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Description
I've written a story behind this picture, and here it is. It's kind of a little novel, but it's a prequel. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm sorry if it sucks, I haven't really proofread it at all, so if it's bad in anyway, just blame it on me! Kay? Kay! Here ya go! And enjoy!

Story:

"What are you doing wrong?!"
...
"You know what you're doing wrong."
...
"What am I doing wrong?"
...
"I know what's wrong..."
...
And endless cycle of those phrases seems to be the only thing to keep my mind occupied nowadays. It's vicious and relentless, for once I do get them out of my mind, something else happens that kickstarts it right back into motion.

"Garrett!!"

Shit, my name was being called. I snapped to attention only to realize my overly bitchy teacher had caught on to my amazing ability to daydream in class.

"Yes?" I responded, in a quiet and polite manner.

"What was the last thing I said??" She demanded in a rather unruly tone.

"Um..." Think, think, think... "Something about the revolutionary war?" That wasn't really intended to be a smart comment, but rather an educated guess... Since, well, I looked down and my book was flipped to the first page of the chapter which read in huge bold letters "THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR!"

She didn't like that though, which I could easily tell by the unamused stare she had going on her rather disgusting looking face.

"You need to pay attention to me when I speak, if you don't, you'll surely find yourself dozing off in the same seat next year."

Of course I do, because your words are OH SO IMPORTANT! And besides, what's the point with learning about the revolutionary war anyways? How long ago was that? What's done is done, I say. Let it rest already you hag! Ur wait, I'm supposed to say something back, as if I understand and'll try my damnest to listen to her.

"Oh, ok. I'm sorry ma'm...." I almost muttered, but not soft enough to be unheard by her elephant ears (but that's another story).

...

Have you ever thought about suicide? I mean, I'd never consider it. Ever. But, have you ever wondered what would push someone so far to actually go through with it? It makes me wonder what kind of unreal mad forces exist that push people in directions like this. It almost scares me...

*DING.... DING.... DING.... DING...* After a painful forty-five minutes of the remainder of that class period, I was finally set free by the school bell, with it's almost holy ringing. I got out of my seat and made my way to the door. Of course, I wasn't ever given a clear path out the damn thing, there was always other people in my way because they were far more important than I was... Which is how it always goes.

I kind of managed to squeeze out of the door, since the jocks always have to gather right outside of the door of every class when it's finished. I also let out a whispered "cockjockey's" that went unheard while filing through their over-muscular bodies. Why do they work-out so much when all they'll be doing with the rest of their life is bagging groceries? That was a question I OFTEN found myself wondering.

I took a left down the hallway towards the junior's lockers, where my only solace was in this godforsaken place. Mine was stuck in between one of the most high-maintenance girls in my class as well as one of the most low-maintenance guys. They were never a problem to me though, because the girl was afraid of me I believe... Since you know, silent kids are usually bound to be murderers. Anyways, she was always hanging around her other preppy friends. And the guy, well, he only showed up for the first day of school and nobody's ever really seen him since.

So I had my own little area to stand and relax, but I've always wanted more than just a little area. At home, I've got two parents that hate each other. It's more of a battlezone than anything. And to go along with that, I have a brother that I'm pretty much forced to live with... Since, well, we share a room and all. He's not too terrible though, we get along ok.

Everyone was shuffling towards the big school exit doors, time to go home. Not for me though, I gave myself an hour extra after school to do whatever I want with. It was one freedom I gave to myself, and pretty much the only thing I looked forward to everyday. See, I told my parents I had joined some study program, where kids got together and did homework and studied after classes for an hour... But, luckily my parents don't care and never bothered to check if that was legit or not, because there's really no such thing.

I'm not too terribly unsociable when the time arises, I just find it a useless waste to befriend many in the highschool days. Nothing good comes out of it, only distraction, because the few people I actually do talk to on a somewhat regular basis are always trying to keep me from doing what I really want. They think it's better for me to go and sit at their house after class and watch movies. I'd rather do something... I don't know... Productive? Something I can look back on and say "Hey, you know what? I could've pissed my time away doing pointless shit with people, but insted I chose to better myself." And it's sad, because my idea of productive probably isn't productive at all... But it betters myself, or so I'd like to think.

