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Reginald-Konga — Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw! Pt. 4
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Published: 2015-07-06 02:19:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 2405; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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Description The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy

Episode Nine "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo Haw Haw!!" (Part Four) [Chapter Seventeen]

Written by thebestkindofstupid (A.K.A. Edd Shwartz A.K.A. Reginald Konga)

Having finished sailing across the waters, the Eds started their trek through the woods to find the next crystal, but first, they had to bury the crystals they had collected, so that Jack could not get all of them at once.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Eddy?" Double D asked as Ed finished digging with his hands.

"I'm sure," Eddy answered. They threw the blue, yellow, red, and green crystals into the hole, and covered them with dirt and grass. "Come on, we've got things to do."

The Eds continued through the woods until they found their next opponent. "Greetings," he said in a friendly voice, "I am the monsoon wizard." The being looked like a wizard Penn Ward would design. He was a rather large man of medium height, and he had a very large, solid white beard, and a wizard's hat that had a swirled, monochromatic green design. He jumped up in the air and struck a pose, while words were summoned to spell out "Boss Five MONSOON WIZARD." "However, I'm afraid I must destroy all of you."

Blue lightning flashed on an orange screen.

"Take this, why don't you…" he yelled, continuously spitting flames out of his mouth.

"Do it again!!" Ed yelled, after the wizard had finished.

Double D launched arrows towards the wizard, but he just blocked them. "Why do I even bother using these things?" Double D asked himself.

"Here's a present," the wizard said before shocking Ed with lightning.

"Keep it coming," said Ed, who was still enjoying it.

"Take… this…?" the wizard said confused, just before he blasted Ed with a large force of frost.

"HAHA!!" Ed laughed.

"It's about time I showed you my full power," Eddy said to the wizard. He then moved his arms around to direct a large wave of gold towards the wizard, which swept him away. "No, I left my guard down."

Eddy exclaimed, "All right, let's get that crystal and…!!" He stopped to realize the Monsoon wizard wasn't quite ready yet.

The wizard held on to his lower chest with his left arm (right from the Eds' perspective) and said, "I have only five hit points left. That's five out of twelve thousand health, but I still have one trick up my sleeve. It may cost me the forest, but it will be worth it to protect the crystal. I'm going to summon a comet to kill you all… or was that a meteor… or a meteroite… actually, I think it'd be a meteoroid."

"Not if I can help it!!" Double D said, pulling out his clarinet. He started performing a song too high-pitched for the human ear to hear, thus blowing purple energy out of the end of his clarinet. The energy formed a man of relatively muscular build (not quite slim but not quite the Hulk).

The wizard said, "Wizard Ultra Fighting … PRYO BA––" Before he could finish the word "ball," the wizard was punched by the energy being. The wizard stammered a bit, then he fell down and faded into oblivion. "We'll all float on… once I regenerate. I'm just unemployed is all," he said weakly, as if he were addressing this episode's graphic violence.

"Geez, Double D, wasting your strongest move on five HP. Overkill much!!"

"I didn't use my strongest move, but you did prematurely," Double D pointed out smugly.

"Yeah, yeah," Eddy said a bit upset, not realizing the full effect of Double D having one last trick up his sleeve for a later boss.

"Hey, Eddy, can I have a solo fight, since I'm a viking, please!!"

"Knock yourself out," Eddy said with a smug smile. He truly did not want to fight the second-to-last monster. This way, he could save his strength for the next battle."

"Oh, boy!!" Ed yelled in an ecstatic tone while running forward. Ed ran through an opening in the forest into an even bigger opening. He saw rock everywhere he turned. The doors separating that opening in the forest started to shut.These metal doors swung closed within three seconds. It closed just fast enough to keep Ed from escaping, but it still felt slow and agonizing. Ed then realized that he was trapped inside this huge arena. He then saw a rather large monster (resembling Rolf's monster appearance from the original "Boo Haw Haw!"). In place of the large troll's right hand was a large club with spikes coming out of it. The troll's other hand was huge. The troll was not accompanied by a servant (that demon pig), but he was indeed a worthy adversary nonetheless.

"You have fought well to make it this far, Lothar, but your journey ends here!!" the troll said.

The troll struck a pose, as the words "Boss Six TROLL" appeared on-screen.

Blue lightning appeared on an orange screen.

