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Description
Show: Movie
Episode: N/A
Year: 2013

Writer(s): Jimmy Hayward, Scott Mosier, David J. Stern, John J. Strauss
Director(s): Jimmy Hayward

First impressions are everything, right? Well, in the case of Reel FX Studios, they left a very BAD one! This film had been in production for almost 5 years, and was hyped to hell and back because of its concept: turkeys going back in time to get their species off the Thanksgiving menu. The PROBLEM is what little of a fuck this movie actually gives for the holiday in and of itself! Take the opening scene as the first sign of this: our main character Reggie talks about how all the holidays like Christmas, Hanukah and such are great because of the food. Not the fact that we owe them to the various cultures and beliefs that helped make them a reality; not the fact that we have adapted and integrated them so thoroughly into our American society; the fucking food!

Now turkeys in this movie are depicted as slow-witted and very stupid; I've heard the old wives’ tale that they're so stupid they'll stare up at a rainstorm, mouth wide open until they choke to death. "They actually think the farmer is their friend" and are unawares of the fact that he plans to slaughter them and eat them. I'm not really familiar with turkey farming practices but I have heard chicken farming is pretty bad; PETA compared it to the Holocaust once, and that's why we ignore PETA for everything! Reggie is basically a smart outcast in a group of idiots; kind of like Mr. Peabody, except none of the dogs he was kenneled with as a pup were shown as all that stupid, just not super intelligent like him. These turkeys believe everything is made of CORN! Reggie has been trying desperately to warn his kind of this horror but they constantly refuse to often believing the turkeys taken away are sent to "turkey paradise"; I think that's a religious metaphor but I don't actually care. And when it JUST so happens they finally get the fucking message, what do they do? THROW REGGIE TO THE WOLVES! Yeah they basically leave him for dead! Oh, but it turns out he's one of the turkeys gets pardoned by the President of the United States of America, except it's usually two of them at once. Even so, that was pretty dark; it's a semi-realistic depiction of how the ones who were right all along oftentimes get fucked in the ass for this fact. Also in real life, the pardoned TURKEYS get sent to a petting zoo at Disneyland, not Camp David. If you can't use the actual name, just call it "the happiest place on earth"; don't just get your facts wrong for the sake of copyright. Additionally, this movie was in production during the first 1/2 of Barack Obama's presidency. Why is it the President in a movie clearly taking place around that time has him white? That's just nitpicking though.

Reggie gets pardoned only because the President’s daughter used crocodile tears, fantastic.... Just another example of political press used to make an asshole look good! I would also like to point out the animation: its designs look like it was stolen from a DreamWorks production like Monsters vs. Aliens or Madagascar, only with a weird texture to them. A lot of the faces in this movie look like they belong to a product of John Kricfalusi, which is funny because originally he was to be the character designer for this film until they kicked him off the team. It's for the best John K. didn't waste his talents on this; he deserves so much more even after failures like The Ripping Friends and Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon". Also, the President’s daughter is a little asshole; her causally mentioning one of the crewmembers is in a divorce or that the maid hates her feelings doesn't even come off as childish naïveté, just being an asshole.

At Camp David, Reggie basically gets influenced by TV, and starts ordering millions of pizzas living the high life. Lucky motherfucker. He even gets Chuck E. Cheese delivered… writers, DO SOME GODDAMN RESEARCH! Chuck E. Cheese doesn't deliver pizza! Anyhow, Reggie gets kidnapped by this maybe gay turkey named Jake, who is basically a rip-off of Skipper from Madagascar but only stupider. Jake was told to kidnap Reggie because a voice in the sky called the "Great Turkey" told him to and give him a "magic doorknob". Additionally, Jake has a lapsing memory, which becomes a persistent problem in the movie. It worked in Viva Piñata with Ella Elephanilla because she didn't appear all the time. Jake is a main character and we will be seeing him throughout! His mission: go back in time to get turkeys off the menu, and he repeats this twice in a row, once to his own reflection. They then use that cliché where it turns out the idiot was right all along and they really DO find a time machine in a military base under a shack like Jimmy Neutron built it. And might I say the map leading to it screams of commercialism, advertising shit like Old Navy and Fossil handbags? It isn't as blatant as, say, Eight Crazy Nights, but when they don't even know a thing about Chuck E. Cheese, it's even stupider. Seriously, it's like they just copy and pasted the logos onto the map as a last minute thing using Photoshop! And even though Reggie and Jake follow the blue line leading to the exit, they somehow make it to the time machine anyways!

