffle bag where he stood, he peeled off his soft spacers boots and put them in their place on the shoe-rack next to the door. Then he stopped. There were only his shoes and boots there. Usually, the rack was almost overflowing with shoes of all kinds. Now, his various footwear looked lonely and lost on the big rack.

Then Duo heard what he had missed before – an echoing silence that didn’t belong in their house. He straightened and opened the door to the inner part of their home - and stopped dead in shock. The hallway was empty of all furnishings. Even the pictures on the walls were gone, the places where they had hung glaring at him blankly. Stepping further into the house, he saw that the other rooms too were depleted. The living room was almost bare, the den suddenly a wide open space instead of comfortably cluttered as it had always been. What the…? What had happened here? Had they been robbed? He couldn’t imagine it, not after all the security that he and Heero had put into the house.

Duo ran up the stairs to the first floor, taking two steps at a time. The bathroom was clean – and empty. The computer room housed only his array of hardware. Heero’s side was cleaned out down to the last cable and motherboard. Now trembling with shock, Duo burst into their bedroom to find Heero, standing at their dresser, calmly packing his underwear into a big suitcase. Similar suitcases were already lined up next to the door. Duo stood in the doorway, rooted to the spot.

“H…Heero?” he said in a small voice. “Heero, what… what’s going on? What… what are you doing?”

“Duo,” Heero looked up from his packing, something flitting through his eyes so quickly that Duo couldn’t say what it had been. Then the other man straightened and walked towards Duo, stopping only inches from his partner. Heero softly stroked over Duo’s cheek, then down the long braid, giving it a tight squeeze before he turned away and resumed his packing.

“I’m leaving,” Heero answered tersely.

“You’re… what?”

“I’m leaving.”

“But… but… where? When? WHY?” Duo took a step into the room, but then he couldn’t go further, his legs were too unsteady to be trusted to move any more.

“I am accepting a new position at Preventers.” Heero did not look up from his packing, moving instead on to the next drawer, the one containing his T-shirts.

“A… a new position? But that’s great! But,” and Duo shook his head, not understanding, “why are you packing? Why is the house half empty? What’s going on?”

“I am going to Earth. I’ve been offered Une’s position as Head of Preventers.”

“But why didn’t you tell me? I could have started proceedings to move my business to Earth, no prob, and…”

“No.”

“…let Roy have the partnership that… No? What do you mean, no? I’m going with you, aren’t I?”

“No, Duo. You’re not going with me. I’m leaving,” Heero still did not look up from where he was putting his T-shirts into the suitcase with precise, economic movements. When the drawer was empty, he closed it, then locked the suitcase and put it next to the others. Only then did he look back up at Duo. “I’m leaving L7 - and I’m leaving you.” And for the first time in many, many years Duo heard the Perfect Soldier speaking, without emotion, without remorse, telling him that yes, this was his mission and yes, this was what he was going to do. No ifs, ands or buts.

Duo’s legs finally gave out. He sat down heavily on the carpeted floor, shaking his head in silent denial. He kept whispering only one thing, “No, no, no…”

Heero kneeled down in front of his lover and gently took Duo’s face in his hands, turning it up so that their eyes were on a level. The pain in Duo’s eyes almost broke Heero’s resolve. But he knew he had to do this. Finally there was a chance to implement all the changes and improvements that he’d been wanting to make ever since the Wars had ended. To make the step towards absolute lasting peace not only a step, but a bound, a leap! To reach that end, he had to make this sacrifice had to hold to the agreement that he’d made with Une no matter how much it broke his heart and tore his soul. This was worth more than the happiness of two people. This was for the Earth, the Colonies and all the people that were a part of that Universe. He only hoped that one day Duo would understand, that he would see the result that Heero would be fighting for and would forgive him for what he was about to do. to his beautiful, violet-eyed love.

“I have to do this. This is the chance of my life. I have been offered Une’s position under one condition: no attachments, no relationships, no commitments other than the job. I have to do this, Duo. I have to!” he pleaded with Duo to understand, his blue eyes telling Duo of his love, his words shattering the long-haired mans being into a thousand lonely pieces. Then he kissed him, long ,hard and deep, committing his taste and heat to memory. Rising, he looked down at Duo. “The transport will be here in a few minutes. I’ve already had everything else transferred down to Earth. The house and everything else is yours. I’ve already signed everything over to you.” Then he picked up his suitcases, juggling all four of them easily, and quickly brushed past his devastated partner, heading downstairs.

Duo remained where he was, his brain running in panicked circles. This wasn’t real, it was all a joke, some kind of cruel illusion. Heero couldn’t be leaving, not after 10 years, not like this - he just… couldn’t. Tears, hot and salty, began to track down Duo’s cheeks, gathering in the collar of his shirt, soaking into the dirty material, ignored and unfelt by the man shedding them. He just couldn’t move, couldn’t watch his love walk out of his life, couldn’t think!

“Duo?” Heero called faintly from downstairs. “I have to go…” There was silence. Then the opening and closing of a door and in the distance, the sound of a car moving away.