Ed used his sword to call upon the winds to lift him high into the sky. He then swung his sword up, then, just as he was about to land on the troll, he swung it down as hard as he could. "OUCH!!" the troll yelled after having lost an eighth of his HP.

The troll beat down with his club hand as hard as he could, but he went just enough to his right that Ed could dodge it. Ed then swung his sword seven times before the troll could lift his club-for-a-hand. Ed swung his sword twice more, then bolted out of the troll's way. The troll had lost another third of his health bar. "I can see mere physical attacks won't stop you. Time to bring out phase two. Believe it or not, mushrooms are not all I do."

"Mushrooms?!" Ed exclaimed.

"Did I not mention that?" the troll asked. Ed shook his head. "Well, yeah, that's the misleading piece of infor––Well, I'm actually a DENTIST TROLL!!" he said unveiling dentistry equipment from a tarp that wasn't there a second ago. "Time for you to be get a crown… ON YOUR HEAD!! AHAHAHAHA!!"

"NOOO, NOOO, Please not today!!" Ed yelled running away.

The troll jumped in front of him, and Lothar had no other choice than to fight. He stabbed the troll dentist in the toe before the foe could stop him with the drill. "Oh, no, my Achilles Heel."

Ed then used all his strength to summon a tornado to suck up all kinds of debris. The tornado chucked all the rocks at the troll's face. The troll started to rock back and forth. Ed used his foot and push the troll forward, and thus, he fell for good in front of the door.

Double D and Eddy ran through the door. "Ed, you did it!!" Double D yelled.

"I had total faith in you, Lumpy!!" Eddy said.

"That's Lothar, kind sir," Ed corrected.

"Yeah, whatever," Eddy said, as he grabbed the white crystal. Suddenly, the world, around the Eds started to swirl all around. "Hey, what the––" Eddy gasped.

They were thus in a humongous room. There was an purple, black, and red energy ball in the center of the room on a raised circular platform, just below a hanging circular pillar. It seemed to be a generator of some sort. The rest of the room had three long passageways, and three large pits. The passageways as wide as a basketball court was long, and they were much, much longer than they were wide. A voice called, "Werewolf Scrooge… Lothar… Jimi Hendrix… You have done well."

"Dr. Alfred Peninsula," Double D grumbled in a low voice.

"However, I am afraid I cannot allow you to continue any further." A bedsheet ghost appeared in the room. "It's time to face your permanent fate." The words "Boss Seven GHOST" appeared on the left side of the screen.

For the final time, blue lightning flashed on an orange screen.

"Thank goodness, we don't have to look at that orange screen anymore!!" Eddy complained.

"You'll all surely die. This room is filled with a poison that will gradually decay your heal––No, wait, we haven't finished installing that feature yet, but you'll still all die––" Ed slashed his sword through the ghost, but the foe was unharmed. "You fool, ghosts don't die!! Ahahahaha!!"

"Oh, dear," Double D said.

Eddy threw a roll of quarters at the ghost, but it was no use. Eddy then used his ultimate attack to fire liquid gold at the enemy, but it didn't do any good.

Double D then said, "I was going to save this for a special occasion, but I have no choice. Here's my ultimate attack!!"

Double D then pulled out his guitar, and played a 45-second guitar solo. As the solo continued, small beams of yellow light started being emitted from the ghost's body. "What? No, STOP!!" By the time, Double D had finished the ghost was halfway covered with light spots. It screamed, but it was soon no more. The ghost exploded, and the Eds had succeeded in getting the last crystal, which fell from the spot where the ghost exploded into Eddy's hands. "We did it!! YAY!!" The area around them started to swirl, and the Eds were returned to the spot where they had arrived in Spookyville. The Eds began to cheer, but then, something happened. As Eddy pulled out the other two crystals, Jack swooshed by on Grim's scythe and grabbed all three of them out of his hands.

"Ahahahahaha!!" he laughed, "and I got the other four crystals from where you hid them. Now, I'm afraid the hour of Grim's beheading has grown near. It's been swell, fooling with you guys, but I gotta jet. So long!!" With that, Jack summoned a green vortex and flew into it.

"Oh, man, we've got to do something," Eddy said. He pulled out the jar filled with the purple gunk and said, "Time to go home!!" They used the gunk to teleport to their home dimension, but they had not realized the full extent of something important. "Oh, dear, we forgot to calculate where Jack would be for the ritual."

