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The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy

Episode Eight "Tastes Like Ed" (Part Three) [Chapter 13]

Written by thebestkindofstupid (also known as "Edd Shwartz")

Author's note: There was a contest announcement here, but it's gone now. Readers were originally going to pick the subject of episode nine from three choices. However, the contest (which was only on the fan fiction dot net version) was cancelled because writing a chapter about Nergal (a character who I was not a huge fan of) almost burned me out. I'll finish it one day, but not now.

Having finished their jawbreakers, the Eds were thinking about what to do next. "Well, this scam turned out great," Eddy said. "Wouldn't you boys agree?'

"What do we do now?" Ed asked.

"I don't know. Usually if we succeed in getting jawbreakers, it's in the afternoon," Eddy said. They had to wait until the next morning to get their jawbreakers, because the candy store closed. "Hmm, what are we going to do?"

"You three really are idiots," Grim said.

Ed pointed and said, "Hey, it's Mount Dracula."

"Huh?" Eddy and Double D said in unison.

Radiating with confidence, Dracula looked to be in a very good mood. He was marching down the street and said, "Dracula gotta thank you boys for encouraging Dracula to go on that date. Dracula's whole life been turned around. I got a new job, I have a beautiful girlfriend, and I feel a century younger."

"You just started dating yesterday," Double D pointed out.

"Time works differently in certain parts of the underworld," Dracula said.

"That might explain the inconsistency with Grim's age," Double D said.

"What do you mean?" Grim asked.

"If Dracula was your childhood idol," Double D said, "he shouldn't be younger than you. You've stated to have been working for at least two thousand years, and death has kind of been around since the beginning of life. When were you born."

"Hold on a minute," Grim said, "Dracula, surely you're not dating a mortal girl. I mean, you can't just––"

"Listen, bone-man," Dracula said, "Dracula's not going to rush into anything. Dracula might turn her into a vampire one day, but not today. Hey, here she comes now." Dracula then rushed over to her and said, "Hey, baby, Dracula was just thinkin' about you. What's with the long face? Who became undead?"

"Dracula, there's something I must tell you. Before I met you, there was another. We were engaged, but he disappeared. Apparently, a deranged lunatic kidnapped him and left him on a desert island. I spent months looking for him, but soon, all hope seemed lost. Dejected, I returned to the overworld, where my two sisters signed me up for that dating website. That's how I found you, but now that he's returned I'm not sure who I love more."

Dracula said, "Oh, no, you're not talkin' about him, are you? He probably wasn't even kidnapped."

"Who's he?" Eddy asked.

Another younger-looking vampire then walked out of an alley. He had a lime green cap turned sideways, a fur coat, and a large clock hanging from the his neck chain.

Dracula then pronounced his arch rival's name slowly and dramatically. "Rualdac!!"

"Well, well, well, look what the bat dragged in. Still wearing that out-dated cape, I see," Rualdac said.

"Capes never go out of style," Dracula argued, "They're iconic. Just look at Superman. Of course, I guess you wouldn't know anything about style, now, would ya?"

"I got more style in my pinkie than you have in your whole body," Rualdac argued.

"Oh, yeah?!" Dracula said.

"Yeah!!" Rualdac said.

"Oh, yeah?!" Dracula said.

"Yeah!!" Rualdac said.

"I've had it up to hear with people making fun of my childhood idol!!" Grim exclaimed. "We're taking this to court."

"We already made an episode where we took something to court, just a couple of weeks ago," Double D pointed out.

"Oh…" Grim said, "Well… in that case…" Grim was taking a long time to decide what to say next. "Is there any other way to settle this."

"Dracula know one way," said Dracula. He turned back to face Rualdac, "Dracula challenge you to the Trials of Marceline."

"Oooh, that's right," Grim said, "The Trials of Marceline!! Great idea!!"

"I accept," said Rualdac.

"Sounds fine to me," Natalia said, hoping it would make the decision easier.