*****

Hours later, Duo rose from where he had been kneeling in the bedroom, rocking back and forth, crying and mumbling to himself. Numbly, he went into the bathroom, tore his soaked clothing from his tired body and stuffed it all into the hamper. Then he took the hottest shower of his life, leaving his body red and burning. He scrubbed and soaped, scraped and rubbed as if he wanted to take all the skin off his bones. When he stumbled from the steaming room into the echoing bedroom, he stopped again, looking around with dead eyes. Everything that had been Heero’s, everything that had been theirs, mementoes of the war, pictures of each other, of the guys, of trips and adventures, medals and awards, everything was gone, leaving only dust and ashes behind. The tears burned again in Duo’s throat, but he pushed them down brutally. He wouldn’t cry anymore. It was over. He would never understand. Never gather his shattered soul together again. Never forgive. Weaving unsteadily over to the bed, he dropped heavily onto the mattress. Not even bothering to pull up the covers, he buried his face in the pillows which still held their mingled scent. Then he cried himself to sleep, despite his resolve.

For two weeks, Duo moved as though in a drug-induced haze. He left his bed only to attend to his most important needs, gave control of the shuttle business over to his second, Roy Tadashi, unplugged all phones and turned off the door bell. The mail piled up behind the front door but he ignored it. Occasionally there came knocking at the door or shouts up to his window, but he closed the blinds, turned off the lights and simply disappeared from the world.
At the end of three weeks it was a hollow-eyed, thin, pale shadow of the former God of Death that stared at himself in the large bathroom mirror. His braid had long ago come undone and his hair was hanging lank and tangled all around his tired body. There were no more smiles, no more joy in the large, violet eyes. Only darkness and despair. Duo looked hard and long at what he had become. Then something took hold of him, twisting his features into a frightening mask, straightening the emaciated body and firming it with an unholy resolve. Had there been one of the other pilots, they would have recognized what now looked through Duos eyes: Shinigami.

******

Heero leaned back in his leather chair, satisfied with all the work that he had accomplished in the last three weeks. Looking up from the program now running smoothly on his laptop, he gazed through the large picture window taking up an entire wall of his huge apartment. Below him, the lights of Brussels stretched into the distance, glinting in the approaching darkness, the last rays of a fiery sunset painting the tall buildings with copper and gold. He stretched and rose to fetch a bottle of water from the fridge. Leaning back, he surveyed his home. No, it wasn’t really a home. Home was with Duo, but he’d left him behind., had discarded him like yesterday’s newspaper. ‘All for the greater good’ Heero reminded himself for the umpteenth time, but he just couldn’t reason away the pain in his heart, the longing for his loves sweet laugh, the warmth, the touches. His new apartment might be spacious and furnished with the newest and the best, but it always felt cold to him. Heero spent more time in his office than he did at home. This was just a place to sleep, not a place to be. The only reason he was “home” early tonight was the program that he was working on. It was a radical new development for the Preventer’s security system, increasing Preventer’s efficiency a hundredfold and he would be implementing it as soon as his appointment was made official, which would be next week, at the Earth/Colony summit meeting to be held in Brussels.

Walking over to the picture window and leaning his forehead against the cool glass, he wondered whether Duo would be watching. Was he all right? Was he working again? Had he gotten that big contract that he’d been telling Heero about just before he left for his last job? Heero hadn’t wanted to check up on his love because he didn’t trust himself not to get back in touch with him. Gods, how he missed Duo! Grabbing onto the shreds of his resolve, he turned back to the laptop, intending to tweak the program some more, when the vid-phone rang. Heero opened the connection.

“What is it?” he grumbled. He had left orders not to be disturbed and had blocked all non-official calls, so whatever this was, it had to be important.

“Sir?” a tinny, trembling voice came from the speaker. “Colonel Hammes speaking. Sir… we have a situation. We need you here at Headquarters.”

“A situation? What kind of situation?”

“We can’t tell you over the phone, Sir. We think… we think it’s better if you just come down.”

“All right. I’ll be there shortly.”

“Thank you, Sir! Hammes out.”

Heero quickly changed into his Preventers uniform. He armed himself, somehow feeling that the situation seemed to call for it, even though he hadn’t really needed to defend himself in years. Grabbing his ID and keys, he headed downstairs to the underground garage, and his car.

Fifteen minutes later, Heero pulled up to the police cordon around Preventer Headquarters. After showing his badge he was permitted to drive past the blaring sirens and flashing lights and into the relative quiet of the huge parking lot, where the Preventers had set up their base of operations. Striding into the trailer, weaving through the frantically scuttling personnel, he immediately spotted Colonel Hammes and other high-ranking Preventers bent over a brightly lit table. He could see blueprints scattered across the table-top and the men and women were animatedly discussing various scenarios. Heero didn’t bother with introductions. Everyone there knew who he was. He came right to the point.

“Status report!”

“Sir! We have here a hostage situation. One perp, identity unknown. He entered the building sometime this evening, unseen by all of our security, took out seven guards and then locked down the top floor of the building. He scrambled all the codes and none of our people have been able to hack his blocking program so far. As far as we know, he’s operating alone,” Colonel Hammes reported in a crisp tone.

“How many hostages and who?”

“Ah… that’s where the problem is. He has only one hostage. Lady Une,” Hammes said apologetically.

“Any contact with the perp?”