The guards who find Reggie decide to ask questions later and roast his ass for leftovers first ("Pet Sitter Pat" flashbacks!). And through shenanigans, Reggie and Jake manage to hijack the time machine meant for a human launch, which would've killed the poor birds anyways, as they manage to go back in time! Their onboard navigator is called S.T.E.V.E. (Space Time Exploration Vehicle Envoy) and he's voiced by George Takei, desperate for a paycheck sacrificing his integrity! For fucks sake, man, you were on Star Trek! Have a little dignity! I expect this from Owen Wilson since he's sold his soul to Pixar and the Cars franchise, but not you! And for some reason he can understand the turkeys even though humans cannot, and Reggie somehow ordered pizza. And the "side effects" of time travel are where most of the animation budget went into as Reggie gets mutated in various ways they will never mention again. And in case you haven't figured it out, Reggie and his entire character is about being tormented throughout the entire film because they mix up slapstick and just being needlessly cruel.

They get sent back 3 days before the first Thanksgiving even though they were told to go to Thanksgiving itself, for plot convenience and to further drag out the movie. Yeah, we end up here in just 24 minutes and we've still got about an hour left. At times in the movie, we get shots of Jake’s bulges because they think bulges are enough to hold kids attention. It doesn't take any time at all for the two idiots to nearly get blown too pieces by Myles Standish, who looks like a generic western villain here. For the record, Myles Standish (1584-1656) was one of the most valued military leaders of the Plymouth Colony when they settled here. Yes, he was freakin' brutal against the Native Americans but what white guy at the time wasn't? And anyways, he did defend the colony very well and helped found Duxbury, Massachusetts. The turkeys of the past may be smarter but they are as annoying as the ones in the present, but Jake is still the worst offender. Also, shoehorned love interest Jenny voiced by Amy Poehler because The Mighty B! didn't really boost her career. To be fair though, she's the only decent performance in the movie.

Also, Jenny's apparently retarded because she fell out of the nest as a baby… that's not funny, that's harsh. Why do I have a feeling her googly eyes were added in because of Derpy Hooves? And the damaged chick is the only sensible one of the entire group other than Reggie. And right now, I'm going go into why this movie fails on a historical level because I really don't care about the product itself, regardless of the beginning of the film stating it isn't meant to be historically accurate, because I DO expect SOME research to have been done:

First of all, the pilgrims are depicted as starving; this doesn't make any sense whatsoever because they actually were leading a bountiful harvest at the time and they were very thankful to God for it. That's why it's called Thanksgiving, DIPSHITS! And do they not know that the event which we call the first Thanksgiving didn't even have turkey? It had deer and other smaller birds! It was also meant as a onetime thing taken from an English custom called from local authorities or the church to celebrate something of significance, and this could be done for whatever.

The reason we do this on the last Thursday of the month is because of George Washington declaring one of these proclamations then in November 1789 to signify favor with God due to them establishing our government for their safety and happiness. And the concept wasn't revived until the late 19th century thanks in part to the writer of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”, Sarah Josepha Hale (1788-1879), basically saying we need to do this every year to bring people together back in 1846. And she wrote this concern to every president from Zachary Taylor to Abraham Lincoln! It wasn't even an official holiday until Abraham Lincoln declared it such in 1863, in the middle of the Civil War!