"Very well then," Grim said, "It's settled. The first person to get three wins in the Trials of Marceline shall win the heart of this fair maiden, but be forewarned for these trials are perhaps the most––"

"Dracula know that," Dracula said, "That's why Dracula called for it, dummy!!"

"This is the guy I'm rooting for…" Grim said with a defeated look on his face. He had his arms drooping all the way down and his normally good posture had disappeared. He then sarcastically said, "Super…"

[Scene Transition]

Grim stood there with an outfit similar to the one a high school football team coach might wear, complete with a whistle and a hat. "All right," Grim said, "a group of judges from the underworld have decided the five categories. The first category is: … (sigh) dancing."

A DJ started playing disco music, and Dracula did all kinds of dancing. He was a dancing machine. Okay, I'll admit it: I know nothing about dancing, so I can't give you an accurate description. When the song was over the judges gave their scores: 10, 9, 9, 8, and 10. "Top that," Dracula said to Rualdac.

Rualdac tried to dance, but he did so terrible that the judges each gave him a one out of ten within the first thirty seconds. Keep in mind, there was no zero on this scale.

"Dracula is the winner of the first round," Grim proudly proclaimed. There would have been a crowd cheering, but nobody cared, besides the Eds and Grim, and maybe the judges… maybe.

[Scene Transition]

"All right," Grim said, still wearing the coach's outfit, "the next challenge is: a scare-off."

Dracula went up to a little kid and made the scariest face he could, but the little kid just threw his pistachio ice cream into Dracula's eye. Dracula then heard a scream coming from a large man, who then ran away from Rualdac.

"Rualdac unfortunately wins."

[Scene Transition]

"Grim, are you sure about this?" Double D asked Grim.

"No, but it's what the judges picked," said Grim.

Dracula, Rualdac, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Grim, Natalia, and the judge's were at the top of a huge ski ramp in the void of space. There were meteors all over the place, and the goal was about 300 meters (roughly 325 yards; that's right, I'm still using the Metric system, just to make you mad). Dracula and Rualdac's goal was to land as close to the center of the purple and white target as they could. There were twenty-one layers of the Bull's Eye, starting with 100% at the Purple bull's eye and 0% at the outer rim. Each layer was twice as thick as the last.

A super cool ski instructor then showed up and said, "Hey, I'm here to teach you how to have a good time skiing."

"Dracula already know how to ski," Dracula complained.

"Now, listen, skiing is all about having a good time. If you expect perfect grammar from people on fan fiction dot net, you're gonna have a bad time. If you argue with fanboys in the YouTube comments section, you're gonna have a bad time."

"When do we have a good time?" Ed asked.

"Good question. If you use a fancy font on your English paper, you're gonna have a bad time. If you try to assassinate President Lincoln in present day, you're gonna have a bad time. If you expect Citizen Kane quality from a fan-made project, you're gonna have a bad time. If you watch Nickelodeon, you're gonna have a bad time. "

"Stop giving us common-knowledge advice," Grim commanded.

"If you expect a reply from an internet celebrity, you're gonna have a bad time. If you think asking someone on Tumblr the same question over and over will make them more likely to answer you, you're gonna have a bad time. If you make an internet video expressing how much you don't care about 'haters,' you're gonna have a bad time."

Dracula then pushed the Ski Instructor off the edge of the ski ramp (the side that didn't have a defined slope). Dracula then said, "Let's do this!!"

"On your mark," Grim said, "Get set. Go!!"

Dracula and Rualdac then skied down the slope and jumped into the low-gravity. It looked at though they were flying. "So, Rualdac, you ready to give up, ya wuss?" Dracula taunted.

"I could ask you the same question," Rualdac said.

"No, you couldn't," Dracula said, "Dracula called you by name."

"That does it!!" Rualdac then used those stick things the skiers use and started trying to hit Dracula with it. Dracula guarded with his ski stick, and the two continued with their sword fight. Dracula almost got hit at one point, but luckily, Rualdac missed. They stopped fighting to get out of the way for an meteor, but then they immediately went back to fighting. Then, they realized the target was near.

