HOME | DD

Relaji — Secret Hideout app - Annabelle -

Published: 2013-02-16 05:04:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 1682; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 6
Redirect to original
Description DUE WARNING. Annabelle's history ended up being quite long

Name: Annabelle

Nickname: Ann, Anna, Bells, Bellbell

Age: 19

Birthday: March 3rd

Gender: Female

Nature: Careful

Species: Shaymin (Land Forme)

Habitat: Meadowlands

History: She was born, one among many, as a child of the flower. Said to be the breath that slips between the petals, Shaymin were heralded as the keepers of their grove, and the bringers of gratitude and good fortune. Into a valley Annabelle was brought into this world, the sancturary surrounded on all sides by protective, icy cliffs. Snow gathered at the tip throughout the entirety of the year, though deep in the valley, far into the meadows, the weather was always pleasant. Herds, flocks, of Shaymin congregated and lived there, growing beautiful gardens of fragrant, magnificent flowers. It was, truly, a garden of Eden.
Two groups of Shaymin dedicated their lives to Eden. The first, and, perhaps, the oldest, was the Land Shaymin. To these, the charge of caring for the grove was given, their eternal existence sworn to maintain and perfect every last flower. The other Shaymin, the Sky formes, were to be the heralds of their species, sent off in periodic bursts to search the skies, the world, for places to plant new gardens.
Annabelle was of the land Shaymin, and, therefore, a keeper of Eden. Every day, from dawn until dusk, out into the fields she would go, over the hills and through the valley, into the meadows of green and pink, to where she would care for, lovingly, each and every flower. To this path she was diligent. Every day, the same thing; the same path, the same flowers. The same morning, the same night. The same air. The same smells. Covering only small distances of flowers each day, she paid particular attention to every petal, careful to ensure that they remained at the brink of perfection. Finicky down to her core, disliking the taste, and feel, of dirt inbetween her fingers, Annabelle took extra care to keep such white fur of hers clean.
With the way they settled the total area of Eden, Annabelle was placed with a group of nine other Land Shaymin. They became a family of sorts, and, to this family, their charge was, only, a sector of the northwestern meadows. Their homes situated upon the forest's floor, doors always facing the meadow, only small rooms were given to allow each Shaymin privacy. Flowers brushing right up to their neighbors plot, they settled in with practiced ease, growing and tending the flowers of which they had been charged. Annabelle was of the slowest, disliking the dirt and sweat that accompanied hard work, tiptoeing where others found it better to crawl. Back and forth, to and fro. Everything had to be perfect. Everything had to be the same.
Only every once in a while would a challenger dare break the monotony. Shamans, Druidic folks, priests and elders, people and Pokemon of a religious and studious nature, would journey to Eden. Into the magnificent grove they would come, seeking enlightenment, answers, thinking that, perhaps, it existed in one of the most beautiful places on earth. These travelers fascinated Annabelle. They carried with them a wisdom, a history. Travelers cloaks, covered in the dirt of a thousand lives. Only tales that the Shaymin themselves brought back were limited, halting records. About only a particular good patch of dirt here, a mountain there. Perhaps a polluted city, or maybe a small town, filled to the brim with gratitude. But, no. These travelers, those not of a Shaymin origin, held such stories and tales of adventure. They wooed Annabelle with their recounting (for, in such a timeless and free place, the Legendaries sought fit to mingle with the mortals), filled her head with romantic tales of lore and glory. One such an elderly man, named Father Marsh, took a particular liking to the younger Shaymin, one who would peek around the edges of his vision as he sat in the flowered groves. He was a frequent pilgrim to Eden, seeking, above all else, a place in which to feel closest to the Gods. But the inhabitants he loved as well. To Annabelle he gave the gift of reading and writing, telling her stories from afar, and giving her books to discover with herself.
It was with these books that Annabelle found her wonderlight struck. Romance novels closest to her heart, up into the night skies she would often stare, long after the other Shaymin and the flowers had gone to bed. Those stars, sitting up there in the black ink... They stared back. In her books, in her stories, the skies sounded so much prettier. So much brighter. They sounded like... They were filled with so much wonder, so many curious things. They weren't.. They couldn't, be the same stars that overlooked the same valley of Eden night after night.
The world was bigger then this. The Sky Shaymin were proof to that.