“None. We had only one contact with Lady Une herself. The hostage-taker allowed her one phone call to us. He has made no demands, has not asked for ransom. But he’s heavily armed, a deadly shot… and he’s wired.”

“Wired? How much?” There was something about this situation that didn’t feel right. Something was off. Heero couldn’t put his finger on it, but he locked the feeling down. He needed facts, not hunches.

“Enough to blow this building and the surrounding five blocks to kingdom come. And on a hair trigger.”

“Damn!”

“Sir!” The shout from a Preventers agent seated at one of the bright monitors that lined the trailer’s walls startled them all. “Sir! I think we have him!”

As one, the elite of the Preventers strode over to the monitor. The picture was clear, if a little distant. It showed the picture window of Une’s office. The light in the office was dim, but shapes could be seen, one stationary, one moving slowly back and forth.

“Can you get closer?” Hammes asked of the Preventer technician.

“Not by much. This is the closest camera that we have right now. We’re trying to put up others but haven’t had a chance yet. I’ll try, Sir.” His fingers flew over the keyboard in front of him and the picture on the monitor changed. There was blankness for a short moment, then the picture cleared again to show the office, but in more detail. The stationary figure, seated on the leather sofa off to the left, looked very much like Lady Une. She seemed to be unharmed, but it was hard to tell at that distance. The other figure was pacing back and forth. It was clad in form-fitting black, making the ring of explosives around its torso all the more noticeable. Its face was obscured by a black mask and the head covered by a black baseball cap. A large hand-gun with silencer attached hung loosely from the pacing figure’s grasp.

“What’s he doing?” Hammes asked.

“He just seems to be pacing, talking to Une, Sir,” the technician replied.

“Have we tried to contact him again?”

“Yes, Sir, but no luck. He doesn’t respond to anything that we’ve tried.”

“Sir?” Hammes turned to Heero. “What do you suggest?”

Heero watched the figure on the screen pace the length of the window and back, sometimes gesturing, waving the gun slightly as if emphasising a point that he was making. There was something so familiar about that figure that Heero almost reached out to the screen. But then he pushed it down ruthlessly. This was a criminal, a terrorist trying to impose fear and death on the people that he, Heero, had vowed to protect. This was not Duo, could not be Duo. Duo was on L7, in their house, living his life. Thoughts of Duo had no place in this situation.

“He has to be taken out. Fast.” Heero replied.

“The nearest building is almost 500 yards away. There’s no way anyone can make a shot from there, Sir!” Hammes looked at Heero aghast.

“I can,” Heero replied quietly. “Meet me at the Branston Building in 15 minutes with the equipment. We’re going to end this. Now.” He turned on his heel, leaving the others staring after him as he exited the trailer.

Fifteen minutes later he accepted the heavy suitcase from Hammes’ hands. Entering the evacuated building, he unlocked the elevator with the override key that he had received from the building supervisor. As the elevator car rose towards the top floor, Heero cleared his mind of all thoughts but one- he had to succeed. Digging deep inside himself, he pulled out the Perfect Soldier from the wars, pushing all humanity, all thoughts, all emotions into a box named ‘Heero’ and leaving only cold functionality behind.

As he stepped out onto the roof-top, a warm breeze pulled at his hair and jacket, stirring the dust on the concrete and teasing around his legs. He walked to the edge of the building and carefully looked across the chasm to the brightly lit Preventer’s building on the other side of the Plaza. He couldn’t make out any details from here, but he knew exactly where his target was. Dropping to his haunches, he opened the suitcase and took out the specially made, high-powered, laser-sighted, gundanium-cased sniper rifle that he had had commissioned during the time when he had been running more missions than miles every month. He’d been the best, but with increasing responsibility came less call for his other, special abilities and he had been able to put killing behind him.

When he had fitted the weapon together, he slowly eased the heavy rifle up onto the casing. Adjusting the sight, he aimed the gun at the window of Une’s office. Details sprang into being, pulled into focus through the special laser sight. He could see Une, handcuffed but calm and poised on the sofa, talking to her kidnapper. She seemed unconcerned that a man with enough explosives on him to make a very big hole was walking back and forth only yards away from her. Then Heero zoomed in on the kidnapper. Black from head to toe, there was nothing that could identify him except that he was male - and dangerous. Heero followed the man’s pacing with the rifle, waiting patiently for the right moment, his finger on the trigger. He only needed to squeeze lightly, the trigger was very responsive. The gun had been balanced perfectly so even if he had to move it before firing, it would not miss.

Suddenly, the kidnapper stopped his pacing. He walked over to Une and stood before her, saying something to the woman. The Commander smiled. The kidnapper then walked over to the picture window and leaned up against the glass, hands at his sides, the gun hanging down as if it had been forgotten. Heero couldn’t see the man’s face, but he saw him looking down, down into the Plaza, towards the flashing lights and all the activity below.

This was it! The moment for action! And yet, for one moment Heero hesitated, something painful tearing through his heart as if someone had taken a knife to him. He had to take a deep breath and steady the weapon. What was wrong with him? This was not the time for emotions. Another deep breath. The kidnapper was still standing motionless at the window, his attention still fixed on the street below. Heero tightened the finger. Then he pulled the trigger. At that moment, the man looked up with large violet eyes and smiled at him.