The two landed on the target and stuck the landing (at least that's what the internet said it was like to "stuck the landing"). They didn't move their feet when they landed; I can tell you that much.

"Rualdac unfortunately wins," Grim narrated.

"What?!" said Dracula. "We both landed on this circle."

"Yes, but he landed first, which is considered the tie breaker," Grim explained.

"That's right, Dorkula," Rualdac said, "Just one more victory, and I win.

Sitting on the sidelines, Natalia then said, "I love a man with poor sportsmanship."

"Why are girls so weird?" Ed asked Double D.

Double just shrugged his shounders while making that "I dunno" humming sound.

Note: The author does not actually believe that all women are shallow or that they're crazy enough to find bad sportsmanship attractive. He believes that you cannot generalize a group of people like that.

"Hey," said a squeaky-voice teenager, "You guys need all-day passes to ride the Asteroid Ski Jump." Apparently, this was all part of a super-advanced amusement park ride.

[Scene Transition]

"All right, Dracula," Grim said quietly to his childhood idol, "You can't afford to lose again, so I want you to give a hundred and ten percent on this next––"

"Ain't nobody gonna tell Dracula to give more than a hundred percent of something," Dracula corrected.

"Listen, mon, I'm serious. You really need to give it your all and then some," Grim said.

"What did Dracula just say?!" Dracula asked rhetorically.

"Give it up, Grim, your hero is finished. Ahahahaha," laughed Rualdac.

"We'll just see about dat," Grim said to himself quietly.

Dracula said, "When Dracula gonna get the power potion?!"

An announcer in a referee outfit and solid red shorts said into a microphone, "Ladies and Germs…"

[Cut. That was stupid.]

[Take Two]

An announcer in a referee outfit and solid red shorts said into a microphone, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we now present to you: The Lodge Race."

"Don't you mean 'Luge'?" Double D asked.

"What's a Luge?" the announcer asked.

"It's the name of the sled the contestants ride down the slide with," Double D explained.

"You mean the sack," the announcer said.

"Never mind," Double D said, feeling defeated.

Another man said to the man in a referee outfit, "Let's go. We need to get this slide to Apple Lake's county fair by tomorrow."

"All right; all right," the announcer said. The announcer then went back to the microphone, "Their names are not important, so let's get down to it. Gentlemen, get into position." Dracula and Rualdac got ready to slide down the slide.

"You ready to lose?" Rualdac asked.

"Gosh, you're obnxious!!" Dracula said back.

The announcer started the countdown, "Five… four… three... eh, just go already."

Dracula managed to get a head start, but Rualdac was gaining on him. They were neck-and-neck. Rualdac took then lead, then Dracula, then Rualdac, then Dracula, then Rualdac, then a gnome, then Rualdac, then Dracula.

They both made it to the bottom, but it was a photo finish.

"Let's get an instant reply on that," said the announcer.

The screen went frame by frame and revealed that Dracula won by a single frame (and it was 30 frames per second, just so you know).

Grim was relieved to know Dracula still had a chance.

[Scene Transition]

Later, at the Cul-de-Sac…

"What's the final challenge, Grim?" Double D asked.

"I don't know. Vampires usually realize the Trials of Marceline are stupid by this point."

"Dracula know the final challenge of the Trials of Marceline. Dracula gotta get a vampire hunter to wear a gopher costume."

"Dracula, you're forgetting that vampire-hunters don't exist anymore. There are spectral exterminators, but they don't count unless they focus on vampires."

"How 'bout you guys try to get a descendent of a vampire hunter to wear a gopher costume?" Eddy suggested.

The judges talked this over for a moment, then the one that resembled a giant parrot said, "We'll allow it."

"All right, let's find the descendent of that Simon Whistlemont fellow," said Rualdac.

"I agree. Dracula hate that Simon Whistlemont," said Dracula.

Rualdac then said, "Geez, Dracula, show some respect; the man is dead."