Eddy shouted, "The pumpkin patch!! That must be where he is!! I mean, why wouldn't he go there!?" The Eds then started running towards the pumpkin patch.

Jack had all seven of the Cyrstals of Osiris. He held them with joy, as he knew they could bring back his head. He handed them to Grim and said, "All right, summon Osiris, and don't try any funny business. My eternal life was part of our deal, remember?"

"Trust me, Jack," Grim said with a serious tone of voice, "I never go back on my word." As the Eds rushed to the Pumpkin Patch, Grim stood back and started the incantation to summon the dark blue dragon Osiris. A beam of energy emerged from where the crystals stood. It burst up into the sky. The dragon had been summoned.

Osiris spoke in its native language, "You have summoned the services of Osiris. Speak your wish, and it shall be granted, but there shall be only one per century, so choose––Master, is that you? Is it finally time to lay waste to this land?"

Grim said in the same language, "No, that day won't be today. Um, things haven't really gone well, since last we spoke."

Jack then yelled, "Grim, you better not think of taking away my life with your wish. WE HAD A DEAL!! Now, ask it to bring back my head!!"

The dragon heard this, even if the request was in an invalid language. "Master, is this what you want?" the blue dragon asked.

Grim frowned. Before he could answer, the Eds came running into the pumpkin patch. "Hey, wait up!! You can't do this!!"

Then, Jack used Grim's scythe to blast the Eds. The Eds fell down on the floor. They were severely injured, but Ed and Double D were nowhere near as badly hurt as Eddy, who had taken the full blunt of the attack.

Jack laughed, "Ahahaha!! How do you like them apples?! Your health will degrade into nothing soon enough." He turned back to face Grim. "Come now, bonehead, give me back my head."

Grim continued to look at Eddy. "Grim, we're sorry about all this," Eddy said. "If we hadn't split up, then none of this would've happened. We're sorry." Eddy was starting to slip away.

"Today, Grim!!" Jack demanded.

Grim then had an angry look on his face. For whatever reason, he had decided he didn't like the way Jack treated him or the Eds. He turned around and said something to the dragon in its strange native language.

"So you have wished it," the dragon said before giving a brief pause. "It shall be…"

A beam of light came down from the heavens and restored the Eds to full health.

"What?! NO!!" Jack screamed.

"Farewell, master," the dragon said in English. He then disappeared in a burst of light.

"NO!! NO!! NO!!" Jack screamed. "What have you done?! Where did he go?!

Grim then said, "I asked for them to be made immune to the effects of me scythe for the next 24 hours. He only grants one wish every one hundred years. I may not be able to take your life away, Jack, but perhaps these three will teach you a lesson. They did find all the crystals after all."

Jack blasted energy beams into the Eds, but they had no effect. Jack started getting extremely upset. Then, he held up the scythe, and hit himself with an energy, absorbing all the powers from the scythe.

"Jack, what are you doing?! NO!!" Grim yelled.

Jack yelled, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?! ANOTHER CENTURY BEFORE I GET ANOTHER CHANCE?! NOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!!" Jack gained a very strong aura. He dropped the scythe, which had been drained of all its power. Jack then said, "PREPARE FOR THE BEATING OF YOUR LIFE!!" Jack started firing large balls of green fire at the Eds, who narrowly avoided them.

Eddy took off running to re-think his strategy. Double D and Ed stood their ground. Double D fired his arrows, which only caused Jack a little bit of pain. "Oh, dear," Double D said.

"Hey," Ed said. He pointed to Jack, his sleeve falling down his arm, and he said, "Now, it's my turn!!" He pulled out his sword and said, "Feel my righteous fury!!" A bolt of lightning came down from the heavens, and Ed redirected it into Jack. Jack braced for impact, but he quickly realized he had just absorbed the lightning as well.

"What happened?" Ed asked.

"Ed," Double D explained, "electricity, by its very nature, cannot hurt anyone who isn't touching the ground."

"Oh, fooey," Ed grunted. Jack redirected the electricity into Ed, who took it on full force. "Ouchie," Ed said.

"Now, it's your turn, Hendrix," Jack shouted.

"For the last time," Double D said, performing his guitar solo, "I'm going as DOCTOR ALFRED PENINSULA!!" Double D then fired a series of power chords after the spell was over. It drastically drained him of health and energy. He finally just fell down, exhausted.