Let's just say I like to think. I like to understand things. So what I do is I go out for walks with the hour of time I've given myself. It's refreshing and it lets me focus on what I'm thinking, by zoning out on the ground that just keeps going. Once I get walking, I just look down and it's pretty much a trip in my mind from then on. It's relaxing, but stressful, a nice balance.

Anyways, I've always wanted to find a place of my own. It's kind of like this achievable dream that I have, but I avoid achieving it because I don't like to stray from the path I'm given. I'm not a big explorer myself... I've never really given myself an opportunity to go and explore something. I usually just shut myself down with some excuse.

"Hey you." Oh, um, yeah, I'm still at the school. Shit. Ehy "What's up?" who... Ok, yea, the girl who sits next to me in class.

"Yeah, hi." That came out rather weak, I must say. Sounds like I'm out of breath or something.

"Hi, so hey, did you catch the assignment in History class?" She had this really curious tone to her voice, almost as if she was way more interested in the assignment than she should've been.

"Uh, no. I didn't catch it... Sorry." Fuck it! I never catch the assignments whenever people need them! Yeah... That's the typical me though, a disappointment.

"Oh, that's ok." Of course, she has a disappointed tone to her voice. What a tard I am. I should ask her if she wants to do anything after class. "Alright, well I'll cya later!"

Too late. "Yeah, cya later!" I sound way too happy with that 'cya later'.... Wow.

One thing about myself is I'm harshly critical on myself. I can't ever let myself go easy... It keeps me polite, I find. If I ever thought I was doing a good job on something, I just feel as though I'd let it get to my head and I'd take myself for granted and think I'd always do a good job... Only to let someone later on down the road interrupt that streak with a harsh and uncalled for "You suck."

She walked down the hall and turned the corner. I caught myself gazing off in the distance, on the stoop on the opposite end of the hallway, there were two juniors. One a male and one a female, and they were sitting rather close, obviously a couple. Then this feeling started to appear in my chest area. It's kind of a cold and unnerving feeling... Like I'm missing something that I need. I figure it's just because I'm lonely. I've got nobody of my own.... I'd love to have someone for myself...

But, I know that's a hoax. For one, all I would want to do is just be with that person. I would love to just sit with them and hold them. That's all I really want from another person. Someone to physically be there for me and me only. Which leads me to the second, I wouldn't know what to do if I did have someone of my own. I'm a terrible conversationalist. And that's all people seem to want... A compelling conversation to keep them going, and keep them involved. I can't provide that for anyone, hardly even myself. I'm too busy thinking to even bother to come up with a good conversation starter. Hell, even thinking while having a conversation keeps me from saying anything interesting or unique, because I think about what's been said and not what I'm going to say.

So, with a sigh I cut the staring I've caught myself doing and look into my locker. Nothing I need? Nope. I close the door with another light sigh and head out...

...

Have you ever been around someone (oh let's call them person A), and they're talking about their friend (who I'll call person B), and how annoying they think they are... But five minutes later, person B comes around and the corner, and person A greets them and person A and B talk to eachother like best friends. Doesn't it ever make you wonder about trust? Trust is something that you should never believe in... I'm telling you. Because, should I believe that person A really finds this person annoying? Or that person A is just telling you this to make you feel better? Because what if person B had said some nasty things to you or you generally just don't like that person... It really makes me wonder what people say about me behind my back...

The ground seems to never stop moving, as I walk the gravel road that leads me closer to home. I get a shiver down my spine as a chilled breeze goes through the air. I look to the direction it's coming from... A shelter belt of trees is all that's that way. I wonder why a breeze would come from a wall of trees? With that question, the feeling of exploration had piqued in me... Now growing more and more. What the hell...? Why not go explore it?