[Scene Transition]

Meanwhile in downtown Peach Creek, a boy was playing with his toys. He had a toy jet, a toy monster truck, and a toy dump truck. In the boy's pretend world, the toy dump truck was on its way to deliver some coal to somewhere when the monster truck ran over it and a plane crashed into the monster truck. The boy went through a lot of toys that way.

Behind some bushes, Eddy said to Dracula, "Are you sure that's him?"

"Oh course, it's him. He's the spitting image of a young Simon Whistlemont, as evidenced by this picture I found."

"That's an image of the boy we're looking at," Double D pointed out.

"Hmm, that explains why he was able to buy a portrait before photographs were invented…" Dracula said.

"Well, at least we know his name really is Alvin Whistlemont III," Double D said.

"So, how are we going to do this?" asked Eddy.

"Kids like to play dress-up anyway," Dracula said, "It should be a piece of cake."

Dracula walked up to the kid, as Eddy said, "We're doomed."

"Hello, little boy. How are you on this fine day," Dracula said.

"Good," the boy answered. He was a bit confused by Dracula's presence.

"I was wondering if you could by any chance…"

Ruladac butted into the conversation saying, "Here kid, put this on or else!!"

"AAAAGHH!!" The boy screamed, "Mommy!!"

Rualdac grabbed Alvin and said, "Shhh!! Now put this on."

"You're never gonna get him to put on the outfit doing a deal like that, Dummy!!"

"Oh, dear," Double D said. "This is not good…"

"Just as I suspected," Eddy said, "They're gonna get arrested." Hey, that almost rhymed.

Ed then said, "That's a technical foul."

Double D asked, "Ed, what are you––ED, NO!!"

Ed blew on a very specially made dog whistle, accidentally calling up Grim's old pet Cerberus.

"Noooooo!! Not Cerberus!!" Grim exclaimed.

Suddenly, a hole was formed in the Earth, and fire came out of it. From the fire emerged three heads. The first one (in the center) was a bloodhound head. The second (on the left) was of the same vicious breed, but it was a slightly lighter shade of red. Then, the head of a poodle emerged. They were all connected to the same humongous dog.

"Oh, my," Double D said with great fear. Eddy started running off. "Eddy, where are you going?!"

"I'm leaving. What's it look like?"

"What?!" Double D asked.

"C'mon, Double D, let's go. He's gonna kill us."

Cerberus then breathed fire upon the scene with all three of its heads.

[The fire acted as a scene transition]

In his room, Eddy started by saying, "Well, I guess we're not going back to the candy store for a couple of days." At that moment, Cerberus was burning down the city. There were no casualties, because no one ever dies in this story, but back to the Eds. "So, in short, we need to find something new to do with our time."

"Hey, guys," Dracula said, coming into Eddy's room.

"Dracula, you're alive!!" Ed yelled.

"Sorry, we couldn't help you win the Trials of Marceline," Double D said.

"It's cool. Rualdac let me have Natalia anyway," Dracula said.

"What? Why?" Eddy asked.

"Yeah," Rualdac said, "It turns out Natalia likes cats, which is a deal-breaker for me."

"But her profile said she didn't have any cats…" Eddy stated.

"Yeah, I know she doesn't have any cats. It's the principle of the thing. I can't be tied down to a woman who likes cats. Seeya." With that, Rualdac left.

Eddy face-palmed, and Dracula said, "So, we going to the candy store or what?"

[Iris Out]

The super cool ski instructor then skied onto the black screen and said, "So, you see, children, if you think getting a piece of paper is worth taking on massive student loans, you're gonna have a bad time."

Original author's notes from fan fiction dot net version (July 8, 2014):

Well, thanks for sticking with me all this time, guys. Writing this story has been and is a lot of fun. Stay tuned, as I'll release the Halloween Special come October. You can expect elements from the Halloween specials of both shows. The title of the special is, of course, "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo-Ha-Ha!" and it's going to have an epic battle. See you guys in Episode 9.