The glass of the window on the other side of the Plaza shattered, breaking into tiny pieces like a spider’s web that had been frozen and fallen to the floor. Heero dropped the gun, dropped everything, raced to the entrance to the roof and down the many, many stairs.

No. No. No.

It couldn’t have been. It was a trick of the light. It wasn’t real. His mind simply couldn’t accept what his eyes had seen but the darkness and pain in his heart, the agony that went through his whole being, told his soul the truth.

He’d never gone down 30 stories of stairs faster than on that evening. He didn’t remember how he’d gotten there, but suddenly Heero found himself standing in front of Une’s office, surrounded by Preventers in heavy riot gear and the babble of hand-helds and shrilling of mobiles. He couldn’t move, couldn’t take another step. Lady Une came towards him, with the most pitying expression on her face that he’d ever seen. Then he knew. It was real.

“No…”

“Heero?” Lady Une said gently. “Please follow me.” She put a light hand on his shoulder and steered him through the milling personnel into her office. With a small movement of her head she shooed all of them out, until only Heero and she were left in the devastated room. The window was shattered beyond repair, glass surrounding the still figure on the floor like a frozen wave. It was cool in the room, the wind moving slowly over the papers scattered on the heavy desk.

“Heero,” Une raised her other hand and held something out to the silent man at her side. “He didn’t hurt me and the explosives weren’t armed. None of the Preventers that he shot were fatally wounded. He had planned this very carefully. He wanted you to have this.” She put a red, heart-shaped, metal container into his shaking hand. “He said, you should open it before you… go to him.” Then she squeezed his shoulder in sympathy and turned away, walking swiftly out of her ruined office, closing the door quietly behind her.

Heero stood there, numb, empty, unable to move, the box in his trembling hand clattering slightly. He stumbled over to the silent figure on the floor and sank down beside it, not heeding the blood soaking into his clean uniform pants or the glass digging into his knees. All he saw were the wide-open violet eyes, now empty and staring, and the tiny hole in the middle of Duo’s head. He didn’t have to look to know that there wasn’t much left of the back of his skull though.. He would have been dead instantly, yet there was a tiny, contented smile on Duo’s pale lips.

“Why?” Heero whispered. “Why? Duo… why?”

The box in his hand slipped from his loose grasp and fell to the carpet with a wet sound. Heero twitched, startled. Slowly, fearfully, he reached for the lid and pulled it away. There were only two things inside. Duo’s carefully bound braid and a heart-shaped note. With trembling fingers, Heero lifted those two objects from their casing, holding the braid up to his lips. Then he buried his face in the soft hair, breathing deeply of that scent that was uniquely Duo’s. Tears blurred his sight and ran down his cheeks, wetting the hair clutched in his fist. He dashed the tears from his eyes, lifting the card and opening it, to read. The script was small and slightly wavy, as if the hands that had written the words hadn’t been quite steady. There wasn’t much, but what there was wounded Heero to the core of his being.

“Heero. I don’t know where I went wrong. I don’t know what I did that made you feel that you had to leave. Whatever it was, I’m sorry for it. We had 10 wonderful years. At least, they had been wonderful for me. I don’t know if they’d been the same for you. I’d always thought so, but maybe I was wrong.

You wanted to be free. Free to follow your path, your destiny, and I was in the way. I can’t really understand it but I guess I have to accept it, but you see, without you there’s nothing in my life anymore. No reason for me to keep going. I love you too much for that. I couldn’t live, seeing you on the vids, hearing and reading about you, yet knowing that I could never be a part of your life again. So I decided to end it.

I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it myself. If I was never going to be able to be with you again, if my life was going to be empty of your love, then I’d rather die by your hand. If you read this, then I have succeeded. I hope your visions and dreams for your future come true. I will always love you, with all my heart and all my soul.”

Heero dropped the card, not caring where it fell. Then he threw himself over the cooling body of his only love, kissed the cold lips desperately and wept bitterly for all that he had lost.

One week later, Heero Yuy was inaugurated as the new Head of Preventers. He stood through the whole ceremony, never moving a single muscle in his face, only responding to others when it was necessary. For the next forty years, Heero Yuy made his vision come true. But no one ever saw him smile again.

Description
Title: Futures Lost
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairings: 1x2
Warnings: Angst, DEATH, Suicide (kind of), bastard Heero
Summary: Heero makes a fateful decision...

Many, many thanks to my wonderful beta, Diane. It wouldn’t have been as good without your help!

Duo parked the car in the tiny garage and wearily slung his duffle bag over his shoulder as he walked around the front to the house. It wasn’t anything special, the house, but it was in a nice neighbourhood, a bit away from the others and it had enough room for both he and Heero and the other pilots when they occasionally came to visit. They’d been living here on L7 for the last 6 years, after Heero had taken the job of Section Head for the local Preventer Headquarters. L7 was one of the new colonies. Large, clean, green and prosperous, its location at the centre of various shipping lanes and amidst industrial satellites and colonies made it the perfect place for a large Preventer outpost. Duo had been so proud when his Heero had been chosen to head the whole thing. It had certainly given Heero’s career a wonderful boost and made them more secure. No longer did Heero have to go on missions, instead he was more involved in planning and strategy, in the inner and outer politics of the colonies and Preventers. Duo hadn’t thought it at the time, but Heero had really blossomed once he had taken the position.