But, indeed, Annabelle wasn't the bravest little hedgehog in the bush. She couldn't run off on her own. She wouldn't dare. So she waited, watched, and wondered, there in Eden, keeping her fur clean from dirt, and polishing every petal. But ever would her eyes follow as the Sky Shaymin would return with news, then depart not long after. Her gaze would follow them to and from the mountains, mimicking with her glance. She'd stare as the pilgrims made their way down the well worn path, burdened, but lightened as they smelled the promised meadows.
What was it that brought the humans and Pokemon here, but sent the Sky Shaymin away?
It took many years, much planning, several rethinkings, re-psyching, and a few hypothetical situations shot in the way of the other Shaymin, before Annabelle was ready to act. Her petite size, coupled with the fact that a few pilgrims would bring flower carts to Eden to collect the fringes of the Shaymin's harvest, allowed a quick and easy stowaway situation. Sliding in beneath the carts, hiding herself where her own coloring and flowers could protect, carrying with her only a small pack of precious items.
By the time the others had awoken, and noticed her absence, the pilgrim had long since departed.
Out into the world Annabelle was carted, far over the lands and hills, beyond the mountains, through the swamps, and past the rivers. Her intent, as she had overheard this particular pilgrim mention, was to depart the cart at it's first stop: a rather small quaint town with few villagers, and fewer distractions. She thought, perhaps, to start her new life here in the smaller vestiges, before into the grand adventure she'd leap.
The night when the cart stopped for good, when the wheels stopped their turning, locked up, Annabelle took it as her chance to escape. Slipping from beneath the petals that she knew so well, holding that bag of hers so tight. Out from the darkness of the shop she slipped, turning and..
Finding herself facing directly into a light. It wasn't a village. It wasn't a small town. Into the heart of a smog covered city the Shaymin found herself dumped.
Confused, terrified, and growing sicker with every passing moment as every last drop of air pollution pulled itself into her cleansing body, she bolted. Shoving past and around the milling inhabitants, drawing quite a few bemused and amazed looks with every pass, her fur grew darker and darker with every breath. Running, fleeing, mindlessly for hours upon hours, shouts and followers attracted and lost with a many pass, eventually, mercifully, Annabelle found her salvation in the center of it all.
It was in this park she stayed. Constantly sick from the pollution, feeling the weight of an unfamiliar feeling of terrible homesickness, she found herself unable to leave. She was lost, she was alone, and she was scared. Never in her stories was this world ever mentioned. This world of shouting and angry creatures, of greed and deceit. They lied and cheated with one another, hurt and beat eachother. She saw, every night, all manner of unholy things take place in her tiny refuge. Purifying the air inside the park, though at the cost of drawing all the heavy air into herself, left the faux scenery with a strange amount of brilliant flowers and greenery. The city was credited, but a weakening Shaymin, hiding forever inside the foliage, was to blame. Annabelle looked, and read, day in and day out, for any hint to where she was. To any hint to what had happened. And to any hint to where Eden was. She even managed, after much inner peptalking and watching, to question the regular, kinder, visitors to the park.
But, even with this new wealth of information, all Annabelle received was, she was in a city she had never heard of before, and Eden didn't exist.
Annabelle lost track of the years she spent in that city. Always lethargic, she would wander about in the twilit hours, slipping from building to building when almost all of the inhabitants of the great city were asleep. Borrowing food, reading her single book beneath the flickering light of a lamp post. Avoiding the dark corners and Pokemon, where greedy eyes would follow her every move.
That pilgrim she never heard from again, many words from her sources telling that he never existed. There was no flower shop around the corner, and no Gracedia flowers were ever brought in again.
But Annabelle couldn't lose the last of her hope. She knew Eden existed; the problem was finding it. The Sky Shaymin knew the way; if she couldn't find that pilgrim again, then she would search for one of her own.
Quite a while later, the Shaymin found herself headed out into the wilderness, hiding in the tree of a rather supportive Torterra. The vastness of the world she sought to search, looking for any of the places the Sky Shaymin would, perhaps, had visited. An open meadow here, a slightly gratitude filled village there. But, for all her searching, all her wandering, all her questioning, Annabelle never found them. She never found a Sky Shaymin from Eden, nor ever was she able to find her way back home.
Tired, so very tired, disheartened and lost, it was with a stroke of spiritual fate that brought the Shaymin to the Border.