Description
The NEW Grim Edventures of Ed, Edd n Eddy

Episode Eight "Tastes Like Ed" (Part Three) [Chapter 13]

Written by thebestkindofstupid (also known as "Edd Shwartz")

Author's note: There was a contest announcement here, but it's gone now. Readers were originally going to pick the subject of episode nine from three choices. However, the contest (which was only on the fan fiction dot net version) was cancelled because writing a chapter about Nergal (a character who I was not a huge fan of) almost burned me out. I'll finish it one day, but not now.

Having finished their jawbreakers, the Eds were thinking about what to do next. "Well, this scam turned out great," Eddy said. "Wouldn't you boys agree?'

"What do we do now?" Ed asked.

"I don't know. Usually if we succeed in getting jawbreakers, it's in the afternoon," Eddy said. They had to wait until the next morning to get their jawbreakers, because the candy store closed. "Hmm, what are we going to do?"

"You three really are idiots," Grim said.

Ed pointed and said, "Hey, it's Mount Dracula."

"Huh?" Eddy and Double D said in unison.

Radiating with confidence, Dracula looked to be in a very good mood. He was marching down the street and said, "Dracula gotta thank you boys for encouraging Dracula to go on that date. Dracula's whole life been turned around. I got a new job, I have a beautiful girlfriend, and I feel a century younger."

"You just started dating yesterday," Double D pointed out.

"Time works differently in certain parts of the underworld," Dracula said.

"That might explain the inconsistency with Grim's age," Double D said.

"What do you mean?" Grim asked.

"If Dracula was your childhood idol," Double D said, "he shouldn't be younger than you. You've stated to have been working for at least two thousand years, and death has kind of been around since the beginning of life. When were you born."

"Hold on a minute," Grim said, "Dracula, surely you're not dating a mortal girl. I mean, you can't just––"

"Listen, bone-man," Dracula said, "Dracula's not going to rush into anything. Dracula might turn her into a vampire one day, but not today. Hey, here she comes now." Dracula then rushed over to her and said, "Hey, baby, Dracula was just thinkin' about you. What's with the long face? Who became undead?"

"Dracula, there's something I must tell you. Before I met you, there was another. We were engaged, but he disappeared. Apparently, a deranged lunatic kidnapped him and left him on a desert island. I spent months looking for him, but soon, all hope seemed lost. Dejected, I returned to the overworld, where my two sisters signed me up for that dating website. That's how I found you, but now that he's returned I'm not sure who I love more."

Dracula said, "Oh, no, you're not talkin' about him, are you? He probably wasn't even kidnapped."

"Who's he?" Eddy asked.

Another younger-looking vampire then walked out of an alley. He had a lime green cap turned sideways, a fur coat, and a large clock hanging from the his neck chain.

Dracula then pronounced his arch rival's name slowly and dramatically. "Rualdac!!"

"Well, well, well, look what the bat dragged in. Still wearing that out-dated cape, I see," Rualdac said.

"Capes never go out of style," Dracula argued, "They're iconic. Just look at Superman. Of course, I guess you wouldn't know anything about style, now, would ya?"

"I got more style in my pinkie than you have in your whole body," Rualdac argued.

"Oh, yeah?!" Dracula said.

"Yeah!!" Rualdac said.

"Oh, yeah?!" Dracula said.

"Yeah!!" Rualdac said.

"I've had it up to hear with people making fun of my childhood idol!!" Grim exclaimed. "We're taking this to court."

"We already made an episode where we took something to court, just a couple of weeks ago," Double D pointed out.

"Oh…" Grim said, "Well… in that case…" Grim was taking a long time to decide what to say next. "Is there any other way to settle this."

"Dracula know one way," said Dracula. He turned back to face Rualdac, "Dracula challenge you to the Trials of Marceline."

"Oooh, that's right," Grim said, "The Trials of Marceline!! Great idea!!"

"I accept," said Rualdac.

"Sounds fine to me," Natalia said, hoping it would make the decision easier.