Duo had brought his shuttle business to L7 when they moved. It had been good for him too since there was a great deal more traffic going through this colony than through the others. In fact, he was just coming back from a big job, heading a transport convoy out to the newest colony being built at the far edges of the Earth Governments sphere of influence. L9 would be finished soon and it had been Duos job to make sure that some very fragile and critical components had gotten there intact and on time. As always, the former Deathscythe pilot had succeeded. It was good for business and great for his reputation as a reliable business man but the trip had taken two weeks there and back and now all Duo wanted was a proper shower, food that wasn’t out of a ration pack and some quality time with Heero - not necessarily in that order. He opened the door and stepped into the small entrance area, calling out to Heero in case he was already home.

“Helllloooo…. Anybody home?” Dropping his duffle bag where he stood, he peeled off his soft spacers boots and put them in their place on the shoe-rack next to the door. Then he stopped. There were only his shoes and boots there. Usually, the rack was almost overflowing with shoes of all kinds. Now, his various footwear looked lonely and lost on the big rack.

Then Duo heard what he had missed before – an echoing silence that didn’t belong in their house. He straightened and opened the door to the inner part of their home - and stopped dead in shock. The hallway was empty of all furnishings. Even the pictures on the walls were gone, the places where they had hung glaring at him blankly. Stepping further into the house, he saw that the other rooms too were depleted. The living room was almost bare, the den suddenly a wide open space instead of comfortably cluttered as it had always been. What the…? What had happened here? Had they been robbed? He couldn’t imagine it, not after all the security that he and Heero had put into the house.

Duo ran up the stairs to the first floor, taking two steps at a time. The bathroom was clean – and empty. The computer room housed only his array of hardware. Heero’s side was cleaned out down to the last cable and motherboard. Now trembling with shock, Duo burst into their bedroom to find Heero, standing at their dresser, calmly packing his underwear into a big suitcase. Similar suitcases were already lined up next to the door. Duo stood in the doorway, rooted to the spot.

“H…Heero?” he said in a small voice. “Heero, what… what’s going on? What… what are you doing?”

“Duo,” Heero looked up from his packing, something flitting through his eyes so quickly that Duo couldn’t say what it had been. Then the other man straightened and walked towards Duo, stopping only inches from his partner. Heero softly stroked over Duo’s cheek, then down the long braid, giving it a tight squeeze before he turned away and resumed his packing.

“I’m leaving,” Heero answered tersely.

“You’re… what?”

“I’m leaving.”

“But… but… where? When? WHY?” Duo took a step into the room, but then he couldn’t go further, his legs were too unsteady to be trusted to move any more.

“I am accepting a new position at Preventers.” Heero did not look up from his packing, moving instead on to the next drawer, the one containing his T-shirts.

“A… a new position? But that’s great! But,” and Duo shook his head, not understanding, “why are you packing? Why is the house half empty? What’s going on?”

“I am going to Earth. I’ve been offered Une’s position as Head of Preventers.”

“But why didn’t you tell me? I could have started proceedings to move my business to Earth, no prob, and…”

“No.”

“…let Roy have the partnership that… No? What do you mean, no? I’m going with you, aren’t I?”

“No, Duo. You’re not going with me. I’m leaving,” Heero still did not look up from where he was putting his T-shirts into the suitcase with precise, economic movements. When the drawer was empty, he closed it, then locked the suitcase and put it next to the others. Only then did he look back up at Duo. “I’m leaving L7 - and I’m leaving you.” And for the first time in many, many years Duo heard the Perfect Soldier speaking, without emotion, without remorse, telling him that yes, this was his mission and yes, this was what he was going to do. No ifs, ands or buts.

Duo’s legs finally gave out. He sat down heavily on the carpeted floor, shaking his head in silent denial. He kept whispering only one thing, “No, no, no…”

Heero kneeled down in front of his lover and gently took Duo’s face in his hands, turning it up so that their eyes were on a level. The pain in Duo’s eyes almost broke Heero’s resolve. But he knew he had to do this. Finally there was a chance to implement all the changes and improvements that he’d been wanting to make ever since the Wars had ended. To make the step towards absolute lasting peace not only a step, but a bound, a leap! To reach that end, he had to make this sacrifice had to hold to the agreement that he’d made with Une no matter how much it broke his heart and tore his soul. This was worth more than the happiness of two people. This was for the Earth, the Colonies and all the people that were a part of that Universe. He only hoped that one day Duo would understand, that he would see the result that Heero would be fighting for and would forgive him for what he was about to do. to his beautiful, violet-eyed love.

“I have to do this. This is the chance of my life. I have been offered Une’s position under one condition: no attachments, no relationships, no commitments other than the job. I have to do this, Duo. I have to!” he pleaded with Duo to understand, his blue eyes telling Duo of his love, his words shattering the long-haired mans being into a thousand lonely pieces. Then he kissed him, long ,hard and deep, committing his taste and heat to memory. Rising, he looked down at Duo. “The transport will be here in a few minutes. I’ve already had everything else transferred down to Earth. The house and everything else is yours. I’ve already signed everything over to you.” Then he picked up his suitcases, juggling all four of them easily, and quickly brushed past his devastated partner, heading downstairs.