Summary characteristic: Very finicky

Hobbies: Reading romantic novels; flower care and arranging; weaving (flower crowns, flower bracelets, etc); frolicking and general merrymaking; dancing.

Moveset:
Sweet Kiss
Seed Flare
Healing Wish
Aromatherapy

Extras/Fun Facts:
She absolutely cannot stand being dirty. Any dirt that gets on her fur/clothes must be washed off immediately.
Annabelle can't stand pain either.
She dreams of a wonderful friendship and romance, like those in her books.
She has a slight OCD. Annabelle will tend to straighten things that are crooked, and organize colored pencils into rainbow order.
Annabelle will sometimes sit alone in fields of flowers and make little flower crowns for herself.
Annabelle absolutely refuses to watch horror movies.


Related content
Comments: 7

jinuro [2013-04-13 18:05:38 +0000 UTC]

Puhh where are all the comments on this little cutie?? She totally deserves some more what is going on--
But yes! What an adorable little Shaymin! Gosh all the shaymin in this group are so cute whoa. <333 Annabelle is definitely no exception! Her name is so pretty, too. Annabelle, it sounds so pleasant and very fitting of this little lady! And wow okay her outfit is so pretty, yes. The purple looks really nice and the flower in her hair is amazing, omfg. Her bracelets are so cool, wow! And alright her close up is killing me, so adorableeee! Her green hair is so lovely, very flowy and just really pretty! Whoooa your style is like super gorgeous too, I almost forgot because I was so wrapped up in her charm haha. asdfgh her earsssss are so perfect. They kinda make her look a little elfish? If that makes sense. And fpfsdst that fur on her shoulders (and back maybe?) is so cute, it looks really soft and touchable! <33
ALSO her personality is like totally amazing, hahaha. She's such a cute and well thought out shaymin, woo. I'd love to rp with you, maybe notes? And congrats on getting in, as well!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

QueenZephy [2013-04-12 19:31:51 +0000 UTC]

Welcome to the group!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DewyCat [2013-02-18 00:08:31 +0000 UTC]

Hi~ I saw your request for critiques

Everything I write is just my opinion, I'm not trying to discredit your ideas at all! I think they are pretty great on their own! Feel free to use anything I say to revise your application!

I always start with the picture, so here we go!

- Shaymin, nice, I haven't seen any land forms beside yours! It should help getting into the group! Also, she looks sweet and adorable, I love her close up
- Visually, the font is pleasing and cohesive to the character, I'd suggest changing the color though... It's too thin and light to be seen clearly.
~Darken color?
~Bold?
~If you worked in a photo-manipulation program (photoshop), you can add an additional layer of the same text, with a dark color, that will act as a shadow and bring out the current text!