"Very well then," Grim said, "It's settled. The first person to get three wins in the Trials of Marceline shall win the heart of this fair maiden, but be forewarned for these trials are perhaps the most––"

"Dracula know that," Dracula said, "That's why Dracula called for it, dummy!!"

"This is the guy I'm rooting for…" Grim said with a defeated look on his face. He had his arms drooping all the way down and his normally good posture had disappeared. He then sarcastically said, "Super…"

[Scene Transition]

Grim stood there with an outfit similar to the one a high school football team coach might wear, complete with a whistle and a hat. "All right," Grim said, "a group of judges from the underworld have decided the five categories. The first category is: … (sigh) dancing."

A DJ started playing disco music, and Dracula did all kinds of dancing. He was a dancing machine. Okay, I'll admit it: I know nothing about dancing, so I can't give you an accurate description. When the song was over the judges gave their scores: 10, 9, 9, 8, and 10. "Top that," Dracula said to Rualdac.

Rualdac tried to dance, but he did so terrible that the judges each gave him a one out of ten within the first thirty seconds. Keep in mind, there was no zero on this scale.

"Dracula is the winner of the first round," Grim proudly proclaimed. There would have been a crowd cheering, but nobody cared, besides the Eds and Grim, and maybe the judges… maybe.

[Scene Transition]

"All right," Grim said, still wearing the coach's outfit, "the next challenge is: a scare-off."

Dracula went up to a little kid and made the scariest face he could, but the little kid just threw his pistachio ice cream into Dracula's eye. Dracula then heard a scream coming from a large man, who then ran away from Rualdac.

"Rualdac unfortunately wins."

[Scene Transition]

"Grim, are you sure about this?" Double D asked Grim.

"No, but it's what the judges picked," said Grim.

Dracula, Rualdac, Ed, Double D, Eddy, Grim, Natalia, and the judge's were at the top of a huge ski ramp in the void of space. There were meteors all over the place, and the goal was about 300 meters (roughly 325 yards; that's right, I'm still using the Metric system, just to make you mad). Dracula and Rualdac's goal was to land as close to the center of the purple and white target as they could. There were twenty-one layers of the Bull's Eye, starting with 100% at the Purple bull's eye and 0% at the outer rim. Each layer was twice as thick as the last.

A super cool ski instructor then showed up and said, "Hey, I'm here to teach you how to have a good time skiing."

"Dracula already know how to ski," Dracula complained.

"Now, listen, skiing is all about having a good time. If you expect perfect grammar from people on fan fiction dot net, you're gonna have a bad time. If you argue with fanboys in the YouTube comments section, you're gonna have a bad time."

"When do we have a good time?" Ed asked.

"Good question. If you use a fancy font on your English paper, you're gonna have a bad time. If you try to assassinate President Lincoln in present day, you're gonna have a bad time. If you expect Citizen Kane quality from a fan-made project, you're gonna have a bad time. If you watch Nickelodeon, you're gonna have a bad time. "

"Stop giving us common-knowledge advice," Grim commanded.

"If you expect a reply from an internet celebrity, you're gonna have a bad time. If you think asking someone on Tumblr the same question over and over will make them more likely to answer you, you're gonna have a bad time. If you make an internet video expressing how much you don't care about 'haters,' you're gonna have a bad time."

Dracula then pushed the Ski Instructor off the edge of the ski ramp (the side that didn't have a defined slope). Dracula then said, "Let's do this!!"

"On your mark," Grim said, "Get set. Go!!"

Dracula and Rualdac then skied down the slope and jumped into the low-gravity. It looked at though they were flying. "So, Rualdac, you ready to give up, ya wuss?" Dracula taunted.

"I could ask you the same question," Rualdac said.

"No, you couldn't," Dracula said, "Dracula called you by name."

"That does it!!" Rualdac then used those stick things the skiers use and started trying to hit Dracula with it. Dracula guarded with his ski stick, and the two continued with their sword fight. Dracula almost got hit at one point, but luckily, Rualdac missed. They stopped fighting to get out of the way for an meteor, but then they immediately went back to fighting. Then, they realized the target was near.