Duo remained where he was, his brain running in panicked circles. This wasn’t real, it was all a joke, some kind of cruel illusion. Heero couldn’t be leaving, not after 10 years, not like this - he just… couldn’t. Tears, hot and salty, began to track down Duo’s cheeks, gathering in the collar of his shirt, soaking into the dirty material, ignored and unfelt by the man shedding them. He just couldn’t move, couldn’t watch his love walk out of his life, couldn’t think!

“Duo?” Heero called faintly from downstairs. “I have to go…” There was silence. Then the opening and closing of a door and in the distance, the sound of a car moving away.

*****

Hours later, Duo rose from where he had been kneeling in the bedroom, rocking back and forth, crying and mumbling to himself. Numbly, he went into the bathroom, tore his soaked clothing from his tired body and stuffed it all into the hamper. Then he took the hottest shower of his life, leaving his body red and burning. He scrubbed and soaped, scraped and rubbed as if he wanted to take all the skin off his bones. When he stumbled from the steaming room into the echoing bedroom, he stopped again, looking around with dead eyes. Everything that had been Heero’s, everything that had been theirs, mementoes of the war, pictures of each other, of the guys, of trips and adventures, medals and awards, everything was gone, leaving only dust and ashes behind. The tears burned again in Duo’s throat, but he pushed them down brutally. He wouldn’t cry anymore. It was over. He would never understand. Never gather his shattered soul together again. Never forgive. Weaving unsteadily over to the bed, he dropped heavily onto the mattress. Not even bothering to pull up the covers, he buried his face in the pillows which still held their mingled scent. Then he cried himself to sleep, despite his resolve.

For two weeks, Duo moved as though in a drug-induced haze. He left his bed only to attend to his most important needs, gave control of the shuttle business over to his second, Roy Tadashi, unplugged all phones and turned off the door bell. The mail piled up behind the front door but he ignored it. Occasionally there came knocking at the door or shouts up to his window, but he closed the blinds, turned off the lights and simply disappeared from the world.
At the end of three weeks it was a hollow-eyed, thin, pale shadow of the former God of Death that stared at himself in the large bathroom mirror. His braid had long ago come undone and his hair was hanging lank and tangled all around his tired body. There were no more smiles, no more joy in the large, violet eyes. Only darkness and despair. Duo looked hard and long at what he had become. Then something took hold of him, twisting his features into a frightening mask, straightening the emaciated body and firming it with an unholy resolve. Had there been one of the other pilots, they would have recognized what now looked through Duos eyes: Shinigami.

******

Heero leaned back in his leather chair, satisfied with all the work that he had accomplished in the last three weeks. Looking up from the program now running smoothly on his laptop, he gazed through the large picture window taking up an entire wall of his huge apartment. Below him, the lights of Brussels stretched into the distance, glinting in the approaching darkness, the last rays of a fiery sunset painting the tall buildings with copper and gold. He stretched and rose to fetch a bottle of water from the fridge. Leaning back, he surveyed his home. No, it wasn’t really a home. Home was with Duo, but he’d left him behind., had discarded him like yesterday’s newspaper. ‘All for the greater good’ Heero reminded himself for the umpteenth time, but he just couldn’t reason away the pain in his heart, the longing for his loves sweet laugh, the warmth, the touches. His new apartment might be spacious and furnished with the newest and the best, but it always felt cold to him. Heero spent more time in his office than he did at home. This was just a place to sleep, not a place to be. The only reason he was “home” early tonight was the program that he was working on. It was a radical new development for the Preventer’s security system, increasing Preventer’s efficiency a hundredfold and he would be implementing it as soon as his appointment was made official, which would be next week, at the Earth/Colony summit meeting to be held in Brussels.

Walking over to the picture window and leaning his forehead against the cool glass, he wondered whether Duo would be watching. Was he all right? Was he working again? Had he gotten that big contract that he’d been telling Heero about just before he left for his last job? Heero hadn’t wanted to check up on his love because he didn’t trust himself not to get back in touch with him. Gods, how he missed Duo! Grabbing onto the shreds of his resolve, he turned back to the laptop, intending to tweak the program some more, when the vid-phone rang. Heero opened the connection.

“What is it?” he grumbled. He had left orders not to be disturbed and had blocked all non-official calls, so whatever this was, it had to be important.

“Sir?” a tinny, trembling voice came from the speaker. “Colonel Hammes speaking. Sir… we have a situation. We need you here at Headquarters.”

“A situation? What kind of situation?”

“We can’t tell you over the phone, Sir. We think… we think it’s better if you just come down.”

“All right. I’ll be there shortly.”

“Thank you, Sir! Hammes out.”

Heero quickly changed into his Preventers uniform. He armed himself, somehow feeling that the situation seemed to call for it, even though he hadn’t really needed to defend himself in years. Grabbing his ID and keys, he headed downstairs to the underground garage, and his car.