You can also owe turkey to being the regular meal at this thanks to Ms. Hale as well publishing an article on feasts on the fowl in her magazine. This mostly made headway with the poultry industry in the early 20th century through public relations with the military and because it's so cheap. So really this is a fairly new practice in and of itself even today. I am aware that I am attacking a work of fiction not meant to be accurate, but I do expect it to at least get SOME historical facts straight for a plot about time travel!

Anyhow, Standish is after these turkeys like he's Van Helsing or something! It's here we learn these turkeys have a society and are forming a militia. I suppose over the centuries turkeys somehow got stupider through domestication and such and that's what they were going for, but how do explain someone like Reggie then? And Jake is stupid enough to reveal they are time travelers and talk of stuff that hasn't happened yet to those of the past! Time Travel Rule #2: do not reveal information about the future to those in the past because it could fuck up the time stream and ruin our present. Oh, and these turkeys are supposed to be stand-ins for the Native Americans here, so extra helping of unfortunate implications. Their chief Broadbeak reveals they live underground because of the settlers, and they became a great society. They are destined to raise their young for the future; they don't fight but defend to protect their own and they survive. And I will admit these baby turkeys are adorable and Jake is surprisingly good with kids.

It isn't hard to make the connections between the turkeys and the Native Americans being wiped out here at all. Once again, demonizing the pilgrims is a terrible idea; yeah, they weren't all that friendly to the natives but they were still decent people. For the most part, this movie is nothing more than stupid slapstick and our future travelers being stupider than the "primitives". It just keeps going and going! It's an hour and a half movie, but it feels like I've been watching it for 6 hours! The plot is that slowly paced and that tedious! Watching Jake and Jenny’s brother Ranger get into a cockfight over who's the bravest looks very poorly animated, and ESPECIALLY gets very tiring very quickly! And that's most of the humor in the movie! So in order to save his mate from dogs, Reggie takes Jenny with him into S.T.E.V.E. and he shows her the wonders of Earth from space, and S.T.E.V.E. embarrasses him with footage of his departure.

Reggie comes off a lot like Brian Griffin in this film, less preachy and more douchey, to be honest. Although he does have good intentions, although willing to risk the universe imploding just to get his beak wet, so he gets kidnapped by Jake again to attack the pilgrims and then we get Jake’s sob story: he was factory-raised and fattened to be sold, and his mother sacrificed herself so Jake can save her eggs and start a new flock. He let down everybody and decided to become an insane soldier turkey because spoilers: S.T.E.V.E. went back to that point to give him his mission with Reggie and with the "magic doorknob" to kick-start his sad delusions. In short, he was the Great Turkey all along in a time paradox. And this is why I don't think you should ever do a time travel plot line unless you're competent about it like DreamWorks was with Mr. Peabody and Sherman. My question is, how the fuck is it when later in the movie through another paradox that Reggie doesn't realize he's the Great Turkey!?

So through a rip-off of Indiana Jones, they steal Myles' powder horn and blow up the weapons utility of the colony. And BTW, pointing out how stupid it is for turkeys to blow up a village doesn't make it any less stupid! The turkeys’ efforts end up being in vain because Jake left a powder trail for Myles to light up and follow, and the inevitable assault on their home looks very reminiscent of the Nazis capturing and shipping out the Jews (I'm not even kidding, it's creepy). Ranger actually manages to hold off the hunting dogs and Jake manages to save the chicks in the nursery though in a semi-decent and intense scene. The chief sacrifices himself for his daughter and Reggie. Of course, remember they got a time machine! So all this emotional crap is completely meaningless! Time travel doesn't really have any clearly defined rules here so they could hypothetically just go back in time and stop Jake from pulling off his plan.