The two landed on the target and stuck the landing (at least that's what the internet said it was like to "stuck the landing"). They didn't move their feet when they landed; I can tell you that much.

"Rualdac unfortunately wins," Grim narrated.

"What?!" said Dracula. "We both landed on this circle."

"Yes, but he landed first, which is considered the tie breaker," Grim explained.

"That's right, Dorkula," Rualdac said, "Just one more victory, and I win.

Sitting on the sidelines, Natalia then said, "I love a man with poor sportsmanship."

"Why are girls so weird?" Ed asked Double D.

Double just shrugged his shounders while making that "I dunno" humming sound.

Note: The author does not actually believe that all women are shallow or that they're crazy enough to find bad sportsmanship attractive. He believes that you cannot generalize a group of people like that.

"Hey," said a squeaky-voice teenager, "You guys need all-day passes to ride the Asteroid Ski Jump." Apparently, this was all part of a super-advanced amusement park ride.

[Scene Transition]

"All right, Dracula," Grim said quietly to his childhood idol, "You can't afford to lose again, so I want you to give a hundred and ten percent on this next––"

"Ain't nobody gonna tell Dracula to give more than a hundred percent of something," Dracula corrected.

"Listen, mon, I'm serious. You really need to give it your all and then some," Grim said.

"What did Dracula just say?!" Dracula asked rhetorically.

"Give it up, Grim, your hero is finished. Ahahahaha," laughed Rualdac.

"We'll just see about dat," Grim said to himself quietly.

Dracula said, "When Dracula gonna get the power potion?!"

An announcer in a referee outfit and solid red shorts said into a microphone, "Ladies and Germs…"

[Cut. That was stupid.]

[Take Two]

An announcer in a referee outfit and solid red shorts said into a microphone, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we now present to you: The Lodge Race."

"Don't you mean 'Luge'?" Double D asked.

"What's a Luge?" the announcer asked.

"It's the name of the sled the contestants ride down the slide with," Double D explained.

"You mean the sack," the announcer said.

"Never mind," Double D said, feeling defeated.

Another man said to the man in a referee outfit, "Let's go. We need to get this slide to Apple Lake's county fair by tomorrow."

"All right; all right," the announcer said. The announcer then went back to the microphone, "Their names are not important, so let's get down to it. Gentlemen, get into position." Dracula and Rualdac got ready to slide down the slide.

"You ready to lose?" Rualdac asked.

"Gosh, you're obnxious!!" Dracula said back.

The announcer started the countdown, "Five… four… three... eh, just go already."

Dracula managed to get a head start, but Rualdac was gaining on him. They were neck-and-neck. Rualdac took then lead, then Dracula, then Rualdac, then Dracula, then Rualdac, then a gnome, then Rualdac, then Dracula.

They both made it to the bottom, but it was a photo finish.

"Let's get an instant reply on that," said the announcer.

The screen went frame by frame and revealed that Dracula won by a single frame (and it was 30 frames per second, just so you know).

Grim was relieved to know Dracula still had a chance.

[Scene Transition]

Later, at the Cul-de-Sac…

"What's the final challenge, Grim?" Double D asked.

"I don't know. Vampires usually realize the Trials of Marceline are stupid by this point."

"Dracula know the final challenge of the Trials of Marceline. Dracula gotta get a vampire hunter to wear a gopher costume."

"Dracula, you're forgetting that vampire-hunters don't exist anymore. There are spectral exterminators, but they don't count unless they focus on vampires."

"How 'bout you guys try to get a descendent of a vampire hunter to wear a gopher costume?" Eddy suggested.

The judges talked this over for a moment, then the one that resembled a giant parrot said, "We'll allow it."

"All right, let's find the descendent of that Simon Whistlemont fellow," said Rualdac.

"I agree. Dracula hate that Simon Whistlemont," said Dracula.

Rualdac then said, "Geez, Dracula, show some respect; the man is dead."