Fifteen minutes later, Heero pulled up to the police cordon around Preventer Headquarters. After showing his badge he was permitted to drive past the blaring sirens and flashing lights and into the relative quiet of the huge parking lot, where the Preventers had set up their base of operations. Striding into the trailer, weaving through the frantically scuttling personnel, he immediately spotted Colonel Hammes and other high-ranking Preventers bent over a brightly lit table. He could see blueprints scattered across the table-top and the men and women were animatedly discussing various scenarios. Heero didn’t bother with introductions. Everyone there knew who he was. He came right to the point.

“Status report!”

“Sir! We have here a hostage situation. One perp, identity unknown. He entered the building sometime this evening, unseen by all of our security, took out seven guards and then locked down the top floor of the building. He scrambled all the codes and none of our people have been able to hack his blocking program so far. As far as we know, he’s operating alone,” Colonel Hammes reported in a crisp tone.

“How many hostages and who?”

“Ah… that’s where the problem is. He has only one hostage. Lady Une,” Hammes said apologetically.

“Any contact with the perp?”

“None. We had only one contact with Lady Une herself. The hostage-taker allowed her one phone call to us. He has made no demands, has not asked for ransom. But he’s heavily armed, a deadly shot… and he’s wired.”

“Wired? How much?” There was something about this situation that didn’t feel right. Something was off. Heero couldn’t put his finger on it, but he locked the feeling down. He needed facts, not hunches.

“Enough to blow this building and the surrounding five blocks to kingdom come. And on a hair trigger.”

“Damn!”

“Sir!” The shout from a Preventers agent seated at one of the bright monitors that lined the trailer’s walls startled them all. “Sir! I think we have him!”

As one, the elite of the Preventers strode over to the monitor. The picture was clear, if a little distant. It showed the picture window of Une’s office. The light in the office was dim, but shapes could be seen, one stationary, one moving slowly back and forth.

“Can you get closer?” Hammes asked of the Preventer technician.

“Not by much. This is the closest camera that we have right now. We’re trying to put up others but haven’t had a chance yet. I’ll try, Sir.” His fingers flew over the keyboard in front of him and the picture on the monitor changed. There was blankness for a short moment, then the picture cleared again to show the office, but in more detail. The stationary figure, seated on the leather sofa off to the left, looked very much like Lady Une. She seemed to be unharmed, but it was hard to tell at that distance. The other figure was pacing back and forth. It was clad in form-fitting black, making the ring of explosives around its torso all the more noticeable. Its face was obscured by a black mask and the head covered by a black baseball cap. A large hand-gun with silencer attached hung loosely from the pacing figure’s grasp.

“What’s he doing?” Hammes asked.

“He just seems to be pacing, talking to Une, Sir,” the technician replied.

“Have we tried to contact him again?”

“Yes, Sir, but no luck. He doesn’t respond to anything that we’ve tried.”

“Sir?” Hammes turned to Heero. “What do you suggest?”

Heero watched the figure on the screen pace the length of the window and back, sometimes gesturing, waving the gun slightly as if emphasising a point that he was making. There was something so familiar about that figure that Heero almost reached out to the screen. But then he pushed it down ruthlessly. This was a criminal, a terrorist trying to impose fear and death on the people that he, Heero, had vowed to protect. This was not Duo, could not be Duo. Duo was on L7, in their house, living his life. Thoughts of Duo had no place in this situation.

“He has to be taken out. Fast.” Heero replied.

“The nearest building is almost 500 yards away. There’s no way anyone can make a shot from there, Sir!” Hammes looked at Heero aghast.

“I can,” Heero replied quietly. “Meet me at the Branston Building in 15 minutes with the equipment. We’re going to end this. Now.” He turned on his heel, leaving the others staring after him as he exited the trailer.

Fifteen minutes later he accepted the heavy suitcase from Hammes’ hands. Entering the evacuated building, he unlocked the elevator with the override key that he had received from the building supervisor. As the elevator car rose towards the top floor, Heero cleared his mind of all thoughts but one- he had to succeed. Digging deep inside himself, he pulled out the Perfect Soldier from the wars, pushing all humanity, all thoughts, all emotions into a box named ‘Heero’ and leaving only cold functionality behind.

As he stepped out onto the roof-top, a warm breeze pulled at his hair and jacket, stirring the dust on the concrete and teasing around his legs. He walked to the edge of the building and carefully looked across the chasm to the brightly lit Preventer’s building on the other side of the Plaza. He couldn’t make out any details from here, but he knew exactly where his target was. Dropping to his haunches, he opened the suitcase and took out the specially made, high-powered, laser-sighted, gundanium-cased sniper rifle that he had had commissioned during the time when he had been running more missions than miles every month. He’d been the best, but with increasing responsibility came less call for his other, special abilities and he had been able to put killing behind him.

When he had fitted the weapon together, he slowly eased the heavy rifle up onto the casing. Adjusting the sight, he aimed the gun at the window of Une’s office. Details sprang into being, pulled into focus through the special laser sight. He could see Une, handcuffed but calm and poised on the sofa, talking to her kidnapper. She seemed unconcerned that a man with enough explosives on him to make a very big hole was walking back and forth only yards away from her. Then Heero zoomed in on the kidnapper. Black from head to toe, there was nothing that could identify him except that he was male - and dangerous. Heero followed the man’s pacing with the rifle, waiting patiently for the right moment, his finger on the trigger. He only needed to squeeze lightly, the trigger was very responsive. The gun had been balanced perfectly so even if he had to move it before firing, it would not miss.