No, you can't do that... You've got to be home soon.

But, they probably won't even notice I'm gone.

No, you can't. Just no. It's just a shelter belt.

Fuck you, I'm going. I'm sick of myself telling me I can't do something, just because I can't. That doesn't make sense, I know... But when your mind is like an oppressive dictator, you kind of just follow it without question sometimes. This time though, I'm not going to. I'm finding it's time to try and stand up for myself, against myself, even if I'm just going to go and explore a lonely shelter belt out of nowhere. You've got to start somewhere, right?

With that, I tightly grasp the straps of my backpack and hop into the ditch. The shelter belt is only about 20 yards away, not a far walk at all. Something quick and shouldn't keep me off track for too long. I catch a better look of the shelter belt as I draw closer, it's kind of eerie looking.There seems to be an endless void of black behind the first layer of leaves... The grass up close to it is very tall... I'd say about 3 feet high. Something that tells me it's not visited very often. I also notice now that the trees are swaying slightly, but I feel no wind at all.

Half way there, and now a slight smell has arisen in my senses... It reeks of a museum. You know, that old smell? Dusty or what-have-you... It reminds me of death. If death had a smell, I'm sure that would be it. Whenever I smell it, it makes me wonder if death does have a smell, and if we did ever sense it, would we know automatically at our time of death? Like, we have some sort of hidden 6th sense that's only released when we die? (Which would be the perception of death, and we'd see what it's all about and what it looks, sounds, feels, and smells like.)

I'm now waist-deep in the grass... The smell is to the point where it's now dull, as if I've grown used to it already. The trees are now life-size instead of all miniature and in them lies darkness. But for some reason, I don't feel intimidated at all by the darkness. I kind of catch myself wanting to proceed further, there's this urge that compels me step by step. It's hard to describe, it feels almost as if someone is inside of me, just making me want to go closer.

Now would be time to go back.

I push aside the branches, it feels as though I'm fighting my way through the trees. "Ouch! Fuckin' tree branch!" I yelp out. There's a lot of branches... It's like I'm going through a wall of tree branches, no trees attached to them at all..

"Oooff!" I fall over. I must have broken through the barrier... "..Shit." Whiteness! That's all I see! Everything is white! "What the hell???" In reaction, I squint my eyes to the point where they're almost closed, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness. "Gyaah... What.... The...." Open...ing...my...eyes.... Finally I can see, and to my surprise I'm in a white.... room? I don't feel threatened at all, in fact, I almost feel welcome here. I feel lighter, like somethings lifting me up.

There's no instance of the trees at all, what I sit in now is just a white room. I stand up. Wow! I'm being held down by gravity obviously, because I'm not floating, but I feel light as a feather. In fact, I'm missing this heavy feeling in my heart... Why? What was that feeling for there before I wonder?

I start to think... I think of that couple in the hallway I saw. Then I begin to feel the same cold feeling, and as I do I feel a weight slowly add-on to myself. Also, the room darkens a little... I see the corners become black and this almost ink-like form starting to snake it's way out.

"I wonder... if this room... reflects me and how I'm feeling?"

I start to think more... I think of my home and my parents... The blackness spreads. Like ink, it drips, excpet the drips move themselves. It seems like it's spawning itself.. At any rate, it's spreading all across the room now. I feel heavy now, yet I feel comforted. This darkness, it doesn't seem bad at all... In-fact it's almost as if it's here for me.

A strange and unexpected feeling now infests me. It's something I rarely ever feel... Complete happiness... Like I'm safe, and nothing can ever hurt me again. It feels like this darkness is giving me a guarantee of safety. A smile slowly starts to form on my face. I walk over to the wall and sit, leaning my back against it. I pull out a cigarette from my back pocket and I light it.

"I think I've finally found the place where I belong."

I look up at the darkness and watch it as it slowly spreads, covering all the white. I hold out my hand... And it creates an extension of itself, like an arm, and it slowly comes close to my hand..

I let out a sigh. "...Finally."