[Scene Transition]

Meanwhile in downtown Peach Creek, a boy was playing with his toys. He had a toy jet, a toy monster truck, and a toy dump truck. In the boy's pretend world, the toy dump truck was on its way to deliver some coal to somewhere when the monster truck ran over it and a plane crashed into the monster truck. The boy went through a lot of toys that way.

Behind some bushes, Eddy said to Dracula, "Are you sure that's him?"

"Oh course, it's him. He's the spitting image of a young Simon Whistlemont, as evidenced by this picture I found."

"That's an image of the boy we're looking at," Double D pointed out.

"Hmm, that explains why he was able to buy a portrait before photographs were invented…" Dracula said.

"Well, at least we know his name really is Alvin Whistlemont III," Double D said.

"So, how are we going to do this?" asked Eddy.

"Kids like to play dress-up anyway," Dracula said, "It should be a piece of cake."

Dracula walked up to the kid, as Eddy said, "We're doomed."

"Hello, little boy. How are you on this fine day," Dracula said.

"Good," the boy answered. He was a bit confused by Dracula's presence.

"I was wondering if you could by any chance…"

Ruladac butted into the conversation saying, "Here kid, put this on or else!!"

"AAAAGHH!!" The boy screamed, "Mommy!!"

Rualdac grabbed Alvin and said, "Shhh!! Now put this on."

"You're never gonna get him to put on the outfit doing a deal like that, Dummy!!"

"Oh, dear," Double D said. "This is not good…"

"Just as I suspected," Eddy said, "They're gonna get arrested." Hey, that almost rhymed.

Ed then said, "That's a technical foul."

Double D asked, "Ed, what are you––ED, NO!!"

Ed blew on a very specially made dog whistle, accidentally calling up Grim's old pet Cerberus.

"Noooooo!! Not Cerberus!!" Grim exclaimed.

Suddenly, a hole was formed in the Earth, and fire came out of it. From the fire emerged three heads. The first one (in the center) was a bloodhound head. The second (on the left) was of the same vicious breed, but it was a slightly lighter shade of red. Then, the head of a poodle emerged. They were all connected to the same humongous dog.

"Oh, my," Double D said with great fear. Eddy started running off. "Eddy, where are you going?!"

"I'm leaving. What's it look like?"

"What?!" Double D asked.

"C'mon, Double D, let's go. He's gonna kill us."

Cerberus then breathed fire upon the scene with all three of its heads.

[The fire acted as a scene transition]

In his room, Eddy started by saying, "Well, I guess we're not going back to the candy store for a couple of days." At that moment, Cerberus was burning down the city. There were no casualties, because no one ever dies in this story, but back to the Eds. "So, in short, we need to find something new to do with our time."

"Hey, guys," Dracula said, coming into Eddy's room.

"Dracula, you're alive!!" Ed yelled.

"Sorry, we couldn't help you win the Trials of Marceline," Double D said.

"It's cool. Rualdac let me have Natalia anyway," Dracula said.

"What? Why?" Eddy asked.

"Yeah," Rualdac said, "It turns out Natalia likes cats, which is a deal-breaker for me."

"But her profile said she didn't have any cats…" Eddy stated.

"Yeah, I know she doesn't have any cats. It's the principle of the thing. I can't be tied down to a woman who likes cats. Seeya." With that, Rualdac left.

Eddy face-palmed, and Dracula said, "So, we going to the candy store or what?"

[Iris Out]

The super cool ski instructor then skied onto the black screen and said, "So, you see, children, if you think getting a piece of paper is worth taking on massive student loans, you're gonna have a bad time."

Original author's notes from fan fiction dot net version (July 8, 2014):

Well, thanks for sticking with me all this time, guys. Writing this story has been and is a lot of fun. Stay tuned, as I'll release the Halloween Special come October. You can expect elements from the Halloween specials of both shows. The title of the special is, of course, "Ed, Edd n Eddy's Jacked Up Boo-Ha-Ha!" and it's going to have an epic battle. See you guys in Episode 9.