Suddenly, the kidnapper stopped his pacing. He walked over to Une and stood before her, saying something to the woman. The Commander smiled. The kidnapper then walked over to the picture window and leaned up against the glass, hands at his sides, the gun hanging down as if it had been forgotten. Heero couldn’t see the man’s face, but he saw him looking down, down into the Plaza, towards the flashing lights and all the activity below.

This was it! The moment for action! And yet, for one moment Heero hesitated, something painful tearing through his heart as if someone had taken a knife to him. He had to take a deep breath and steady the weapon. What was wrong with him? This was not the time for emotions. Another deep breath. The kidnapper was still standing motionless at the window, his attention still fixed on the street below. Heero tightened the finger. Then he pulled the trigger. At that moment, the man looked up with large violet eyes and smiled at him.

The glass of the window on the other side of the Plaza shattered, breaking into tiny pieces like a spider’s web that had been frozen and fallen to the floor. Heero dropped the gun, dropped everything, raced to the entrance to the roof and down the many, many stairs.

No. No. No.

It couldn’t have been. It was a trick of the light. It wasn’t real. His mind simply couldn’t accept what his eyes had seen but the darkness and pain in his heart, the agony that went through his whole being, told his soul the truth.

He’d never gone down 30 stories of stairs faster than on that evening. He didn’t remember how he’d gotten there, but suddenly Heero found himself standing in front of Une’s office, surrounded by Preventers in heavy riot gear and the babble of hand-helds and shrilling of mobiles. He couldn’t move, couldn’t take another step. Lady Une came towards him, with the most pitying expression on her face that he’d ever seen. Then he knew. It was real.

“No…”

“Heero?” Lady Une said gently. “Please follow me.” She put a light hand on his shoulder and steered him through the milling personnel into her office. With a small movement of her head she shooed all of them out, until only Heero and she were left in the devastated room. The window was shattered beyond repair, glass surrounding the still figure on the floor like a frozen wave. It was cool in the room, the wind moving slowly over the papers scattered on the heavy desk.

“Heero,” Une raised her other hand and held something out to the silent man at her side. “He didn’t hurt me and the explosives weren’t armed. None of the Preventers that he shot were fatally wounded. He had planned this very carefully. He wanted you to have this.” She put a red, heart-shaped, metal container into his shaking hand. “He said, you should open it before you… go to him.” Then she squeezed his shoulder in sympathy and turned away, walking swiftly out of her ruined office, closing the door quietly behind her.

Heero stood there, numb, empty, unable to move, the box in his trembling hand clattering slightly. He stumbled over to the silent figure on the floor and sank down beside it, not heeding the blood soaking into his clean uniform pants or the glass digging into his knees. All he saw were the wide-open violet eyes, now empty and staring, and the tiny hole in the middle of Duo’s head. He didn’t have to look to know that there wasn’t much left of the back of his skull though.. He would have been dead instantly, yet there was a tiny, contented smile on Duo’s pale lips.

“Why?” Heero whispered. “Why? Duo… why?”

The box in his hand slipped from his loose grasp and fell to the carpet with a wet sound. Heero twitched, startled. Slowly, fearfully, he reached for the lid and pulled it away. There were only two things inside. Duo’s carefully bound braid and a heart-shaped note. With trembling fingers, Heero lifted those two objects from their casing, holding the braid up to his lips. Then he buried his face in the soft hair, breathing deeply of that scent that was uniquely Duo’s. Tears blurred his sight and ran down his cheeks, wetting the hair clutched in his fist. He dashed the tears from his eyes, lifting the card and opening it, to read. The script was small and slightly wavy, as if the hands that had written the words hadn’t been quite steady. There wasn’t much, but what there was wounded Heero to the core of his being.

“Heero. I don’t know where I went wrong. I don’t know what I did that made you feel that you had to leave. Whatever it was, I’m sorry for it. We had 10 wonderful years. At least, they had been wonderful for me. I don’t know if they’d been the same for you. I’d always thought so, but maybe I was wrong.

You wanted to be free. Free to follow your path, your destiny, and I was in the way. I can’t really understand it but I guess I have to accept it, but you see, without you there’s nothing in my life anymore. No reason for me to keep going. I love you too much for that. I couldn’t live, seeing you on the vids, hearing and reading about you, yet knowing that I could never be a part of your life again. So I decided to end it.

I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it myself. If I was never going to be able to be with you again, if my life was going to be empty of your love, then I’d rather die by your hand. If you read this, then I have succeeded. I hope your visions and dreams for your future come true. I will always love you, with all my heart and all my soul.”

Heero dropped the card, not caring where it fell. Then he threw himself over the cooling body of his only love, kissed the cold lips desperately and wept bitterly for all that he had lost.

One week later, Heero Yuy was inaugurated as the new Head of Preventers. He stood through the whole ceremony, never moving a single muscle in his face, only responding to others when it was necessary. For the next forty years, Heero Yuy made his vision come true. But no one ever saw him smile again.