It seemed as though Jack had been defeated. When the smoke cleared, it seemed that that simply wasn't true.

Kevin, Nazz, Rolf, Jimmy, Jonny, and Sarah were all watching this display of strength, despite having their bodies wrapped in blue energy. "He's not hurt at all," Kevin said, "That's awful. Double D got himself hurt for nothing!!"

"Where's that little twerp?!" Jack asked, starting to sound demonic from all the supernatural energy.

"Hey, Dumbface!!" Eddy shouted on the ground behind Jack. "Get a load of this!!" He then used a hose connected to a fire hydrant to blast Jack with a huge stream of water.

"I'll get you for that!!" he yelled, still sounding a bit demonic.

Eddy made a splint for the scythe. He slid on the grass and grabbed it, once again narrowly avoiding a green ball of fire.

"You've got this, Eddy!!" Kevin shouted.

"You can do it!!" shouted Nazz.

"Rolf has much admiration for you, conniving Ed-boy!!" Rolf said.

With the encouragement of his "friends," Eddy leaped into the air with his scythe, and grabbed onto Jack, giving Jack a very quick barrage of right-handed punches and kicks from his opposite side. Jack, of course, started firing back. Jack grabbed Eddy's scythe in an attempt to rid himself of Eddy.

"You won't get away with this, you pest!!" Jack yelled.

The scythe regained a very small and insignificant amount of energy after Jack and Eddy touched it at the same. A blast came from the blade, and it went in completely the wrong direction. Jack punched Eddy, and Eddy landed on his hands and knees, finally too tired to fight anymore.

"Oh, no," Jimmy uttered.

Jack returned to the ground and taunted Eddy before destroying him, "Haha, you missed, moron. Now what? Are you gonna cry, you little weasel?"

"Actually," Eddy said with a smile, "I wasn't aiming for you."

"That's right; I have returned," said a heroic voice.

Jack gasped at what he saw to his right. "Rubious Dragon-Slayer."

The knight who had killed Jack decades upon decades earlier was standing in front of a portal––summoned by the scythe––that brought him there. He started stepping away from his horse towards Jack. "How does it feel, Jack?! Are you scared of me?!"

"Yes, sir. I am very scared of you…" Jack said, frozen with fear.

The knight walked around Jack. "Good," the knight said, raising a piece of his helmet to reveal his tough-looking face. "Then, this will be all the more painful."

The knights started viciously punching Jack in the face. The last punch sent Jack backwards, and he almost fell to the ground, but the knight's black horse caught Jack, pushed him up, then used its hind legs to knock Jack back to the knight. Jack was met with yet another punch to the face. The knight grabbed Jack by the shoulders and started punching his kidneys. "Please, make it stop!!"

"As you wish," the knight said. The knight sent Jack flying with a mighty kick. As Jack started falling down, the knight launched himself forward and punched Jack yet again. Knocking him onto the dirt of the playground. The knight held Jack still, right next to the merry-go-round. He gave it an incredible spin, then stopped it, then he gave it another spin.

Next, Rubious buried Jack in front of the chicken-shaped bouncy ride. He pulled the bouncy ride back with one finger, and released it, causing it to knock Jack further into the ground. Jack pleaded, "Please, I'm begging you…" He started crying.

The man knocked Jack forward, then launched himself onto Jack's stomach and started riding him through the woods of Peach Creek, going through a variety of trees. Jack arrived in the construction site, but he realized that Rubious was gone. "Where could he have––?" Jack then saw a large crane with a wrecking ball coming for him, and its pilot was none other than Rubious Dragon-Slayer. "Sto-aw-awp!!" Jack cried, but he was still too scared to move on his own. The wrecking ball picked Jack up from the ground, and the knight began to demolish incomplete buildings with Jack still on the wrecking ball. The knight's horse took over, and Rubious jumped and grabbed Jack, punching him over and over while still on the wrecking ball. Jack was immortal, so he was left alive through this entire sequence of events.

Rubious punched Jack again, launching him back into the pumpkin patch. Jack landed on some of his pumpkin minions. The souls that had taken over these pumpkin bodies were released and returned to the vortex above them. Rubious dragged Jack over to the tree with the pumpkin head. He used Jack to chop down the tree. When the pumpkin hit the ground, it splattered, and the soul returned to the underworld through the portal.