- Sweet name, I think it fits. And provides many nicknames
- Age, appropriate.
- Careful nature, only thing I have to say is maybe add a description, careful could be seen as regular for shaymin, you just want to show how it fits her, individually.
- Ah It is quite the History, not always bad, but while applying, it can be daunting to mods. Personally I'd consider looking back and seeing if you can par it down at least till you're accepted... if all the details are crucial, don't worry! You just don't want too much unnecessary information!
- Second thing I notice, is they are blocky, it helps to minimize the 'scariness' to a history by giving an extra space between paragraphs, easier to read that way!
- HERE WE GO!
- Grammatically, you don't need a comma between "born" and "one", it will actually increase flow without it.
- "Said" and that whole sentence should be with "A child of the flower.
~Consider something like "She was born one among many. A child of the flower, said to be the breath that slips between the petals, their heart made from the dew and nectar, and provided strength from the very stems of the flower. Shaymin.." It seems like you're a victim of run on sentences, don't worry, I usually am too. But I think something that would greatly help the voice, sound and flow of your work, here at least, would be to read it out loud a few times. This will help you see where it's not flowing right, and where it should be changed.
- "Into a valley" doesn't make sense here... consider a different phrase?
- If you're looking to pair down the history, the description of her home isn't necessary. Everything past "icy cliffs' to"Herds".
- While I'm there, "Herds, flocks," is redundant. Pick one.
- I like the comparison to Eden...
~Maybe a better flow would be "it was truly an Eden on Earth."
- I like the description of different Shaymin, but here would be a good place also to use less words to minimize the history.
- Why does she care lovingly? it's her job yes, but why does she personally love it?
- The "The same" parts are good. but they should be separated from other things to show it off! It's hidden right now.
~Every day, the same thing; the same path, the same flowers, the same air, the same smells, the same morning, the same night."
- This "Finicky down to her core, disliking the taste, and feel, of dirt inbetween her fingers" does NOT go with loving the flowers and gardening... especially when there is no reason why she does...
~Maybe she doesn't like gardening because she gets dirty?
~Maybe she wishes she was a Sky form?
- THIS IS AWESOME "Covering only small distances of flowers each day, she paid particular attention to every petal, careful to ensure that they remained at the brink of perfection." Because it fits DIRECTLY into her OCD... not so much a love, but it's attentiveness to every flower.
- The "But. Every day. The same flowers." isn't needed. It's not bad, but not needed either. it doesn't do anything to further the piece.
~Plus it should be "but, it was everyday. It was the the same flowers." with possible bold on everyday, and same.
- Check and double check all spelling! I haven't seen anythin up till now, I think, but Shaymin is spelled wrong in the first line or your 5th paragraph.
- Capitalization as well, "Shamans, Druidic folks," I believe "Druidic" should be "druid". Under capitialized, and just druid.
- Why do others seek enlightenment from the gardens?
- You say "dirt of a thousand lifetimes" I think you should just take this out altogether. It's a great line, but it doesn't work with your character. She HATES dirt, it wouldn't be hand in hand with her fascination.
- Father Marsh should have his own paragraph. He is an entirely new idea and should be show cased
- Sounds like she should have a wonderment for different skies, maybe that means she is fond of stars period? Just an idea for another hobby or fun fact. it would add another dimension her her character.
- "Annabelle wasn't the bravest little hedgehog in the bush" great line FANTASTIC <3 .. take out the indeed before it though, totally not needed.
- The next two sentences should be one, use a comma.
- I like the stowaway idea, not your classic leaving story here.
- I'd suggest combining the two paragraphs talking about her escape, minimize the words. It's already very repetitive here.
- From this next paragraph up till her not loosing hope, could be one, MAYBE two paragraphs. Condense!! So many extra words are in here and mean nothing. They just make it harder to read and stay focused.
- Lastly, many groups don't like it when you mention acceptance to their group.
~ Consider ,"it was with a stroke of spiritual fate that brought the Shaymin to a stranger structure within the forest."

OVER ALL~ I like your history. The basic concept behind it is great! it just needs to be majorly condensed because of all the unnecessary words, and grammatically checked thoroughly.

Read through it out loud, over and over, that will be your biggest help.

- Very Finicky, interesting. It's uncommon and a very good choice! And goes great with the OCD.
- An extra to add to your moveset could be descriptions of the actual moves or how she feels about them.... not necessary, but it's an extra "sparkle" to add to your application
- I like that she hates being dirty, because it's very true to shaymin... but it can become sueish...
~Maybe it's to the point of a phobia? If clothing gets dirty, she could burn them, throw them out or something! It's just an idea to help accentuate her quirk.