Jenny is forced to marry Ranger and they decide on ANOTHER assault on the Pilgrims to save their captured brethren! Meanwhile, Jake rightfully gets called out that his delusions are just that, a lie! He tries to go back home but ends up at a point where he's still in the present and meets himself, breaking off the doorknob that will become the magic one to give to baby Jake. This leads to a third Reggie popping up telling him the tribe needs him, and S.T.E.V.E. has to spell out that Reggie is the Great Turkey, and he STILL doesn't really get it! Leading to a FOURTH REGGIE popping up to remind us he's an idiot!

The full meeting between him and little Jake is just stupid, and the "sacred time knob" sounds like a sex toy. And so, Reggie somehow makes it RIGHT before the turkeys get blasted and FLUNG MYLES STANDISH INTO THE FUTURE! WHERE HIS EVIL IS LAW! NOW THE FOOL SEEKS TO RETURN TO THE PAST, AND UNDO THE FUTURE THAT IS CHUCK E. CHEESE! I'm not trying to be funny or clever, that is LEGITIMATELY what happens in the climax to the movie! Reggie replaces turkey with pizza! More specifically, delivery pizza from Chuck E. Cheese, WHICH DOESN'T MAKE DELIVERIES! Did you guys even do any basic research to make this story? So in the end, COMMERICALISM ends up saving Thanksgiving! I'm not going lie, I always go for the pizza on this day because, again, I've got issues, but this still comes off as very insulting to me. So in the end, Reggie stays behind in the past while Jake takes S.T.E.V.E., so then how did he go back to the past from the further past to warn himself and whatnot? You know, maybe John K. would've made this movie better after all.

Cringe-Inducing Audio: 4
Cringe-Inducing Visuals: 2
Lackluster Writing: 10
Annoyance: 10
Disturbing Content: 3
Unnecessary Cruelty: 6
Rancid Morality: 3
Low Production Values: 4
Unfortunate Implications: 6
Character Derailment: 0

Final Score: 48/100

Free Birds is owned by Reel FX Producitons.

Animated Atrocities is from

Regulas314

Description
Show: Movie
Episode: N/A
Year: 2013

Writer(s): Jimmy Hayward, Scott Mosier, David J. Stern, John J. Strauss
Director(s): Jimmy Hayward

First impressions are everything, right? Well, in the case of Reel FX Studios, they left a very BAD one! This film had been in production for almost 5 years, and was hyped to hell and back because of its concept: turkeys going back in time to get their species off the Thanksgiving menu. The PROBLEM is what little of a fuck this movie actually gives for the holiday in and of itself! Take the opening scene as the first sign of this: our main character Reggie talks about how all the holidays like Christmas, Hanukah and such are great because of the food. Not the fact that we owe them to the various cultures and beliefs that helped make them a reality; not the fact that we have adapted and integrated them so thoroughly into our American society; the fucking food!

Now turkeys in this movie are depicted as slow-witted and very stupid; I've heard the old wives’ tale that they're so stupid they'll stare up at a rainstorm, mouth wide open until they choke to death. "They actually think the farmer is their friend" and are unawares of the fact that he plans to slaughter them and eat them. I'm not really familiar with turkey farming practices but I have heard chicken farming is pretty bad; PETA compared it to the Holocaust once, and that's why we ignore PETA for everything! Reggie is basically a smart outcast in a group of idiots; kind of like Mr. Peabody, except none of the dogs he was kenneled with as a pup were shown as all that stupid, just not super intelligent like him. These turkeys believe everything is made of CORN! Reggie has been trying desperately to warn his kind of this horror but they constantly refuse to often believing the turkeys taken away are sent to "turkey paradise"; I think that's a religious metaphor but I don't actually care. And when it JUST so happens they finally get the fucking message, what do they do? THROW REGGIE TO THE WOLVES! Yeah they basically leave him for dead! Oh, but it turns out he's one of the turkeys gets pardoned by the President of the United States of America, except it's usually two of them at once. Even so, that was pretty dark; it's a semi-realistic depiction of how the ones who were right all along oftentimes get fucked in the ass for this fact. Also in real life, the pardoned TURKEYS get sent to a petting zoo at Disneyland, not Camp David. If you can't use the actual name, just call it "the happiest place on earth"; don't just get your facts wrong for the sake of copyright. Additionally, this movie was in production during the first 1/2 of Barack Obama's presidency. Why is it the President in a movie clearly taking place around that time has him white? That's just nitpicking though.