Description
I've written a story behind this picture, and here it is. It's kind of a little novel, but it's a prequel. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'm sorry if it sucks, I haven't really proofread it at all, so if it's bad in anyway, just blame it on me! Kay? Kay! Here ya go! And enjoy!

Story:

"What are you doing wrong?!"
...
"You know what you're doing wrong."
...
"What am I doing wrong?"
...
"I know what's wrong..."
...
And endless cycle of those phrases seems to be the only thing to keep my mind occupied nowadays. It's vicious and relentless, for once I do get them out of my mind, something else happens that kickstarts it right back into motion.

"Garrett!!"

Shit, my name was being called. I snapped to attention only to realize my overly bitchy teacher had caught on to my amazing ability to daydream in class.

"Yes?" I responded, in a quiet and polite manner.

"What was the last thing I said??" She demanded in a rather unruly tone.

"Um..." Think, think, think... "Something about the revolutionary war?" That wasn't really intended to be a smart comment, but rather an educated guess... Since, well, I looked down and my book was flipped to the first page of the chapter which read in huge bold letters "THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR!"

She didn't like that though, which I could easily tell by the unamused stare she had going on her rather disgusting looking face.

"You need to pay attention to me when I speak, if you don't, you'll surely find yourself dozing off in the same seat next year."

Of course I do, because your words are OH SO IMPORTANT! And besides, what's the point with learning about the revolutionary war anyways? How long ago was that? What's done is done, I say. Let it rest already you hag! Ur wait, I'm supposed to say something back, as if I understand and'll try my damnest to listen to her.

"Oh, ok. I'm sorry ma'm...." I almost muttered, but not soft enough to be unheard by her elephant ears (but that's another story).

...

Have you ever thought about suicide? I mean, I'd never consider it. Ever. But, have you ever wondered what would push someone so far to actually go through with it? It makes me wonder what kind of unreal mad forces exist that push people in directions like this. It almost scares me...

*DING.... DING.... DING.... DING...* After a painful forty-five minutes of the remainder of that class period, I was finally set free by the school bell, with it's almost holy ringing. I got out of my seat and made my way to the door. Of course, I wasn't ever given a clear path out the damn thing, there was always other people in my way because they were far more important than I was... Which is how it always goes.

I kind of managed to squeeze out of the door, since the jocks always have to gather right outside of the door of every class when it's finished. I also let out a whispered "cockjockey's" that went unheard while filing through their over-muscular bodies. Why do they work-out so much when all they'll be doing with the rest of their life is bagging groceries? That was a question I OFTEN found myself wondering.

I took a left down the hallway towards the junior's lockers, where my only solace was in this godforsaken place. Mine was stuck in between one of the most high-maintenance girls in my class as well as one of the most low-maintenance guys. They were never a problem to me though, because the girl was afraid of me I believe... Since you know, silent kids are usually bound to be murderers. Anyways, she was always hanging around her other preppy friends. And the guy, well, he only showed up for the first day of school and nobody's ever really seen him since.

So I had my own little area to stand and relax, but I've always wanted more than just a little area. At home, I've got two parents that hate each other. It's more of a battlezone than anything. And to go along with that, I have a brother that I'm pretty much forced to live with... Since, well, we share a room and all. He's not too terrible though, we get along ok.

Everyone was shuffling towards the big school exit doors, time to go home. Not for me though, I gave myself an hour extra after school to do whatever I want with. It was one freedom I gave to myself, and pretty much the only thing I looked forward to everyday. See, I told my parents I had joined some study program, where kids got together and did homework and studied after classes for an hour... But, luckily my parents don't care and never bothered to check if that was legit or not, because there's really no such thing.

I'm not too terribly unsociable when the time arises, I just find it a useless waste to befriend many in the highschool days. Nothing good comes out of it, only distraction, because the few people I actually do talk to on a somewhat regular basis are always trying to keep me from doing what I really want. They think it's better for me to go and sit at their house after class and watch movies. I'd rather do something... I don't know... Productive? Something I can look back on and say "Hey, you know what? I could've pissed my time away doing pointless shit with people, but insted I chose to better myself." And it's sad, because my idea of productive probably isn't productive at all... But it betters myself, or so I'd like to think.