- Reason for fear of pain?
- OCD, that to me definitely opens up phobias... Plus, only her character has this, it's an untouched trait. Definitely something that makes your character stand out.
- Flower crowns.. cute~
*Something to think about ... the "alone" makes her seem a bit "put-offish"
- I understand the horror movie thing! It's a very specific trait, and shows that you've thought more about your character than just what the app requires!

Over all~ She seems like a well rounded and interesting character. Her history needs work, but everything else seems pretty good as it is.

Good luck, I'd be glad to come back and see how you change it!

Hope we see each other on the other side!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ElfSama In reply to DewyCat [2013-02-18 17:21:00 +0000 UTC]

Hello,
A friendly creative mind to another.
I read your critique on this application and feel that your own critiques need work.

Try not to critique on a person's image.
Not everyone has the same skills as another, nor the same opinions. I found the light colors of the application appealing. They gave the character a light happy feeling that one normally associates to Shaymin.
So, refrain from such a subject unless the image can not be seen well, or unless something in the image goes against the rules of a group.
The color suggestion can be consider a crit on a person's style, and a style should be left to the artist.

The next area is your corrections on the history's content.
Yes, the history is long, yet enjoyable and reaches every detail. It may be a daunting task to read, however it does show how much a person wants to join. A short post would be wretched and seem lazy.
So unless a post is too short, try not judge on long length and perhaps, instead, suggest breaks, as you have.

Some of your 'grammatical errors' are actually style choices. You did catch a few errors in there, but small grammatical errors should be noted with a "You have a few Grammar errors, such as -here- and -here-. Try rereading to catch those again!"
Try to steer away from correcting someone's style. When it comes to writing there is the traditional English you learn in high school, then there is the free lance styles that come with different people. If everyone wrote with perfect school book grammar, then many novels would be boring to read.
So allow some stylistic writing to show.
Only comment on such a thing if the writing is too hard to read to understand. I could understand your grammar fixes above if it was hard to read, but it isn't and it flows smoothly.

In modern day, it is true people have short attention spans. However, if you dive into old literature, you'll find that much of it is long and drawn out. One chapter in a book I've read was just about a man taking a single sip of his morning tea! So even though this application's history has a lot of extra additions, this does not mean is it wrong and should be corrected.

Onward to the extra information.
Although you may find her fear of dirt a 'sue' trait, you should not extend it to phobia. This is worse, this is extreme. Her character does not seem to be the sort to panic and light clothing on fire just from a few specks of grime.
If Shaymin the Pokemon does not like dirt, then it seems reasonable to add that into the character. A more 'sue' trait would be a fear of fire, since that seems to be very common among grass type Pokemon.
OCD does not always lead to phobias, but more anxiety. Stress is what is felt due to OCD, as the person might have to worry often if something is not to their liking. However, the mild OCD above is common, and perhaps related to perfectionism, along with the dislike of dirt.

For critiques it's important to look over everything, but not shove yourself into a person style choices.
That seems to be one of your only issues. As important as grammar is, allow breathing room.

I hope this critique helps you with future ones!
We don't want to lead people into a hole when we mean to help them!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

DewyCat In reply to ElfSama [2013-02-18 18:00:37 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for posting this, truly. I was just offering my opinion since it was asked, and I'm glad that now there are multiple views on this. The point here was just to give the artist other ideas. I see valuable points in everything you say, but I was still just giving my opinion in hopes that it had the chance of helping their process.

I'm glad we have both sides now, the whole point was to get some help and I think they have a lot of different options now. I meant no discredit to their art or their style, anything I credit on actual work is positive and meant to help boost esteem of the artist.

I do love the app, and wish the artist the best on getting in.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TamarinFrog [2013-02-16 10:51:31 +0000 UTC]

Oo! You are trying too! Gosh! Knowing you, her history and other info will be GREAT! Best of luck.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TheLonelyQueen [2013-02-16 05:22:11 +0000 UTC]

EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee

I can't wait to see her history and such <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0