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Rigiroony — Solar is always a Vent Piece
by-nc-nd
Published: 2018-11-15 04:09:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 443; Favourites: 52; Downloads: 0
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Description
I relapsed the other day and I don't know why. I was doing so good...I'm still doing good...I think. I don't know. Everything's just so confusing. I'm mad at myself for even keeping a blade on me. I'm mad at myself for considering it. I'm even madder for wanting to do it again...It's just something I can't ever get away from is it? Everytime I think I'm clean I always fuck it up. I dunno what to do and it's finally hit me just how WEIRD this is. Why does cutting myself feel so good? Like...it hurts, sometimes alot. Definitely my legs and I've had to resort to them since my arms are open alot. I hate doing it cause it hurts like FUCK. But I do it anyways!!! WHY?! It's so. Weird.I just know it's gonna get worse in college. My arms are free range then. Not to mention my past incidents with vodka...I know cutting is an addiction, but I never really counted it as one. But with alcohol, fuck man, that can RUIN me. I don't want that to happen but I know it's very likely it will. Cause well I'm already a fuck up!
I was doing so good. I am, my meds are working and everything. I haven't had any weird thoughts that were too extreme for awhile...Why do I feel so lonely again...
I'll bring it up in therapy I guess...
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Comments: 11
Yeah I am, just kinda cought me off gaurd there
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Hey man get better my bro everyone relaspes all the time youll get back up again
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If the last thing is a stupid suggestion, pliz hit me hard.
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lawlz, I'm not gonna hit cha but it doesn't quite work like that.
I haven't had any urges during the weekend. Seems like distractions really help out. It's only when I'm left alone do I tend to relapse.
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Hope you are always busy and full of distractions then!
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Please try to seek help. You're an amazing artist and I've always admired your work, it pains me to know you're hurting. If you ever feel lonely just know there's a lot of people on here who care about you
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Yeah, I'm going to talk about it with my therapist. She's pretty understanding and a relapse was bound to happen eventually.
Don't worry about me too much though. My meds are working and I don't think I'll ever attempt again. Really just trying to get
a hold on my cutting.
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That's good to hear! Keep up that recovery! You can do it, I believe in you
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