Reggie gets pardoned only because the President’s daughter used crocodile tears, fantastic.... Just another example of political press used to make an asshole look good! I would also like to point out the animation: its designs look like it was stolen from a DreamWorks production like Monsters vs. Aliens or Madagascar, only with a weird texture to them. A lot of the faces in this movie look like they belong to a product of John Kricfalusi, which is funny because originally he was to be the character designer for this film until they kicked him off the team. It's for the best John K. didn't waste his talents on this; he deserves so much more even after failures like The Ripping Friends and Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon". Also, the President’s daughter is a little asshole; her causally mentioning one of the crewmembers is in a divorce or that the maid hates her feelings doesn't even come off as childish naïveté, just being an asshole.

At Camp David, Reggie basically gets influenced by TV, and starts ordering millions of pizzas living the high life. Lucky motherfucker. He even gets Chuck E. Cheese delivered… writers, DO SOME GODDAMN RESEARCH! Chuck E. Cheese doesn't deliver pizza! Anyhow, Reggie gets kidnapped by this maybe gay turkey named Jake, who is basically a rip-off of Skipper from Madagascar but only stupider. Jake was told to kidnap Reggie because a voice in the sky called the "Great Turkey" told him to and give him a "magic doorknob". Additionally, Jake has a lapsing memory, which becomes a persistent problem in the movie. It worked in Viva Piñata with Ella Elephanilla because she didn't appear all the time. Jake is a main character and we will be seeing him throughout! His mission: go back in time to get turkeys off the menu, and he repeats this twice in a row, once to his own reflection. They then use that cliché where it turns out the idiot was right all along and they really DO find a time machine in a military base under a shack like Jimmy Neutron built it. And might I say the map leading to it screams of commercialism, advertising shit like Old Navy and Fossil handbags? It isn't as blatant as, say, Eight Crazy Nights, but when they don't even know a thing about Chuck E. Cheese, it's even stupider. Seriously, it's like they just copy and pasted the logos onto the map as a last minute thing using Photoshop! And even though Reggie and Jake follow the blue line leading to the exit, they somehow make it to the time machine anyways!

The guards who find Reggie decide to ask questions later and roast his ass for leftovers first ("Pet Sitter Pat" flashbacks!). And through shenanigans, Reggie and Jake manage to hijack the time machine meant for a human launch, which would've killed the poor birds anyways, as they manage to go back in time! Their onboard navigator is called S.T.E.V.E. (Space Time Exploration Vehicle Envoy) and he's voiced by George Takei, desperate for a paycheck sacrificing his integrity! For fucks sake, man, you were on Star Trek! Have a little dignity! I expect this from Owen Wilson since he's sold his soul to Pixar and the Cars franchise, but not you! And for some reason he can understand the turkeys even though humans cannot, and Reggie somehow ordered pizza. And the "side effects" of time travel are where most of the animation budget went into as Reggie gets mutated in various ways they will never mention again. And in case you haven't figured it out, Reggie and his entire character is about being tormented throughout the entire film because they mix up slapstick and just being needlessly cruel.

