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Description
Krycek snuck into Mulder's apartment, he wondered why he had to do it so often. It was probably just Smokey being his usual paranoid self. Krycek sighed and picked the lock in under thirty seconds, then slipped inside. He looked around in the dimly lit apartment then took the familiar trek to the bedroom. Once inside, and past boxes of random crap and porn, he walked to the dresser. 'Find anything suspicious' Smokey had said. Yeah, yeah, suspicious, like what? Out of date porn? Krycek irritably kicked the box of girlie magazines away from his feet and opened the top drawer of the dresser. He began pawing through the boxers, a smirk on his face. He froze and had to keep himself from laughing when he came across a familiar red Speedo.
"Oh Mulder…" he snickered, picking the object up with one finger, "makes you faster, right? But why…red?" he tossed it back in the drawer and continued pawing. He froze and picked up another object, "and a blue one? How interesting…" he continued going through the drawers contents, then froze and snickered, "well, well, how many Speedos can we find?"
Krycek continued going through the drawer, "hmm, red, blue, green, purple, this is quite shocking, really, lime green, black, magenta…I wonder if he gets these all from a certain store…" Krycek choked on his words.
"A-animal print!?" he pushed the Speedo's aside, hoping his twenty-twenty vision had chosen to betray him, but alas, it hadn't.
"Leopard…zebra…tiger…cheetah…neon zebra? And would this one be…black panther…?" he held up the dark Speedo with the hard to see spots. Then with a shudder he tossed it back into the drawer and slammed it shut. He then went on to the next drawer, opening it he found many socks. He began pawing through the socks as well, slightly more cautious this time. Suddenly he found several photos of Scully, showering, only in her under garments, which were rather flashy for a single woman. And all of them appeared to have been taken through the window or something creepy like that. Krycek tossed the offending pictures back under the socks and slammed the drawer shut. He shuddered again, really wishing that there were no more drawers, but alas, there were three more. He opened the third drawer, shirts in this one, regular old tee shirts. With a hopeful prayer he began going through them, really hoping to find nothing unusual. He started feeling a bit nervous as he found some wife beaters, and tight v-necks, he then froze, eye twitching as he picked up a tight fitting leather top with many zippers and pockets. Krycek slowly set it back in the drawer and closed it. Not caring if anything was in disarray. He then moved on to the fourth drawer, opening it he found neatly folded pants, he sighed and just pushed them out of the way, wondering what horrors were in this drawer. He wasn't very surprised, but was plenty scared, when he found leather pants, leather short shorts, and leather underwear. He simply closed the drawer and moved on to the final drawer. He mentally prepped himself for what he would find and opened it, no amount of prepping prepared him for this though. Inside this particular drawer he found; handcuffs, a ball gag, what appeared to be restraints, a leather mask, thumb handcuffs, a riding crop, a whip, rope, and several chains. He slammed the drawer shut and literally ran out of the bedroom. Only to find himself face to shoulder with the tall FBI agent.
"Krycek!" he yelled, grabbing the smaller man.
Krycek deftly squirmed away, "beat the crap out of me if you want, but don't do anything kinky!" he screamed.
Mulder stared at him, "what the Hell are you talking about an why the Hell are you here?"
"I'm talking about the horrors I witnessed in your dresser and I AM LEAVING!"
"Really! What are you doing here!? Stop lying to me!"
"Leaving, honestly!" then Krycek turned and walked as calmly as he could to the door, he opened it, locked it, then closed it deftly behind him. He then walked calmly to the elevator, ascened to the bottom floor, exited the building, walked to his car and left. On the ride home he called up CSM.
"Hello?" the raspy voice answered.
"Sir, I did the routine check."
"And what did you find?"
"Please sir, don't ever make me go back there," he then hung up the phone, pulled to the side of the road and proceeded to cry.

The End

Author's Note: this is for laughs and such, I own nothing >.<

Description
Krycek snuck into Mulder's apartment, he wondered why he had to do it so often. It was probably just Smokey being his usual paranoid self. Krycek sighed and picked the lock in under thirty seconds, then slipped inside. He looked around in the dimly lit apartment then took the familiar trek to the bedroom. Once inside, and past boxes of random crap and porn, he walked to the dresser. 'Find anything suspicious' Smokey had said. Yeah, yeah, suspicious, like what? Out of date porn? Krycek irritably kicked the box of girlie magazines away from his feet and opened the top drawer of the dresser. He began pawing through the boxers, a smirk on his face. He froze and had to keep himself from laughing when he came across a familiar red Speedo.
"Oh Mulder…" he snickered, picking the object up with one finger, "makes you faster, right? But why…red?" he tossed it back in the drawer and continued pawing. He froze and picked up another object, "and a blue one? How interesting…" he continued going through the drawers contents, then froze and snickered, "well, well, how many Speedos can we find?"
Krycek continued going through the drawer, "hmm, red, blue, green, purple, this is quite shocking, really, lime green, black, magenta…I wonder if he gets these all from a certain store…" Krycek choked on his words.
"A-animal print!?" he pushed the Speedo's aside, hoping his twenty-twenty vision had chosen to betray him, but alas, it hadn't.
"Leopard…zebra…tiger…cheetah…neon zebra? And would this one be…black panther…?" he held up the dark Speedo with the hard to see spots. Then with a shudder he tossed it back into the drawer and slammed it shut. He then went on to the next drawer, opening it he found many socks. He began pawing through the socks as well, slightly more cautious this time. Suddenly he found several photos of Scully, showering, only in her under garments, which were rather flashy for a single woman. And all of them appeared to have been taken through the window or something creepy like that. Krycek tossed the offending pictures back under the socks and slammed the drawer shut. He shuddered again, really wishing that there were no more drawers, but alas, there were three more. He opened the third drawer, shirts in this one, regular old tee shirts. With a hopeful prayer he began going through them, really hoping to find nothing unusual. He started feeling a bit nervous as he found some wife beaters, and tight v-necks, he then froze, eye twitching as he picked up a tight fitting leather top with many zippers and pockets. Krycek slowly set it back in the drawer and closed it. Not caring if anything was in disarray. He then moved on to the fourth drawer, opening it he found neatly folded pants, he sighed and just pushed them out of the way, wondering what horrors were in this drawer. He wasn't very surprised, but was plenty scared, when he found leather pants, leather short shorts, and leather underwear. He simply closed the drawer and moved on to the final drawer. He mentally prepped himself for what he would find and opened it, no amount of prepping prepared him for this though. Inside this particular drawer he found; handcuffs, a ball gag, what appeared to be restraints, a leather mask, thumb handcuffs, a riding crop, a whip, rope, and several chains. He slammed the drawer shut and literally ran out of the bedroom. Only to find himself face to shoulder with the tall FBI agent.
"Krycek!" he yelled, grabbing the smaller man.
Krycek deftly squirmed away, "beat the crap out of me if you want, but don't do anything kinky!" he screamed.
Mulder stared at him, "what the Hell are you talking about an why the Hell are you here?"
"I'm talking about the horrors I witnessed in your dresser and I AM LEAVING!"
"Really! What are you doing here!? Stop lying to me!"
"Leaving, honestly!" then Krycek turned and walked as calmly as he could to the door, he opened it, locked it, then closed it deftly behind him. He then walked calmly to the elevator, ascened to the bottom floor, exited the building, walked to his car and left. On the ride home he called up CSM.
"Hello?" the raspy voice answered.
"Sir, I did the routine check."
"And what did you find?"
"Please sir, don't ever make me go back there," he then hung up the phone, pulled to the side of the road and proceeded to cry.

The End

Author's Note: this is for laughs and such, I own nothing >.<