Rubious then threw Jack across the field, causing him to land on more pumpkins. Mr. Dragon-Slayer then said, "It's time for me to finish you." The knight then started glowing green. Blue lightning started coming towards him, causing his aura to glow much brighter. More and more energy came to him. The knight released it in a mighty blast of red energy that went in all directions, with many powerful beams of energy blasting much farther. This move destroyed Jack's entire pumpkin body. The blast ended, and Kevin, who had braced for impact, couldn't believe that he was left uninjured. Now free with Jack's blue energy containment bond, he walked forward, revealing to the camera that a pumpkin had survived, only for it to be destroyed with a leftover blast. The Eds had also lost their powers from the blast.

Rubious walked over to Jack, who, as indicated by his facial expression alone, flinched, despite the fact that Jack still not being able to move the rest of his body. The knight just spit on Jack's face, and rode off on his horse into a light blue vortex that he himself had created.

Grim was now free from the spiky vine that had imprisoned him. He walked forward, and grabbed his weapon. "That knight certainly knows how to get the job done. All of the energy Jack stole is back in me scythe."

Double D said, "Apparently, he even healed our battle scars with that explosion."

"Napkin please," Ed said.

"Now what are you going to do with Jack?" Eddy asked. "You did have a deal."

"I never go back on my word," Grim said, "but I think Jack has overstayed his welcome."

Grim was about to pick Jack up to allow him to float into the vortex, but Eddy said, "Wait a minute. Wouldn't throwing Jack into that portal to the underworld be the same thing as reaping him, which would violate your deal."

"Hmm, you're right," Grim said, raising his finger to his chin. Grim used his scythe to close the portal in the sky, then he used opened a portal to Alaska. "I guess we'll just have to send him to Antarctica," he said with an evil voice.

Jack woke up and said, "Ooooh, I broke every bone in my body. Hey, what are you––?!" Grim picked up Jack and threw him into the portal. Grim then laughed evilly. "Well," he said, "I guess that about wraps it up."

"I can't believe it," Kevin said, "I got out of this whole mess without getting hurt. I suppose I should beat the tar out of Eddy for causing this mess." Eddy gasped as Kevin said that. "However, I suppose I'll let you go… just this once, but don't ever let that happen again!!" Kevin started walking home, along with everyone else. "I hope you dorks enjoyed your little game in Spookyville." Just within earshot of the Eds, Kevin muttered, "Idiots."

"Hey," Eddy said, "That's right, we can still go trick-or-treating in Spookyville. Come on, boys, let's––"

"There you are, Eddy," yelled Eddy's father, coming through some dead trees. "Do you know what time it is?! It is Twelve-O-Two. You were supposed to be home over two and half hours ago. I hope you had fun because you're grounded!!" Teddy McQuarter grabbed Eddy by the arm and escorted him back home.

"Aw… crum!!" Eddy muttered.

"Hey, Ed," Sarah yelled, "you better get back home or I'm telling Mom."

"Please, Sarah, don't tell Mom," Ed begged, running towards his sister.

"Well, Grim," Double D said, "I'm satisfied with going home if you are."

"Yeah, we should go…" Grim said.

Double D and Grim started watching television, when Double D said, "Hey, Grim, do you ever feel like we've forgotten something important."

"Like what?" Grim asked.

"I just feel like there should be some loose end to tie up," Double D said.

"Maybe we forgot to leave a loose end to tie up," Grim said.

"Oh," Double D said, "you're probably right."

Jack had his head buried in the snow. He moved it up to speak and said, "I'll get you, Grim, even if it takes me till Christmas!! Oh, please, who am I kidding?!"

Original author's notes from fan fiction dot net version (November 17, 2014):

The end… for now.

Holy chum, that took forever. I can't believe I didn't get any complaints about how long this took. You guys should probably follow my blogspot because I'll be updating it with a series of posts about how I wrote each episode of this story, starting with the creation of Chapter One. I hope you all enjoyed this episode, I hope you all had a happy Halloween, and I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving. Well, some of you are from Great Britain, so you probably don't celebrate Thanksgiving, but, oh, never mind.

Episode Ten will likely be "Nigel Planter and the Prisoner of Neptropitox." Hopefully, I can get it out by Christmas. If not, I may need to reevaluate my life. Kidding.

Oh, for those of you who didn't read my blogspot, I'll be updating Episode One to improve the quality. The original version will be posted on my blogspot. Until next time, take care.
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