They get sent back 3 days before the first Thanksgiving even though they were told to go to Thanksgiving itself, for plot convenience and to further drag out the movie. Yeah, we end up here in just 24 minutes and we've still got about an hour left. At times in the movie, we get shots of Jake’s bulges because they think bulges are enough to hold kids attention. It doesn't take any time at all for the two idiots to nearly get blown too pieces by Myles Standish, who looks like a generic western villain here. For the record, Myles Standish (1584-1656) was one of the most valued military leaders of the Plymouth Colony when they settled here. Yes, he was freakin' brutal against the Native Americans but what white guy at the time wasn't? And anyways, he did defend the colony very well and helped found Duxbury, Massachusetts. The turkeys of the past may be smarter but they are as annoying as the ones in the present, but Jake is still the worst offender. Also, shoehorned love interest Jenny voiced by Amy Poehler because The Mighty B! didn't really boost her career. To be fair though, she's the only decent performance in the movie.

Also, Jenny's apparently retarded because she fell out of the nest as a baby… that's not funny, that's harsh. Why do I have a feeling her googly eyes were added in because of Derpy Hooves? And the damaged chick is the only sensible one of the entire group other than Reggie. And right now, I'm going go into why this movie fails on a historical level because I really don't care about the product itself, regardless of the beginning of the film stating it isn't meant to be historically accurate, because I DO expect SOME research to have been done:

First of all, the pilgrims are depicted as starving; this doesn't make any sense whatsoever because they actually were leading a bountiful harvest at the time and they were very thankful to God for it. That's why it's called Thanksgiving, DIPSHITS! And do they not know that the event which we call the first Thanksgiving didn't even have turkey? It had deer and other smaller birds! It was also meant as a onetime thing taken from an English custom called from local authorities or the church to celebrate something of significance, and this could be done for whatever.

The reason we do this on the last Thursday of the month is because of George Washington declaring one of these proclamations then in November 1789 to signify favor with God due to them establishing our government for their safety and happiness. And the concept wasn't revived until the late 19th century thanks in part to the writer of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”, Sarah Josepha Hale (1788-1879), basically saying we need to do this every year to bring people together back in 1846. And she wrote this concern to every president from Zachary Taylor to Abraham Lincoln! It wasn't even an official holiday until Abraham Lincoln declared it such in 1863, in the middle of the Civil War!

You can also owe turkey to being the regular meal at this thanks to Ms. Hale as well publishing an article on feasts on the fowl in her magazine. This mostly made headway with the poultry industry in the early 20th century through public relations with the military and because it's so cheap. So really this is a fairly new practice in and of itself even today. I am aware that I am attacking a work of fiction not meant to be accurate, but I do expect it to at least get SOME historical facts straight for a plot about time travel!

Anyhow, Standish is after these turkeys like he's Van Helsing or something! It's here we learn these turkeys have a society and are forming a militia. I suppose over the centuries turkeys somehow got stupider through domestication and such and that's what they were going for, but how do explain someone like Reggie then? And Jake is stupid enough to reveal they are time travelers and talk of stuff that hasn't happened yet to those of the past! Time Travel Rule #2: do not reveal information about the future to those in the past because it could fuck up the time stream and ruin our present. Oh, and these turkeys are supposed to be stand-ins for the Native Americans here, so extra helping of unfortunate implications. Their chief Broadbeak reveals they live underground because of the settlers, and they became a great society. They are destined to raise their young for the future; they don't fight but defend to protect their own and they survive. And I will admit these baby turkeys are adorable and Jake is surprisingly good with kids.

It isn't hard to make the connections between the turkeys and the Native Americans being wiped out here at all. Once again, demonizing the pilgrims is a terrible idea; yeah, they weren't all that friendly to the natives but they were still decent people. For the most part, this movie is nothing more than stupid slapstick and our future travelers being stupider than the "primitives". It just keeps going and going! It's an hour and a half movie, but it feels like I've been watching it for 6 hours! The plot is that slowly paced and that tedious! Watching Jake and Jenny’s brother Ranger get into a cockfight over who's the bravest looks very poorly animated, and ESPECIALLY gets very tiring very quickly! And that's most of the humor in the movie! So in order to save his mate from dogs, Reggie takes Jenny with him into S.T.E.V.E. and he shows her the wonders of Earth from space, and S.T.E.V.E. embarrasses him with footage of his departure.