Let's just say I like to think. I like to understand things. So what I do is I go out for walks with the hour of time I've given myself. It's refreshing and it lets me focus on what I'm thinking, by zoning out on the ground that just keeps going. Once I get walking, I just look down and it's pretty much a trip in my mind from then on. It's relaxing, but stressful, a nice balance.

Anyways, I've always wanted to find a place of my own. It's kind of like this achievable dream that I have, but I avoid achieving it because I don't like to stray from the path I'm given. I'm not a big explorer myself... I've never really given myself an opportunity to go and explore something. I usually just shut myself down with some excuse.

"Hey you." Oh, um, yeah, I'm still at the school. Shit. Ehy "What's up?" who... Ok, yea, the girl who sits next to me in class.

"Yeah, hi." That came out rather weak, I must say. Sounds like I'm out of breath or something.

"Hi, so hey, did you catch the assignment in History class?" She had this really curious tone to her voice, almost as if she was way more interested in the assignment than she should've been.

"Uh, no. I didn't catch it... Sorry." Fuck it! I never catch the assignments whenever people need them! Yeah... That's the typical me though, a disappointment.

"Oh, that's ok." Of course, she has a disappointed tone to her voice. What a tard I am. I should ask her if she wants to do anything after class. "Alright, well I'll cya later!"

Too late. "Yeah, cya later!" I sound way too happy with that 'cya later'.... Wow.

One thing about myself is I'm harshly critical on myself. I can't ever let myself go easy... It keeps me polite, I find. If I ever thought I was doing a good job on something, I just feel as though I'd let it get to my head and I'd take myself for granted and think I'd always do a good job... Only to let someone later on down the road interrupt that streak with a harsh and uncalled for "You suck."

She walked down the hall and turned the corner. I caught myself gazing off in the distance, on the stoop on the opposite end of the hallway, there were two juniors. One a male and one a female, and they were sitting rather close, obviously a couple. Then this feeling started to appear in my chest area. It's kind of a cold and unnerving feeling... Like I'm missing something that I need. I figure it's just because I'm lonely. I've got nobody of my own.... I'd love to have someone for myself...

But, I know that's a hoax. For one, all I would want to do is just be with that person. I would love to just sit with them and hold them. That's all I really want from another person. Someone to physically be there for me and me only. Which leads me to the second, I wouldn't know what to do if I did have someone of my own. I'm a terrible conversationalist. And that's all people seem to want... A compelling conversation to keep them going, and keep them involved. I can't provide that for anyone, hardly even myself. I'm too busy thinking to even bother to come up with a good conversation starter. Hell, even thinking while having a conversation keeps me from saying anything interesting or unique, because I think about what's been said and not what I'm going to say.

So, with a sigh I cut the staring I've caught myself doing and look into my locker. Nothing I need? Nope. I close the door with another light sigh and head out...

...

Have you ever been around someone (oh let's call them person A), and they're talking about their friend (who I'll call person B), and how annoying they think they are... But five minutes later, person B comes around and the corner, and person A greets them and person A and B talk to eachother like best friends. Doesn't it ever make you wonder about trust? Trust is something that you should never believe in... I'm telling you. Because, should I believe that person A really finds this person annoying? Or that person A is just telling you this to make you feel better? Because what if person B had said some nasty things to you or you generally just don't like that person... It really makes me wonder what people say about me behind my back...

The ground seems to never stop moving, as I walk the gravel road that leads me closer to home. I get a shiver down my spine as a chilled breeze goes through the air. I look to the direction it's coming from... A shelter belt of trees is all that's that way. I wonder why a breeze would come from a wall of trees? With that question, the feeling of exploration had piqued in me... Now growing more and more. What the hell...? Why not go explore it?