Reggie comes off a lot like Brian Griffin in this film, less preachy and more douchey, to be honest. Although he does have good intentions, although willing to risk the universe imploding just to get his beak wet, so he gets kidnapped by Jake again to attack the pilgrims and then we get Jake’s sob story: he was factory-raised and fattened to be sold, and his mother sacrificed herself so Jake can save her eggs and start a new flock. He let down everybody and decided to become an insane soldier turkey because spoilers: S.T.E.V.E. went back to that point to give him his mission with Reggie and with the "magic doorknob" to kick-start his sad delusions. In short, he was the Great Turkey all along in a time paradox. And this is why I don't think you should ever do a time travel plot line unless you're competent about it like DreamWorks was with Mr. Peabody and Sherman. My question is, how the fuck is it when later in the movie through another paradox that Reggie doesn't realize he's the Great Turkey!?

So through a rip-off of Indiana Jones, they steal Myles' powder horn and blow up the weapons utility of the colony. And BTW, pointing out how stupid it is for turkeys to blow up a village doesn't make it any less stupid! The turkeys’ efforts end up being in vain because Jake left a powder trail for Myles to light up and follow, and the inevitable assault on their home looks very reminiscent of the Nazis capturing and shipping out the Jews (I'm not even kidding, it's creepy). Ranger actually manages to hold off the hunting dogs and Jake manages to save the chicks in the nursery though in a semi-decent and intense scene. The chief sacrifices himself for his daughter and Reggie. Of course, remember they got a time machine! So all this emotional crap is completely meaningless! Time travel doesn't really have any clearly defined rules here so they could hypothetically just go back in time and stop Jake from pulling off his plan.

Jenny is forced to marry Ranger and they decide on ANOTHER assault on the Pilgrims to save their captured brethren! Meanwhile, Jake rightfully gets called out that his delusions are just that, a lie! He tries to go back home but ends up at a point where he's still in the present and meets himself, breaking off the doorknob that will become the magic one to give to baby Jake. This leads to a third Reggie popping up telling him the tribe needs him, and S.T.E.V.E. has to spell out that Reggie is the Great Turkey, and he STILL doesn't really get it! Leading to a FOURTH REGGIE popping up to remind us he's an idiot!

The full meeting between him and little Jake is just stupid, and the "sacred time knob" sounds like a sex toy. And so, Reggie somehow makes it RIGHT before the turkeys get blasted and FLUNG MYLES STANDISH INTO THE FUTURE! WHERE HIS EVIL IS LAW! NOW THE FOOL SEEKS TO RETURN TO THE PAST, AND UNDO THE FUTURE THAT IS CHUCK E. CHEESE! I'm not trying to be funny or clever, that is LEGITIMATELY what happens in the climax to the movie! Reggie replaces turkey with pizza! More specifically, delivery pizza from Chuck E. Cheese, WHICH DOESN'T MAKE DELIVERIES! Did you guys even do any basic research to make this story? So in the end, COMMERICALISM ends up saving Thanksgiving! I'm not going lie, I always go for the pizza on this day because, again, I've got issues, but this still comes off as very insulting to me. So in the end, Reggie stays behind in the past while Jake takes S.T.E.V.E., so then how did he go back to the past from the further past to warn himself and whatnot? You know, maybe John K. would've made this movie better after all.

Cringe-Inducing Audio: 4
Cringe-Inducing Visuals: 2
Lackluster Writing: 10
Annoyance: 10
Disturbing Content: 3
Unnecessary Cruelty: 6
Rancid Morality: 3
Low Production Values: 4
Unfortunate Implications: 6
Character Derailment: 0

Final Score: 48/100

Free Birds is owned by Reel FX Producitons.

Animated Atrocities is from

Regulas314