No, you can't do that... You've got to be home soon.

But, they probably won't even notice I'm gone.

No, you can't. Just no. It's just a shelter belt.

Fuck you, I'm going. I'm sick of myself telling me I can't do something, just because I can't. That doesn't make sense, I know... But when your mind is like an oppressive dictator, you kind of just follow it without question sometimes. This time though, I'm not going to. I'm finding it's time to try and stand up for myself, against myself, even if I'm just going to go and explore a lonely shelter belt out of nowhere. You've got to start somewhere, right?

With that, I tightly grasp the straps of my backpack and hop into the ditch. The shelter belt is only about 20 yards away, not a far walk at all. Something quick and shouldn't keep me off track for too long. I catch a better look of the shelter belt as I draw closer, it's kind of eerie looking.There seems to be an endless void of black behind the first layer of leaves... The grass up close to it is very tall... I'd say about 3 feet high. Something that tells me it's not visited very often. I also notice now that the trees are swaying slightly, but I feel no wind at all.

Half way there, and now a slight smell has arisen in my senses... It reeks of a museum. You know, that old smell? Dusty or what-have-you... It reminds me of death. If death had a smell, I'm sure that would be it. Whenever I smell it, it makes me wonder if death does have a smell, and if we did ever sense it, would we know automatically at our time of death? Like, we have some sort of hidden 6th sense that's only released when we die? (Which would be the perception of death, and we'd see what it's all about and what it looks, sounds, feels, and smells like.)

I'm now waist-deep in the grass... The smell is to the point where it's now dull, as if I've grown used to it already. The trees are now life-size instead of all miniature and in them lies darkness. But for some reason, I don't feel intimidated at all by the darkness. I kind of catch myself wanting to proceed further, there's this urge that compels me step by step. It's hard to describe, it feels almost as if someone is inside of me, just making me want to go closer.

Now would be time to go back.

I push aside the branches, it feels as though I'm fighting my way through the trees. "Ouch! Fuckin' tree branch!" I yelp out. There's a lot of branches... It's like I'm going through a wall of tree branches, no trees attached to them at all..

"Oooff!" I fall over. I must have broken through the barrier... "..Shit." Whiteness! That's all I see! Everything is white! "What the hell???" In reaction, I squint my eyes to the point where they're almost closed, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness. "Gyaah... What.... The...." Open...ing...my...eyes.... Finally I can see, and to my surprise I'm in a white.... room? I don't feel threatened at all, in fact, I almost feel welcome here. I feel lighter, like somethings lifting me up.

There's no instance of the trees at all, what I sit in now is just a white room. I stand up. Wow! I'm being held down by gravity obviously, because I'm not floating, but I feel light as a feather. In fact, I'm missing this heavy feeling in my heart... Why? What was that feeling for there before I wonder?

I start to think... I think of that couple in the hallway I saw. Then I begin to feel the same cold feeling, and as I do I feel a weight slowly add-on to myself. Also, the room darkens a little... I see the corners become black and this almost ink-like form starting to snake it's way out.

"I wonder... if this room... reflects me and how I'm feeling?"

I start to think more... I think of my home and my parents... The blackness spreads. Like ink, it drips, excpet the drips move themselves. It seems like it's spawning itself.. At any rate, it's spreading all across the room now. I feel heavy now, yet I feel comforted. This darkness, it doesn't seem bad at all... In-fact it's almost as if it's here for me.

A strange and unexpected feeling now infests me. It's something I rarely ever feel... Complete happiness... Like I'm safe, and nothing can ever hurt me again. It feels like this darkness is giving me a guarantee of safety. A smile slowly starts to form on my face. I walk over to the wall and sit, leaning my back against it. I pull out a cigarette from my back pocket and I light it.

"I think I've finally found the place where I belong."

I look up at the darkness and watch it as it slowly spreads, covering all the white. I hold out my hand... And it creates an extension of itself, like an arm, and it slowly comes close to my hand..

I let out a sigh. "...Finally."